SHAPE_OCTOBER_2016

happiness tips
Yet sometimes, looking on
the bright side just feels wrong.
If you get a traffic ticket on your
way to work, spill coffee all over
your favorite shirt, and show up
late to an important meeting,
it seems impossible, and even
a little ridiculous, to try to maintain
a positive frame of mind.
On this, your instincts are
spot on. Experts are finding
that Pollyannaish think-happythoughts-no-matter-what
optimism is not only fake but
can also be bad for your health.
Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D., a lecturer
on positive psychology, calls
the phenomenon detached
optimism, as in detached from
reality. “Detached optimism
is the belief that in challenging
situations, everything will
just work out. Problem is, many
times it doesn’t,” he says. It’s the
equivalent of wanting to get fit,
joining a gym, then just expecting
the muscles to appear.
What you should be striving
for is grounded optimism, the
belief that with effort and dedication,
you can overcome most
challenges, Ben-Shahar says.
Grounded optimists know how
to use their positive expectations
as fuel to achieve their
goals, making them happier,
healthier, and more successful
than other people. The good
news is that while studies show
that 25 to 30 percent of optimism
is genetic, the rest comes
from upbringing and life experiences,
which means you can
learn to become a grounded
optimist. Now get started.
Map out your goals
“One of the easiest ways to
increase grounded optimism
is to plan out specific events to
anticipate in the future,” says
Tali Sharot, Ph.D., the author of
The Optimism Bias. They can be
as small as signing up for a fun
weekend workout class or organizing
drinks with friends. But
bigger milestones are equally
important: Schedule next year’s
vacation or commit to a longterm
fitness goal, like learning
how to rock climb. “You should
always be looking forward to
something,” Sharot says. It’s
good for your mood, keeps your
motivation strong, and helps
you bounce back from setbacks.
Imagine yourself enjoying your
achievement too. Having a clear
mental picture of your experience
makes you more likely to
put the work into getting there.
But be OK with plan B—and C
While optimists are tenacious,
“if it becomes clear that a goal
can’t be attained, they disengage
and cut their losses faster
than pessimists,” Wrosch
says. “Since optimists expect
good things to happen in the
future, when they realize that
something is unrealistic, they
identify the alternatives and
feel OK with deviating from
their original goal,” he explains.
To set yourself up for success,
it can be helpful to build in
alternatives early on. Rather
than focusing on achieving one
specific goal, create A, B, and C
goals for yourself. Your A goal
is your ideal (go to the gym five
times a week), your B goal is
something that falls short but
that you would still be happy
with (do at least 20 minutes of
yoga at home), and the C goal is
Optimists
expect the
best for
the future,
but they
also know
when it’s
time to
cut their
losses and
move on.
the better-than-nothing option
(do something active once a
day, even if it’s just a five-minute
walk). That way, if it becomes
clear halfway through the week
that goal A isn’t happening,
B and C are within easy reach.
Look for opportunities,
not silver linings
A dark cloud is a dark cloud.
Instead of trying to see every
obstacle as a blessing in disguise,
accept it for what it is, but
remind yourself that it’s temporary
and that eventually things
will get better. “If you expect
a situation to work out in a way
that ultimately benefits you,
you’ll be willing to invest a lot of
effort and resources in it even
if you experience some bumps
along the way,” Wrosch says.
For instance, say an injury keeps
you out of the gym for weeks,
derailing your training goals.
A pessimist would give up then
and there. But a grounded
optimist reminds herself that
while she feels disappointed,
she’ll reach her goal—just a
little later than planned. Then
she figures out what she can
do to get past the problem, like
seeing a specialist, signing up
for physical therapy, or doing
low-impact workouts like swimming.
In essence, your mind-set
is always forward thinking and
driven, keeping you excited for
a future success.
Styling by Alma Melendez
Photograph by CLAIRE BENOIST
SHAPE.COM OCTOBER 2016 31