Reflections - cover2
Selected Writings & Artwork by Harriett Copeland Lillard
Selected Writings & Artwork by Harriett Copeland Lillard
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Thoughts on being a Lady<br />
we’re hot-blooded females, a group of Amazons crashing the hustings.<br />
The power of words is indeed amazing.<br />
I hardly think this discussion would be complete without some exploration of the masculine equivalent to “lady” which is, as we all well know,<br />
“gentleman.” For some reason this word does not create the impassioned and/or confusing reaction of its feminine counterpart. Yet, they both<br />
have the same softening, asexual effect on the hearers. The term “gentleman” is never used in a derogatory, patronizing, or belittling manner. Men<br />
addressed as “Gentlemen” are much more likely to act accordingly. Addressing a mixed group as, “Ladies and Gentlemen” has a certain mellowing<br />
effect on sexual tensions. The same group addressed as “Men and Women, “ might square off for a battle or melt into an orgy. Either event<br />
creating an interesting commentary on our ambivalence.<br />
Alas, I have not yet begun to address the object of this discussion; why I consider it a matter of some personal importance to be a lady. In thinking<br />
about the question, I have tried to remember all my mother’s admonitions on the subject, both direct and indirect. These follow.<br />
“Always conduct yourself like a lady.” Of course, she didn’t say what a lady was, so I looked and listened.<br />
“It’s not what you do, it’s how you do it.” This statement probably had the most profound effect on me, because there was some kernel of<br />
personal freedom inferred; this, I’m absolutely sure, was not her intention. This particular declaration was usually followed by an “Aunt Mary”<br />
story. Now my great Aunt Mary was a woman of the utmost hauteur who could carry off the most devastating circumstances with total aplomb.<br />
I personally detested her arrogance (she once told me that my father wasn’t worth the powder and lead it would take to kill him), but we all<br />
aspired to her unflappable self-assurance. Anyway, one day while stepping into a full elevator at a very expensive department store, dripping<br />
her usual amount of furs and diamonds, the elastic on her underwear broke and fell down around her ankles. (This was in the 20s, before<br />
pantyhose, when women wore “step-ins” which had no elastic around the legs.) Well, here is this elegant woman with her drawers on the floor.<br />
What did she do? Stepping out of them with one foot, she kicked the other foot, launching the offending garment upward, caught them casually<br />
in mid-air, and dropped them into her purse. However apocryphal this story may be, that kind of act is hard to follow!<br />
Next. “Always remember who you are and where you come from.” Well, I was Harriett Copeland. That statement, whether she meant it to or<br />
not, imbued me with a sense of my own self-importance, not to ever be denied. Since I came from a family which (at least one side, according<br />
to my Aunt Mary) might be classified as “landed gentry” in an isolated backwash of Texas ranch country. I early defined myself unconsciously<br />
in relation to everyone else as upper class; it wasn’t until much later that I identified this characteristic in myself. This class distinction had<br />
nothing to do with money—nobody then (Post-World War II and pre-oil boom) had money; it had to do with attitude. I was “to the manor<br />
born” and was expected to act accordingly; it didn’t matter that we had no manor. Fortunately for me, though some might deplore this “class”<br />
attitude, it has since allowed me to move with ease in any society, adapting like a chameleon to the social coloring around me. Snobbishness<br />
was not allowed. “To walk with Kings and not lose the common touch.” Another favorite quote.<br />
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