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World record<br />
Scene:<br />
A TV studio<br />
Characters: Michael Moonshine, Albert<br />
Hargreaves, Daisy Hargreaves<br />
(Albert's wife), Mabel Phillips,<br />
a man<br />
Michael: Thank you. thank you, thank you.<br />
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is<br />
the program that gives you the<br />
chance to break a world record. We<br />
have here in the studio tonight two<br />
people who are trying to break<br />
world records. Let's meet them<br />
and see what they're doing. Tell<br />
me, sir, what is your name?<br />
Albert: Albert Hargreaves.<br />
Michael: Albert Hargreaves. Well, Albert,<br />
what are you doing?<br />
Albert: I'm standing on one leg in a bucket<br />
of hot soup.<br />
Michael: Ladies and gentlemen, he's standing<br />
on one leg in a bucket of hot<br />
soup!<br />
(The audience applauds.)<br />
Michael: Albert, how long have you been<br />
standing on one leg in that bucket<br />
of hot soup?<br />
Albert: I've been standing here for six<br />
hours and fifty-eight minutes.<br />
Michael: And what is the world record for<br />
standing on one leg in a bucket of<br />
hot soup?<br />
Albert: The world record is seven hours<br />
and three minutes, Michael.<br />
Michael: Seven hours and three minutes!<br />
And you've been standing there for<br />
six hours and fifty-nine minutes<br />
now. Well, Albert, you've only got<br />
four minutes to go!<br />
(The audience applauds.)<br />
Michael: Albert, you've been standing on<br />
one leg in that bucket of soup for<br />
almost seven hours now.<br />
Albert: That's right, Michael.<br />
Michael: Tell me - is the soup still hot?<br />
Albert: Yes. My wife's been coming in<br />
every half-hour with more hot<br />
soup. Here she comes now.<br />
(Mrs Hargreaves comes in.)<br />
Daisy: Here you are, Albert.<br />
(She pours some hot soup into the<br />
bucket.)<br />
Albert: Aaaargh!<br />
Michael: Well, I'm glad it's your leg in the<br />
soup. Albert, and not mine.<br />
(The audience laughs.)<br />
Michael: Now we have another contestant in<br />
the studio, a very charming young<br />
lady. Can you tell the viewers your<br />
name?<br />
Mabel: Mabel Phillips.<br />
Michael: Mabel Phillips. Well, Mabel, what<br />
are you doing?<br />
Mabel: I'm leaning on this brush.<br />
Michael: She's leaning on a brush, ladies<br />
and gentlemen!<br />
(The audience applauds.)<br />
Michael: Mabel, how long have you been<br />
leaning on that brush?<br />
Mabel: I've been leaning on this brush for<br />
three hours and seventeen minutes.<br />
Michael: She's been leaning on the brush for<br />
three hours and seventeen minutes.<br />
What is the world record for<br />
leaning on a brush, Mabel?<br />
Mabel: Thirty-seven hours and fifty-six<br />
minutes.<br />
Michael: Thirty-seven hours and fifty-six<br />
minutes! And you've been leaning<br />
on that brush for three hours and<br />
seventeen minutes, Well, Mabel,<br />
you've got...three, four, five, six -<br />
you've got a long way to go!<br />
(The audience laughs.)<br />
134 SKETCHES
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