Ask Periwinkle Tongue in cheek advice from our resident rural entrepreneur Dear Periwinkle, my husband and Q I have been running our wedding venue for 18 months now and I think it is time we took on some staff – any tips? Lorraine, Flintshire I don’t envy you your position. I am A a strong believer in ‘if you want a job done properly…’ and all that, but with your wedding business firing on all cylinders you’ll need to step away from the day to day activities to enjoy your earnings, and being smug on social media can be quite time consuming too. If you don’t want to erode the profits too much, go for the 16 year old school leaver/A-level student. Cheap as chips and handy for vague drinks pouring and half arsed cleaning. They are monosyllabic but often pretty. At the other end of the work ethic scale you have the over ambitious ‘sweety darlings’ so attracted to this line of work. Their OTT ‘service with a smile’ manner and hysterical attention to detail can work in your favour, but may be a bit off putting if you’re allergic to spreadsheets and like to ease into the day rather than boinging into the office at 7.30am. They do require paying but if you’re lucky, you'll find one that can be remunerated mainly in over enthusiastic praise. Dear Periwinkle, I am very excited, Q my Dad has just given me ten acres to set up a glampsite. It’s super cool with a valley, stream, flower meadow and views of the coast. How should I approach the site layout? Daniel, South Devon Dear Daniel, you are a lucky boy, but A your father clearly has more money than sense. A parcel of land that size on the English Riviera should be disposed of with more care in my opinion. You should start with what I call a ‘helicopter view’ - I don’t mean in the corporate speak sense of the word (fly high above the issues and see how the whole picture forms) but literally how it’s going to look from a helicopter. This is very important nowadays, especially if you want to capture the end of the market that delivers the highest returns – the affluent millennial, which Forbes describes as “redefining the luxury industry.” They want experiences, but also convenience, and aesthetics are important. So, think about laying out your pods, huts or tents in the shape of an apple – it will have the connotations of a wholesome, natural snack, but also resonate on a more subliminal level - Apple being the number one brand for millennials according to ad agency research. And as all of your young guests are likely to have iPhone Xs (as, I suspect, do you Daniel if your family is loaded enough to entrust such prime acreage to your inexperienced hands) they’ll feel right at home. Oh, and make sure you figure out where you’re sighting the helipad. If you have a precision mower and some skills, a sharp edged ‘H’ etched out of the wild flower meadow could be nice. Dear Periwinkle, could I ask for Q some advice on alternative event toilets? I was thinking of composting systems – do they work for public events? Linda, Hampshire As much as I like to be considered an A expert in alfresco affairs, the fact that bogs sit within this territory has always made me uncomfortable. Luckily for you, I do have a smattering of experience and my overwhelming advice here would be to ‘go pro’. In my opinion, if you are going off-grid with your sanitation, you’d better have a truck load of chemicals on hand. If you are adamant you want to employ technology from the dark ages to handle your festival slurry then a professional toilet alchemist must be employed. Someone with the knowledge, product and, let’s face it, gall that allows them to somehow turn human waste into something fit to feed your vegetables. How do they do it? I have no idea but they do and apparently with little fuss – there is clearly some dark art at play here. Anyhoo, what you must not do is attempt a longdrop all by yourself. An ex business partner of mine attempted exactly this – dug a hole, installed a bottomless trailer over the top with bench seats and employed a team of school leavers to shovel straw atop the turds. All was going swimmingly until a deluge disturbed the water table to the extent that a long vacated badger conurbation channelled the shite to the swimming ponds down the hill. The Littledale Wild Swimming Championship 2017 was an event that will go down in history – 80% of competitors left with dysentery. PERIWINKLE& CO. MAKING MONEY FROM PEOPLE OUTDOORS SINCE 2016 66 WWW.OPENAIRBUSINESS.COM
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