Bulletin Spring 2018

WHEN CHANGE
IS NOT A CHOICE
KATH BUDZINSKA, MSWA COUNSELLOR
We are told that change is inevitable and that may be so,
but sometimes we have change forced upon us in a most
unexpected manner that leaves no room for choice. I
remember my then seven-year-old son having an “I’m not
going to school today” moment, as he very unhappily got out
of the car, he said to me with a big scowl “you always say
we’ve got choices!”
“Yes” I reply, “you can do this willingly or unwillingly.” When I
relay this story, it is usually greeted with sympathetic laughter,
because I think we can all relate to his frustration.
Some research suggests that there are phases we go
through on our way to a different life. In the beginning we
may not recognise a need to change or be unaware that
change is about to be put upon us. This is regarded as
the Precontemplation Phase. The Contemplation Phase is
when we begin to recognise a possible change, then comes
Preparation, Action and Maintenance. That is, if the change
was a personal choice.
When change is thrust upon us, there is often little or no
time for the luxury of contemplation before action is required.
However, there are still some things, such as those listed
below, which people may find helpful. These are responses
where we potentially have a choice, at any given time, of
taking an action or not, according to whether we perceive
that action as making matters better or worse.
Staying focused in the present and working with what is
right in front of us at any given moment, is helpful in not
becoming overwhelmed. However, a broader awareness is
also helpful in planning ‘where to from here.’ The following
suggestions may be of some help when facing a situation
beyond our control.
1) Knowledge. Do your homework; what do I need to know
right now? Do I need to have a witness or a guide to help
me understand the situation?
2) Emotions. Honour our feelings, how do I feel right now?
Remember feelings are not right or wrong – they just are.
3) Situation. Is there something going on around me that I
am a part of? Can I make a difference?
4) Self-awareness. Am I focused on reality or am I
distracting myself with fantasy and illusion? What do I
need right now to be able to stay in reality without being
overwhelmed?
5) Community-awareness. What outside supports are
available to me? Who best can help me with access
to support?
6) Fear. Sometimes the only way to deal with things is
keep moving through them (maybe at an angle – like
swimming through a rip – just don’t stop swimming).
Doing ‘the next indicated thing’ or ‘forward movement’
can be aided by skills such as meditation and mindfulness.
There may be times that we fall flat on our face but that is
still forward motion.
7) Alternatives. What small thing can I do differently to
simplify my life at this time? Am I getting enough sleep?
8) Humility. People will want to help, and we need to let
them. It’s good for all of us, sometimes being the giver
and sometimes the recipient.
9) Gratitude. Acknowledge the good in our life. The good
fortune to have food and shelter.
10) Set the scene. Create the space of our desire. Make our
environment work for us. Is it a time of quiet or a time of
stimulus? Do we have a place that meets those needs
and helps keep the balance?
None of these tasks are set in concrete, they have their own
pattern and their own time frames. Some things we can
manage easily and simply, others maybe not, or not at this
time. Sometimes we need to ask for help, whether we want
to or not and sometimes it is more beneficial to get help from
outside of family and friends.
If you would like to talk freely and in confidence to
someone who has skills in helping, please contact the
Counselling Department at MSWA on 9365 4888.
Reference:
www.prochange.com/transtheoretical-model-of-behavior-change
MSWA BULLETIN SPRING 2018 | 13