Bulletin Spring 2018

LONELINESS: THE HIDDEN
COST OF CHRONIC ILLNESS
LIESL MURDOCH, MSWA COUNSELLOR
Loneliness is becoming an increasing problem in the 21st
Century. Recent studies have shown that the effect of poor
social connections and interactions can be harmful to our
health. People who feel lonely, or have few social connections,
have been linked with higher rates of early death comparable
to well established disease states that are usually linked to
poor diets, alcohol and cigarette use, not our social lives.
(Valtorta NK, Kanaan M, Gilbody S, et al, 2016).
We, as human beings are social creatures and do better in life
when we feel connected to others. But in its absence, we feel
a sense of isolation and separation from others, contributing
to feelings of low mood, sadness and even depression.
Ironically, we can feel lonely in a crowd. It is not necessarily
being in the company of others that promotes connection. Our
psychological happiness is enhanced when we feel heard,
understood and bonded with others.
So why is it that when the world is populated by the greatest
number of inhabitants ever that we are experiencing this
loneliness epidemic? It seems a strange thing.
People cite various reasons for their lack of social connections
– being time poor, too busy for friends as their lives are
dominated by work and family commitments. Throw a chronic
illness such as multiple sclerosis (MS) into the mix, where
fatigue often compromises one’s ability to spend time in the
company of others, and the issues of loneliness and a sense
of isolation becomes compounded.
Working as a counsellor with people living with MS, I encounter
the subject of loneliness and social isolation frequently.
Many of my clients disclose they miss the interaction and
connection with others. They go on to say that prior to their
illness they enjoyed a variety of social activities, and had a
wide circle of friendships and acquaintances, but over time
these activities were hindered by their fading physical ability.
Friendships dwindled to infrequent contact or none. A hidden,
and often unspoken and unrecognised cost, of chronic illness
along with the feelings of grief and longing, accompany the
loss of this important aspect of a person’s life. And hence
some find themselves in a chair opposite me speaking and
sharing their experience.
So, what do I say? How do I respond?
I share that what they are feeling is very typical – that many
others living with a chronic illness have experienced something
similar, that they are not alone in their experience of having
to reduce their social participation and have people fade
and disappear from their lives. I reassure them that it is not
their fault but a consequence of unfortunate circumstances.
And I will state that it is within their power to improve and
rejuvenate their social connections by following a few tips.
1. Change up how you see ‘social’ interaction – create
ways of seeing people which conserve and protect your
precious energy levels; instead of going out have your
friends come to you.
• Plan a movie night on your couch complete with popcorn,
fizzy drink and choc tops.
• Enjoy a carpet picnic under the stars in your back yard
complete with your favourite take away meal.
• Host a pyjama party where your friends visit in their
pyjamas and play some old-fashioned games like
Scrabble or Monopoly.
2. Communicate with your friends – educate them about MS
and fatigue. Many people are not aware that fatigue is such
an issue for those living with MS. Having an understanding
that it’s your low energy levels that make socialising
a struggle, dispels the myth that you just don’t want to
see them.
14 | MSWA BULLETIN SPRING 2018