Happiful December 2019

THE MAGAZINE DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH
DEC 2019
£4.00
Reclaim
your
mornings
Seize the day
from AM to PM
The gifts
that keep
giving
15 ethical presents
with a good wrap
EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW
TIME TO
THRIVE
Founder of Girl vs Cancer,
Lauren Mahon is looking
to the future... And it's
never been brighter
We're only
human
Scarlett Curtis
tells us it's OK
to feel blue
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HAPPIFUL.COM

Photography | Daniel Born
“
Once you choose hope,
anything’s possible
– CHRISTOPHER REEVE

Pause and reflect
I read something the other day that really stopped
me in my tracks. It said: “There’s only one month left
of this decade – make it count.”
It’s funny how fast milestones creep up on you – the
end of another year, a new decade on its way. Soon
it’ll be 100 years since the roaring 20s, and in the
blink of an eye, those kids born in the millennium will
no longer be teenagers.
The pace of change can sometimes feel scary, and
hard to keep up with. So it’s important to try and
pause for a moment, and think about how far you’ve
come in the past 12 months.
Reflect on all the small victories, and give yourself
credit. Even if the place you’re in right now isn’t
exactly where you want to be – emotionally or
physically – when you look back over how much has
changed in 365 days, I hope it can be a sign of a more
positive situation you might find yourself in by this
time next year.
Our incredible cover star Lauren Mahon is a
fantastic example of this. In the past three
years, she’s battled breast cancer, founded
#GIRLvsCANCER, co-hosted the podcast ‘You, Me
and the Big C’, and won countless awards and
accolades. She’s come so far in such a short space
of time, and going forward we know she’ll continue
to be an unstoppable force of nature.
We also feature an interview with the writer Adam
Kay, discussing with humour and heartbreak the
changes needed in the NHS. Plus a guide through
a mental health
check-in.
While we’re feeling
festive, let’s celebrate
how far we’ve come
this year, take care of
ourselves, and keep
pushing forward to make
every moment count.
We love hearing from you, get in touch:
REBECCA THAIR | EDITOR
happiful.com happifulhq @happifulhq @happiful_magazine

14
The Uplift
8 In the news
Features
22 Lauren Mahon
The founder of GIRL vs CANCER reflects on
life after trauma, and embracing some time
and space to find herself
34 Scarlett Curtis
The author shares her hopes for the
mental health conversation in 2020
88
13 The wellbeing wrap
14 What is 'kintsugi'?
What can the Japanese art of repairing
pottery teach us about self-acceptance?
55 From Me to You
We speak to the charity encouraging us to
discover the power of the written word, by
writing letters to those with cancer
39 Overcome loneliness
With 30% of millennials and 15% of
boomers reporting loneliness, how can
we thrive when we're going it alone?
88 How you doin'?
Eight questions to ask when you need to
check in on your mental health
34
Life Stories
47 Andrew: finding fulfilment
Reflecting on a traumatic childhood,
Andrew was surprised he made it
through. But with the support of his
grandmother, and a passion for dance,
today he's living life to the full
61 Chloe: reaching out
It took years of struggle before Chloe
was given a diagnosis of BPD. Her
first point of call was connecting with
others, and now she's dedicated to
ending mental illness stigma
95 Abbie: facing the music
Depression, low self-esteem, and
bullying meant that Abbie struggled to
manage her mental health. Until, she
found inspiration in the music and story
of a pop star, and things started to turn
around for the better
Food & Drink
64 Check out the sprout
Break from tradition with these four tasty
recipes for cooking with Brussels sprouts
66 The ABCs of IBD
Get the facts on inflammatory bowel disease
Lifestyle and
Relationships
17 Gifts that give back
Browse our ethical Christmas gift guide
70 Get some 'me-time'
Reclaim space for you this Christmas
71 Adam Kay
The doctor-turned-comedian shares the
highs and lows of working the ward
75 Put insomnia to bed
We speak to an expert to learn the tips
and tricks for getting a good night's rest

Culture
32 Handling hormones
Grace Victory on tuning in to her body
READER OFFER
Print
78 Walk it off
How can walking enhance our wellbeing?
71
22
83 Seven winter wonderlands
Take a stroll through our Christmas
market guide
85 Things to do in December
92 Get to know yourself
We review Bill Bryson's manual for owning
a human body
98 Quickfire: MH matters
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Happiful Hacks
30 De-stress your morning
44 Journal for your health
58 Support your loved ones
80 Find joy in hard times
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EXPERT PANEL
Meet the team of experts who have come together to deliver
information, guidance, and insight throughout this issue
BRIAN TURNER
BA MNCS Snr Accred
Brian is a psychotherapist
and hypnotherapist,
specialising in anxiety.
SUSAN HART
MFHT MFNT
Susan is a nutrition coach,
food writer, and vegan
chef who appears on TV.
RACHEL COFFEY
BA MA NLP Mstr
Rachel is a life coach
encouraging confidence
and motivation.
CATHERINE ASTA LABBETT
BA PG Dip PGcert NCP
Catherine is a
psychotherapist focused
on helping women thrive.
RAV SEKHON
BA MA MBACP (Accred)
Rav is a counsellor and
psychotherapist with more
than 10 years' experience.
GRAEME ORR
MBACP (Accred) BACP Reg Ind
Graeme is a counsellor
working with both
individuals and couples.
OUR TEAM
EDITORIAL
Rebecca Thair | Editor
Kathryn Wheeler | Staff Writer
Tia Sinden | Editorial Assistant
Janette Owen | Sub-Editor
Rav Sekhon | Expert Advisor
ART & DESIGN
Amy-Jean Burns | Art Director
Charlotte Reynell | Graphic Designer
Rosan Magar | Illustrator
CONTRIBUTORS
Lucy Donoughue, Kat Nicholls,
Bonnie Evie Gifford, Victoria Williams,
Grace Victory, Becky Wright, Fiona Thomas,
Ellen Hoggard, Jenna Farmer, Katie Conibear,
Andrew Yang, Chloe Sunnucks, Abbie Foster,
Becky Johnston, Matthew Kollamkulam
SPECIAL THANKS
Paul Buller, Tom Buller, Alice Theobald,
Krishan Parmar, Graeme Orr, Rachel Coffey,
Lindsay George, Keith Howitt, Susan Hart,
Catherine Asta Labbett, Katie Driver,
Sanjivan Parhar, Andrew Major
FURTHER INFO
KATIE DRIVER
BA MCBC TTT
Katie is a life coach dedicated to
helping her clients create better
working lives.
SOPHIE SPIEGLER
Dip MBACP
Sophie is a counsellor
specialising in supporting those
impacted by dysfunction.
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Happiful is a brand of Memiah Limited. The
opinions, views and values expressed in Happiful
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not necessarily represent our opinions, views or
values. Nothing in the magazine constitutes advice
SANJIVAN PARHAR
BSc
Sanjivan is a psychotherapist,
presently completing his
Doctorate in Psychology.
ANDREW MAJOR
HPD DSFH
Andrew is a solution
focused clinical
hypnotherapist.
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FIND HELP
CRISIS SUPPORT
If you are in crisis and are concerned for your
own safety, call 999, or go to A&E
Call Samaritans on 116 123 or email
them on jo@samaritans.org
Head to
happiful.com
for more services
and support
GENERAL LISTENING LINES
SANEline
SANEline offers support and information from 4.30pm–10.30pm:
0300 304 7000
Mind
Mind offers advice Mon–Fri 9am–6pm, except bank
holidays: 0300 123 3393. Or email: info@mind.org.uk
Switchboard
Switchboard is a line for LGBT+ support. Open from 10am–10pm:
0300 330 0630. You can email: chris@switchboard.lgbt
IN THIS ISSUE
p22
p55
p61
p66
p75
p95
FIND PROFESSIONAL HELP WITH ANXIETY
If you, or someone you know, is looking for support with anxiety,
start the conversation with a therapist in your area. Search your
town or postcode at counselling-directory.org.uk
EMOTIONAL AND FINANCIAL CANCER SUPPORT
For those living with a cancer diagnosis and their families,
Macmillan Cancer Support is there to lend a helping hand. Visit
macmillan.org.uk or call their helpline on 0808 808 00 00
INFORMATION ON BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER
Founded to offer specific support for those with BPD,
bpdworld.org offers information, and a community forum where
you can connect with more than 50,000 members.
LEARN MORE ABOUT IBD, CROHN'S, AND COLITIS
Discover more about symptoms, treatment, and the support
available to those who are living with inflammatory bowel disease.
Visit crohnsandcolitis.org.uk or call 0300 222 5700
FIND A HYPNOTHERAPIST NEAR YOU
Learn more about hypnotherapy and browse hypnotherapists in
your area at hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk
DOWNLOADABLE RESOURCES FOR SELF-HARM
Find information and advice for those who self-harm, their friends,
and family – as well as free resources – at harmless.org.uk

The 2019 uplift
From exciting discoveries, to life-altering launches, we’ve
come a long way in 2019. Here, we take a look over our
favourite feel-good stories from throughout the year
AUTUMN
Photographer
gets under
the skin of the
beauty industry
From acne to eczema, 60% of Brits
have experienced a skin disease
in their lives. And yet it’s rare to
see dermatological differences
represented in beauty shots.
That was until photographer
Sophie Harris-Taylor’s latest photo
series, Epidermis, was displayed
at the Francesca Maffeo Gallery
in September, featuring 20 images
of women with conditions such as
acne, rosacea, and eczema.
Having lived with severe acne,
Sophie noted that all her role
models growing up seemed to have
flawless skin. Despite fantastic
moves for body positivity, she
believes we’re still lacking honest
representation of skin conditions,
despite their commonality.
Sophie shared the images on
Instagram, and received hundreds
of messages from people telling her
how much they relate. So what does
she want people to feel when they
see the images?
“I’d like women to feel comfortable
in their own skin, and to embrace
their own conditions,” Sophie tells
Happiful. “Perhaps the best way to
change society’s attitudes is through
acceptance, and this needs to
come from ourselves. In turn, this
confidence has a knock-on effect for
the next generation.”
Browse the series and more at
sophieharristaylor.com
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
Photography | Sophie Harris-Taylor

WINTER
Urban parks found to make us
happier, and reduce stress
Research reveals the powerful effect that getting out
in green spaces can have on our wellbeing
Regardless of whether you’re
exercising or simply enjoying the
space, as little as 20 minutes in an
urban park could make you happier,
according to research carried out in
February this year.
The study, conducted by
researchers from the Department
of Occupational Therapy at the
University of Alabama, Birmingham,
in the US discovered that urban
parks are key for providing residents
in urban areas with the opportunity
to enjoy nature, and try various
outdoor activities.
Those who spend time in urban
parks experience both physical and
mental health benefits, including
stress reduction and recovery from
mental fatigue.
Speaking about the findings,
professor Hon K Yuen noted how
this impacts emotional wellbeing.
“Overall, we found park visitors
reported an improvement in
emotional wellbeing after their
visit. However, we did not find
levels of physical activity are
related to improved emotional
wellbeing. Instead, we found
that time spent in the park is
related to improved emotional
wellbeing.”
While the study itself was small,
co-author Gavin Jenkins said the
findings should help to reinforce
the call for conservation of existing
urban green spaces, and the
development of new ones. So watch
this space!
SPRING
Royals launch a
mental health
text support
service
In May, the Duke and Duchess of
Cambridge launched a text service,
Shout, for those with suicidal
feelings or other mental health
crises. It proved a huge success,
and an incredible 65,000 people
used it during the trial. Speaking of
what they learned, Prince William
said users were “scared, frightened
and alone”, and the most common
issues were suicidal thoughts.
Throughout the trial, ambulances
were called out on average twice a
day to help people at active risk of
hurting themselves.
“As texting is private and silent, it
opens up a whole new way to find
help,” said the prince. “You can have
a conversation anywhere, at any
time: at school, at home, anywhere.”
The service allows people to have
a text conversation with volunteers
who work remotely, and who
have been trained to listen and
guide people towards support. All
conversations are reviewed by a
panel of psychotherapists who can
take control if they feel it is needed.
Another move to make mental
health support more accessible,
Shout is a very welcome and a very
necessary resource.
Shout has been funded with
money from the Royal Foundation,
with the prince asking for support
from volunteers. You can find out
more at giveusashout.org
Writing | Kat Nicholls
December 2019 • happiful.com • 9

SUMMER
Same-sex
marriage is
legalised in
Northen Ireland
In a hugely anticipated move, MPs
voted to permit same-sex marriage in
Northen Ireland by a landslide margin
of 383 votes to 73.
Up until the vote in July, Northern
Ireland was the only part of the UK
where same-sex couples could not
marry, despite equal marriage being
legalised in England, Wales, and
Scotland in 2014.
Speaking at the time, Conor McGinn
– MP for St Helens North – raised his
frustration that same-sex marriage
had not been legalised with the rest
of the UK, but said that: “Tonight, we
have a chance to do the right thing.
People in Northern Ireland – and
indeed across Britain and Ireland – are
watching.”
And it was a long time coming.
Opinion polls in recent years have
consistently shown public support for
equal marriage, with one poll from
Love Equality finding that 76% of the
public supported a change in law.
The law is set to come into effect on
13 January 2020, meaning that some
of the first same-sex marriages will
be happening on Valentine’s day –
something that Patrick Corrigan, NI
director of Amnesty International,
celebrated as a fitting date for such a
landmark event.
Love is certainly in the air – and
a kinder, more equal society is just
around the corner.
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
December 2019 • happiful.com • 11

Take 5
Codebreaker
Thinking caps at the ready – can you solve the puzzle below? It’s like a
crossword, but with no clues. Instead, it’s a game of logic as every letter
of the alphabet is used, and is represented by a number in the grid. Work
out a letter at a time to reveal answers all over the grid – good luck!
How did you do?
Search 'freebies' at
shop.happiful.com
to find the answers,
and more!
HINT: We're feeling festive
5
9
20
H
G
M
16 10 7 24
18
7 21
E 21 16 20 7 15 E
M 10 13 24 11 E 24 20 E
21 11 6 7 15 20
7 6 8 4 20 21
G
E
11
20 11
6 21 7 24
11 14
10 21 2
24
12 6
24 15
10
M
E C
E E
E
E
12
E
7 9 24
H
M
11 7 10
G 6 M E 13 6 E
C
E
24 24 13
20
C
E
M
M
16
21
C 21 6 C 19 E 21 E
10 23
M 6 13
21 4 7 19 24
E
24
H E G 21 10 7 C H
13 21 7
E 14 E 7 E 17 E 21 13 C 21 20 20 G E
15
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
22 3 1 25 26

Going up
Motherdaughter
trips
are officially good
for your health
Pasta straws
are combating
plastic pollution
Golf
could help to
reduce anxiety
The
wellbeing
wrap
GUARDIAN ANGEL
In one of the most heartwarming
stories of the year,
seven-year-old Elle Angel
spends her Sundays making
and handing out packed
lunches for homeless people
in Southampton. With
personal messages on the
bags, she's hoping others will
be inspired to help people,
too.
Do you like feeling
refreshed first thing,
or are you a bedtime
bather? Well, experts
have revealed that
showering at night
is better for our skin!
Clearing off dirt from
the day, it could be
time to shake up your
routine.
CAR-MASUTRA
We spend hours every week commuting in them,
singing our hearts out, and practising those tricky
conversations in private, but apparently our cars
are also a popular place for revving things up in the
bedroom. A survey by Tempcover found that 44% of
Brits admitted to having sex in a car, and one in 10 BMW
drivers had conceived in their car. Now that's
what you call taking your sex-life up a gear!
INNOVATION STRIKES
When Mike Banks retired from working as an engineer, he
decided to put his incredble skills to a fantastic new use.
Working with the charity Remap, he's creating custom
devices to support disabled people with regaining some
independence. So far, he's made 130 life-changing
inventions for people with disabilities, from devices to turn
book pages, to tools to help people get around.
A GOOD
FIGHT
The first rule
of Pillow Fight
Club is: you
do not talk about
Pillow Fight Club... To
#Empty
TheTanks
Did you know that Canada
passed a law banning holding
dolphins and whales in captivity
this year? Hopefully other
countries will soon follow
suit in a win for animal
welfare.
launch their new pillow range, Premier
Inn invited people to free events across
the UK, utilising 300,000 leftover pillows
before they were recyled. A PG version of
the cult classic, families had fun,
vented frustrations, and relived
an iconic movie moment.
Deck the halls
Are you the person whose
Christmas decorations are
up on 1 November, or not a moment
before Christmas Eve? Well, research
suggests that getting tinsel out earlier
might be good for our wellbeing, with
the associated nostalgia helping people
to connect with their childhoods,
and serving as an ice-breaker for
neighbours. Of course, not everyone
has fond childhood memories, but even
for those whom this is a difficult time
of year, decorations can help prompt
positive memories of those people no
longer with us.
Working with
mates is found to
be a productivity
pitfall
Craig, Jordan
and Keiran are
names at risk of
becoming extinct
Going down
Have you ever noticed
your dog putting Their
paw on you when you
pet them? Apparently,
it can be a sign of
them reciprocating
your stroking motion,
and saying 'I love
you' back in
their own
way. What
a paw-fect
idea.
Making waves
We all know the power green spaces can have on our wellbeing, but
did you know the same can be said for 'blue spaces', too? Research
from Exeter University has revealed that those living half a mile from
the coast are less likely to experience anxiety and depression.
“
Those who live a kilometre from the
coast are 22% less likely to experience
symptoms of mental ill-health
Analysing data from more than 26,000 Brits, the study highlighted
the link between our health and nature. It found those who live less
than a kilometre from the coast are 22% less likely to experience
symptoms of mental ill-health, compared to those 50km away.
Sounds like a good excuse visit the beach, shore-ly?

What is
Could the Japanese art of pottery repair help us to embrace our
imperfections, and celebrate them as things of beauty?
Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford
Illustrating | Rosan Magar
Few of us like to admit
it, but we are less than
perfect. No one can
embody perfection at all
times, no matter how hard they try.
All too often we hide our mistakes,
our struggles, our broken parts,
doing our best to present only the
best bits to the world at large. Yet it’s
those unexpected turns, hard life
lessons, and the journey we go on to
become who we are that makes us –
flaws and all.
Without our hardships, we
wouldn’t be who we are today.
Shouldn’t we, then, embrace
these imperfections for what they
are? Discovering more about the
Japanese practice of repairing
broken pottery could help us learn
more about this mindset.
ORIGINS
Using precious metals to give
something broken or damaged
new life is what the Japanese art
of repairing broken ceramics
focuses on, and is thought to date
back to the 14th century. Instead
of trying to hide the flaw or break,
kintsugi turns that damage into a
thing of beauty – something that
can be celebrated and appreciated
in its own right. Items that would
once have been discarded can
not only have a new lease of life,
but are displayed with pride, and
appreciated for their unique, one-ofa-kind
beauty.
Linked by many with the Japanese
philosophy of wabi-sabi (celebrating
imperfection, impermanence, and
incompleteness), kintsugi is seen by
some as a physical manifestation of
this ideology. While nothing lasts
forever, with a little extra attention
and care, even the most delicate and
damaged things can be repaired,
and made into something more
beautiful and precious than before.
TURNING FLAWS INTO
THINGS OF BEAUTY
If chipped, cracked, or flawed
pottery can be appreciated for its
history and uniqueness, why can’t
we do the same with ourselves? If
someone can take the time to repair
beloved, delicate pottery, so too can
we ‘repair’ ourselves – with enough
time, self-care, reflection, and selfcompassion.
Each of our experiences have in
some way affected us, and helped to
make us stronger. It’s time for us to
acknowledge the chips and cracks
in ourselves. By acknowledging the
events that have impacted us, we
can begin moving forwards – now
Kintsugi, or kintsukuroi, literally
means golden repair; the art
of using liquid gold, silver, or
lacquer dusted with gold powder
to repair broken pottery and
enhance the breaks.
14 • happiful.com • December 2019

a more beautiful, still whole
person, with just a few more
scars to show for the journey.
EMBRACING KINTSUGI
IN OUR DAILY LIVES
When things get tough
and we feel overwhelmed,
it can feel like we need
to just ‘pull ourselves
together’, and
show only the best possible version
of ourselves to the outside world. By
hiding when we’re struggling, we
can inadvertently let our problems
and worries worsen. When we
begin to share what is troubling
us, we can seek help – and others
may feel more ready and able to
speak out and share their own
experiences, too.
Could applying the ideas
around kintsugi help us to
better accept ourselves and our
struggles, and start appreciating
our own strengths? Here are three
ways to try implementing kintsugi
in your life:
Ditch the fear of being ‘damaged’.
You are more emotionally resilient
than you may think. By addressing
the issues that have caused you pain
or worry, over time you can become
stronger, improve your
emotional strength,
and start learning
how to best cope
with adversity
when it arises.
Embrace life’s
scars. It’s tough to
acknowledge, but
we can’t
hide our
problems or
sweep them under
the rug. It’s time to
embrace the trials you
have faced, and recognise them
as part of your journey. Our scars
can make us stronger; they are
proof that we have grown and
overcome life’s challenges.
Reflection, not stagnation.
Acknowledging the past without
allowing it to take over or consume
our thoughts is key. When we allow
our present to be ruled by the
past, we risk falling into self-pity,
or becoming stuck in a negative
cycle of past thoughts and events.
Past challenges are still a part of
you that should be recognised,
but refocusing on how you have
learned to overcome, embrace,
work with or around them can help
to avoid feeling stuck in the past.
In an age where social media
reigns, and we only share our
best side, going back to traditions,
celebrating our journey, and
our strength for what we have
overcome, could be just what we
need.
December 2019 • happiful.com • 15

Photography | Genessa Panainte
“
To move forward, you have
to give something back
– OPRAH WINFREY

Christmas gifts
that give back
From makeup brushes that support getting girls into careers in coding, to
the phone case that’s helping to clear up our oceans, this Christmas
wrap up a gift that keeps on giving
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
According to the Bank of
England, in December
the average UK household
spends an additional £500
on festive treats. This Christmas,
make your money go further with
gifts that have a positive effect on
the world around us. Here, we break
down our favourite ethical Christmas
gifts that keep on giving long after
the last pine needle has been
swept up.
THE SOAP CO. WILD NETTLE
& SAGE GIFT TRIO
What you get…
A luxury set of body lotion, soap
and an exfoliating soap pebble
in an uplifting scent and a sleek,
monochrome design; this gift is
sure to be a stylish addition to
any bathroom. And as an added
bonus, the box is made from 100%
recycled paper, and vegetablebased
ink.
What you give…
The Soap Co. is an award-winning
social enterprise where 80% of the
staff have a disability or long-term
health condition. Committed to
doing things differently, this brand
is breaking down barriers and
creating a supportive environment
where anyone can flourish. >>>
RRP: £39.00,
thesoapco.org

LOELLA GIRL ON FIRE
ESSENTIAL BRUSH SET
What you get…
100% vegan and cruelty-free,
create show-stopping looks with
this set of 10 makeup brushes for
base, eyes, and lips. Beginners
and experts alike will love this
eye-catching kit.
What you give…
10p from the sale of every brush
is donated to #iamtheCODE, a
foundation that teaches girls in
disadvantaged communities skills
to become our future coders and
tech entrepreneurs.
RRP: £49.95,
loellacosmetics.com
RRP: £15.00,
nealsyardremedies.com
NEAL’S YARD BEE LOVELY
WINTER HEROES
What you get…
The Bee Lovely signature scent
of the organic honey and the
orange essential oil will lift spirits
through the winter months, and
this set of hand cream, lip balm,
and a nail file – in a convenient
miniature size – make pampering
on-the-go easy.
What you give...
With the bee population under
threat, Neal’s Yard’s Bee Lovely
range – where 3% of sales are
donated to charities that protect
bees – is right on time.
THAT’S A WRAP!
Waste collection company
Biffa estimates that UK
households throw away
more than 277,000 miles
of Christmas wrapping
paper each year. Looking for
something a bit more eco?
Why don’t you try:
Using what you already
have. Save gift bags and
wrapping paper when you
can, and reuse them to gift to
others.
Saving interesting
newspaper spreads. Quirky,
informative, eco-friendly –
what’s not to love?
Tying up squares of natural
fabric. Use spare, lightly-used
fabric, or scarfs that can be
part of the gift.
Choosing brown paper.
Available 100% recycled,
brown paper has a rustic look.
Skipping the tape. Opt for
ribbon or string that can be
reused over single-use tape.
TOMS FELT INDIA SLIPPERS
What you get…
Perfect for putting your feet
up in, these beautifully soft,
faux-fur lined slippers – with
a subtle gold embroidered
moon and stars – will put a
spring in anyone’s step.
What you give...
With their ‘One for One’
scheme, TOMS products
provide shoes to people in
need., They also support sight,
water and safer birth services
around the world.
RRP: £55.00,
toms.co.uk
18 • happiful.com • December 2019

JO MALONE CHARITY CANDLES
What you get…
Light up a bit of luxury with
the indulgent Jo Malone charity
range, inspired by the scents of
nature, and created using the
finest ingredients. And once
you’ve burned the candle, reuse
the stunning floral jars.
What you give…
For every candle sold,
Jo Malone makes a
donation of 75% of
the price to support
individuals and families
affected by mental
health problems.
RRP: £48.00,
jomalone.co.uk
MADLUG ROLL-TOP DAYPACK
What you get…
The perfect blend of practicality
and style, this sturdy bag –
available in a variety of on-trend
muted colours – is just the thing
for packing up for work, school,
and day trips.
What you give…
The sale of every Madlug bag
covers the cost of a bag for a
child in care, so they can keep
their possessions safe as they
move homes.
RRP: £48.00,
hopefultraders.com
HOPEFUL TRADERS WE ARE HOPEFUL ORGANIC SWEAT
RRP: £33.50,
madlug.com
What you get…
This unique sweatshirt comes
in a variety of colours, with an
uplifting design created by former
homeless artist James Lewis. Made
from 100% organic cotton, this is
the ideal thing for chilly days.
What you give…
All artists have experience of
homelessness or mental illness,
and each receives 10% of the
revenue – and a further 5% is
donated to a charity that has, or
still does, support them.
December 2019 • happiful.com • 19

THATCHFACE TRIPLE PACK
OF BEARD OILS
RRP: £29.99,
thatchface.com
What you get…
Treat the furry-faced friend in your
life to the ultimate conditioning
treatment with this collection of
three quality beard oils, which come
in three scents: mint, cedarwood
and sandalwood, and zest.
What you give…
10% of all profits from ThatchFace
beard oil sales are donated to
Orchid, the UK’s leading charity
for those affected by prostate,
testicular, and penile cancer.
WILD IPHONE CASE
What you get…
A sleek, stylish phone case
that protects our phones,
and our planet. As it’s 100%
biodegradable, when this phone
case has reached the end of
its life, it can just be put in the
compost bin to break down.
What you give…
Between 5% and 10% from
the sale of every case is
donated to The Ocean Cleanup
Foundation, working to remove
plastic from the oceans.
RRP: £25.00–£80.00,
toriratcliffe-art.co.uk
TORI RATCLIFFE CHARITY PRINTS
RRP: £22.00,
wildcase.co
What you get…
A collection of striking pieces by
talented animal artist Tori Ratcliffe,
these prints blend colour and linework
to create works of art that
anyone would be proud to hang in
their home.
What you give…
Passionate about preserving the
animal kingdom, £1 from every
print is donated to the World Land
Trust, with 50% to 100% of profits
from selected prints going to other
conservation causes.

Stocking Fillers
£10 and under
Oxfam Safe Water for a Family of Four
The purchase of this gift helps Oxfam install
community wells, water pumps, and
taps in areas facing drought.
Receive a card with
information on how
the gift will be used,
and learn more about
the vital work that
Oxfam is doing.
RRP: £10.00,
oxfam.org.uk
teapigs single estate
breakfast tea
For the tea-lover in your life,
you can’t go wrong with teapigs’
single estate breakfast tea.
Serving a strong taste with
every brew, teapigs also donate
50p from every pack to the
Point Foundation – supporting
orphans and vulnerable young
people in Rwanda.
RRP: £4.50, teapigs.co.uk
Stand4Socks
Socks don’t have to be
boring, and when you
purchase these quirky,
colourful pairs, Stand4Socks
donate specifically made
thick, durable socks to the
homeless.
RRP: From £9.99,
stand4socks.com
RNLI Wooden Ocean Dominoes
Simple fun for all the family, this wooden
dominoes set features colourful sea
creature pieces
for hours of fun.
What’s better,
100% of profits
go towards
funding the Royal
National Lifeboat
Institution’s
(RNLI)
lifesaving
services.
RRP: £6.00,
shop.rnli.org
Rococo Large Milk Chocolate Gold Coin
Put an ethical twist on a Christmas
tradition with this creamy chocolate
coin that’s handcrafted in London, and
supports a variety of charities, from
conservation programmes
to social support.
RRP: £3.95,
rococochocolates.com
Keep the Christmas cheer
going, and spread it far and
wide, with this cracking ethical
selection that helps you give
back when you gift. But whatever
you wrap up for your family and
friends this year, do it with love.

This is
Lauren Mahon
She describes herself as having ‘hair like Demi, and a
gob like Dyer,’ but when we meet Lauren Mahon, it’s
immediately clear that she also has huge heart and a
genuine openness that’s not easily matched.
Her journey and work to date demonstrate that – while
life may deliver unexpected blows – with support, we can
get back up, steady ourselves, and decide which punch to
deliver in return.
As 2019 draws to a close, Lauren – broadcaster and
founder of charitable business GIRL vs CANCER – shares
her reflections on living with trauma, embracing a
much-needed period of hibernation, and why family and
the upcoming festive season gives her all the feels…
Interview | Lucy Donoughue
Photography | Paul Buller

Top | Reserved
>>>

Jumper & skirt | Luisa Cerano

The last time I saw
Lauren Mahon, she
was walking across
a field in the bright
August sunshine,
rocking her dark cropped hair and
a bright fuchsia puff-ball sleeve
dress, paired with heavy black
boots. She was fresh from giving
a talk at Fearne Cotton’s inaugural
Happy Place Festival, and had
truly ‘owned the room’ (well, tent)
throughout her solo presentation.
If you had seen her in that
moment, you may have thought
that she was the picture of
confidence – but, as we know,
appearances rarely reveal the
whole picture.
In reality, Lauren wasn’t doing
too well. Only a couple of hours
before the talk, she’d mentioned
that her anxiety levels were far
beyond the norm for her. The day
had been full of highs in terms
of personal and professional
achievements, but she was
struggling with her mental health.
“Things have been up and
down since then, if I’m perfectly
honest,” Lauren shares, three
months later over a cuppa at the
Happiful December photoshoot.
“My work can be quite intense
emotionally – because I’m telling
my story. But I think a lot of the
time I live above myself, almost
like a third person, above my
own body. I go and talk about my
experiences, but sometimes it’s
honestly like I’m talking about
somebody else.
“It’s not good, but at some point,
I detached a little bit emotionally
because I’ve had to, to survive.
And I think that’s how I coped
with my cancer.”
Lauren was diagnosed with
breast cancer in August 2016 and
threw herself, almost immediately,
into raising awareness of the
impact of living with the disease.
During her treatment, she created
a community on her existing blog
Girl Stole London, for people to
share experiences and support
each other.
Thanks to Lauren’s personality,
energy, and drive the community
grew massively, and the GIRL vs
CANCER strand of her work is
now its own entity and a business
which donates a chunk of profits
from the sale of campaign apparel,
as well as all money from events,
to four cancer charities close to
her heart.
“Things that are
happening in my
life are unreal,
and I want to
feel them. I want
to live in them.”
Lauren subsequently became
the co-host of the multi-award
winning Radio 5 Live podcast You,
Me and The Big C in early 2018, and
now speaks regularly at events
and festivals, heads up advertising
campaigns, and has branched out
into even more broadcast work.
Her warm open-book approach to
life, down to earth matey delivery
and sense of humour made her an
instant hit with audiences up and
down the country.
From her social media and press
presence, Lauren looks very
much like a woman who never
stops; someone who is positively
seizing the moment and every
hour of every day. “I make myself
busy as a coping mechanism, so
I don’t think about what I’ve gone
through,” she responds when we
talk about her perpetual state of
being busy.
She’s realised that comes with a
downside for her: “It means I’m
not giving myself the headspace
to connect and process what’s
going on, to look at what I’ve done
that day and think ‘Wow, that was
amazing.’
“Things are happening in my life
that are unreal, and I want to feel
them and live in them.”
Amazing things really have
happened. Not only has Lauren
emerged as a successful
broadcaster and speaker, she’s
also received a large amount of
professional accolades, making
it onto the BBC 100 Women
2019 List, Marie Claire’s Verified
Influencer List and winning
a Stylist Remarkable Woman
Triumph Award.
Lauren is positively grateful for
these moments (she practices
gratitude by journalling every
night), but also recognises that
cancer and her recent way of
working has had a negative
impact on her mental health and
wellbeing. >>>
December 2019 • happiful.com • 25

This is something Lauren is now
addressing.
“I made a positive step in
September,” she shares proudly. “I
started seeing a therapist.
“And don’t get me wrong,” she
hesitates before continuing, “I
know a lot of people probably can’t
afford that. And to be honest at the
beginning of this year, I couldn’t
afford that. But I’ve had some
really nice jobs come in and I’ve
just siphoned that money to the
side for my mental health.
“I thought, even if I can do this
for just three to six months, it
would be good to have a space
every week for me to process the
trauma of what’s gone on, and it
has really helped me to stand back
a bit and look at how I’m living.”
The therapy is clearly having
a significant impact upon her,
although the process, she says,
was a tough one to begin with.
“Every single time I’d been to see
the therapist, until last week, I
sat in the chair and sobbed for
an hour, physically shaking with
anxiety and stress.
“And at some point I had to sit
back and think ‘I’ve done this
to myself. I’ve put myself in this
situation’. I’m still in cancer mode,
thinking that tomorrow isn’t
promised, so there’s an urgency
in everything I do... And actually,
I have to stop and allow myself
some space to be happy.”
Lauren’s therapist has
encouraged her to reflect on the
difficulty of the past months and
what she wants and needs, in
addition to what the future may
hold. One exercise in particular,
really stayed with Lauren.
Her therapist encouraged her to
draw herself and think about her
different positive personal traits.
“...if I keep giving
time to myself to
process everything,
then the future is
going to look a lot
different.”
“I drew a shape like a
gingerbread man,” she laughs. “So
God knows what that says about
how I look at myself! Then, she
asked me to close my eyes and
think about myself – Lozza, not
Lauren, because Lozza is who I
am to my friends and my family
and myself. I started to put words
on the picture, and I sat back and
said: ‘There she is.’ It was like,
‘Fuck! I’m still here!’ Underneath
everything, I’m still me.”
This was a big realisation for
Lauren. “As much as I genuinely
feel the past few months have
been tough, I’ve learned a lot, and
if I keep leaning in to therapy, and
giving time to myself to process
everything, then the future is
going to look a lot different.”
Part of the process for Lauren
is to question the way she views
herself and how she might be
presented to others. “I have had
cancer but I am not cancer,” she
says, definitively. “For the last
two years almost everyone has
introduced me as Lauren, cancer
patient, or cancer survivor. I
haven’t been Lauren Mahon for a
really long time.”
And how would she like to be
introduced now? “I am Lauren
Mahon, I’m a broadcaster and I’m
the founder of my own business. To
say that is really empowering, and
it does make me proud – but I need
to give myself space to feel proud.”
She’s already thinking about
how to live and work in a way that
reflects where she’s at in her life,
and is planning 2020 changes. “My
focus next year is to rebuild a life
that isn’t around cancer.
“I’ll always have GIRL vs
CANCER. I’ll always want
to support people,” she says
passionately. “However, I am
very lucky that my cancer – touch
wood – is gone, so I think I’d be
doing myself a disservice if I didn’t
give myself space to live without
cancer both physically, and also in
my head.
“I am going to get further and
further away from my diagnosis,
and my experiences will become
less and less relevant because
new treatments will come out and
other things will be happening
in the world,” she explains. “So, I
just want to get GIRL vs CANCER
to a place where it’s a hub of
information, so I can signpost
other people to where they need
to be.”
This big picture work, however,
will have to wait for a while so
Lauren can create the mental
– and literal – space she needs
right now. She’s looking to move
flat to mark a new era, and will
be scoping out work spaces away
from where she lives in order
to set all-important boundaries
and make home a place of pure
relaxation. >>>
26 • happiful.com • December 2019

Shirt & trousers | Zavi, Shoes | Malone Soulier

Styling | Krishan Parmar
Hair & Make Up | Alice Theobald
at Joy Goodman
Left: Top & trousers | Reserved, Shoes | Kat Maconie Right: Jumper | Marc Cain

There’s also talk of adopting a
dog in the future (“I’ll name him
Ray, after Ray Winstone.”) and
a holiday to see in the 2020 New
Year, but before all of this, she’ll
have been taking things slowly
for the last two months of 2019, in
order to recalibrate. She calls this
her “hibernation”.
What does hibernation look like
to her? “It looks a lot like saying
no, and giving myself that space
and time. I want to do a timeline
of the last year and reflect on
everything I’ve done.
“I’m just going to go slow, see
friends, see family, do a bit of
work on me, do a bit of mending
of my own heart, get back into a
routine, and make a plan. I’m a
woman who loves a plan.”
Part of that plan includes
spending time with her family,
including three-month-old niece
Lilly and nephew, toddler Gryff,
who she is totally smitten with.
“They’re my reason,” she says,
smiling broadly.
“I was at my sister’s yesterday,
and I had Gryff on the floor next
to me, and he had his arm around
my calf watching TV, and Lilly
was on my lap, and honestly, that
feeling in my stomach of just
absolute contentment and joy...”
She breaks off tearfully.
“l get emotional just thinking
about them. They ground me.
When I’m wandering around
all stressed about a fucking
Instagram post, I think: ‘Does any
of that matter? No, they do’.”
Lauren says her sister, who
has become her best friend,
instinctively knows when she
needs to be with Gryff and Lilly;
“Whenever I’m having a really bad
bout of anxiety, she just tells me to
cancel everything and come over.
As soon as I walk in the door, she
hands me the kids, I cuddle them
and my body just relaxes. I feel
safe, and when I’m with them
nothing bad can happen.”
She’s ‘Auntie Larry’ and the love,
she says, is unconditional. “They
don’t care that I’ve had anxiety
that day, they don’t care that I had
a lump in my tit that tried to kill
me, they just want me to play with
them and be there.”
Lauren will be spending time
with them at Christmas too, it’s
one of her favourite times of the
year. “I love going back to my
Mum and Dad’s at Christmas. I go
there for a whole week and my
Mum’s house is like a grotto, not a
gawdy one, but a proper beautiful
old-fashioned one.”
“The thing is,
you just don’t
know what will be
happening this time
next year.”
Lauren speaks a million words a
minute when she’s excited, and it’s
obvious to see that the prospect
of upcoming festive family time
brings her joy. There’s one ritual
in particular that they keep going
each year, despite Lauren and her
siblings being in their thirties:
“My Mum still wraps our pyjamas
and puts them under the tree on
Christmas Eve.
“The tradition is that we unwrap
them – they’re usually matching
– then we have to race to our
bedrooms to change, and the first
one back to the Christmas tree
wins! You don’t win anything, but
you win.”
It’s a time of year that has a lot
of meaning for her. “Christmas, to
me, is just really special. I’m older
now and you realise that with
these little milestones in life, in
the time between them, things can
change so much.”
She pauses, looking thoughtful.
“Christmas can feel like a time
when you have to be so jolly and
so happy and when I was ill, I
really wasn’t. I was devastated
because Christmas is my favourite
time of the year and I couldn’t
take part in anything. I was so sad
because I wasn’t myself and it was
out of my control – and that’s the
first time I realised that Christmas
can be really hard and triggering
when things aren’t right.
“Now, I’m feeling well again, I
really enjoy Christmas. The thing
is, you just don’t know what will
be happening this time next year.
Last Christmas my sister told us
she was pregnant and this year we
have Lilly!”
Lauren smiles again, finishes
her cuppa, and heads off to slip on
sequins for her photoshoot. 2019
has certainly been one of massive
highs, learnings, and deep lows
for her, but I have the feeling that
2020 will be the year all of that
experience is channelled into
positive steps forward and even
greater things. She is, after all,
Lauren Mahon – and she’s pretty
phenomenal.
Follow Lauren on Instagram
@iamlaurenmahon
Check out Tit-Tees at girlvscancer.co.uk
– they make perfect presents and you’ll
be supporting four cancer charities
with each purchase.
December 2019 • happiful.com • 29

Five ways to
de-stress your
mornings
We often have the best intentions at the start of the day, which can
get derailed quickly from one too many ‘snooze’ buttons, lost keys, or
feeling rushed and unprepared. But with these five simple steps, you
can really begin your day on the right foot...
Writing | Victoria Williams Illustrating | Rosan Magar
Unless you’re lucky enough
to be a natural morning
person, leaving your comfy
bed to face the hectic first
hour of the day can be a
struggle. Keen to get those last few
minutes of sleep, or catching up with
our social media scrolling, we’re often
left in a rush, pulling up a pair of
trousers with one hand and scrambling
for car keys with the other. This stress
is not the best way to set yourself up for
a happy and productive day, so here are
some simple ways to restore calm and
order to your mornings.
1 CREATE A REALISTIC ROUTINE
Research suggests adults aren’t at their
cognitive best until late morning, so
establishing a routine helps you to
navigate the earliest part of the day
when your brain is still warming up.
List everything you want to get done,
and decide on the most logical order.
Running through this routine every
morning means you’re much less likely
to waste time or forget something.
Life coach Katie Driver highlights the
importance of finding a routine that
suits you: “Just because someone else
might be getting up at 5:30 to go to the
gym doesn’t mean it’s right for you.

“If you plan a routine that’s not
remotely realistic, it’s only going to
make you feel like a failure every
day you don’t achieve it.”
Setting your intentions and
some realistic expectations
can help you get through
the inevitable hiccups in a
better frame of mind
2 GIVE YOURSELF TIME
If you always find yourself
rushing, reduce your stress by
simply waking up earlier. Leave
the curtains open a little or invest
in a sunrise alarm clock to wake
you gradually so you’re less likely
to turn over and go back to sleep.
Allow yourself more time than
you think you need – that way lost
shoes and uncooperative hair won't
throw you off schedule. On days
with no unexpected hold-ups you’ll
have bonus time for enjoyable
activities such as reading or
sharing your breakfast with family.
Katie says: “I thought the
arguments I often had with the
kids about getting ready were the
source of my stress, until I realised
that I was actually trying to cram
too much into too little time in
the morning, and taking my
frustration out on them. I found
getting up just 15 minutes earlier
meant I had a little more breathing
space, and the arguments almost
completely disappeared.”
3 PLAN AHEAD
How many times have
you forgotten something
important in the morning,
or scrapped your pre-work plans
in favour of the snooze
button? Do your sleepy self
a favour and get everything
ready for the morning
before you go to bed.
“Check tomorrow’s diary and
weather forecast, and get out
what you’ll wear, then you won’t
waste time standing in front of
the wardrobe in the morning
agonising about what to put on,”
Katie recommends.
“Putting some comfy yoga clothes
or running kit out the night before
will help remind you to exercise
when you wake, and make it easier
to do so. A glass on the counter
reminds us to drink water to start
the day. It also helps to have a
particular place where your keys
and purse always go, so you’re not
trying to find them every morning.
Reminders by the door are a great
idea too.”
4 TAKE LITTLE STEPS
Drastically changing your morning
routine can be a shock to the
system. Work towards your ideal
morning in stages, gradually
cutting out the bad habits and
introducing good ones, and you’re
more likely to stick with them.
Make a note of your steps for the
week – for example, cutting down
from two morning coffees to one,
and sitting down for breakfast
rather than eating on the go
– and put them somewhere
you’ll notice immediately.
“Once you’ve started
making changes, you’ll
probably spot
opportunities
for other
improvements,”
Katie says. “Try
setting yourself
challenges – how
many mornings in a row can you
do some stretching, or stay off the
phone until a particular time?”
5 RECLAIM THE MORNING
The start of the day is often
treated as a stepping stone to the
main part of the day, but it can
be really valuable if used wisely.
Take a few moments for yourself,
reflecting on your goals and the
reasons behind them, and doing
whatever you need to do to get
your day off to a good start.
Katie says: “It’s worth working
towards habits in three key
areas: moving more, making
sure the first meal of the day is a
healthy one, and strengthening
your connection with what’s
meaningful in your life. None of
these need to take long, but they
will set up your mind, body and
spirit for a great day. You could
also try thinking about how you
want to be in the morning, not
only what you want to do. Setting
your intentions and some realistic
expectations can help you get
through the inevitable hiccups in
a better frame of mind.”

Your mind, body,
and flow…
with Grace
Author, vlogger, and trainee counsellor, our columnist Grace Victory delves
into taboo topics, and shares her raw, personal insight each month
In 2016, I decided it was time
to come off my contraceptive
pill. I started taking it when
I was 19, without being fully
informed of the side-effects
these hormones could have on my
health. So by the time I was 26, I
had this sudden realisation that
I had no idea what I was putting
into my body.
Being the inquisitive woman I
am, I began some research and
stumbled upon hundreds of
articles that spoke about the link
between the pill and reproductive
or menstrual issues, which really
resonated with me. My periods
had become few and far between,
and I often sensed a huge
disconnection from my body on a
spiritual level. I felt I was silencing
my physical form from doing its
thing. So I came off it, hoping my
problems with menstrual health
would end, but in reality, they
were just beginning.
A few months after coming
off the pill, I started to bleed
non-stop. The bleeding would
sometimes be extremely heavy,
and other times extremely light.
After getting the all clear from my
GP, and numerous tests for things
like PCOS and endometriosis, I
sat with myself for a few days. I
could hear my intuition telling me
that this was my womb healing,
and now was the chance for me
to connect to my cycle. So that’s
exactly what I started to do.
I read books, I meditated, I
attended womb-healing circles, and
I began to journal my cycle daily. I
would write how I felt emotionally
and physically, the colour and feel
of my discharge, as well as any
other symptoms and feelings I
thought were relative. After a year
or so, and with much patience
and inner belief, my body started
to respond. My periods became
more regular and consistent, and
slowly but surely my flow became
‘normal’ for me. I recognised stress
would make my period late, and
one month my bleed would last six
days and another it would last three
to four days. Without journaling, I
wouldn’t have known any of this.
And then I noticed something in
my journal entries that completely
shocked me.
There were times every month
where I felt hopeless, sad and
actually quite depressed. I would
cry and cry, and sometimes I didn’t
even know why. It felt like a thick
grey cloud was following me, that
made me change into a completely
different person. I would become
more needy, passive aggressive
and snappy. There have also been
What’s right for you...
I recognise that coming off the
pill is something that other
people may not have the option
of, or want to do. However for
me, it was a decision I made after
thorough research. It’s important
to do what works best for you, and
make sure you’re fully informed
before making any decisions –
speak to your GP for advice and
information.
times I couldn’t get out of bed in
the mornings because life felt a bit
too much. I would sleep more, eat
more, and scream more. I was a
hot mess. A beautiful, wild, mess
of a woman.
You see, we aren’t really
taught that we are cyclic beings,
and therefore our bodies and
moods will change throughout
the month. Due to hormones
that can sometimes change
dramatically, how we feel can
change dramatically too. If you’re
dealing with other mental health
issues, these can feel unbearable
during your bleed – they become
heightened and exacerbated.
Spiritually, it’s like all the things
you need to reveal and heal
are bleeding out too. There
is something to be said about

@GRACEFVICTORY
YOUR SELF-CARE RITUALS DURING YOUR PERIOD:
For me, it’s about womb meditations, crying, journaling, more sleep,
and definitely more alone time. Here’s some of your thoughts...
Instagram: @daisypenman_
I distract myself – talk to my boyfriend and friends, or
just sit with it and let myself feel it.
Twitter: @carriejohnson96
Lots of long baths with bath salts and bubbles, and I watch
Netflix or listen to chill music. Lots of chocolate! Oh and I get
my boyfriend to give me a massage or play with my hair.
Instagram: @lou_eleanor_
I walk barefoot across the grass, I cuddle my cat,
I bellydance even through the pain.
We often play it small and
struggle to stand in our power,
maybe our bleeding allows us
to change that?
allowing our stresses and anguish
to shine during this time. If we
really think about it, we often play
it small and struggle to stand in our
power, maybe our bleeding allows
us to change that?
There is also a condition that
has now been recognised as
premenstrual dysphoric disorder
(PMDD), which is very severe PMS.
It is very real and something that
so many people experience. If
you’re a highly sensitive person,
you are more likely to experience
PMDD due to increased sensitivity
to hormones. You’ll know what
is ‘normal’ for you, and what
mood swings are manageable or
unmanageable. It’s also worth
saying that understanding a dip in
your mental health because of your
cycle can help to ease confusion,
and give you an understanding of
why a low mood is occurring.
For me, I now know that when
I am hitting a part in my cycle
where my hormones are going
to affect me, I keep my schedule
more free and I have my period
self-care tools on hand. I try to
honour whatever I feel during
this time, and I let my therapist
know that the period cloud is on
its way. Planning is key for me, so
I am not knocked for six with an
unexpected mental health dip.
There is no shame in admitting
you feel a little off balance at this
time, or any time for that matter.
Speak to your GP, and do some
research on connecting to your
womb so that you can understand
your cycle better.
The cloud will float away
eventually.
Love
Grace x

It OK to be Blue –
and that’s the truth
It’s Not OK to Feel Blue (and other lies), published this autumn, is hope,
experience and understanding all wrapped up in a beautiful, blue-hued book.
As the end of the year approaches, curator and major contributor Scarlett
Curtis shares her hopes for those who read it, and for the future of mental
health and illness conversations in 2020 and beyond...
Writing | Lucy Donoughue
After a particularly
tough week, feeling
listless on a long train
journey, I dig the new
anthology curated by
Scarlett Curtis, It’s Not OK to Feel
Blue (and other lies), out of my bag
and open a random page. A quote
from editor and model Jamie
Windust leaps out at me. “We
are all allowed to fail and make
mistakes. We are, at the end of
the day, only human.”
Amen to that.
This is one of many times I’ve
dipped into Blue ahead of my chat
with Scarlett. Each time, I read
three or four offerings that have
led me to think about different
experiences or perspectives on
mental health, and to reconsider
my own.
“The thing that I love the most
about the book is that hopefully
whatever you’ve been through
there will be something in there
that speaks to you,” Scarlett
shares with me.
“What’s amazing is that everyone
has a different piece that speaks
to them – it’s not like there’s one
piece that jumps out. Everyone
finds something in a different
essay, and that’s been making me
very happy.”
There are a huge amount of
personal experiences to choose
from – including one of my
favourites from Professor Tanya
Byron (‘Fabulous and F*cked Up’),
Alastair Campbell, acclaimed
writer Candice Carty Williams,
mental health advocates Jonny
Benjamin, Bryony Gordon, Poorna
Bell, and singer Sam Smith, to
name but a few.
Each of the six chapters start
with a piece by Scarlett, and she’s
deeply generous in sharing the
very low lows she’s encountered
throughout her life to date, as well
as giving hope to readers who
might be in the middle of a similar
episode themselves.
Scarlett was told that she was
“crazy” at the age of 17, and
encountered panic attacks that
floored her, and left her unable to
leave her home for the majority
of the next two years. Diagnosed
with depression, anxiety and
PTSD, Scarlett has worked hard
to understand her mental illness,
with therapists, medication, and
by reading and developing her
knowledge around mental illness.
As a teenager, however, she
recalls the sadness she felt
initially when day-to-day activities
felt beyond her. “I was 19 and
trying to work on a project with
my friend, and I realised I couldn’t
get out of bed.
“I just remember thinking, ‘Oh
wow, this might be the rest of
my life. I might never be able to
participate in society in the way
I thought I was going to.’ And
actually, that’s OK. My life will be a
different kind of life.
“We’re obviously all told when
we’re younger ‘you can be
anything you want’ and ‘your
options are limitless’, but as a >>>
34 • happiful.com • December 2019

teenager, I felt very limited. It took
a lot for me to accept that, and
understand I could still have an
alright life, and that I was probably
always going to have some of these
issues.”
Personal experiences like
these, make her the perfect
curator of this book, in addition
to her vast writing experience.
Having previously curated and
contributed to Feminists Don’t Wear
Pink (and other lies), writing for a
plethora of publications including
the Sunday Times, blogging,
podcasting, and activism with a
collective she co-founded, called
The Pink Protest.
This latest book is a piece of
activism in its own right, sharing
in-depth how it feels to live with
mental illness. It also serves
to promote
understanding
about mental
illness in people
who don’t have
first-hand
experience of
living with them.
“A lot of the
feedback that
I’ve been getting
is from people
who don’t have
mental health
challenges. They
say: ‘I’ve never
been through
mental illness,
but it’s helped me
understand more.’”
And the act of
curating and compiling the essays
also deepened Scarlett’s own
knowledge.
“I’ve been in therapy and a
mental health advocate for so
many years, I almost thought that
I knew everything – but there’s so
Scarlett shares...
“If you find Christmas hard,
that’s not something to be
ashamed of. I know that there
can be so much pressure to
enjoy it – but if you’re having
a shit time, that’s OK. Get this
book, hole up in your bedroom
and wait for the week to pass –
because it will. It’s totally OK to
have a bad Christmas.
“I’ve also found that sometimes,
when you’re having a tough
time, giving back can really
help. Google opportunities to
volunteer in your local area,
there will always be something.”
much that I
didn’t know.
“I think the
main thing that really jumped out
at me and was hammered home
by putting this book together was
the male experience of mental
health – how every single man
in the book talks about toxic
masculinity and pride and feeling
I just remember thinking, ‘I might
never be able to participate in
society in the way I thought I was
going to.’ And actually, that’s OK.
My life will be a different kind of life
so ashamed to open up. I’d always
sort of theoretically understood
that, but I don’t think I ever fully
understood it until reading those
essays.”
Continuing to develop her own
knowledge around mental health,
and campaigning for better
understanding and support, is
high on Scarlett’s agenda for
Photography | Amelia Allen
36 • happiful.com • December 2019

2020. She’s all too aware from her
personal experience the impact
that shame and stigma can have
on reaching out for support.
“When you look at some of the
stats, I think it takes a young
person on average 10 years to
find appropriate treatment for
their mental health, which is so
ridiculous and just shouldn’t be
the case,” she says.
“And I keep saying, books like
this actually shouldn’t even have
to exist. The fact that this is for
some people their primary source
of support and help, if it was a
physical illness, that would never
be the case. You’d never say to
someone with cancer, ‘Oh, go out
and buy this book.’ I think that’s
something that I really want to be
looking into more.”
When it comes to offering more
support and information, the
media plays a pivotal role and,
based on recent stories, it seems
there’s a long way to go. It’s been
a tough couple of weeks for a
number of reasons: dismissals
around the impact of death threats
and trolling of female MPs;
sensationalism around suspected
suicide; and the constant belittling
of ‘a snowflake generation’ on
daytime TV.
“I think there are a lot of
positives around mental health and
illness, a lot more conversations
happening,” Scarlett says. “But
actually treatment and care
and funding isn’t getting much
better. And I think when you have
people like Piers Morgan going
on national TV, and dismissing
someone like Greta Thunberg
because of her mental health, it’s
taking us back so many steps.
“When I was Greta’s age, I felt
like my mental illness meant I
wouldn’t ever be able to work, and
would never be taken seriously. And
honestly, if I’d seen him saying that
when I was 15 years old, it would
have broken me – it would have
hurt so much.
“When you’re talking about mental
health,” Scarlett continues, “You
have to think about the people
around the country that are listening
to that and using it for their own
self-hatred, and to fuel their own
belief that their mental illness is
something to be ashamed of.
“Anyone who’s ever had a mental
illness will know, you already feel
so much shame, you feel so much
fear that you’re not going to be
understood. You feel so much fear
that you’re going to be dismissed
by society.”
‘It’s Not OK To Feel Blue (and other lies’) (Penguin,
£14.99) is curated by Scarlett Curtis and available now.
For every book sale, 10% of the RRP will be donated to the
charity Shout, which is a 24/7 crisis text service. Anyone
can text 85258 to be connected to a trained crisis volunteer
who will chat by text.
However, with every negative
reaction and dismissal around
mental health in the media,
there is a counter reaction, and
thousands upon thousands of
people working to make positive
change. The success of It’s Not
OK to Be Blue (and other lies), the
availability of support networks
such as the free 24/7 textline
provided by Shout, the presence
of campaigns including Where’s
Your Head At? and Every Mind
Matters, are all working to make
a difference and drown out the
voices that can fuel shame and
stigma.
Because it is OK to be blue, it’s
OK to be vulnerable, it’s OK to
shout, and it’s OK to ask for help.
December 2019 • happiful.com • 37

Photography | Svetlana Pochatun
“
The real gift of gratitude is that
the more grateful you are, the
more present you become
– ROBERT HOLDEN

The reality of loneliness
We’re a society more connected
than ever before and yet so
many of us are feeling isolated.
Yes, one thing’s for sure, while
you might feel on your own,
you’re definitely not alone in
feeling lonely
Writing | Becky Wright
It was previously thought
to affect older generations
primarily but, as we now know,
loneliness is more commonplace
than that. And, although it isn’t
recognised as a mental health
problem in itself, loneliness and
our sense of wellbeing are strongly
intertwined.
As someone who has experienced
loneliness, I know the toll it takes
on your mental health and on
your life in general. Indeed, we
know that wellness is not merely
the absence of illness – our
happiness hinges on much more
than that. To be truly happy, we
need to feel connected. Whether
that connection is to a person,
an animal or with a cause, the
importance of a sense of belonging
should not be underestimated.
Psychotherapist Brian Turner
agrees. “As a species, we are
programmed to be sociable
creatures, to exchange our
brilliance through ideologies and
opinions. This is how we learn,
develop, and find our place in
society through the power of
interconnections.” It’s having strong
relationships with others that >>>

means we feel as though we are
seen, heard, loved, supported and
challenged.
So, if we lose that sense of
connection, there are bound to be
implications. “If we are isolated
(or feel isolated), that cerebral
exchange can not occur, and that
can make us feel withdrawn and
have low self-esteem,” Brian says.
A GENERATION GAP
We know that human connections
are integral to our sense of self
yet, according to new research,
it’s the social media generation – a
generation with arguably more
potential to make connections
than any that have gone before –
who feel most alone.
Data from YouGov found that
30% of millennials “always or
often feel lonely”, which is more
than their Generation X and baby
boomer counterparts. Just 20%
of members in Gen X reported
feeling lonely with the same
frequency, with even fewer baby
boomers (15%) saying the same.
That’s not to say that younger
people have a monopoly on
feeling lonely. Of course, anyone
of any age has the potential to feel
a lack of connection to others.
However, the general trend in
feelings of loneliness, along
with the direction that digital
communication continues to take,
suggests that there’s potential
for future generations to feel
increasingly lonely.
WHAT DOES LONELINESS FEEL LIKE?
When I started to explore my
own feelings of loneliness, I
came across a thought that stuck
with me: ‘Loneliness is not the
same as being alone.’ There are
many reasons we can feel a lack
of connection in our lives, and it
doesn’t necessarily have a direct
correlation with spending time
alone. But, as with any problem
we face in life, it’s important to
understand the root of the issue –
only then can you address it.
It’s possible to identify four
distinct types of loneliness:
emotional, social, situational, and
chronic. Here we take a closer
look at the different types to
understand how this epidemic is
affecting us today.
• Social loneliness
Feeling excluded or ostracised
is the main reason for this type
of loneliness – perhaps you
have experienced some kind of
rejection. This can leave a lasting
impact, as you can begin to
wonder who might reject you in
the future.
We know that wellness
is not merely the
absence of illness – our
happiness hinges on a
lot more than that
• Situational loneliness
Most of us will recognise the
feeling of being surrounded by
unfamiliar faces, or not having
an instant connection with
others around us. Perhaps you’ve
moved to a new city where you
don’t know anyone, started at a
new job, or at a new school. But
it can also be likened to feelings
of grief – that sense of longing
you experience when you lose
someone close.

• Emotional loneliness
This can be one of the more
difficult types of loneliness
to understand, as emotional
loneliness comes from
within. Your feelings are not
necessarily the result of losing
someone, or moving – it’s not as
circumstantial as that. One way
to think of it is that something is
missing from your life – rather
than missing something you once
had. Perhaps you are craving new
friendships rather than longing
for old ones.
• Chronic loneliness
Chronic loneliness is often a
by-product of circumstance,
although unlike situational
loneliness it can go on for so
long that it almost becomes a
way of life. As a result, chronic
loneliness, more than any
other type, is closely linked
with mental ill-health and
unhappiness. It’s associated with
depression, sleep problems and
stress, and is thought to be as
harmful to our health as smoking
15 cigarettes a day.
HOW CAN WE OVERCOME
LONELINESS?
Experiencing loneliness can be a
very isolating time. It can lead to a
sense of ‘forgetting’ what we used
to enjoy; forgetting our goals and
not finding meaning in what we
used to find meaningful before.
And it can become a vicious cycle,
particularly where your mental
health is concerned.
You may feel there’s nowhere to
turn, or too scared to seek help.
But there are things we can do to
reclaim our sense of connection.
Here, psychotherapist Brian
shares some simple ways to
combat loneliness.
1. Fight negative feelings with a
positive engagement. This could
be as easy as smiling and saying
hello to someone you pass
on the street – a simple act of
kindness can boost endorphins,
raise morale, and break the
loneliness cycle.
2. Be curious and ask questions.
This can be helpful if you find
small talk difficult, or feel
unable to make connections
easily. Strive for short
conversations that increase
involvement and happiness.
3. Ditch the technology. Embrace
the world around you through
practising mindfulness or
volunteering.
4. Social media is OK in
moderation, but face-to-face
interaction is more enriching.
Going out and meeting
people can create a sense of
commonality.
5. Make positive memories by
doing memorable things and
discovering new places. Why
not make the trip to see a friend
you haven’t seen for a while?
Remember, loneliness is a feeling,
not a permanent fixture in your
life. Whether you feel lonely
occasionally, have been feeling
alone for a while, or it’s been
present for a long time, there are
steps you can take to increase your
sense of connection with others.
Brian Turner is a psychotherapist
and hypnotherapist, who specialises
in providing the best therapeutic care
for anxiety-based conditions. You can
find Brian and more information on
counselling-directory.org.uk

Ask the experts
Counsellor Sophie Spiegler
answers your questions on
loneliness
Read more about Sophie on
counselling-directory.org.uk
Grief
Q
My dad died
earlier this year.
As it’s our first
Christmas without him,
I’m worried about my
mum. She says she’s
fine, but she’s not her
usual self. How can I
support her?
I’m so sorry to hear of your
A loss. It sounds like this is a
difficult time, so I’m wondering
if you had any traditions you
did as a family that you could
pay special attention to, with
the intention of remembering
the good times together?
Supporting your mum, and
yourself, might include finding a
balance between allowing grief
to be present, and sharing in
joyful memories.
You could invite wider friends
and family round to join in the
festivities and sharing the happy
memories of your father. Let
them know what you need in
advance, so you can be clear
about the support you want.
Break-ups
Q
Me and my
partner of eight
years have
recently separated. I’m
dreading the festive
season, especially
the parties and social
events. I just want to be
alone, but I know that’s
not really going to help
me. What should I do?
AThe festive period can be
hard – balancing others’
expectations and the need
to connect. Spending time
with friends and family, with
those who you feel you can be
authentic and honest about your
feelings with, is important. If you
find you want to be alone, make
sure you aren’t isolating yourself.
Try to let in some of the joy of
the season.
If you find that the pressure
to be sociable and engage
with parties is too much, it’s
important to honour your
feelings. Perhaps give yourself
small chunks of time to feel sad,
and practise some self-care.
Only you can tune in to your own
needs, and begin to ask how to
get them met.

Counselling for loneliness
Life changes
Q
My partner has
gone back to
work after his
paternity leave. I’m
finding it really difficult
being on my own,
especially with the days
so dark, and none of my
friends have children.
What can I do?
AHaving a baby can be a
really difficult time, and
the lack of sleep, community
and regular routine can send
the strongest of women to
dark places. If you can get out
of the house, there are lots of
playgroups that will allow you to
connect with other new mums.
Perhaps a mum and baby yoga
class will also support in helping
your body to recover from
pregnancy and birth.
When you’ve met a few people,
set up a WhatsApp or other
message group to keep you
connected, particularly for the
days when getting out feels
impossible.
At the same time as connecting,
give yourself permission to enjoy
these days, and allow yourself to
enter into the world of your baby.
Let go of the pressure, and see if
you can give yourself permission
to rest and bond. Reaching out
to family and friends to support
you at this time, and letting them
know what you need, can also
really help.
Counselling Directory is part of the Happiful Family | Helping you find the help you need

journaling
Five
techniques we swear by
Keeping a journal can help you to ease anxiety, boost self-esteem, and
develop a more positive mindset – here’s how to get started...
Writing | Kat Nicholls Illustrating | Rosan Magar
Hands up who had
a diary when they
were younger? For
me, keeping a diary
was a lifeline in
my teenage years while I was
navigating the ups and downs of
puberty, alongside mental health
challenges. Although I don’t write
‘Dear diary’ anymore, journaling
is still very much a part of my
everyday routine.
Journaling can help us document
our days for posterity’s sake, or
go deeper and help us unravel
knotted thoughts and feelings.
Research by Dr James Pennebaker,
author of Opening Up by Writing It
Down, revealed that journaling can
help lower depression and anxiety,
and even strengthen our immune
system.
Here, I want to share with you
some journaling techniques that
can help you to feel calmer, more
in-tune with yourself, and support
your mental health.
1 WRITE A LETTER
Letter writing can be incredibly
powerful and versatile. If you
have someone in your life you
have unresolved issues with, or
someone you want to forgive, try
writing an unsent letter. The idea
is to get everything you want to say
out, without the need to confront
the recipient.
Another way to use this technique
is to write a letter to your past or
future self. Writing to your past
self can help you connect with
your inner child, offering words
of wisdom, and giving you a
chance to see how far you’ve come.
Writing to your future self can be a
beautiful way of uncovering what
you want your future to look like.
2 WRITE THREE THINGS YOU’VE
DONE WELL, EVERY DAY
This is a technique I’ve picked up
from the Positive Planner journal
(thepositiveplanners.com). In the
journal there’s a prompt to note
down three things you’ve done
well every day. We so rarely stop to
think about what we’re achieving,
and this is a simple way you can
practise this to build self-esteem.
Recognising small wins, and
challenging yourself to think about
yourself positively, can change
your mindset. Over time you’ll find
the exercise easier, and notice how
many things you’re already doing
brilliantly.
3 NOTE WHAT YOU’RE
GRATEFUL FOR
Our brains are wired to remember
negative experiences more so than
positive ones. This means we have
to work harder to intentionally
focus on the
positives.

Noting down what
you’re grateful for
helps you get in to the
habit of recognising
the positives, and
makes you more
aware of the good
things in life
Noting down what you’re grateful
for helps you get into the habit
of recognising the positives, and
makes you more aware of the good
things in life. Try writing about one
thing you’re grateful for every day.
4 KEEP A WORRY JOURNAL
This is especially useful if you
struggle with anxiety. Every time
a worry comes into your mind,
write it down in a notebook. Then,
allocate a certain time in your day
as ‘worry time’ when you can come
back and address the worry. But in
the meantime, try to get on with
your day.
When ‘worry time’ arrives, spend
some time journaling about the
worry. Is there anything you can
do about it? If so, note down your
action plan. If there isn’t anything
you can do, see if you can find a
way of letting the worry go.
5 TRY MORNING PAGES
This technique is recommended
in Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s
Way. The idea is to write
three pages every morning,
before you start your
day. You can write anything and
everything that comes into your
head. No one else will read it, so
try to be as free as possible with
expressing yourself.
The aim is to help calm your
mind, gain some clarity, and tap
into your creativity before getting
on with your daily tasks.
These are just a few examples to
get you started – see what resonates
with you. The beauty of journaling
is that there’s no wrong way to do
it. If you come away feeling calmer
and more in tune with yourself,
you’re on the right track.
If you find the writing side of
journaling difficult, but are keen
to get your thoughts and feelings
out, try using the voice note app on
your phone to talk it out. To take
things a step further, you may want
to consider talking to a counsellor.
Therapy can help you gain
self-awareness, and you don’t
have to be struggling with your
mental health to utilise it. Many
people go to therapy to get a better
understanding of themselves and
their behaviour. Learn more at
counselling-directory.org.uk

“
When you are kind to others,
it not only changes you,
it changes the world
– HAROLD KUSHNER
Photography | Ib Wira Dyatmika
46 • happiful.com • November 2019

TRUE LIFE
My parents abandoned
me, but that made me a
stronger person in the end
Andrew first learned the story of his traumatic
childhood at the age of 21, and he was surprised he’d
survived. Here he reveals how life lessons from his
grandmother, and a passion for dance, brought him
safely to adulthood
Writing | Andrew Yang
I
grew up as an only
child, cared for by
my grandmother.
We were a team.
We drove each
other nuts, but we always
knew we had a deep,
underlying love for one
another.
I first learned the story
of my childhood from
her when I was 21. She
had waited until then –
when I came home after
graduating from university
– because she felt story
could have been too
disturbing for me when
I was younger. I’m happy
she did.
Given the circumstances,
I’m surprised I wasn’t
orphaned or dead by the
time I got to be three
months old.
I was born to an
immigrant South Korean
mother, who had been
brought to Canada by
my grandmother and
dad in 1988. Shortly after
arriving, my mom and
dad got married, and I was
born in December that
year. Although, just before
I was born, they divorced.
I lived with my mother
for a month, but things
started to get messy.
Being a single mother,
newly arrived in a foreign
country, finances were
tight and our living
conditions very poor.
So my grandmother
‘kidnapped’ me. But
a police SWAT team
surrounded her place
and took me back to my
mother. It was a couple
of months later that my
mother realised she
couldn’t afford to raise
me, and legal custody was
given to my grandmother
and my dad.
When I was three, my
dad decided to leave us
for a ‘job’ (it later turned
out to be a woman) in
California, leaving sole
legal custody to my
grandmother – a 70-yearold
seamstress who could
barely make ends meet.
My grandmother and I
would end up spending
the next 13 years together
in the suburbs of Ontario.
Looking back, I
developed a deep fear
of abandonment, and
separation anxiety. I
remember constantly
asking myself: ‘Why does
everyone else have a mom
and dad? Why did they
leave? Is there something
wrong with me?’ This
would be a mystery
growing up, and it still
haunts me to this day.
I didn’t have much as I
grew up. We were close
to poverty, so we had to
move around a lot, and I
never really got to form
meaningful relationships
or have many friends.
My grandmother was
always very strict with me,
keeping me sheltered, and
forcing me to work and
study hard – she didn’t
want me growing up to be
like my dad.
The fear of rejection, and
my lack of confidence,
made it very hard for me
at school. >>>
December 2019 • happiful.com • 47

When you don’t conform,
teens can be such jerks
sometimes, and I ended
up being bullied. One of
my teachers even threw
my books and pens on
the floor for not paying
attention, and made the
entire class laugh at me.
I never really told anyone
about this stuff then. I just
thought this was life.
After discovering dance, Andrew’s
life was changed forever
Andrew (right) with his Grandma
(left) and aunt (centre)
Being able to move my entire
body, to music that means so
much to me, is a deep feeling
that I wish I could express more
vividly in words
Throughout my teens,
I lived in fear for my life.
I had suicidal thoughts
almost every day. But I
told myself that I could
not give in. I think my
grandmother indirectly
gave me hope, that when
we hit obstacles in our
lives there are always two
paths we can take – give
up, or persevere. I chose
the latter. So I kept going
until high school was
over. But in the summer
of 2006, my perseverance
was tested again.
I was about to go to
university, when I found
out that my close cousin
had completed suicide.
The emotions that flowed
through me, I wouldn’t
wish on anyone. I decided
I needed a fresh start. It
wasn’t the city I was living
in, or the school I went to.
It was the people around
me, and the reputation I
had for myself. I couldn’t
be in this environment.
So technically, I did give
up, but I did it with an
objective. Go to university,
rebuild my life from the
ground up, and treat
people the way I wanted
to be treated. Support
those who are facing
challenges, and give them
the motivation to keep
on going.
It was at this point that
I came across a YouTube
video of someone
dancing. Their entire body
was fluid, as if the music
and body were one. So I
started copying some of
the moves, and practised
every day.
I eventually got better
and better at it, and at
Queen’s University in
Kingston, Ontario, I fell
in with a crew of hiphop
and breakdancers
at the orientation event.
I decided to hop in and
show a few moves. I was
pretty bad, but I really
enjoyed it, and seeing
the smiles on people’s
faces really brought one
to mine. I had found a
passion.
My newfound friends
and I decided to start a
hip-hop dance club called
FLOW, that held classes,
organised live shows, and
taught the true meaning of
hip-hop culture and what
it stood for.
48 • happiful.com • December 2019

We each have our own story to share,
and we all have something to learn
from others
I fell in love with it so
much that it took me to
the early stages of the So
You Think You Can Dance
Canada TV show in 2009,
and as an opener for the
rock band Hedley when
they were on tour in 2008.
I was getting better and
better, my classes were
getting larger and larger.
More people looked up
to me. I was having an
influence on peoples’
lives. Dance saved me
from the trauma and
horrors of my life. I felt
like I had accomplished a
mission.
I always wondered
what it felt like to be
truly passionate about
something so much that
you didn’t fear to express
it. That all that mattered in
that moment in time was
you. That’s the feeling I
felt with dance. Being able
to move my entire body, to
music that means so much
to me, is a deep feeling
that I wish I could express
more vividly in words.
I left university in
2011 with a degree in
mathematics. I graduated
as one of the more
popular kids in school,
and FLOW eventually
became the largest hiphop
recreational dance
club in the city. But more
importantly, I developed
lifelong and deep,
meaningful friendships,
with good people, and
we helped push each
other further every day.
Even better, I found my
confidence.
Today, fresh into
my 30s, I use my
solitude, confidence,
and perseverance, as
a freelance marketing
architect in the beautiful
city of Toronto, and I
continue to dance as a
passion. Dance has helped
me during the best and the
worst times of my life. It’s
the closest thing that I can
call my own.
We each have our own
story to share, and we all
have something to learn
from others. It’s OK to be
vulnerable, especially as
a man, and I thank all the
incredible women in my
life for teaching me this.
As traumatic as the
memories will always be,
I’ve become a stronger
human because of it.
There is a silver lining to
everything in life.
We have to learn to live
our lives incomplete.
No human being on the
planet is perfect. Learn
not to take people for
granted, to be kind to
others because you never
know what they may
have gone through, but
don’t allow people to take
advantage of you.
At the end of the
day, the person you
have to truly love and
trust first is yourself.
When you achieve true
independence, and can
give back to those who are
near and dear to you – like
I do with my grandmother
– then meaning has been
truly fulfilled in your life.
OUR EXPERT SAYS
Andrew survived the most
challenging of circumstances,
from his very youngest days,
right through his teens –
situations he may still be
coming to terms with today.
Importantly though,
Andrew realised he had
a choice. After another
traumatic event he decided
to take action – reach out
to others with similar
interests, get involved. This
proved a turning point for
Andrew. Though it felt like
vulnerability, Andrew found
the strength to open up to
possibilities of friendship,
creativity and support.
Clearly gifted, Andrew
continues to share what he
has learnt,
and lives as
the person he
always truly
was inside.
Rachel Coffey | BA MA NLP Mstr
Life coach
December 2019 • happiful.com • 49

Put it down in words
Spread some festive cheer with our Christmas cards
Christmas is the perfect time to take a
moment to appreciate the people in
our lives who brighten it on the dark
days, and who are our cheerleaders on
the good ones.
Go to
shop.happiful.com
to download!
There’s nothing quite like the feeling
of receiving a handwritten card. From
the address carefully printed on the
front of the envelope to the warm
well wishes inside, each detail comes
together to tell the receiver that you
really care.
When we send a Christmas card, we’re
creating a physical reminder of the love
and appreciation that we feel for one
another.
All this considered, it will come as no
surprise that a poll by Oxfam found that
Brits prefer receiving a Christmas card
over a text or email. But what’s really
special is that one in 10 respondents
said that getting a Christmas card made
them feel less alone.
This year, we’ve got a selection of
unique Christmas cards created just for
you, by talented artist Becky Johnston.
It’s not always easy to find the words
for the things that we want to say to
others. Take a mindful moment to
reflect on the things that you have
learned about, and shared with this
person throughout the year. Tune
into the sensation of your pen moving
over the card, and let the words flow
naturally.
Spread some joy this year. And, from
the whole Happiful team, have a very
merry Christmas!

Key
Score and fold
Cut
Glue

Key
Score and fold
Cut
Glue

A letter from
me to you
Cancer is perhaps one of the hardest things that a person can go through, and without the
support of friends and family, the burden of the illness is made all the worse. But thanks to
hundreds of letters and a very special friendship, there’s now a charity bringing comfort to
those undergoing treatment – and using the power of the written word, we can all get involved
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
Photography | Top right: Peter Clark
When Brian Greenley
was diagnosed
with bowel cancer
in 2010, he and
Alison Hitchcock were simply
acquaintances.
“I didn’t know him very well
at all, and I think I just felt very
awkward when he told me,” Alison
explains. “I didn’t know what to
say because he wasn’t a close
friend, so I wasn’t going to be
going round to see him, because I
didn’t really know him. So I made
a bizarre offer…”
Alison began writing letters to
Brian throughout his treatment,
sitting down every other week
to fill him in on the things she’d
seen. In moments of huge
emotional and physical strain,
Alison’s letters offered Brian an
escape.
What began as a heartwarming
story of friendship and
compassion, spiralled into
From Me to You – a charity that
encourages people to write letters
to loved ones and strangers with
cancer. So how did it happen? We
spoke to Alison to find out.
Putting pen to paper
Following her offer, and with no
real experience in letter writing,
Alison began penning regular
letters to Brian.
“My aim was to make him laugh,”
says Alison. “I used to write about
things I would see, or that would
happen to me, and then I would
always put a bit of a comedy slant
on them. I never used to write
about his cancer because I didn’t
know anything, and I didn’t feel
like I knew him well enough to be
asking too much.”
Alison’s letters were a welcome
distraction, opening up the rest of
the world to Brian at a time >>>
Brian and Alison’s story began in 2010
Alison soon discovered the power of letters
December 2019 • happiful.com • 55

when his own was consumed by
intensive treatment. Later, Brian
told Alison that he would save her
letters to take to his chemotherapy
sessions and, when he was alone,
he would read them.
“Brian had a big circle of friends
and family, but he felt very isolated
when he had cancer,” says Alison.
“Partly because there were people
who drifted away from him,
because they didn’t know what to
say. But also, he isolated himself
because he couldn’t bear other
people’s pity.
“Then his cancer moved to stage
four, and I kept writing,” Alison
continues. “After about three years
– by then I had written him more
than 100 letters – he was finally
given the all-clear.
“And then we got back to our
normal lives. But my normal life
had changed quite dramatically in
the course of writing to him.”
A first-class idea
Since writing the letters, Alison
had discovered a love for writing
that led her to enrol in an MA in
creative writing. Beyond that,
Alison and Brian had nurtured
an incredible friendship – Brian
was the only man on Alison’s hen
weekend – and theirs was a story
that caught the attention of Radio
4’s The Listening Project, leading the
pair to tell their tale to the entire
nation.
Following this, someone got in
touch with Alison to ask whether
they could use her idea, and write
to a friend with cancer.
“A week later they contacted me
and said: ‘I don’t know what to
say.’ That was when I thought, ‘OK,
this is what we should do with our
letter story,’” says Alison.
Alison and Brian founded
From Me to You, utilising the
You can hold them,
and touch them. I
think that has quite a
lot to do with it, it’s a
physical object
power of the written word and
human connections. According to
Macmillan Cancer Support, one in
four people will experience social
isolation throughout their treatment
– and for Alison and Brian,
addressing this huge problem was
at the top of their list.
They began running letter-writing
workshops, and posting advice
online about how to write to friends
and family.
“It’s very accessible to write
a card or a letter,” says Alison.
“Later, people were coming to our
workshops and saying that they
wanted to write letters, but they
didn’t know anyone with cancer.
That’s when we started ‘Donate a
Letter’.”
A service where anyone can
submit a letter to be sent out to
someone living with cancer, ‘Donate
a Letter’ is about reducing isolation
with the simple art of letter writing.
Once signed up online, From Me
to You send a letter-writing kit with
tips on getting started, sample
letters, and stationary, and from
there you can begin your letterwriting
journey.
Word to the wise
Different from emails and text
messages, Alison avidly believes
that there is a special power in
letters. She recalls how when she
would write to Brian, she created a
ritual where she would sit down on
her sofa, when she was home alone
The charity hosts letter-writing workshops
JOIN THE FROM ME TO YOU
CHRISTMAS CARD CAMPAIGN
This year, From Me to You will
be distributing cards to people
who are going through cancer
treatment over the Christmas
period.
To take part, head to
frommetoyouletters.co.uk to find
tips on writing your card, and then
post it to:
Donate A Letter
PO Box 71038
London
W4 9HD
Make sure your card is sealed in
an envelope, and posted by 16
December.
in the evening, and just let the
words flow onto the paper. Writing
them was a mindful experience
for her and, beyond that, she sees
how the love and attention that
goes into the letter is felt long after
it comes out the envelope.
“You can hold them, and touch
them. I think that has quite a lot to
do with it – it’s a physical object,”
says Alison. “You also know that
the person has had to put some
56 • happiful.com • December 2019

time in to writing the letter, getting
the stamp and posting it – that’s not
as easy as sending a text or email.”
As Alison explains, letters live
on with us. We pick them up and
re-read them, or we leave them
to one side and then catch them
out the corner of our eye, and
remember the care and attention
they represent.
Signing off
“People want to be reminded
of the things that we all have in
common, and that we all enjoy,”
says Alison. “Christmas can be a
really difficult time for people with
cancer. If you know someone, just
send them a Christmas card and
tell them that you are thinking of
them, and don’t shy away from
that because you think that they
may not be having a Christmas
that is as jolly as yours.”
Reaching out to others really is
as easy as that. And if Alison and
Brian’s story tells us anything,
it’s that there is huge power to be
had in the simplest interactions.
Kind words have the ability to
pick us up, even through the most
challenging times.
“Write about the things that we
all have in common – food, pets,
family,” is Alison’s advice. “That’s
what connects us all, and that’s
what you’re hoping the letter will
do: make a connection.”
Find out more about From Me to
You, and how you can get involved
by visiting frommetoyouletters.co.uk
December 2019 • happiful.com • 57

How to talk to a partner with
low self-esteem
What can you do when the person you love, doesn’t love themselves? It can be
quite a challenge, but here are some tips to help you provide the
words of comfort and support they need
Writing | Fiona Thomas Illustrating | Rosan Magar
If you’ve ever looked in the
mirror and disliked the person
looking back at you, then you’ve
experienced low self-esteem.
It isn’t necessarily related to
your physical self — although
having poor body image can
cause negative thoughts — but it’s
intrinsically linked to how you
value yourself as a person.
People with self-esteem issues
often neglect to take care of
themselves. They may refuse to go
shopping for new clothes, or fail to
maintain good personal hygiene.
They could be unknowingly
sabotaging relationships, or other
aspects of their life, because they
feel undeserving of happiness.
Being in a relationship with
someone who has low self-esteem
can be tough. Here are some
suggestions on how to talk to them,
to try to support them:

1 REMAIN AUTONOMOUS
First of all, accept that you are not
there to ‘fix’ your partner. Their
self-esteem has to come from doing
things that make them happy.
Relying on an external source for
that happiness means that the selfesteem
created is very fragile, and
that doesn’t really solve the problem.
Independent self-esteem is strong,
and won’t crumble under pressure.
2 AVOID FLIPPANT COMPLIMENTS
According to trainee counselling
psychologist Sanjivan Parhar, there
are two versions of self-esteem.
There is an external version, that
may appear happy and confident.
Then there’s the internal, more
authentic version. Compliments
often feed the external version, but
fail to address deeper concerns.
For example, if your partner says
they want to lose weight, your gut
reaction might be to compliment
their appearance, but this can feel
dismissive.
“Ask your partner what it is
that they’re unhappy with at this
moment,” says Sanjivan. “Validate
these negative feelings and let them
feel heard. Then you can move on to
offer a positive opinion about how
they look.”
Try not to say things like ‘You’re
fine the way you are’, or ‘Don’t worry
about it’, as this doesn’t give them
space to express how they feel.
3 HELP THEM TO SEE A NEW
PERSPECTIVE
Most of us live with an internal
dialogue. You may not even notice it,
but it can form the basis about how
you feel about yourself. For example,
someone who struggles to be good
at football might internalise the
idea that they are terrible at all
sports – so much so that they
begin to believe it. The reality of
the situation might be that they
are still learning, recovering
from a physical injury, or maybe
just better suited to another
sport entirely.
It’s very easy to take what your
inner critic says as fact instead
of opinion. What’s helpful in
this situation is to acknowledge
another perspective. For
example, if you have an
inner voice saying that you’re
unattractive, acknowledge this,
but then look at yourself from
an outsider’s perspective. What
would a friend say?
Encourage your partner to
stop comparing themselves to
others (whether it’s in real life
or on social media) as this can
reinforce the negative voice that
says they’re not good enough.
4 ENCOURAGE PRACTISING
SELF-LOVE
It can be heartbreaking
to be deeply in love with
someone who you know to be
a wonderful person, only to
watch them constantly hate
themselves. Try to encourage
your partner to take care of
themselves by doing the things
that truly make them happy. It
could be going out for a meal,
meeting up with friends, or
picking up a hobby that has
fallen by the wayside. Sanjivan
says that true self-love emanates
from “developing your own
authentic, true self, outside of a
relationship, friends, or family”.
Finding someone
who you can share
your vulnerability
with is something
to strive for, not
avoid
5 DON’T WALK ON EGGSHELLS
It can be tempting to filter what
you say, to ensure you never offend
a sensitive partner. While you don’t
want to antagonise them, avoiding
certain issues could do more harm
than good.
People with low self-esteem
are hyper-vigilant to anything
that will confirm the negative
thoughts they’re already having,
so censoring yourself can lead to
tension when difficult topics arise.
“Instead of getting defensive or
disengaging, try to explore what it
is you’ve said that caused upset,”
suggests Sanjivan. “Give them a
chance to explain the meaning
they have inferred. Then you can
explain what you actually meant.”
Instead of avoiding tricky
conversations, this actually
encourages a more open line of
communication, and should help
them to find a new perspective.
“It’s a way of facilitating an
environment where people are
comfortable in relationships to
show their vulnerability. Finding
someone who you can share your
vulnerability with is something to
strive for, not avoid,” says Sanjivan.
Fiona is a freelance writer and
author, whose book, ‘Depression
in a Digital Age’, is out now. Visit
fionalikestoblog.com for more.
December 2019 • happiful.com • 59

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60 • happiful.com • November 2019

TRUE LIFE
Pay it forward!
Helping other people
has changed my life
After years on an emotional rollercoaster, Chloe
finally learnt that she had borderline personality
disorder. The diagnosis spurred her to help others,
and to dedicate herself to ending the stigma of
mental illness
Writing | Chloe Sunnucks
I
have always been
a little different.
I was always
the strange
one – which is
something I have now
learnt to love, but back
then, growing up, it was
something I despised.
I was regularly told by
teachers that I was ‘too
sensitive’. They were right,
I was a very emotional
child, and I haven’t
been able to handle
my emotions very well
throughout my life. I was
regularly bullied at school,
too. I had this desperation
to be liked, and would do
anything to be popular.
One person picked up on
this, and we ended up in a
very toxic relationship for
three years.
This individual picked on
my insecurities to make
themselves feel better. I
was regularly told that no
one would love me, and
that no one else would
put up with me being an
emotional wreck.
Although I was a healthy
weight for my height, I
was told I was fat, ugly,
and disgusting. Those
comments stay with you.
But the desperation to be
liked overpowered the
negative comments and
behaviour. I stayed with
this person through a lot
more than I should, and
heard a lot of things no
person should hear.
I had a lot of strange and
dark thoughts throughout
puberty, which I put
down to hormones. But
going into my early
20s, I still had these
emotions. I would have
days where I didn’t want
to get out of bed. I had
no motivation at all, just
this chronic feeling of
emptiness. There was a
pit of nothingness in my
stomach that I couldn’t
describe. I hadn’t heard of
anyone else having these
thoughts and feelings – it
just felt alien to me.
I decided to go to the
doctor, even though I
felt absolutely ridiculous
about it. I was put on
antidepressants, but I still
didn’t understand why I
was feeling the way I was.
So, I did what I was told,
and took the medication,
although it didn’t make
things any better.
Fast forward two
years, to 2016, and I
was living on my own
after the breakdown of
a relationship and a lot
of other changes. I now
know that change is a
trigger for me, which
makes sense of the next
part of my story.
I was struggling to be
on my own at this point.
From the outside I was the
life and soul of the party,
constantly out drinking
with my new friends.
My motto was: ‘Why
overthink, when you can
overdrink?’ You wouldn’t
have had any idea what
thoughts were in my
head at that point. The
chronic emptiness had
taken over, and I would
regularly spend evenings >>>
December 2019 • happiful.com • 61

Seeing the difference I’m
making is a feeling I just can’t
describe. A smile is infectious,
so let’s get the world infected!
alone, just staring into
space for hours. I began
self-harming, just so that I
could feel something.
Eventually a friend
intervened, after noticing
the marks, and took me to
the hospital. I was terrified
of what the outcome was
going to be. I didn’t want
them to think I was some
kind of mad woman,
but deep down I knew I
needed help. However, the
response I got was that I
was just a ‘little bit sad at
the moment’. I was still
none the wiser about what
was going on in my head,
and it seemed that no one
wanted to help. It felt like
professionals were always
looking for the quickest
solution to get me out of
their consultation room.
By July 2017, I was in a
new relationship, with a
very supportive partner,
but things had still been
very strange. One moment
I would be in an incredibly
positive mood, full of
childlike excitement, then
suddenly I would just
crash into an unbearable
low. My boyfriend
encouraged me to visit
the GP again, although I
was very hesitant after my
previous experiences. But
I went in the end, and I’m
so glad I did.
Finally, someone
who was a medical
professional was actually
listening to me, and
wanted to know more
about what I was feeling.
After years of having
conflicting emotions, and
not understanding my
own brain, I finally got the
chance I needed – I was
referred to my community
mental health team. After
speaking to them, I was
diagnosed with borderline
personality disorder
(BPD).
The best way to describe
BPD, is like being an
emotional burns victim.
The thick skin you are
supposed to have just isn’t
Chloe won the ‘Loose Women’
Lighten the Load Hero Award at
the Mind Media Awards in 2018
there, so you feel your
emotions a lot more than
the average person.
The moment I received
the diagnosis, it was like
a weight was lifted from
my shoulders. The more
research I did, the more
it made sense. That was
when I started to dedicate
my time to changing
people’s views on mental
health, and trying to make
a change in the world.
I learnt that a lot of
people around me were
also suffering. For a long
time, I was naive about
how many people in my
life were being affected
by mental health issues. I
have lost family members
and friends to mental
62 • happiful.com • December 2019

CARE AT CHRISTMAS CAMPAIGN
In 2018, Chloe’s campaign delivered more than 100
cards to those in psychiatric care over the festive
period. This year the project is looking to send cards
to people from all walks of life, from care homes to
psychiatric wards. To get involved, send an email to
theditzyunicorn@gmail.com
Find out more and help pay it forward by searching ‘the Ditzy
Unicorn Project’ on Facebook.
illness in the past couple
of years, but I won’t allow
it to happen again!
In April 2018 I launched
the Ditzy Unicorn Project
to encourage people to pay
kindness forward. One
thing I have discovered is
that small actions have a
huge impact. So, I leave
little gifts of happiness for
people to find, and when
they do, they have to pay
the good deed forward.
The project is completely
non-profit, with all money
from fundraising events or
donations going directly to
mental health charities.
Last Christmas saw
the launch of my Care
at Christmas campaign,
which was supported by
the team at Happiful. The
aim of the campaign was
to get Christmas cards
delivered to people who
were in psychiatric care
over the festive period.
Just receiving the cards,
seeing how much people
wanted to help and show
they cared, was incredibly
heartwarming.
This year I am continuing
to hold fundraising events
for mental health charities,
and am launching a variety
of projects. I feel that we
are slowly beating the
stigma around mental
health, and now it’s time to
tackle what happens next.
The world is a much
better place when we
all share a little bit of
kindness, and take the
time to check in with those
close to us.
Helping other people,
and sharing my knowledge
and experiences with
people, has changed my
life. I’ve met so many
incredible people, and
seeing the difference I’m
making is a feeling I just
can’t describe. A smile is
infectious, so let’s get the
world infected! You never
know, that one good deed
you do could be the single
thing that could turn
someone’s day around.
As the ancient Greek
storyteller Aesop said: “No
act of kindness, no matter
how small, is ever wasted.”
Chloe organised packages of letters and magazines to be
sent to those in psychiatric wards
You never know, that one
good deed you do could be the
single thing that could turn
someone’s day around
OUR EXPERT SAYS
Chloe’s heartwarming
story evidences that with
support from people
who truly care, and the
correct professional help,
a positive outcome can be
reached. To live with BPD
is not easy, however, it
can be managed and you
do have the
opportunity
to flourish -
just as Chloe
has.
Rav Sekhon | BA MA MBACP (Accred)
Counsellor and psychotherapist
December 2019 • happiful.com • 63

Brussel-ling up
something good
Three recipes to up your sprout game, and leave
your guests green with envy
SIMPLE SPROUTS
Serves 4
• 450g Brussels sprouts
• 600ml water
• 1 tsp salt
• 3 tbsp Extra Virgin olive oil
• Black pepper
Writing | Ellen Hoggard
Like Marmite, sprouts
will divide families. But
whether you love them
or hate them, it’s likely
you’ll have one or two slipped onto
your plate to accompany your
Christmas dinner. Personally,
I’m very much in the ‘sprout love
camp’, and I want to encourage you
to be brave and give our little green
friends another chance.
There are so many ways to
introduce these small but
nutritious vegetables into your
meals. Here we have three ways
to use sprouts – from the most
simple, but delicious recipe, to the
more adventurous and, frankly,
genius Brussels sprout pesto. Give
them a go this Christmas and
beyond – sprouts are too good to
be around just once a year.
GIVE
THEM A
GO THIS
CRIMBO!
ROAST SPROUTS, APPLES
AND PANCETTA
Serves 8
• 800g Brussels sprouts
• 3 Cox apples
• 140g pancetta
• Olive oil
• Fresh rosemary
Method
Heat the oven to 200 degrees,
gas mark 6. In a pan of boiling
water, cook the sprouts for 2–3
minutes until tender. Drain and
set aside. Slice the apples and in a
large roasting tin, toss the apples
and sprouts with olive oil. Scatter
over the pancetta and sprigs of
rosemary. Roast for 30–35 minutes,
stirring halfway through. Serve
when the pancetta is crisp.
Method
Put the salt and water to a
saucepan, and bring to a boil.
Add the sprouts and cover for
one minute. Remove the lid and
cook for a further 3–6 minutes
until the sprouts are cooked
through, but still have a bite.
Drain. Heat the olive oil in the
pan, rolling the sprouts until
covered. Season with salt and
pepper. Taste and serve.
BRUSSELS SPROUT PESTO
Serves 2
• 250g Brussels sprouts, sliced
• 1 garlic clove
• 40g hazelnuts
• 25g Parmesan cheese
• Olive oil
• Lemon juice
• Salt and pepper to season
• Optional: fresh pasta to serve
Method
• Heat the oven to 180 degrees, gas
mark 4. Toast the hazelnuts for
10–15 minutes. Cool and remove
the skins (you can usually rub
them off). Add the nuts to a
blender or food processor. Pulse
until finely ground. Add the
sprouts, Parmesan, garlic and
a squeeze of lemon juice. Pulse
until ground.
• Slowly add the olive oil, blending
until smooth. Pour in a small
bowl and season to taste. Serve
with fresh pasta. Delicious.

OUR EXPERT SAYS…
Sprouts are closely related to
kale and cauliflower, and are the
perfect accompaniment to many
winter dishes. They pack a hefty
nutritional punch too – high in
fibre, low in calories, and full of
vitamins K, C and A.
Roast Sprouts, Apples and Pancetta
I would always try to steam the
sprouts as it preserves more
nutrients. The apple brings
additional sweetness and fibre,
making the dish more filling.
Simple Sprouts
The flavour of the sprouts will
really be enhanced by the simple
seasoning and olive oil. For a
different texture, try slicing the
cooked sprouts before they sauté in
the oil. For an extra kick, add some
dried chilli flakes.
Brussels Sprout Pesto
This is a great recipe, and no
one will know sprouts are the
key ingredient! It’s bursting with
goodness from the hazelnuts and
olive oil. Both contain vitamin E,
which is great for the immune
system. Use an Extra Virgin olive oil
for a greater flavour, and a better
nutritional profile.
All of these recipes can be made
vegetarian or vegan with some
simple alternatives. Substitute the
pancetta for vegan ham or some
walnuts. Swap parmesan cheese for
a vegan hard cheese, and use vegan
spread instead of butter.
Find a nutritionist near you at
nutritionist-resource.org.uk
Susan Hart is a nutrition coach and
speaker. As well as delivering
healthy eating advice to
individuals, Susan hosts
regular workshops and runs
vegan cooking classes. Find out
more at nutrition-coach.co.uk

Inflamm
10 things you need to know about
Bowel
Disease
With Crohn’s and Colitis UK Awareness week around the
corner, we separate fact from fiction and give you the
lowdown on inflammatory bowel disease – a condition
that an estimated 300,000 individuals live with in the UK
Writing | Jenna Farmer
66 • happiful.com • December 2019

atory
1.
IT’S NOT JUST ABOUT POO
When people think about
inflammatory bowel disease
(IBD) – the umbrella term for
Crohn’s disease and ulcerative
colitis – they tend to only consider
the digestive symptoms, which
include stomach pain, bleeding
when you go to the loo, and
diarrhoea. While these can be
debilitating, IBD actually goes
far beyond this. The disease
can impact almost every part of
your body, with extra-intestinal
manifestations including eye
problems, painful joints, skin
issues, and mouth ulcers.
One common symptom is fatigue,
impacting up to 72% of patients
when flaring, and still affecting a
third of people even when they’re
in remission. Fatigue is a symptom
that’s difficult to fully explain; it
goes far beyond regular tiredness
and, however long you sleep, the
feeling still remains. Yet, because
of this, many IBD sufferers find
themselves being labelled as lazy
and unmotivated – when this could
not be further from the truth!
2.
IT’S PROVEN TO IMPACT
YOUR MENTAL HEALTH
It’s thought that those with IBD
are twice as likely to experience
anxiety, and are at an increased
risk of postnatal mental health
issues, too. There are potentially
many reasons for this: being
diagnosed with any longterm
illness can be difficult
to cope with, but the nature
of IBD’s symptoms can also
make socialising difficult, with
sufferers embarrassed to share
the reality of their condition.
That’s why considering the
mental health of IBD patients
should be just as important as
considering physical symptoms.>>>
December 2019 • happiful.com • 67

3.
THERE’S NO CURE
Many individuals with IBD are
lucky enough to go through
periods of remission, but there’s
currently no cure. However,
things like surgery, and a range
of medications, can make it
manageable, and possible to live
a full life.
4.
DIAGNOSIS CAN BE A
LONG JOURNEY
While more than 300,000 people
have been diagnosed with IBD
in the UK, chances are the
number of people living with it
is probably far higher, since it
can remain misdiagnosed for
many years. IBD can be difficult
to diagnose, as a colonoscopy
is the best way to confirm the
condition, but without this
some patients might be initially
diagnosed with the less serious
condition of irritable bowel
syndrome (IBS).
5.
IT’S VERY DIFFERENT
FROM IBS
Talking of IBS, it’s worth knowing
that while there might be only one
letter difference between them,
IBS and IBD are worlds apart in
many respects. IBS can of course
be debilitating, but unlike IBD
it doesn’t cause any ulceration
or inflammation, meaning it
doesn’t usually need treating with
medication or surgery.
6. 7.
A HEALTHY DIET CAN HELP –
BUT IT’S NOT A CURE
We all know the importance of
nutrition when it comes to our gut
health but, unfortunately, it’s not
so simple in the case of IBD. Many
find a change in diet can help
reduce symptoms, but what works
for one, does not work for all.
“Everyone is very different in the
way IBD behaves, and what you can
eat will vary depending on phases
of disease,” explains Dr Sammie
Gill (@GutDocSam on Twitter), a
registered dietitian who specialises
in gut health.
“There is no specific diet that can
prevent or treat IBD, but there may
be some foods that patients are
sensitive to, such as alcohol, spices,
caffeine, or large amounts of nuts,
seeds or raw vegetables, and fruits
with skins,” Dr Gill adds. Keeping
a food diary and working with a
dietitian may be beneficial.
STOMAS SHOULD BE
CELEBRATED
Some people with IBD are given a
stoma (an opening that diverts your
poo into a special bag, allowing the
small intestine or colon to heal).
While some stomas are temporary,
many live permanently with them,
and find they change their lives for
the better. Unfortunately, stomas
can be perceived as embarrassing
or disgusting – with controversy
sparked last year when stomas
were pictured on cigarette packs to
discourage smoking, and the colon
cancer risk that comes with it.
Yet, for many, this procedure
massively increases their quality
of life, and users are campaigning
to normalise them. “Electing to
live with a permanent stoma was
by far the best decision I’ve ever
made,” explains Shell Lawes,
who chronicles her life with a
stoma on her Instagram page,
Many find a change in diet can
help reduce symptoms, but what
works for one, does not work for all
68 • happiful.com • December 2019

8.
Show your support for
#PurpleFriday on 6
December, as people
wear purple clothes for
Crohn’s & Colitis UK
@stomainateacup. “My stoma gives
me freedom I never had when
IBD had its grip on me. I am not
ashamed of my stoma, I respect it,
and life has vastly improved with
it,” she adds.
PATIENTS ARE IN GOOD
COMPANY!
IBD is more common than you
think, and the condition doesn’t
discriminate when it comes to
who it affects. Magician Dynamo,
Olympian Steve Redgrave, and
England cricketer Jack Leach
(whose glasses-cleaning action in
the middle of a nail-biting Ashes
Test went viral) are all part of the
exclusive IBD club.
9.
IT’S AN INVISIBLE DISABILITY
Don’t judge a book by its cover!
Many IBD patients might look
the picture of health, which
means they can even be accused
of faking it when it comes to
using a disabled loo. Accessing
disabled toilets is vital for things
like changing colostomy bags and
avoiding accidents, but a general
awareness of this is lacking.
However, change is coming;
the charity Crohn’s & Colitis UK
recently successfully campaigned
for five supermarkets to alter their
disabled toilet signs to explain that
not all disabilities are visible.
10.
IBD CAN MASSIVELY IMPACT
RELATIONSHIPS
Along with its physical symptoms,
it’s worth knowing that IBD
can also significantly impact
relationships. The chances are you
probably know someone with the
condition – whether it’s a friend,
colleague, family member, or
partner. Communication issues
can be a problem; those with IBD
can find it difficult to explain why
they can’t attend social gatherings,
while symptoms can lead to fear of
leaving the house, and can affect
patients’ sex lives and body image.
Find out more about IBD at
crohnsandcolitis.org.uk. Crohn’s
and Colitis Awareness week is 1–7
December.
Jenna Farmer is a freelance health
writer and nutritional therapist. She
has Crohn’s disease and blogs about
her journey to improve gut health at
abalancedbelly.co.uk

Reclaim your
personal space
As much as you care about friends and
family, the social pressures and obligations
around the festive season can sometimes
feel overwhelming. If you’re in need of a
breather, here are some ideas to help you
make some much-needed ‘me-time’
Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford
SWITCH TO SHOPPING
FROM HOME
We’ve all been there: leaving
things a little late, allowing the
anxiety about finding ‘the perfect
gift’ to grow. But that plan to
pop to the shop for a few quiet
minutes by yourself – have you
completely forgotten the chaos
that is likely to ensue? To avoid
being overwhelmed by the
crowds, switch things up and do
your shopping from home. Put on
a pair of headphones, and turn
up some soothing tracks as you
browse and click. Just remember
to check delivery dates as you go!
GET BACK TO NATURE
Nipping outside for a breath
of fresh air can have a bigger
impact than you might think.
Spending time in nature can help
both your physical and mental
wellbeing, reducing feelings
of stress while promoting
relaxation. If you find yourself
becoming overwhelmed, try to
get outside and have a moment
to yourself. Taking a walk can
help clear your mind, let you
refocus, and help you recognise
if anything in particular is
impacting your mood.
CREATE A TO-DO LIST
It may sound like just another
thing to fit into your already
hectic schedule, but creating a
to-do list (and sticking to it) can
be one of the most effective ways
to decrease your stress levels.
Getting everything down in one
place can help you to prioritise,
decide what to say ‘no’ to, and,
most importantly, block some
much-needed downtime.
LET GO OF PERFECTION
During big events, it can often
feel like you’re responsible for
making sure everyone else is
happy. Let’s be frank here: will the
whole festive season be ruined if
you forget the ‘right’ food, gift, or
playlist? It’s not what you have
during the festive season that
matters, it’s who you spend it
with. If you’re feeling the pressure
to create a perfect celebration,
try to share the load, and let go of
control on a few aspects.
PRACTISE MINDFULNESS
Mindfulness is all about helping
you reconnect with your thoughts,
feelings, and physical sensations. It
can help you to feel calmer, while
improving your overall wellbeing.
Try writing in a journal at a set
time each day, or focusing on deep,
steady breathing as you do chores.
Reconnecting with how you feel,
can help you get ready to face the
pressures over the festive period.

“
It’s beyond a tragedy...
It’s a crisis
Doctor-turned-comedian and writer,
Adam Kay’s first book, This Is Going To
Hurt, shed light on the stress, strain,
and strange happenings during his
time as a junior doctor. Now, he’s
sharing the highs and lows of yuletides
on hospital wards. But unlike Santa,
the high pressure for NHS staff isn’t just
for one day a year...
Writing | Lucy Donoughue
Adam Kay has been the rounds –
no longer on hospital wards as
a doctor, but in theatres across
the country – with a show based
on his new book, Twas The Nightshift Before
Christmas.
His first tour, earlier this year, drew on
material from his original bestseller (1.5
million copies sold across 36 countries to
date). Both books and tours are based on
diaries he kept while working in the NHS
from 2004 to 2010, and are as heartbreaking
as they are hysterical.
“I love doing the tour,” Adam says. “The
single most efficient way of getting my point
across is by looking people in the eye and
telling them about the NHS. Even though,
technically, it’s a funny show, I’m doing it
because I’ve got a message I want people to
leave with.”
That message has many elements, including
the importance of our healthcare system, the
growing demands and reduced resources,
the mental impact of trying to save lives, and
dispelling myths about doctor’s workloads
and motivations. >>>

Pretending that we
don’t need to talk
about things can never
be the right idea
Spreading these messages has
been a major part of Adam’s
work in recent years. This Is
Going To Hurt was published in
2017, following a period in which
junior doctors were portrayed
by the government, and some
media outlets, as opportunistic
for speaking out against proposed
changes to working hours.
Adam’s first book was, in many
ways, a ‘call to arms’ following
this; a method of explaining to
the widest audience possible the
realities of working in the NHS,
underpinned by real knowledge of
doing so.
“I’ve now done the show to more
than 150,000 people, and hopefully
next time the junior doctors take
a battering, that’s 150,000 people
who might think about their
healthcare staff a bit differently.”
Adam’s writing may have been
intended to entertain as well as
open eyes, but it’s also provided
many who work in the NHS with
reassurance that colleagues across
the service struggle with the
emotional and personal impact of
the job – just as Adam did.
During his time training and
working as a doctor, Adam
encountered sleep deprivation, a
significant lack of resources in the
hospital environment, and isolation
from his partner, family and friends,
due to the demands of the job.
However, it was ultimately the lack
of acknowledgement and emotional
support around traumatic incidents,
and the toll this took on his mental
health, that prompted Adam to leave
his former career.
He didn’t share the mental strain
he was under with anyone else at
the time, something he regularly
reflects upon. Keeping issues
bottled up, he says, happens too
often in frontline healthcare, and
needs to stop.
“Pretending that we don’t need
to talk about things can never
be the right idea. People end up
with coping mechanisms, and
often they are not healthy coping
mechanisms.”
Photography | Charlie Clift

‘Twas The Nightshift Before Christmas’ and ‘This is
Going To Hurt’ (Picador) are both available now.
For more information and tickets to ‘Twas The
Night Before Christmas’ tour, visit adamkay.co.uk
Something
that’s talked
about extremely
infrequently is the
fact that every three
weeks a doctor
takes their own life
He now regularly hears from
other healthcare professionals,
and the picture it paints is not
a positive one. “Something
that’s talked about extremely
infrequently is the fact that
every three weeks a doctor
takes their own life. That’s
beyond a tragedy, it’s a crisis.
“I had a message from a
doctor about a year ago, who
said two junior doctors in his
hospital trust had taken their
lives since he’d been working
there, and he could see himself
being the third if he didn’t get out
or do something about it.”
There needs to be a change
in how poor mental health is
viewed, he insists. “Ultimately,
the NHS, and every healthcare
professional need to realise that
you can’t look after your patients
if you’re not looking after yourself.
You can only look after yourself if
there’s an openness about mental
wellbeing.”
But it’s not just professionals
that can make a difference. Adam
suggests the public could show
more compassion. One patient, he
shares, saw him wearing a blood
pressure cuff and commented: “It’s
funny, you don’t think of doctors
getting ill.”
“It’s crucial to think of everyone
as human,” Adam laughs. “But you
don’t want to think of your doctor
as being too human, because
humans make mistakes.
“When you’re being treated as
‘other’ by your patients, you act up
to it. You play the role of ‘surgeon’
or whatever, and people can
become alpha – and that’s not good
because we need to admit we’re all
human, we all make mistakes, we
all get sick, and we all get sad.”
Adam is clear that there are
systemic failings in the way that
mental health is addressed – or
rather not addressed – at the point
of training. He’s recently spoken
about the possibility of teaching
students in the future, sharing the
things he “would have wanted to
hear” – and mental health would
definitely be on his syllabus.
However, he’s also cautiously
positive about moves being made
to introduce the subject already.
“There are green shoots showing,”
Adam says. “They’re calling it
‘resilience training’, and I think
that’s the right meaning but the
wrong word, as it implies you have
to be able to deal with anything.
“Maybe it’s psychological
preparedness? We just need to be
honest about what the job actually
involves – about the bad days that
accompany the good.”
As documented in Adam’s latest
book, the good and bad days can
happen any and every day in
healthcare. Nothing trumps the
demands on the NHS, and the
never-ending requirement for staff
to show up and help others.
This year more than 1.4 million
people will be working in the NHS
at Christmas time, and while we
ready ourselves for the Gavin and
Stacey special, they’ll be treating,
operating on, and caring for
patients in hospitals across the UK.
And, according to Adam, there’s
one simple thing we can all do to
support them.
“It’s remembering that at
Christmas there will be hundreds
of thousands of people working
in hospitals, and hopefully you’ll
never have to see them, but they’re
there if you need them.
“Just like giving a card to the
postman, put the NHS on your
list, because I found a thank you
does make a real difference,”
Adam says. “I still have every card
patients ever gave me. I’ve thrown
almost every other remnent of my
time as a doctor, but I will never
throw away those, because they
made more of a difference to me
than the people who sent them
will probably ever know.”

Is mental health on your company agenda?
We believe mental health first aid training should be given equal importance to physical
first aid training in every workplace. If you would like to become a mental health first aider
at work, Happiful can train you, and we've created this email template to help you explain
the benefits to your boss
Dear ,
I'd like to become a mental health first aider for
and I'm hoping you can help.
Here are some of the reasons why
will benefit from offering Mental Health First Aid training to our
employees:
1. Build staff confidence to have open conversations around mental
health, and break the stigma in the office and in society.
2. Encourage people to access early support when needed. Early
intervention means faster recovery.
3. Empower people with a long-term mental health issue or disability
to thrive in work, and ensure that we are compliant with legislation
in the Equality Act 2010.
4. Promote a mentally healthy environment, and allow people to thrive
and become more productive.
5. Embed a long-term, positive culture across the whole organisation,
where our employees recognise their mental and physical health are
supported as equal parts of the whole person.
6. Proudly share that mental health is on our company agenda, and
improve retention as a result of a reduction in staff stress levels.
Happiful offers two-day mental health first aid training courses for
individuals across the country for £235 + VAT per person, and they
can also offer bespoke courses on-site at our workplace if we have a
minimum of eight attendees.
Yours sincerely,
Did you know that stress,
anxiety, and depression
are the biggest causes of
sickness absence in our
society?
Mental ill-health is
currently responsible for
91 million working days
lost each year. The cost
to UK employers is £34.9
billion each year.*
Happiful has partnered
with Simpila Healthy
Solutions to offer
internationally recognised
courses and training
events in the UK.
Each course is delivered
by an accredited Mental
Health First Aid England
instructor and is delivered
in a safe, evidence-based
programme.
Proudly working with
*Source: MHFA England
SIMPILA
Healthy Solutions
To register your company’s interest or to book an
individual place, visit training.happiful.com or
drop us an email at training@happiful.com

O V E R C O M E
I N S O M N I A
As many as one in seven people live with long-term insomnia – whether that be disturbed
nights, or hours spent lying in bed wide awake. But it doesn’t have to be that way. With
help from expert clinical hypnotherapist Andrew Major, we explore the causes of
insomnia, and get the low-down on putting sleep problems to bed once and for all
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
Artwork | Charlotte Reynell
Almost all of us will
experience sleep
problems at some
point in our lives.
Whether it’s tossing
and turning throughout the night,
or waking up every couple of
hours, losing out on those precious
hours of shut-eye can set us back
for the day and can easily spiral
into mental health problems.
The point at which sleeping
problems turn into insomnia is
when they become regular – over
months or years. This could show
itself in a number of ways, from
finding it hard to fall asleep at
night, to waking up regularly
through the night, or not being
able to fall back to sleep again.
When considering what may be
causing insomnia, Andrew Major,
a clinical hypnotherapist, points to
the close link with mental health.
“Some of the most common
causes of insomnia are: ongoing
stress, pressure, anxiety, and
depression, which can creep
up on us gradually, leading to
excess worry and overthinking –
especially when it’s time to sleep,”
Andrew explains. “But there may
be other psychological reasons
causing insomnia, including
anger, grief, or trauma.”
According to the Sleep Council,
of those who get less than five
hours of sleep per night, 21%
live with depression and 17%
with anxiety. But when it comes
to insomnia, it’s a vicious cycle.
While mental health problems
may be causing sleep problems,
lack of sleep can then lead to poor
mental health, including low
mood, irritability, and problems
concentrating – not to mention
the added anxiety about not being
able to sleep.
“When we don’t get enough
sleep, it can reduce problemsolving
skills and our ability to
cope with stressful situations –
leaving us feeling overwhelmed
by things we’d previously been
able to deal with,” says Andrew.
“Getting enough sleep helps
us build mental and emotional
resilience so that we’re able
to deal with the demands,
challenges, and sometimes
adversity, of modern life.”
Clearly, there’s a lot at stake.
And yet, only four in 10 people
with insomnia go on to ask
for help – something that is
particularly common in older
people, where 47% believe that
nothing can be done to improve
their sleep quality.
“Whatever the issue – by taking
action to address the underlying
causes, and with some simple
changes to our daily habits and
routines – you can break the cycle
of sleepless nights, and learn how
to sleep well,” says Andrew.
So how’s it done? Andrew
advises that the first step is to
take a good look at your daytime
habits. >>>

Getting enough sleep
helps us build mental
and emotional
resilience, so that
we’re able to deal
with the demands,
challenges, and
sometimes adversity,
of modern life
RECOGNISE
THE SIGNS
OF INSOMNIA
THE EMOTIONAL:
Are you feeling tense,
anxious, irritable, or lack
enthusiasm for things you
usually enjoy?
THE PHYSICAL:
Have you been
experiencing headaches,
increased heart rate,
muscle aches and pains, or
changes in appetite?
THE COGNITIVE:
Do negative thoughts
take over your mind,
and have you noticed
excess worrying, a
lack of concentration,
forgetfulness, or difficulty
making decisions?

For example, consider:
• How much caffeine do you drink
during the day?
• When do you switch off your
mobile devices and laptops?
• Do you have time to relax
properly before going to bed?
• Do you have a regular and
consistent sleeping and waking
routine?
• Is your bedroom comfortable,
and free from noise and light?
Addressing these areas first can
often help us narrow down what
may be the root cause of our sleep
problems. The next point of call is
assessing the amount of physical
activity we do each day. Regular
aerobic activity calms our bodies
and minds, releasing feel-good
hormones that help us regulate
our moods. Although this doesn’t
mean that you need to hit the gym
for an intensive workout – gentle
activity, such as walking, yoga, or
gardening has the same effect.
As a solution-focused
hypnotherapist, Andrew’s
approach to treating insomnia
in sessions includes a type of
talking therapy that combines
psychotherapy and hypnosis.
During hypnosis, the subject goes
into a ‘trance’, or a natural relaxed
state, using guided relaxation.
Once in this relaxed state, it’s then
possible to focus on mantras,
thoughts, and suggestions that can
help them to cope with the stress
and anxiety that may be causing
insomnia.
Beyond that, Andrew suggests
four key ways to take back the
night:
PRACTISE POSITIVITY
Talk about the positive aspects of
the day, and celebrate successes.
EAT YOUR WAY TO A RESTFUL NIGHT
According to the National Sleep Foundation, certain
foods can work wonders for our sleep quality. Two hours
before bed, try:
Almonds and walnuts. These nuts contain melatonin,
the hormone that regulates our sleep cycle.
Kiwis. Packed with antioxidants, a study from Taipei
Medical University found that eating two kiwis before bed
helped people to fall asleep more quickly, and improved
overall sleep quality too.
Cottage cheese. Rich in amino acid tryptophan – believed
to increase the feel-good hormone serotonin – cottage
cheese can be mixed with fruit for a slumbersome snack.
Your brain triggers thousands
of neurons with every thought.
Repeating the thought process
triggers the same neurons so,
when we make a conscious effort
to recognise the positive things in
life, we build new, helpful thought
patterns.
VISUALISE CHANGE
AND FIND SOLUTIONS
What would life be like tomorrow
if you slept well? What would you
be doing differently? What would
friends and colleagues notice
about you? Creating a positive
expectation, and visualising it
happening, will strengthen the
likelihood of a positive outcome.
CREATE GOOD
SLEEP HYGIENE
Create a plan, identify the things
that are easy to change – such as
a regular bedtime and waking
time, avoiding stimulants before
going to bed (e.g. cigarettes and
caffeine), get enough exercise
during the day, create a quiet,
dark, and comfortable bedroom,
and remove all electronic screens.
+
+
SEEK PROFESSIONAL
SUPPORT
Seeking out professional support
can be a big step, but has many
lasting benefits – it’s often the start
of real focus and change. Solutionfocused
hypnotherapy can help
you to relieve the symptoms
of insomnia in a positive and
uplifting way.
With so much of our mental
wellness dependent on ensuring
that we get good quality sleep,
it’s time to start taking shuteye
seriously. And the truth is,
it is possible for all of us to get
the sleep we need and deserve.
Whether it’s making a few
small tweaks to your routine, or
embarking on a long-term lifestyle
change, it’s time to stop counting
sheep, and start drifting away to
dreamland.
Andrew Major is a solution-focused
clinical hypnotherapist who
combines psychotherapy and clinical
hypnotherapy techniques, based on
the latest research. Find out more at
andrewmajorhypnotherapy.co.uk

A walk on the mild side
From cutting down on anxiety to easing fatigue, studies show again and again just how
powerful walking can be for our wellbeing. To find out more about how placing one foot in
front of the other can boost our health, Happiful’s Kathryn Wheeler joins a guided walking
group, and discovers the perks of putting mindful walking into practice
“ It’s a good job you came today
instead of last week,” is what
I’m greeted with as I arrive
at my local leisure centre, ready
for a gentle excursion with the
guided walking group, Walking
for Health. It’s a chilly but clear
Tuesday morning – a contrast to
the week before when the weather
was reportedly torrential.
I’m here to join the group of
about 15 others on a 50-minute
walk around the town centre. Just
one of more than 1,800 weekly
walks organised by the country’s
largest network of health walks,
Walking for Health. Groups are
free to sign up for, and provide
slow, guided treks over easy
terrain – offering anyone who
needs it the opportunity to
support their mental and physical
health through gentle activity.
We set off, and weave through
the town – following familiar
routes, and ducking down roads
I’ve never explored before. As we
go, the group breaks off into pairs
and threes, conversations about
family and holidays flow easily. As I
speak to people during the walk, so
many tell me that they came for the
exercise, but stay for the company.
Though it’s not just the social
aspect of these groups that support
us. Walking has been shown to
improve our self-perception,
self-esteem, mood, sleep, and
stress levels. In fact, according
to a study by the Department of
Health, those who take part in
daily activity are a staggering
20–30% less at risk of developing
depression. All this considered,
the news that GPs are increasingly
referring patients to schemes such
as these comes as no surprise.
I chat to the group about their
experiences with walking. Each
has their own motivation for being
there that day, but: “It’s a reason to
get out of the house,” keeps coming
up. This sticks with me, because so
often we do feel as though we need
a reason to get outside.
The walk flies by, and soon
it’s time for me to head back to
the office – revitalised by my
morning’s activity, and ready to
take on the rest of the day.
But just under a week later, it’s
a Sunday afternoon and I feel
sluggish. I think about the walk I
went on, and I decide to get out of
the house. I retrace the walk I did
with the group, adding in my own
diversions down routes that take
me further away from the town,
into open countryside.
As I walk, I allow my mind to
wander. I think about all the
things I’m looking forward to in
the busy week I have ahead of
me. And yes, stresses do enter my
head. But as I move on, so does
my mind – and as easily as I’m
taken by a worry, I’m returned to
the moment by the things around
me. Things like the sound of water
running in the stream I cross,
taking care as I navigate slippery
mud on off-road tracks, and later
the hustle and bustle of traffic as
I make my way back through the
town and home again.
Do it alone, with a friend, or with
a group. Explore pastures new, or

etrace a place where you feel
safe. Whatever the speed, no
matter the distance, and wherever
you do it, a walk has the ability to
transform your wellness. But don’t
just take my word for it – tie up
your laces, and get walking.
HOW TO WALK MINDFULLY
Find your rhythm. Move at a pace
that feels natural to you, and slow
down or speed up throughout the
walk depending on what feels right.
Notice your body. Take note of
how your feet feel walking over the
ground, and think about the
sensations in your body – are you
relaxed, warm, open?
Bring your mind back to the
present moment. It’s fine to let your
mind wander a little, but if you’re
struggling to take in the walk try
counting your steps in sets of 10.
Take in the world around you.
Notice the smells, sounds, and
sensations of the environment you’re
walking in. How does the air feel on
your skin?
Reflect on your walk. As your walk
comes to an end, consider how the
experience has made you feel. Are
there lessons you can take and apply
to the rest of your life?
‘Those who take part in daily activity
are a staggering 20–30% less at risk
of developing depression’
Find free guided walking groups
in your area, and discover more
about the organisation by visiting
walkingforhealth.org.uk

How to enjoy yourself while living
with mental illness
People often assume that those living with mental illness are, or should be, miserable all the
time, and hidden away at home. But this stigma needs to end. Living with mental ill-health is
difficult enough, without feeling guilty for experiencing a good day once in a while...
Writing | Katie Conibear Illustrating | Rosan Magar
Mental illness isn’t
linear – how you’re
feeling can change
from day to day, and
week to week. It can
be a struggle to live with, manage,
and/or recover from. Then there
will also be times when, although
we may be ill, we feel we can go
out and enjoy ourselves.
But often the stigma we
encounter can stop us from
making the most of these
moments. I’ve experienced this
myself. I’ve worried people will
think I’m faking my illness if I’m
seen smiling or laughing. When
I’ve had periods of time off work
because of my mental health, I’ve
been anxious about being seen
on an evening out and a colleague
not understanding that I happen
to be having a good day. With 15%
of employees who disclosed
mental health issues to
their line manager
reporting being
disciplined,
dismissed or demoted, it’s no
wonder we worry about other
people’s reactions.
I have positive days when I can
laugh and dance and socialise.
What people don't see are the
bad days when I can't get out of
bed, have suicidal feelings, or am
hearing voices.
But we shouldn’t feel guilty for
times of relief or happiness – and,
in fact, we should try to embrace
those moments when we can. I’ve
learned that I can do the things
I enjoy, even though I live with a
mental illness. Here are four tips
I’ve discovered that help me to do
just that...

1 EMBRACE YOUR ‘GOOD DAYS’
Everyone has good days and bad
days. When living with mental
illness however, the better days
can seem fleeting. When I have
that inkling of stability, I embrace
it. That party I was invited to a
couple of weeks ago that I was
going to turn down, I’ll go to. That
coffee date I tentatively wrote
in my diary, I won’t think twice
about not going. Socialising is an
important part of maintaining a
healthy mind, so I see it as part
of managing my mental illness.
When you’re in the midst of a
particularly bad day, you can look
back at those good days and know
they will come back again. Write
down the good things you did that
day and put them in a jar. When
you need to, pick a note from the
jar and read it. This will remind
you of what you are capable of and
can look forward to when you’re
feeling well again.
2 KNOW YOUR LIMITS
Understanding your limits is
an important part of managing
mental illness. If you know coffee
makes you anxious, or alcohol
disrupts your medication, stick
with a soft drink. And while we
should make the most of the good
days, over-estimating how much
we can do can cause problems
later on. Fitting everything in, and
trying to please everyone, can be
draining, so I make sure I schedule
rest days. Plus, enjoying yourself
doesn’t always mean going out – it
can be as simple as snuggling on
the sofa watching your favourite
film! Ultimately, it’s important
to remember that your health is
worth far more than trying to do
too much.
3 LET GO OF THE GUILT
Guilt is synonymous with mental
ill-health. It can be a tough habit to
break, because it’s so intertwined
with mental illness. I’ve realised
that I need to allow myself to enjoy
life, when I can. Just because I live
with mental illness, it doesn’t mean
I have to act as if I’m miserable
every single day. Give yourself a
break – mental illness is hard work
and you deserve to enjoy yourself.
Talking through feelings of guilt,
either with close friends or family,
a therapist or doctor, can help you
understand this negative thinking.
If this is particularly difficult for
you, you might want to explore
cognitive behavioural therapy
(CBT), which challenges negative
ways of thinking.
4 LEAN ON YOUR FRIENDS
Lean on your ‘go-to’ friends. That
small, core group of people that
you can talk to easily. They’ll know
you well and understand that
sometimes you have to cancel, but
other times you’re chatty and happy.
I’ve learned that there is a small
group of people in my life that I
can trust implicitly. I’ve explained
my feelings of guilt to them, and
how I worry they’ll think less of
me if I go out. I’ve told them that
my health comes first, and that
sometimes I need to limit what I
do to stay healthy. If they’re true
friends, they will understand and
support you through the good days,
and the bad.
Katie Conibear is a freelance writer,
focusing on mental health. She blogs
at stumblingmind.com and has a
podcast, ‘A Life Lived Vividly’, with
a focus on hearing voices.

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Walking in a
winter wonderland
Is there anything that gets you more in the festive spirit than immersing yourself in
a good Christmas market? Whether you love exploring the stalls, or are there for the
magical atmosphere and an excuse for mulled wine, taking a walk around these
markets is a December treat filled with fun and making memories. So, to help you
uncover some must-visit gems, we’ve put together a list of seven markets that would
be ideal for a winter wander…
PADSTOW CHRISTMAS FESTIVAL
Markets are great for trinkets and
special festive pieces, but one
of the best bits of Christmas is
undoubtedly the delicious food
on offer, too. And at this festival
in the beautiful Cornish town of
Padstow, your tastebuds will be
trembling.
Alongside the 100 food and drink
stalls, and live music, you can
pick up tips and tricks to take your
Christmas dinner to the next level
from pros such as Rick Stein, Paul
Ainsworth, and Nathan Outlaw.
5–8 December. Padstow, Cornwall
Be sure to check
event websites
for prices, and
more info!
MANCHESTER’S FIRST
SUSTAINABLE CHRISTMAS
MARKET
With more than 25 independent
and zero-waste brands, this popup
market is the place to go for
all the usual treats of a Christmas
Market, but with an eco-friendly
twist. With stalls, entertainment,
and of course mulled wine, there
are also chances to pick up ecofriendly
gifts, and talks on living
sustainably at Christmas. Plus get
crafty at workshops, including
wreath making, and creating
DIY beeswax food wraps. 29 and
30 November 2019. Oxford Road,
Manchester >>>

BLENHEIM PALACE
CHRISTMAS MARKET
You’ll feel transported to a regal
fairytale at this incredible market
set against the stunning backdrop
of Blenheim Palace. With wooden
chalet stalls to tempt you in,
the best festive surprise is the
Illuminated Light Trail, which
will captivate kids and grownups
alike. Explore the Tunnel
of Light featuring 100,000 tea
lights, the Laser Garden, and the
scented Fire Garden. 22 November
to 15 December. Blenheim Palace,
Woodstock
GRASSINGTON DICKENSIAN
CHRISTMAS FESTIVAL
You’ll have great expectations
for this annual celebration of all
things Charles Dickens – and don’t
worry, you won’t be disappointed.
Be transported back to Victorian
times as the village of Grassington
transforms for two weekends.
With villagers and visitors in full
costume this event has a magical
atmosphere, full of character, with
street entertainment, buskers, and
of course the traditional market.
30 November, 1 December, 7 and 8
December. Grassington, Yorkshire
CHRISTMAS AT DINEFWR
The Welsh valleys will be alive
with the sound of music as on 19
December National Trust property
Newton House invites everyone
for a wonderful evening of carol
singing. But don’t worry if you can’t
make this date! There are plenty
of Christmas activities throughout
the month, with Christmas tours,
chances to hear winter stories,
or making you own festive
decorations. And if you need some
fresh air after feasting, they host
a Boxing Day walk, too. December.
Newton House, Dinefwr, Wales
CHRISTMAS AT CHATSWORTH
For something a little different,
take a trip to the stunning
Chatsworth House, and explore
the globe on a special festive
adventure. Be guided on a
trip through a Nordic winter
wonderland, through blossom
trees in Japan, to a baroque
Portuguese church. There’s the
traditional Christmas market too,
with more than 100 stalls in the
farmyard with handmade gifts
and festive food galore.
9 November 2019 to 5 January 2020
for the guided Christmas adventure,
and 15 November to 3 December
for the market. Chatsworth House,
Derbyshire
Looking for more things to
do in December? Check out
Happiful's top 10 things
to do this month!
HYDE PARK WINTER
WONDERLAND
For those looking for plenty of
activities and a buzz in the air,
this annual festive extravaganza
is ideal for locals, and worth the
commute for those further afield.
There are Bavarian beer tents, and
bratwurst galore, plus hundreds
of stalls, rides and activities.
Entry is free, but be sure to book
events in advance such as the ice
sculpture maze, the ever popular
ice skating rink, or the comedy
club to avoid disappointment. 21
November 2019 to 5 January 2020.
Hyde Park, London

HAPPIFUL TOP 10
December
Just hear those sleigh bells jingling as we enter into the festive season with the
perfect winter skincare, a magical Christmas lights experience, and thousands of
Santas running across London
Images | Kew Gardens: Alena Veasey / Shutterstock.com, Easy Eco Tips: Instagram: @easyecotips
1
PAGE-TURNERS
Modern Flexitarian
Are you conscious about making
more sustainable meal choices,
but not ready to commit to a
full vegan lifestyle? With 100
plant-packed recipes, Modern
Flexitarian provides smart
choices to help make your meals
more eco-friendly, while still
being able to enjoy dairy, eggs,
and meat now and then.
3
PUT ON A SHOW
4
(Out 5 December, DK, £20)
2
OUT AND ABOUT
Christmas at Kew
Experience the magic of Christmas
at Kew, with a sparkling after dark
trail. Follow the path of more than one
million twinkling lights, illuminating
the beautiful trees and buildings
throughout Kew Gardens. Keep an eye out for Santa and his elves on the way!
(Wednesday 20 November 2019 to Sunday 5 January 2020.
For more information visit kew.org)
Snow White and the
Seven Dwarfs
Nothing says Christmas quite like a
pantomime! Enjoy Snow White and
the Seven Dwarfs at The Alhambra
Theatre, Bradford, starring Strictly
Come Dancing 2018 finalist Faye
Tozer, and family TV
favourite Paul Chuckle.
Pantomimes will be
coming to theatres
across the UK, find one
near you to join in the
fun.
(Saturday 14 December
2019 to Sunday 26 January
2020. To book tickets, head
to bradford-theatres.co.uk)
PLUGGED-IN
Easy Eco tips
Highlighting the small
changes you can
make to live a more
sustainable life, this green blog
shares a new tip every day on how
you can help protect the planet,
from changing
your tea bags to
picking
up litter.
5
(Follow
@easyecotips
on Instagram)
TECH TIP-OFFS
reGAIN
Get rewards for
recycling your
unwanted clothes!
Simply pack up your
clothes, send them to
one of 25,000 locations
in the UK, and get
access to discount
codes so you can
restock your wardrobe.
What better reason to
finally say goodbye to
the old clothes you’ve
been holding on to?
(Download from the App Store and
Google Play, find out more at
regain-app.com)
Continues >>>

“
Kindness is like snow, it
beautifies everything it covers
– KAHLIL GIBRAN

HAPPIFUL TOP 10
December
6 8
LEND US YOUR EARS
‘Fashion Fix with Charli
Howard’
Model and activist Charli
Howard’s new podcast is all about
helping you get your fashion fix, while
also looking after the planet – and
other people. With a new episode
every Friday, Charli and her guests talk
all things fashion, from sustainable
clothing to body positivity.
(Find out more at bbc.co.uk, and
listen to the podcast on the BBC
Sounds app)
THE CONVERSATION
Christmas Jumper Day
It’s time to dig out your winter woollies for Save the
Children’s Christmas Jumper Day! Whether you’re at school,
work, or with family, you can take part to help raise money for children
in some of the world’s most vulnerable communities. Help make the
world better with
a sweater.
(13 December, sign up
for your fundraising kit at
savethechildren.org.uk)
9
Images | Santa run: londonsantarun.co.uk, Cats: Universal Pictures - © 2019 Universal Pictures
7
SQUARE EYES
Hitting our screens
in December is the film
adaptation of Andrew Lloyd
Webber’s beloved musical,
Cats. Featuring a star-studded
cast including Jennifer Hudson,
Idris Elba and James Corden,
Cats is set to have you feline
fine this winter.
Cats
(In cinemas 20 December)
10
TREAT YOURSELF
The Body Shop Hand Cream
The cold weather can often bring with it dry skin, so it’s
essential to keep your mitts moisturised. The Body Shop
offers a range of ethical hand creams, and being kind to the environment is
at the heart of its values. With a huge selection of scents, from Almond Milk
and Honey to Pink Grapefruit, you’ll be spoilt for choice.
(Available in stores and online, £5)
Win a selection of hand creams from The Body Shop!
What classic Christmas film was most successful at the box office?
a) How the Grinch Stole Christmas b) Home Alone c) The Polar Express
To enter, email your answer to competitions@happiful.com
UK mainland only, entries close 19 December 2019.
GET GOING
Skyline’s London Santa Run
Step into Christmas as thousands
of Santas take to the streets for
London’s largest Santa Run.
Choose between the 5K or 10K
routes at Victoria Park in east
London, and get fundraising for
your chosen charity. Recover after
the race in true Santa style – with
mince pies and Christmas carols.
(8 December, £25 registration fee for
adults, £10 for children under 15, find
out more at londonsantarun.co.uk)
WIN!
9

Putting yourself on your to-do list
TIME TO
check-in
ON OUR MENTAL HEALTH
A few honest answers about yourself can help you find out what’s going
on inside – and provide an early warning of problems in the future
Writing | Fiona Thomas
The symptoms of mental illness are
no joke. If you’ve never experienced
them before, the effects can feel earthshattering.
After a bout of anxiety, I feel
like I’ve been hit by a bus. I’ve also dealt
with dissociation, panic attacks, palpitations, and
complete exhaustion, to name a few. But I always
ask myself the same thing when I’m at my absolute
lowest: how didn’t I see this coming?
Spotting the precursors to mental illness may not stop
the inevitable, but it can encourage you to ask for help
sooner, and implement some damage control. Being
aware of the red flags takes practice, but self-reflective
questions can help you unearth what’s really going on.
Catherine Asta Labbett, award-winning female-focused
psychotherapist at bringingsparkleback.co.uk, helped
me pull this list together, and has shared her expert
insights, with us.
88 • happiful • December 2019

You MATTER
BEFORE YOU START
Try not to judge your answers, or feel bad about what you uncover, just be honest. You could try using these
as journal prompts. Psychotherapists say that expressive writing is helpful for those who do not typically
express emotions, or have a past trauma. You could also try picking one question, and use it as part of a
meditation practice to help block out external noise and think clearly.
1. WHAT AM I AVOIDING AND WHY?
If you’re pushing one aspect of your life into a box, then
try to figure out why this might be the case. ‘Avoidance
coping’ can typically lead to increased anxiety, so if
you’re unable to do the thing that’s worrying you, it
could be the start of a slippery slope.
2. HAVE I DONE SOMETHING TODAY THAT MAKES ME
FEEL HAPPY?
Not getting enjoyment out of life is a key indicator of
poor mental health, so try to schedule in activities
that have made you happy in the past. Catherine
says: “There is a growing body of scientific research
out there which has found that happiness can make
our hearts healthier, our immune system stronger,
and our lives longer. Focus on the things that bring
you joy.” I personally prioritise things that involve
socialising with friends, moving my body, and
experiencing nature.
3. AM I MAKING TIME FOR SELF-NOURISHMENT?
According to Catherine, self-nourishment is the deeper layer of self-care. “It’s doing
the things that nourish your mind, body, and soul, and it’s a daily practice.” Maybe your
exercise and healthy eating is on top form, but how are you feeding your soul? This
could be belly-laughing with your best mate, or expressing yourself creatively through
dancing, writing, or painting. “It’s about recognising and believing and being mindful
that you matter, and your needs matter,” says Catherine.
“...research
has found that
happiness can
make our hearts
healthier”
4. HOW DO I FEEL ABOUT THE FUTURE?
Taking stock of the future is a helpful way to gauge how you’re doing, because feelings of
hopelessness go hand-in-hand with depression. Try to plan something in the next few days that you
can look forward to, such as starting a new book, visiting family, or a day trip to the beach.
Continues >>>
December 2019 • happiful • 89

Putting yourself on your to-do list
5. HOW IS MY PERSONAL CARE?
Try not to be too hard on yourself here, but look at your physical self and analyse if you’ve truly been
taking care of yourself. Are you showering daily? Are you eating a balanced diet? How about exercise?
It’s unrealistic to expect yourself to be nailing every aspect of your personal care 100% of the time,
and as Catherine says: “Only you know what personal care looks and feels like to you.” Imagine your
personal care is a barometer. “If it’s creeping into the red, then it’s a good opportunity to explore why.”
Low self-esteem can be a cause, and a symptom, of mental illness, so be kind to yourself here, no
matter what conclusion you arrive at.
90 • happiful • December 2019

You MATTER
6. DO PROBLEMS OVERWHELM ME?
Burnout can make you feel like you’re on a never-ending treadmill, constantly fighting fires and
getting nowhere. As this escalates, you might feel completely overwhelmed by even the smallest
of tasks. “Stress, without a doubt, lowers your ability to cope with life,” says Catherine. “Feeling
overwhelmed is a sign of overload. Each and every one of us has our own tipping point.” Try not to
compare your current abilities to that of your past self, as this leads to a negative thought cycle that
could make you feel worse. If you feel like you can’t regain control of life on your own, ask for help.
7. WHAT ARE MY CLOSEST RELATIONSHIPS LIKE
AT THE MOMENT?
We often expose our vulnerabilities to our
friends and family without even realising it. Are
you holding it together at work, but letting out
your frustrations at home? Be aware of signs of
irritability or tearfulness, as this can be a sign
of burnout. Who are your sparkly people? The
ones who make you feel validated? Keep them
close, to fill up your cup.
‘Avoidance coping’ can lead to increased
anxiety, so if you’re unable to do the
thing that’s worrying you, it could be
the start of a slippery slope
8. HOW ARE MY DECISION-MAKING ABILITIES?
This is something that crops up for me quite
regularly. My husband asks what I want
for dinner and I can’t answer. My brain
draws a blank, and I’m filled with a sense of
dread when I’m asked to vocalise a choice.
Does this sound familiar? Indecisiveness
is a symptom of burnout, anxiety, and
depression. Catherine says when our heads
are full, our ability to make decisions can
become impaired. “Rest, as in restorative rest
– sleep, disconnecting from technology and
social media and work – enables our minds to
recalibrate. Rest is soul food.”
NEXT STEPS
Write down a few key bullet points based
on your answers. Is there any remedial
action you can take right now to ease
any negative feelings? For example, if
your personal care is a glaring issue,
can you set aside the evening to have a
shower, wash your hair, and change your
bedsheets?
Talk to someone you trust. Explain
how you’re feeling to a friend or
family member who understands, and
consider talking to your employer or HR
representative if you have work-related
issues.
Get professional advice.
If one or more of these
questions is giving you cause
for concern, don’t hesitate
to talk to your GP. Make a
few notes based on your
answers and take these
into your appointment.
Having your symptoms
written down will give you
the confidence to open
up, and give your doctor
a clear indication of your
current mental state.
To find out your mental health score, go to
mentalhealth.org.uk/your-mental-health/goodmental-health-survey
December 2019 • happiful • 91

The Body:
A guide for occupants
If humans came with manuals, Bill Bryson’s latest foray into how the
body works would be the quick-start guide we’d all want (and need)
Book
Review
Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford
I’ve never
been a fan of
science-y books.
For someone
who enjoys reading
textbooks for fun (don’t
judge, we all have our
quirks), when it comes
to the more scientific
side of things, I tend
to switch off. If you’ve
ever felt the same way,
Bill Bryson’s latest book
might just be able to
change that.
What’s it about?
Have you ever thought
your body should
come with an owner’s
manual? If it did, I’m
pretty sure The Body:
A Guide for Occupants
would be the volume
you’d pick.
We all live in our
bodies, yet how many of
us really know how all
the parts are connected?
Or, frankly, what they’re
all called, much less
what they do. In his
latest book, Bryson has
successfully turned a
daunting, heavy subject
into something not
only understandable,
but entertaining and
engaging.
Best known for his
travel books and the
award-winning A
Short History of Nearly
Everything, Bryson’s
latest book aims to help
us understand how our
bodies work, evoking
a rare sense of wonder
and awe.
Back to basics and
exploring unknowns
Weaving in anecdotes
and personal
experiences, Bryson
manages to make a
tricky subject feel
educational, without
seeming pompous. In
the audiobook version,
available via Audible,
Bryson narrates the
book himself, taking
listeners on a journey
into the wonders
and evolutions of the
body through history,
and how we have
come to our modern
understanding of how
our bodies work.
Refreshingly, Bryson
never pretends that
scientists have all the
answers. Embracing the
many mysteries that still
surround our anatomy,
he speaks of common
quirks – such as why
we have goosebumps,
fingerprints, and pubic
hair, and why we blush
when we are angry.
The dark side of
medical advancements
In places, The Body: A
guide for occupants may
have the potential to be
triggering. Rather than
shying away from some
of the darker corners
in medicine’s history,
Bryson speaks candidly
on topics such as
lobotomies. He quotes
letters that share
first-hand accounts of
seeing and performing
the procedure, which
had few benefits for
patients, and led to
many deaths.
It’s a fascinating and
stark reminder of
how far mental health
care, treatment, and
understanding has
come – and how far it
still has to go.
As well as exploring
the many sides of
mental health history,
Bryson looks at
uncomfortable past
views on race, gender,
and intelligence. He
explores outdated ideas,
such as how, in early
criminal anthropology,
the shape and size of
one’s head was thought
to signal if you were a
criminal or not.
It’s all in the details
Whether you’re listening
to the audiobook, or
picking up a copy in
print, you’re bound to
come across numerous
surprising details.

Take, for example, your
eyebrows – as Bryson
points out, they have no
real known evolutionary
purpose; theorists
suggest they help to keep
sweat out of our eyes, or
perhaps they developed
to help us communicate
without words.
A single arch of your
eyebrows can show
disbelief, caution, or
suggest attraction.
According to Bryson,
the Mona Lisa looks so
enigmatic because she
lacks eyebrows (please
say I’m not the only one
who didn’t notice that?).
The importance of
language
One area I feel is
important to highlight,
is the potentially
triggering language
used around suicide.
Several times Bryson
speaks about the act of
‘committing’ suicide.
While this is still an
(unfortunately) common
turn of phrase, there are
numerous guidelines on
the best ways to write
about suicide.
While it doesn’t feel
like the author intends
to offend, it stands out as
a missed opportunity to
focus on the importance
of language sensitivity.
Speaking about suicide
can be a challenge; by
using the term ‘commit’,
journalists, authors,
and other professionals,
risk stigmatising those
who have attempted or
completed suicide.
As Natasha Devon
explains in The Mental
Health Media Charter,
the terms ‘commit’
or ‘successful’ suicide
“suggests criminality
and blame. We now
understand that suicide
happens when pain
exceeds resources for
coping with pain. It is
not a criminal act in
the UK, and has not
been since 1961. The
best alternative is ‘died
by suicide’, ‘attempted/
completed suicide’ or
‘took/ended their own
life.’”
Should I read it?
Setting aside any issues
around language
sensitivities, I would
thoroughly recommend
The Body. A heavy
subject to be sure, and
while the narrative lacks
some of the author’s
famous wit, Bryson still
offers a sense of charm
and wonder that is
bound to spark curiosity
in many readers.
Balancing details with
interesting anecdotes,
we’re given just
enough information
to intrigue without
becoming bogged
down. Whether you’ve
already got a solid basis
of knowledge, or are
looking to dip your
toe into the world of
more scientific reading,
The Body: A Guide for
Occupants is sure to
teach you something
new.
If you liked this, you’ll love...
A Short History
of Nearly
Everything
by Bill Bryson
Join Bryson on his quest to
understand everything from
the Big Bang to the rise of
civilization. Journey through
geology, chemistry, and particle
physics, in a refreshingly
comprehensive way.
The Remarkable
Life of the Skin
by Monty Lyman
How does our diet affect
our skin? What makes our
skin age? Why can’t we
tickle ourselves? We live in
it every day, yet how much
do we really know about
our skin?
Must
Reads
Talking to
Strangers
by Malcolm
Gladwell
Why do we so often get other
people wrong? Why is it so
hard to detect lies, read faces,
and judge motives? This book
explores encounters from
history, psychology, and
infamous legal cases.
The Body: A Guide
for Occupants by Bill
Bryson
GREAT FOR...
• Readers looking for
accessible scientific
reading
• Fans of Bill Bryson
• Non-fiction
aficionados

Photography | Andi Rieger
Don’t count the days,
“make the days count
94 • happiful.com • November 2019 – MUHAMMAD ALI

TRUE LIFE
How music
inspired me to
stop self-harming
Years of depression, bullying, and low self-esteem
left Abbie struggling with her mental health – until
a singer and her songs gave her the inspiration and
strength to turn things around
Writing | Abbie Foster
For as long
as I could
remember,
I wanted my
life to end.
That was until an unlikely
hero, a pop star, changed
everything.
While I was growing up,
I’d always felt out of place
– as if I was surviving
instead of living. I was
depressed and unhappy
with every aspect of my
appearance. It seemed
to be a constant state of
mind, that I just thought
was normal. I thought it
was how my brain was
going to be forever. I soon
believed there was only
one way out.
It seemed to everyone
around me that my life
was good. I was just a
normal kid, excited about
the future. No one saw
the signs, no one saw
the constant battle I was
having with myself about
the way I looked. I guess it
was only a matter of time
before the rollercoaster
that was my life would
make me sicker.
I was bullied at school,
sending me further into
the black hole that I’d
always foreseen. By the
time I was 15, I’d had
people threatening me,
telling me to kill myself or
they’d do it for me. I felt
unwanted everywhere, I
had nowhere to be safe.
So, I turned against
myself, thinking that there
must be something wrong
with me if that’s what
everyone else thought. I
don’t know where I got the
idea to self-harm from,
but it soon became my
addiction.
It started with a rubber
band on my wrist, and
when that didn’t satisfy
my need, I turned to more
serious methods, scarring
my arms and my legs. I
felt my life was spiralling
towards the final stage.
This was my life until at 18,
something – or should I
say, someone – came along
and changed it.
It was January 2014, and
was like any other day. I
was sitting in my mum’s
car, the radio was on. A
song started, one I’d heard
before, but this time it was
like hearing the words
and message for the first
time. It was ‘Skyscraper’,
by American singersongwriter
Demi Lovato.
I started to cry – hiding
it from my mum, who
had no idea of what I
was feeling, or what was
happening in my life. That
day, my life changed.
Later, at home, I was
feeling terrible. I was
about to self-harm,
when something clicked
in my brain. I wanted
this night to be better. I
searched online for the
song that had given me
goosebumps.
Once again, my tears
began. The video ended,
and I was directed to Demi
Lovato’s ‘Believe In Me’. I
clicked the song, and the
lyrics explained much of
what I was feeling:
‘I don’t wanna be afraid
I wanna wake up feeling
beautiful today
And know that I’m OK
’Cause everyone’s perfect
in unusual ways
You see, I just wanna
believe in me’ >>>
December 2019 • happiful.com • 95

Once that song ended,
I found myself looking
again for inspiration, and
Demi’s song ‘Warrior’
came up. I clicked it,
looking for strength, and
the lyrics touched me
unlike anything before:
In difficult times Abbie looked to
Demi’s song ‘ Warrior’ for strength
‘Now I’m a warrior, now
I’ve got thicker skin
I’m a warrior, I’m stronger
than I’ve ever been
And my armour is made of
steel, you can’t get in
I’m a warrior, and you can
never hurt me again’
At this point I was a
mess, overwhelmed by the
raw lyrics. I looked at the
screen, and what caught
my eye shocked me: ‘Demi
Lovato opens up about
self-harm’. I clicked the
video, shaking, crying, as I
listened to Demi describe
what I had been doing,
how it had felt.
I was floored. This
woman, who’d I’d only
known as a Disney
Channel princess, had in
just a few songs and an
interview, explained what
I had wanted to say for
years. Her honesty gave
me hope to continue. That
moment changed my life.
I started to work on
myself, becoming more
and more infatuated
with Demi’s message of
positivity and hope. I
learnt with every song
that I, too, could be a
warrior. I was doing well,
my self-harm became
controllable, my brain
wasn’t in a constant state
of failure.
A few months passed
and I was 100 days clean.
I celebrated by getting
‘Now I’m A Warrior’
tattooed across my heart.
At this time, I was talking
to a friend who lived
in America. We’d met
on Twitter as she, too,
was a Lovatic (the name
for Demi’s fans). I had
arranged to visit her that
September, but didn’t
know that her mum had
paid for me to go to Demi’s
concert in North Carolina,
and to a meet and greet!
I was absolutely shocked
that someone could do
something so incredible
for me, so life-changing.
Abbie meeting Demi Lovato
This woman, who’d I’d only
known as a Disney Channel
princess, had in just a few songs
and an interview, explained what
I had wanted to say for years
96 • happiful.com • December 2019

The day came. We lined
up for the meet and greet,
and from behind a curtain
we could hear this voice
we’d heard so many times
before. Then, it was my
turn…
Demi: Hi!
Me: Hello…
D: Aw [Pointing at Now I’m
A Warrior], you have the
same tattoo as me!
M: Yeah, and I have the
Lovatic heart on my wrist!
D: That’s so cool.
M: Yeah, I got them for
being 100 days clean...
D: That’s amazing! Well
done!
M: Thank you so much.
D: You don’t sound
like you’re from North
Carolina...
M: No, I’m English.
D: Oh my God, that’s so
cool! Thank you! [Hugs me
tightly]
Then we take the picture
and I reluctantly leave.
I went home with the
biggest of hearts, and the
memory that Demi was
proud of me.
But the next month,
everything came crashing
down. I had been fighting
the urge to self-harm, but I
couldn’t fight the thoughts
anymore, and they won.
A few days later, I was
feeling so mad at myself,
thinking people would be
disappointed in me. But
then something clicked – I
wasn’t going to let this win
again. I challenged myself
to beat my previous clean
record, and I did! That was
the last time I self-harmed.
In January 2015, I
decided to speak up, and
made my first video. It
gained thousands of views
overnight, with people
from school apologising,
and sending their love.
I decided to keep posting
videos on my Facebook
page (Abbie Foster’s
StayStrong), and began
reaching out to charities
and the media to share my
story of hope and recovery.
I was finally feeling good,
with minimal depression,
no suicidal thoughts, and a
new joy for life.
I started working with
an incredible charity
called Fixers that really
supported me, and gave
me the confidence to do
anything! Since then, I’ve
worked with organisations,
including the NHS and the
BBC, sharing my story and
using it to inspire others.
Today I love my life, I
have the most incredible
boyfriend, friends, and
family, who support my
dreams. I have a great
outlook about my future,
and I can’t wait to see what
I do next.
Recovery and positivity
are incredible things. Once
you open your mind to
the possibility of a great
life, amazing things can
happen! You’ve got this.
Stay strong, always.
Today I love my life, I have the most
incredible boyfriend, friends, and
family, who support my dreams
OUR EXPERT SAYS
Abbie always struggled
with accepting herself, and
bulling at school would
intensify these feelings
of isolation and selfloathing.
She expressed
this through self-harm,
her methods becoming
more severe over time. A
chance encounter with
a song changed the way
that she felt. She found
that the music, and lyrics
expressed how she felt.
She discovered the artist
Abbie and her my fiancé Greg
had struggled with selfharm
and was inspired to
change. Despite a relapse,
she makes a success of
staying strong and sober.
Abbie’s journey shows us
how sharing your story in
song, in person or writing
can be a
comfort and
an inspiration
for another’s
change.
Graeme Orr | MBACP (Accred) UKRCP
Reg Ind counsellor
December 2019 • happiful.com • 97

Mental health
matters
As a crisis volunteer for the mental
health text support service, Shout,
Mathew Kollamkulam knows how
vital it is to reach out for help when you
need it. Here, he shares his insight, how
best to be there for someone, and just
how rewarding his role is
Follow Shout on
Instagram
@giveusashoutinsta
and Mathew
@mathewkollamkulam
Mental health matters to me
because… it’s just as important
as my physical health. It can
lead to unemployment, financial
struggles, broken relationships,
and ultimately, loss of life.
When I need support I… tell myself
that there’s no shame in asking
for help, only an admirable
regard for one’s own wellbeing,
and a fearless determination to
get better.
When I need some self-care, I...
like spending time alone. I watch
Netflix while eating ice cream.
The book I turn to time and again
is… Scarlett Curtis’ It’s Not OK to
Feel Blue (and other lies), which
I had the incredible privilege
of contributing to. For around
a month, I’ve been reading an
essay from the book every night.
It’s helps me understand how
normal it is to struggle with
mental health, even for people
we might think have it all. Being
a neuroscience student and
enthusiast, I also love The Tell-Tale
Brain by V S Ramachandran.
The best lesson I’ve learned in life
is... it never hurts to be kind. We
don’t know what someone else is
going through, or what impact a
simple act of kindness can have
on their day.
Three things I would say to
someone experiencing mental
ill-health are…
1) You are not alone.
2) Asking for help when you
need it is the bravest and
kindest thing you can do for
yourself.
3) Your mental illness doesn’t
define you – you are so much
more than your anxiety, your
depression, or your feelings of
hopelessness. There’s a lot in
you that the mental illness tricks
you into believing isn’t there
anymore – your interests, your
talents, your sense of humour.
You are unique.
The moment I felt most proud of
myself was... finishing my first
ever conversation with a texter
on Shout. The texter thanked me
for being there for them at their
lowest point.
If you want to support someone
who’s struggling, my best advice
is... listen intently to what they
say. Then, tell them it’s OK to
feel the way they feel – it’s OK
to feel hopeless, exhausted,
frustrated or devastated. It’s
understandable. Tell them you
believe them. You realise how
difficult it might have been for
them to open up and that they’ve
done the right thing by doing
so. Don’t offer to solve all their
problems – you can’t. But offer to
support them, and be there for
them when they want to talk, or
vent, or need any help.
For anyone thinking about
volunteering, I’d say... do it!
Shout only asks for two hours of
commitment every week. They
provide excellent training with
a dedicated coach, and you’re
always supported while taking
conversations on the platform.
By volunteering, you can have
a real impact on people’s lives.
Each conversation on Shout
shows me how strong and
resilient people are, even when
they’re in a dark place.
Image | Shout

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