Marlborough Living Jan - Feb 2020

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New Year,
Same Old Me?
Not this time!
January can be an exciting time, a time
to look forward to new challenges and
maybe a new chapter in our lives...
It can be, but sometimes it won’t be
and we view the new year with a sinking
feeling that it is just going to be a
recycled old year, same problems, same
disappointments and same outcome.
February is the time we all think about
love. Valentine’s Day brings with it a
whole load of mixed emotions, happiness
and joy to sadness and loneliness. If you
have been disappointed in love, now is
the time to embark on that new chapter,
but with the exciting prospect that this
year will be different. If it’s a revolution in
your love life you’re looking for, look no
further!
My name is Heather Garbutt; also known
as The Love Lady. I am the Wiltshire Love
and Relationship Coach and I help clients
to attract and deepen true love. Here are
some tips from me to light your way.
Be kind to yourself
Contradictory as it may seem, the path
to a good relationship is rooted in the
way you feel about and treat yourself.
If you feel good about yourself, you will
attract others who feel good about you
too. If you treat yourself well, others will
too. Self-love is often spoken about but
what does it really mean? It might be
about meeting the basic human needs
for enough rest and sleep, good food and
fresh air, but what we mean here is being
truly kind to and accepting of ourselves.
Not an easy thing to do in our culture
that is filled with criticism and feelings of
shame and blame.
Hold your feelings and needs in mind
A good relationship is based on listening
to one another with warmth and
acceptance, planning together with each
other in mind, being supportive when
we make mistakes. It’s exactly the same
with our relationship with ourselves. We
need to take steps to create our own
happiness, listening to our own feelings,
needs and heart-felt desires and acting
on them to fulfil them. Don’t wait around
for someone else to do it.
Stop self-sacrificing
This is a common and much needed
trait for the nurturing of relationships and
raising of children, but if it goes too far,
there is no one left to love and relate to
and we can end up feeling depressed,
empty, bitter and disappointed and can
even lead to stress related illnesses.
Receive as well as give
We need to think about what feeds us,
what we need to receive as much as what
we want to give. This can also go against
the grain of our culture but without this
our mental health really suffers.
Listen to our vulnerability
We have inside us parts of ourselves
that are very young, our “little self”,
parts that are vulnerable, parts that hold
back, parts that are lonely, parts that are
self-protective. They all need listening
to, nurturing and including. It’s good to
have inner conversations between those
parts to make sure your most loving and
wise self is driving your life. If we go into
relationships from our “little self” we give
over responsibility for our happiness to the
other person to “make it all better” and
along with that we give our power and
create unhealthy co-dependence and even
abusive relationships. Apart from anything
else, no other person can really take care
of our “little self” for us. They can support
us and do it with us, but if they do it for us,
they become a parental figure.
How can we do all of this?
Firstly, become more aware of your inner
feelings and needs that are rooted in the
“little one”. One of the easiest ways is to
listen to a Feelings and Needs meditation.
You will find one of these on my website
entitled, The Foundation for Love.
I made this to help my clients through the
intense feelings generated by separation
and divorce, but it also forms the basis
for self-love and love relationships too.
You will develop a compassionate and
supportive inner voice that will help you
live your life in a more balanced and
self-loving way, reduce your stress levels
and set you on the straight path to true
love and a happier life. All you have to do
is listen to it.
With deepest wishes for a year filled with
joy and love.
If you would like to work with Heather,
call her now on 07808776150 or email her
at heather@heathergarbutt.com or visit
her website www.heathergarbutt.com to
book an initial meeting.
22 | www.marlboroughliving.co.uk