Happiful January 2020

THE MAGAZINE DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH
JAN 2020 £4.00
UNFILTERED
KEEPING IT
#REAL
Chessie King is shattering
the social media 'sheen', and
living her best, authentic life
Monday lovin’
Defeat that Sunday
night anxiety, once
and for all
HOT
YOGA
Feel the heat
and make it
mindful
Embrace
imperfection
5 mindful
moments to
make your day
BOSH!
Plant-based
& delicious
PLUS+
Burnout?
Reignite
your flame
Escape from the
pressure cooker &
listen to your body
9 772514 373000
01
HAPPIFUL.COM

Photography | Azamat Zhanisov
“
Real generosity towards
the future lies in giving
all to the present
– ALBERT CAMUS

Back to basics
“All you need is less.” No, it’s not a misquote of the
Beatles, but a Pinterest board favourite, set to inspire
us to be less focused on material things. Yet maybe
it can apply to more in our lives than clutter and
physical objects...
Maybe 2020 can be the year of less – less stress, less
hassle, less time wasted, less stretching yourself
to breaking point, and less worrying about other
people’s opinions of you.
At the start of a new year, we often feel pressured
to say ‘yes’ to new opportunities, shake up our lives
and pursue something out of the box. But what if
we stopped for a moment and said ‘no’, rather than
piling new responsibilities and resolutions on our
already full plates?
What if we stripped things back and spent all that
time and energy rediscovering ourselves, what we
need, what inspires and motivates us, and who we
truly are?
The wonderful Chessie King embraced this
attitude herself recently. After modelling and
bodybuilding put her under a microscope, she
said no more. To coincide with our makeup-free
shoot, Chessie bares all in her interview, and lets
her authentic self shine – which is helping others
in the process, too.
We also share advice for recognising, and
recovering from, burnout. Plus unconventional
ways to address anxiety, and how yoga has the
power to reconnect you with your body.
Focusing on your
own needs might feel
selfish, yet remember
another classic, but
accurate, saying: “You
can’t pour from an
empty cup.”
Cheers to that!
We love hearing from you, get in touch:
REBECCA THAIR | EDITOR
happiful.com happifulhq @happifulhq @happiful_magazine

14
The Uplift
8 In the news
05:
07
13 The wellbeing wrap
Features
16 Chessie King
The body-confidence guru opens up about
the lasting effect of pushing her body to its
limits, and how she found equilibrium
48
14 What is 'rust-out'?
Sundays full of dread? Watching the clock at
work? You could be experiencing 'rust-out'
50 Vets on the street
Discover the heart-warming charity ensuring
that no homeless animal is forgotten and
changing lives while they're at it
26 Extinguish burnout
Tips for tackling burnout, from someone
who has been there themselves
39 Go global
How does mental health care and stigma
vary around the world? We speak to six
people about their experiences
81 Bust anxiety, your way
Discover unconventional routes to
treating anxiety and see where your
journey takes you
62
Life Stories
45 David: Finding my place
David was caught in a 10-year cycle
of breakdowns and recovery, until he
discovered volunteering and the power
it had to transform his wellbeing
55 Lyn: Remembering my son
When Lyn's son took his own life, her
grief was all-consuming. But through
her pain, Lyn has been a voice for
change, and she's challenging the
stigma that stops people reaching out
85 Claire: Getting up again
Redundancy flipped Claire's world
upside down and left her filled with
self-doubt. Things took a turn for the
better when she discovered CBT, and
realised the power of change
Food & Drink
66 Sauté the day
Start your morning right with these deliciously
simple, feel-good breakfast recipes
68 The BOSH! revolution
Uncover the secrets of a perfect vegan feast
Lifestyle and
Relationships
58 Finding therapy
Columnist Grace Victory on her
journey to finding the right therapist
72 Bridge the gap
With advice from a counsellor, learn how
to talk to loved ones about binge drinking
75 Five mindfulness methods
76 Gemma Ogston
The plant-based chef shares how she
harnesses the power of self-care

Culture
36 Things to do in January
READER OFFER
Print
48 Ask the experts
Can hypnotherapy boost our confidence?
68
16
62 Jessamyn Stanley
The body-positive yoga teacher gets real
about the power of accepting yourself
64 Turn up the heat
We explore the benefits of hot yoga
88 Goodbye perfection
Candi Williams' latest book explores the
problem with perfection
90 Quickfire: MH matters
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EXPERT PANEL
Meet the team of experts who have come together to deliver
information, guidance, and insight throughout this issue
CHLOE BROTHERIDGE
MNCH (Reg)
Chloe is a hypnotherapist,
coach, and the host of the
'Calmer You' podcast.
JESSICA GOODCHILD
CHYP DHYP CIH
Jessica is an empowerment
coach and hypnotherapist who
helps to inspire personal growth.
RACHEL COFFEY
BA MA NLP Mstr
Rachel is a life coach
encouraging confidence
and motivation.
RAV SEKHON
BA MA MBACP (Accred)
Rav is a counsellor and
psychotherapist with more
than 10 years' experience.
PENELOPE LING
BA DHP SFBT CBT SFBTSUP
Penelope is a hypnotherapist
and supervisor, specialising in
anxiety-related problems.
PAULA COLES
BA MEd (Psych) PGCE, BACP Reg
Paula is a psychotherapist
and clinical supervisor
with 25 years' experience.
ELAINE MCKENZIE
MA BACP UKCP
Elaine is a counsellor offering
clinical supervision and
personal therapy.
GRAEME ORR
MBACP (Accred) BACP Reg Ind
Graeme is a counsellor
working with both
individuals and couples.
JOSEPHINE ROBINSON
DipCNM ANP
Josephine is a nutritional
therapist, and yoga and
meditation teacher.
KATERINA GEORGIOU
BA MA PG Dip Reg MBACP
Katerina is a counsellor who
uses creative techniques to
support clients.
OUR TEAM
EDITORIAL
Rebecca Thair | Editor
Kathryn Wheeler | Staff Writer
Tia Sinden | Editorial Assistant
Keith Howitt | Sub-Editor
Rav Sekhon | Expert Advisor
Grace Victory | Columnist
Ellen Hoggard | Web Editor
Bonnie Evie Gifford | Contributing Writer
Kat Nicholls | Contributing Writer
Becky Wright | Contributing Writer
ART & DESIGN
Amy-Jean Burns | Art Director
Charlotte Reynell | Graphic Designer
Rosan Magar | Illustrator
CONTRIBUTORS
Fiona Thomas, Katie Conibear, Lydia Smith,
Gemma Calvert, David Bromley, Penelope Ling,
Lyn Walton-McPhee, Claire Haye
SPECIAL THANKS
Paul Buller, James Gardiner, Amanda Clarke,
Krishan Parmar, Graeme Orr, Rachel Coffey,
Josephine (Beanie) Robinson, Chloe Brotheridge,
Paula Coles, Elaine McKenzie, Jessica Goodchild,
Katerina Georgiou, Lizzie Carr, Chloe Gosiewski
COMMUNICATIONS
Lucy Donoughue
Content and Communications
lucy.donoughue@happiful.com
Alice Greedus
PR Officer
alice.greedus@happiful.com
MANAGEMENT
Aimi Maunders | Director & Co-Founder
Emma White | Director & Co-Founder
Paul Maunders | Director & Co-Founder
FURTHER INFO
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FIND HELP
CRISIS SUPPORT
If you are in crisis and are concerned for your
own safety, call 999 or go to A&E
Call Samaritans on 116 123 or email
them on jo@samaritans.org
Head to
happiful.com
for more services
and support
GENERAL LISTENING LINES
SANEline
SANEline offers support and information from 4.30pm–10.30pm:
0300 304 7000
Mind
Mind offers advice Mon–Fri 9am–6pm, except bank
holidays: 0300 123 3393. Or email: info@mind.org.uk
Switchboard
Switchboard is a line for LGBT+ support. Open from 10am–10pm:
0300 330 0630. You can email: chris@switchboard.lgbt
IN THIS ISSUE
p16
p30
p45
p55
p72
p81
JOIN THE BE REAL CAMPAIGN
A campaign determined to change attitudes about body image, Be
Real offers resources on tackling body confidence topics, as well as
bringing together a community. Head to berealcampaign.co.uk
FIND A LIFE COACH IN YOUR AREA
Search for professional life coaches near you, and find out more
about how life coaching can support you, by visiting
lifecoach-directory.org.uk
SEARCH FOR VOLUNTEERING OPPORTUNITIES NEAR YOU
Get involved with community projects and boost your wellbeing by
discovering volunteering opportunities in your area. Simply search
for your postcode at do-it.org
SUPPORT AFTER SUICIDE
A network offering support to those who have been bereaved by
suicide. Discover stories, practical help, and local organisations at
supportaftersuicide.org.uk
INFORMATION ON ALCOHOL ABUSE AND ADDICTION
Speak with online advisors and learn more about tackling alcohol
addiction at drinkaware.co.uk
ADVICE FOR LIVING WITH ANXIETY
Call the No Panic helpline on 0844 967 4848 (charges apply) or find
information online at nopanic.org.uk

The Uplift
WELLNESS
Bristol dance
project supports
women living
with cancer
With one in three people
experiencing mental ill-health
before, during, or after treatment
for cancer, charity Penny Brohn UK
has teamed up with creative dance
project Move Dance Feel to offer
dance courses in Bristol for those
affected.
Designed for women with any
type or stage of cancer, the course
provides supportive group activity
to create an uplifting and gently
invigorating escape.
Founder Emily Jenkins explains
that she set up Move Dance Feel
to help women living with cancer
reconnect with their bodies.
“The project is centred around
artistic practice, where women
come together to dance instead of
talk about their cancer experience,”
Emily says.
As Penny Brohn UK see it, people
with cancer need more than
medicine, and holistic programmes
like this have the power to
transform wellness.
One previous participant said:
“When you have cancer, you lose
touch with your body. It becomes
unfamiliar – even worse, it starts to
feel as if it is an enemy.
“For me, dancing started to
bring me back to my own body
and its energy, strength, and basic
joyfulness.”
Find out more at pennybrohn.org.uk
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
Photography | Camilla Greenwell

SCIENCE
Connection between learning a new
skill and reduced stress is revealed
What could rats driving tiny cars teach us about alternative
mental illness treatments?
It may seem like a far-out link, but
US researchers at the University
of Richmond have had promising
results from a recent study that put
rats behind the wheel.
Dr Kelly Lambert revealed that a
group of 17 rats were taught how to
drive tiny plastic cars, in exchange for
pieces of cereal, with the results going
on to indicate that the rats felt more
relaxed while completing the task.
The study looked at a mixture of labraised
rats and those that lived in a
more natural habitat, or an ‘enriched
environment’. Rats raised in these
more natural environments proved to
be significantly better drivers.
Following the trials, researchers
examined the rat’s faeces to test
stress hormone levels, as well as to
check for the anti-stress hormone,
dehydroepiandrosterone. All test
subjects were shown to have higher
levels of the anti-stress hormone,
which researchers believe may
be linked to the satisfaction of
learning a new skill, leading them
to suggest that this could be a step
towards helping develop nonpharmaceutical
treatments for
mental illness.
While Dr Lambert points out that
more research needs to be done
to explore the effect in different
animals, this discovery could make
waves in mental health treatment,
and we’re along for the ride!
Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford
COMMUNITY
‘Happy to chat’
bench tackles
loneliness
A simple ‘happy to chat’ sign on
benches is helping communities
tackle loneliness. The idea is the
brainchild of Allison Owen-Jones,
from Cardiff, who spotted an elderly
man sitting alone on a bench,
wanted to say hello, but realised he
might not want to be disturbed.
“I came up with the idea of tying a
sign that would open the avenues for
people,” Allison told the BBC.
The idea quickly snowballed,
leading the Bristol-based Senior
Citizen Liaison Team to set up
partnerships with local police to
create permanent ‘chat benches’.
It’s estimated that there are more
than a million chronically lonely
older people in the UK, with half
a million going at least five days a
week without speaking to anyone.
Talking to Happiful about the
success of the chat bench initiative,
co-founder Detective Sergeant
Ash Jones said: “The initiative has
had a fantastic response from the
community, with hundreds – if not
thousands – of chat benches now
around the world. This is beyond my
wildest aspirations, and I hope that
awareness of the impact of chronic
loneliness on the elder community
will be its lasting legacy.”
A simple way to get involved, Ash
explains, is to download the sign
from their website, sclt.us/chatbench,
and adopt a local bench. “It’s
successful because it’s that simple!”
Writing | Kat Nicholls
January 2020 • happiful.com • 9

“
I like the crackling logs,
the shaded lights, the
scent of buttered toast,
the general atmosphere
of leisured cosiness
― PG WODEHOUSE

LIFESTYLE
Getting cosy
could boost your
wellbeing
Lighting some candles, curling up
under a blanket, sipping on a hot
chocolate – for many, these are the
ingredients for a perfect evening.
And if that sounds like you, we’ve got
some good news, as new research has
revealed that getting snug could have
real benefits for our mental health.
In a study commissioned by
Contura, 2,000 adults were surveyed
about their lifestyles. The results
showed that six in 10 believed that
they ‘need’ a certain level of cosiness
in their lives in order to feel good,
with a further two-thirds noting the
positive effect a relaxed evening has
on their overall wellbeing.
Considering the study, psychologist
Dr Becky Spelman was unsurprised
by the results.
“As a species, we are fundamentally
territorial, which means for most
people home is very important on
an emotional as well as a practical
level,” Dr Spelman explains. “During
the winter months, with the long
hours of darkness, it makes sense
for us to want to hunker down in our
‘den’, taking care of ourselves, and
the people, and things, we hold dear.”
So, draw the curtains, dim the
lights, and pull on your fluffiest
socks, because getting snug could
be the perfect way to boost your
wellbeing this winter.
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
January 2020 • happiful.com • 11

Take 5
Embrace Mother Nature and get those keen eyes at the ready for
our natural world themed puzzle picks this month
How did you do?
Search'freebies' at
shop.happiful.com
to find the answers,
and more!
Spot the difference
Keep an eye out for 9 changes between the images
Wordsearch
A F A T T I N B A R O U F
F O R E S T B A T H I N G
Theme: nature
Attenborough
Fresh air
Forest bathing
Birding
Trees
Exploring
Adventure
Rambling
Lake
Peace
P A C T H E X P T I O V N
A D V E N T U R E T Y X I
R E R E P I L F N A S T L
T X E T P N G T B D C I B
U P L H A N N R O V E E M
A L M T I A I U R E X K A
L O A D K L T E O P I A R
M R R R E P R X U C T L L
F I N G B Y E S G R B A I
B N R T F R E S H A I R G
R G L A E K S F R E M B N

Going up
Humpback
whales are back
from near
extinction – from
450 to around
25,000
Brush up!
Good oral hygiene
is linked to better
heart health
The
wellbeing
wrap
Nature’s heroes
Experts have revealed
that thanks to forgetful
grey squirrels, who bury
their nuts and acorns and
don’t return for them,
hundreds of trees have
become seedlings each
year! Squirrelling things
away has never been so
helpful!
Listening to 78 minutes of
music each day can benefit
your wellbeing – according
to the British Academy
of Sound Therapy, and
the streaming platform
Deezer. The study found
that 90% of people used
music to relax, and
therapeutic benefits
began after just 11
minutes of listening.
HANKERING FOR A HOLIDAY?
A chance to relax and refresh, we all love an
adventure abroad, or a little staycation. But it turns
out that 51% of Brits have booked a vacation to
benefit their wellbeing, and it seems stress is a
primary reason why. The study by DFDS revealed
that 37% of Brits have felt forced to take a holiday
due to everyday work and life stresses.
World of
Wonder
Nature photography is
believed to help with mental
illness by developing a skill,
encouraging focus, and with
wildlife, requires a lot of
patience! Time to pick up
a camera and start
#OTRocks exploring...
Find a pebble,
pick it up! An initiative
backed by occupational therapists in
West Sussex sees patients engaging
in art classes to help spread a smile to
others. They paint uplifting messages
on pebbles, and hide them around
Sussex Partnership hospitals and the
local community, for people to find
and brighten their day. The hope is
people will re-hide the pebbles to
continue spreading the positivity to
someone else in need.
Formula 1
has announced
plans to go carbon
neutral by 2030
Instagram has
banned plastic
surgery filters
to improve MH
75% of teachers
describe themselves
as ‘stressed’
Going down
‘THE PILLOW BANDIT’
With two thirds of cat and dog owners letting their
furry pals snuggle in with them at bedtime, research
from itchpet.com has revealed the 10 most common
sleeping positions for pets – and I’m sure some are
all too familiar! From ‘the sneak’, where your friend
gradually snuggles further up your bed, to ‘the donut
divider’ who curls up in a ball between your legs,
to ‘the pillow bandit’ where your cheeky pet
decides sharing is caring and steals your whole
pillow – I certainly know a culprit who does latter.
WITH ONE IN EIGHT
MEN AFRAID TO SEEK
SUPPORT FOR THEIR
MENTAL HEALTH, 12
BRILLIANT MEN FROM
ESSEX ARE PUTTING
THEMSELVES OUT
THERE FOR A CHARITY
‘DAD BOD CALENDAR’,
WITH PROFITS GOING
TO THE MENTAL
HEALTH FOUNDATION.
WORKING 9 TO 5...
Could be a thing of the
past – at least for five days
a week, that is. In August
2019, a Microsoft subsidiary
in Japan closed its office
every Friday, and saw a
40% boost in productivity.
It noted printing decreased
by 58%, and electricity
use was down 23%,
making it a win for
the environment too!
Time to train
We all know the mind–body
connection is strong, and now
a new facility in Manchester has
become the first mental health
gym in the UK to really emphasise
that relationship.
The Hero Training Club features
all the traditional gym essentials,
with equipment and weights,
but also offers psychiatrist
appointments, has trained staff to
spot mental illnesses, encourages
members to track their mental
health in an app, and to attend
mental resilience sessions.
For those who like to tailor
their workout, wellbeing care
has lots of choice too, as it also
offers mindfulness sessions,
hypnotherapy, and sleep
workshops – a holistic health hub,
meaning your membership pass
won’t lie in a draw gathering dust.

What is
-
?
Do you find yourself watching the clock at work, counting down the hours until you can go
home? Or maybe you fantasise about the day you can hand in your notice? ‘Rust-out’ happens
when we’re understimulated at work, and it can be detrimental to our mental health…
Writing | Fiona Thomas
Illustrating | Rosan Magar
Some say that our addiction
to being busy is a 21stcentury
epidemic. We feel
smug as we announce
to friends that we’re slammed at
work, taking on extra projects
and barely finding time to sleep
or even have a lunch break. I hold
my hands up. I’m guilty of ‘busy
bragging’, and shoving my work-life
in people’s faces like an Olympic
medal. I’m unashamedly proud
of my jam-packed schedule, and
yet painfully aware of the mental
health implications that can arise
from burnout. So much so, that
it’s hard for me to imagine that
having absolutely nothing to do,
day after day, could have the same
negative impact on my wellbeing.
Surely an empty inbox and zero
responsibilities create the path to
nirvana?
Believe it or not, a lack of mental
stimulation at work can be just as
harmful as too much. Whatever
you do, boredom will get under
your skin. Workplace boredom
even has its own name. It’s known
as ‘rust-out’ — a term defined by
psychotherapist and Counselling
Directory member Paula Coles as:
“Work which is uninspiring and fails
to stretch the person, so that they
become disinterested, apathetic,
and alienated.”
MORE THAN JUST BOREDOM
Most people experience boredom at
work from time to time, but rust-out
relates to chronic boredom that is so
serious it can be detrimental to both
your mental and physical health
– it can even take years off your
lifespan. It’s particularly common
in young graduates, who often
end up working in jobs for which
they are overqualified. It can strike
again for middle managers who
have reached a glass ceiling in their
career trajectory, stuck in endless
meetings, unchallenged by the role,
yet unable to progress.
Left to fester, rust-out can lead to
depression, sleepiness, cravings
for sugary or fatty foods, and an
increase in risk-taking behaviours.
According to Paula, this proclivity
for thrill-seeking can show up on
our phones.
“In modern-day workplace
boredom, it might be fair to
assume that individuals would
seek stimulation and connection
through social media,” says
Paula, “especially Tinder and
online gambling apps, which can
potentially lead to a person getting
into circumstances which might
become out of control.”
The symptoms of rust-out are felt
by the individual first and foremost,
but the ramifications can have a
ripple effect on companies, too.
Employers may observe increased
sickness, absenteeism, work errors,
and even work-related accidents.
One in four employees claim to
be unhappy in their current role,
and with our sense of fulfilment so
closely linked to what we do for a
living, it’s no wonder that rust-out
can lead to feelings of worthlessness
and self-deprecation.
14 • happiful.com • January 2020

05:
07
Left to fester,
rust-out can
lead to
depression,
sleepiness,
cravings for sugary
or fatty foods,
and an increase
in risk-taking
behaviours
OPPORTUNITY FOR GROWTH
But like every human emotion,
boredom does have a function. It
might be the catalyst that forces you
to make a change – whether that’s
applying for a promotion, taking on
extra responsibility, or rethinking
your career entirely. It could even
be the red flag that highlights a
deeper reason for rust-out.
Thankfully, professional help can
resolve any underlying issues. “Are
you a people pleaser? Do you find
it hard to be assertive, and to ask
for what you want? Do you have
imposter syndrome, and feel you
don’t really deserve career success?”
asks Paula. “A good therapist can
help you look at where these beliefs
come from, and work with you to
develop a more robust internal
locus of control.”
This dimension of core selfevaluation
can help you find
meaning — and ultimately
happiness — internally, instead of
relying on external sources, such as
your employer.
LOOKING OUTSIDE THE BOX
Finding fulfilment outside of work
is important, and this can begin
with a hobby that challenges
you. Studies show that people
who have feelings of continued
development and personal growth
tend to have an increased sense of
life satisfaction and self-esteem.
Participating in an activity you are
passionate about (anything from
running, to painting, to motorcycle
maintenance) could be your key to
personal fulfilment, and fighting off
rust-out for good.
If you’re staring down the barrel
of a long, boring January at work,
then don’t be afraid to raise your
concerns with employers. Ask to be
Common symptoms
• Irritability
• Depression
• No sense of purpose
• Lack of motivation
• Anxiety
Common causes
• Not enough work to go around
• Previously complex tasks have
been automated or outsourced
• Repetitive tasks
• Over-skilled for current role
• Too much paperwork
• Lack of ownership or creativity
• Excessive control from
supervisors
involved in tasks that make the most
of your skills and push you to learn
new ones. Ask to go on a training
course or, if you’re in a senior role,
develop an in-house training project
to assist others. You could even
set the ball rolling on a wellbeing
project to tackle the very issue of
rust-out in your organisation. This
‘creative tension’ is vital in the
search for true job satisfaction.
January 2020 • happiful.com • 15

Coming
full-circle
Rising to fame for her body confidence Instagram posts, influencer, presenter, and
feel-good guru Chessie King is here to tell you: it’s about time you loved yourself.
But the journey to the brighter place she is now hasn’t been without its twists and turns.
Scouted by a modelling agency at just 17, and then going on to enter a bikini
competition and pushing her body to its limits, it has taken Chessie some
time to find a sense of equilibrium with her body.
But through the challenges, Chessie has learned many lessons. From building up
empathy and discovering the things that bond us, to channelling her voice into causes
that support others, Chessie is leading the way to a kinder, more bubbly future. Here we
talk about her biggest lesson to date: unearthing unconditional self-love
Interview | Kathryn Wheeler
Photography | Paul Buller
It began when she was 16.
Before that – Chessie King
tells me, as we settle down
on a sofa in the corner of the
photography studio – she saw
her body as a vessel that carried
her head around.
But then something changed.
It started with anxiety about
her height – at 6ft she was much
taller than her friends – which
moved on to other areas, and
then her clothing size.
“Then, when I was 17 years
old, I really started focusing on
my body,” Chessie explains. “I
became wildly addicted to what I
looked like.
“I focused on every single part
of me that I hated. I became
fixated on other people and
trying to look like them instead of
becoming myself, which is really
weird because, at that point in
your life, you’re going through so
much change.” >>>

Blazer | Shein

But things were about to get a lot
weirder...
When she was 17, Chessie was
scouted by a modelling agency.
This was 2010, the year that French
Elle released a special edition
featuring plus-sized women on
the cover, leading The Guardian to
declare that fashion’s last taboo had
been broken. In hindsight, it may
have been a premature assertion –
but as Chessie recalls, even at the
time, the reality for those on the
other side of the camera was far
from a revolutionary celebration of
diverse bodies.
I became fixated on
other people and
trying to look like
them instead of
becoming myself
something that I felt self-conscious
about anyway. I was watching this
happen and thought: ‘Are they
doing this to test out a few things?’
But when the photos went out,
that’s how they looked. I was like,
that’s not me... That is definitely
not me.”
As Chessie explains how these
days we all have the ability to
airbrush our photos beyond
recognition with just our phones,
she cuts off to sing along to the
song playing over the studio
speakers. It’s Lizzo’s self-love
anthem ‘Good As Hell’, and despite
fighting through the jet-lag after
her flight home from Bali the day
before, today Chessie is “feeling
good as hell”.
Sitting crossed-legged on the sofa,
after kicking off her boots as soon
as we began our interview, Chessie
radiates the confidence of someone
who appears to be completely at
ease with themselves. But, as she
explains, she didn’t get to where
she is today without a fair few
bumps in the road.
In 2015, Chessie embarked on
what she refers to as a “science
experiment”. Having spent
some time immersing herself
in the fitness community after
interviewing individuals as part of
her work as a presenter, Chessie
found herself drawn to bikini
competitions.
A highly competitive community,
where women train intensely
to showcase their physiques
to a panel of judges, bikini
competitions expect participants
to dedicate themselves entirely
to the demands of their physical
categories, and they are judged on
muscularity, condition, symmetry,
and presentation.
“I was going to all the fitness
classes and working out, and then
people were like, ‘You should do
a bikini competition, you’re a
performer!’ I said, ‘I would never
do that, it’s too extreme,’” Chessie
recalls. “But then I thought it would
be a good science experiment – it
would be interesting to see how
my body would change from eating
well and working out strictly.”
With just 18 weeks to transform
her body, things got very intense
very quickly.
“I was taken places I never
thought I’d go,” Chessie reflects.
“Sometimes I would be training
at five in the morning, crying on
a treadmill. People at the gym got
to know me because I was there so
much, and they would be like, ‘Oh
God, she’s on her low-carb day.’”
What began as a light-hearted
inquiry into the limits of the
human body, quickly became a lifeconsuming
obsession. And despite
drastically transforming herself,
when the day of the show arrived,
Chessie didn’t meet the standards
of the judges.
“My feedback afterwards was:
‘Chessie is too big, she’s carrying
too much weight.’”
Coincidently, the day of our shoot
was exactly four years since that
bikini competition. It’s a huge
milestone, particularly considering
how Chessie says it took her
two years after that to return to
normality.
“People talk about the 18 weeks
leading up to it, which is obviously
so physically and mentally
exhausting, but then you’ve just
restricted yourself every single day.
And I rebelled against everything
– I literally went into rebellion
Chessie mode.
“They said they would only
take me on if I lost weight,” she
explains. “And then at every
casting, they would hand me a size
zero skirt. All of them would watch
me try to get into it, but I wouldn’t
be able to.”
During this time, the features
of Chessie’s body that couldn’t be
changed by diet and exercise were
quickly altered in post-production
while still on set. She recalls a time
when she was in Ibiza shooting
for a swimwear company, and she
watched her body being edited and
distorted in front of her eyes.
“They shrunk me to half the size,”
she explains. “They smoothed all
of the back of my legs out, which is >>>
January 2020 • happiful.com • 19

“I couldn’t understand why
everyone had willpower and I
didn’t, even though I had such
strong willpower before. If there
was a tub of chocolate, I would eat
until I was sick. And then I would
be like, how is everyone just
eating one?
“Bigger support is needed after
competitions,” she continues. “It’s
masking disordered eating, it’s
masking problems that you have
covered up in the past – for me
that’s what it was.”
For three years following the
competition, Chessie didn’t want
to speak about it. She was hurt by
the feedback, but also didn’t want
people to think that it reflected
who she was. Turning the tables
on that mindset wasn’t easy, but
it began with addressing negative
self-talk, calling herself on it,
and taking steps to be kinder to
herself.
“I catch myself on days when I
am feeling negative and putting
myself down and I think, would I
ever let anyone else say that about
me? Would I let them say, ‘Your
thighs are huge and they look
really bumpy?’ Would I ever let
anyone say that to me – a stranger
or a friend? No. And would I ever
say that to someone else? No.
“When you truly are your own
best friend, you speak to yourself
calmly, and kindly, and you speak
to yourself with love and respect.”
For Chessie, thinking about her
body in very literal ways helps
her to break away from external
pressures. Thanking her lungs for
breathing, her heart for beating,
and her legs for carrying her
where she wants to go, grounds
her in the reality that her body is
so much more than a prop.
“You don’t need a PhD to know
your body. I know the functions
of all of my organs – and once
you strip it back to that, it’s
so amazing,” says Chessie.
“Sometimes I literally just put my
hand on my heart, and I think,
‘Thank you so much for keeping
me alive.’”
When you truly are
your own best friend,
you speak to yourself
calmly, and kindly, and
you speak to yourself
with love and respect
And the capability of our bodies
to create new life is something
Chessie is in awe of. Motherhood is
a challenge that she’s desperately
excited about embarking on,
eventually. For now, she’s gone
back to school to train as a doula –
a non-medical person who offers
emotional support to women
through childbirth.
“Female bodies are phenomenal,”
Chessie declares. “Womanhood,
for me, is connecting with women
all over the world and having that
understanding that we’re all similar.
We’re deficient in community and
friendship, we all crave that sense of
belonging, but if you open your eyes
to being connected with women
worldwide, it’s so powerful.
“When we were younger, if you
saw someone on the road with
the same car you beeped at them!
Womanhood is like that. It’s a
sisterhood; if you use your voice
on your own you can be heard by
10 people, but if you use your voice
with other women around you, you
can be heard by millions of people.
I think that is so empowering.”
When women raise each other up,
the sky’s the limit. But on the flip
side, it’s all the more painful when
we tear each other down.
Online trolling is something that
Chessie is, sadly, all too familiar
with. But, deciding to take a stand
against it, in April 2018 Chessie
worked with a group of digital
experts to create a version of
herself that had been altered to
reflect the comments she received.
Criticisms on everything from her
face to the size and shape of her
body were collected, and a photo
of her was edited to match each
comment.
The result, shared on her
Instagram, was an unsettling,
uncanny version of Chessie. With
huge, bug-like eyes, swollen lips,
cinched waist, and impossibly thin
arms, she looks barely human.
“I shared my first body confidence
post three years ago, and that
wasn’t from a place of ‘I’m going to
start a massive trend’ or whatever,
it was just that I felt it needed to
be heard,” Chessie explains, as she
reflects on why she decided to use
her platform to promote a body
confident message. “At the time, I
was sucked into a sea of perfection,
because that was all I knew and all
that I saw: filters and editing.
“And then I was like, actually hold
on. I can’t see anyone on Instagram
that I can relate to, there was no
one being ridiculous and silly, it
just wasn’t a thing. Then I posted
back in 2016, at the start of the
year, that this was the year of body
confidence – this is the year we
embrace our bodies.” >>>
20 • happiful.com • January 2020

Dress | Banana Republic

Jumper | Sézane, Hair & Skincare | Rosalique and Paul Mitchell

It was a New Year’s resolution of
sorts; something that Chessie threw
herself into, and she hasn’t looked
back since – regularly posting
‘Instagram vs reality’ images, as
well as candid, unposed moments
that show her body in its natural
state. Though as natural as they may
be, the decision to push past the
pressure to be perfect was not easy.
“The more I opened myself up, the
scarier it was,” Chessie says. “Back
then, it was being quite vulnerable.
But now I don’t care, I will share
anything as long as it’s helping
someone – and I’m trying to do that
offline as much as I am online.”
In June 2019, Chessie launched
Dedicate to Educate – a campaign
that calls for an additional hour
of lessons on mental health, body
image, and sex education topics,
to be included in the school
curriculum each week.
“When I want to do something, I
will do it straight away. One thing
I pride myself on is being brave
and fearless, and taking risks,”
Chessie says, when asked why she
embarked on this project. “But I’m
not taking this risk for me, I’m using
my voice and my platform for the
people who need it, and the future
generation. I put out a post saying
I was going to do this, and got 6,000
messages in one night saying this
needs to happen. So that was when I
realised people are on board!”
Of course, changes to the
national curriculum don’t happen
overnight, and so in the meantime,
Chessie regularly visits schools
to speak to young people about
mental health and body image. So
often she sees herself in the people
she speaks to, picking up on the
same anxieties and concerns that
plagued her adolescence.
“I didn’t have a role model to look
up to,” Chessie continues. “I want to
be that role model that I didn’t have,
and to speak out for those who don’t
have a voice.
“When I’m at schools speaking
and telling my story, girls say they
don’t want it to take five years. I’m
like, it’s a process and it’s not going
to happen overnight. And when you
have to go through that and then
come out the other side, you do
appreciate your body even more.”
I try to take what I
lost, like my hearing,
and I look at what
I gained, like an
awareness of what
other people are
going through
This idea of building empathy
through adversity is something that
Chessie has experienced in other
parts of her life. When she was just
23, Chessie partially lost her hearing
following a heart episode, which
doctors suspect may have been a
mini-stroke. Today, Chessie wears a
hearing aid.
“That’s amazing to me because
it opened me up to the deaf
community, and I was connecting to
people online who I wouldn’t have
in real life,” Chessie explains. “I’m
more aware of invisible illnesses
– I’m more empathetic. I think it
made me a kinder person. I try to
take what I lost, like my hearing,
and I look at what I gained, like an
awareness of what other people
are going through. Of course,
when it first happened I was like,
oh my God I’m 23 and I’ve just
lost my hearing. But it taught me
something.
“Now I’m so liberated and alive,
though I do feel like I lost five years
of my life,” Chessie says, before
checking herself. “Well, not lost
it, because it made me who I am –
but now I believe in myself and I
support myself as much as I support
everyone else. I’ve always been
everyone else’s cheerleader and
struggled to be proud of myself.”
It’s a common yet true concept:
everything we go through stays
with us, and comes together
to make us the people that we
are – experiences are the puzzle
pieces that create an ever-evolving
portrait of you. Sometimes those
experiences are painful, as Chessie
recognises, but through them
we learn about our limits and
strengths, as well as the things that
connect us to others.
“I think I’ve come back round
in a circle,” Chessie says as we
reach the end of our chat. “When
I was younger, I was so free and
my priority in life was to make
everyone smile and be happy. And
then I went through a stage when
I was 18 to 23 of just hating myself.
And now I’ve come full circle and
I’m back to being free.”
So, if 18-year-old Chessie could
see herself today, what would she
say? Chessie doesn’t pause for a
second: “Go on, girl!”
For more from Chessie, follow her on
Instagram @chessiekingg
Styling | Krishan Parmar
Hair & Skincare | Amanda Clarke
at Joy Goodman
January 2020 • happiful.com • 23

How to be more
assertive
It’s not about confrontations and arguments, it’s about being open and
honest – plus being more emphatic and assured can help to lower our
stress levels, and raise our self-esteem
Writing | Katie Conibear Illustrating | Rosan Magar

Assertiveness
is something
that makes
many people
uncomfortable. We
often mistake it for confrontation,
and worry that we’ll be seen as
argumentative or awkward.
But in our current world, the
constant news cycle often creates
situations where we want to
disagree with someone, yet can be
afraid of a simple point turning into
a big argument. At work, we fear if
we say ‘no’ to something, we’ll be
treated less favourably. With friends
and relationships, we want to please
everyone, and keep the peace. In
the end, no one likes to be disliked.
Real assertiveness isn’t any
of this. It’s about being open
and honest, and expressing our
feelings and opinions calmly and
sensitively. In fact, being assertive
is good for you. It lowers your
stress levels, and it helps you gain
self-confidence and self-esteem.
Instead of shying away from
a comment that’s bugging you,
assertiveness can help you to
understand and recognise your
feelings. Being assertive can
also help us express our feelings
on issues we’re passionate
about. It helps us create honest
relationships – and an honest
relationship is a healthy one.
Ultimately, it allows us to become
better communicators with
everyone in our lives.
With all that in mind, there’s no
doubt assertiveness is beneficial to
our overall wellbeing. Here are five
top tips that can put you on track to
expressing yourself assertively.
PRACTISE SAYING ‘NO’
This isn’t about just saying the
word ‘no’. Often it’s about phrasing
a ‘no’ answer sensitively. It’s always
good to start with a positive, such
as: ‘Thanks for inviting me’ or,
‘Thank you for considering me.’
This shows you appreciate, or have
understood, the request. What can
be offered to that person instead?
Maybe you’ve been asked to help
someone out, but that day doesn’t
work for you? Suggest another
time, or offer something that you
can do. Saying ‘no’ is being true to
ourselves, and to our own feelings.
ACTIVELY LISTEN
If we really hear what a person
is telling us, then we’re able to
formulate a more articulate and
informed answer.
When someone makes a
statement we disagree with, it can
be easy to jump to conclusions, stop
listening, or just barge in with our
opinion. When we allow the person
to explain their stance, they feel
they have been listened to, and are
more likely to be receptive when we
question them. Begin a response
by stating what they’ve said, or how
they’re feeling, and then we can talk
about our own opinion.
CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE
Confrontation is often something
we find difficult. If we challenge
the way we look at a situation, it
can help us shift our perspective.
If we look at it as a debate, or a
difference in opinion, then we’re
less likely to see it as escalating.
We also know that expressing
ourselves will relieve stress, and
will often resolve a problem – so
we should tell ourselves this.
Catastrophising – where we
always think the worst outcome
will happen – can hinder us,
however. It’s helpful at this point
to ask ourselves a few questions:
Are our thoughts about what could
happen realistic? How likely is it
to happen, or actually be true? Is
there a similar situation we can
think of where everything was OK?
LEARN TO COMPROMISE
Sometimes it helps to reserve a
‘no’ answer for something that
isn’t possible for us, or we’re
not comfortable with. Coming
to a compromise, especially in
relationships, often keeps both
parties happy.
Of course, it’s possible to express
our feelings and to come to a
compromise. It’s important to be
able to state our opinion and move
on, by suggesting something both
sides are comfortable with. Being
assertive is sometimes knowing
when to pick our battles, and when
to compromise.
STAYING QUIET
This might sound strange on a list
about assertiveness, but staying
quiet in some situations is the
best option. We’ve all been in
conversations at a party, or in a
meeting, when a subject comes up
that we deeply disagree with. We
often feel the compulsion to agree
or stay neutral when the majority
of a group are agreeing.
Saying nothing might not
feel assertive, but it’s a way of
demonstrating to ourselves that we
don’t have to agree with everything
being said, just to keep the peace.
Assertiveness can build our
confidence and the more we assert
ourselves, the easier it becomes!
Katie Conibear is a freelance writer,
focusing on mental health. She blogs
at stumblingmind.com and has a
podcast, ‘A Life Lived Vividly’, with a
focus on hearing voices.

Five lessons I learned from
experiencing burnout
Overwhelmed by your workload? Stressed by the smallest tasks? Pushing
yourself too hard to reach the top? Maybe it’s time to put your health and
happiness above simple success at the office
Writing | Fiona Thomas
lay in bed, struggling to wake.
I was tired from the evening
before. Had I eaten dinner? No.
I’d had a bottle of wine instead,
to relax. A few days earlier during
a driving lesson, I had driven on
the wrong side of the road. I didn’t
know why. On that same day, I had
screamed at a work colleague over
something insignificant – something
about tomatoes – and had to
apologise later.
I thought about the busy morning
ahead. I wanted to recoil from all
my work responsibilities, but I
couldn’t see a way out. I fantasised
about falling down the stairs or
being hit by a car. Anything that
would incapacitate me and give me
some time off work.
Two hours later I sat at my desk to
work through my list of tasks, but I
couldn’t get started. I couldn’t attend
the meeting. I couldn’t pick up the
phone. I couldn’t face my team. I
hid in the toilets and cried for what
seemed like hours, then I phoned
my GP and made an appointment.
It turned out that I been
unknowingly living with burnout
for more than six months. My
symptoms included (but were not
limited to) agitation, tearfulness,
physical and mental exhaustion,
frustration, and a sense of
hopelessness. But through this
difficult time, I can now take some
positives in what I’ve learned from
living with burnout…
1 Being off sick doesn’t mean you
are bad at your job
I first started feeling the symptoms
long before I asked for help, and
the main reason I avoided reaching
out was that I didn’t realise it was
a health issue – I thought it was a
competency issue. I thought that
I was overwhelmed and stressed
because I was under-qualified.
But after taking three months of
sick leave, I attempted to return to
work and I couldn’t carry out even
the simplest of tasks. That was
proof that there was something
medically wrong with me. I then
knew for sure that my brain wasn’t
functioning normally, and I found
that strangely comforting.
2 You’ve got to vocalise your
issues in the workplace
During the six months that I was
quietly crumbling away, I thought
it was obvious to everyone around
me. After an extended period of
sick leave, I was asked to meet my
employers to discuss what had
been going on. It was only then
that I realised they had no idea
how much I had on my plate. I
couldn’t really complain about
the lack of support, because I
hadn’t given the slightest hint
that I needed any. You’ve got to be
explicit when you need support,
and chase down your employers
to help manage your workload.
Otherwise, you’re doing yourself a
disservice.
3 Work achievements aren’t
everything
Burnout hit me hardest after I took
on a lot of extra responsibility at
work. No one forced me to step
into the role; I wanted to prove to
my employers that I was capable. I
pushed myself because I wanted to
be a high achiever. When burnout
took over, depression and anxiety
quickly followed, and I quit my
job to focus on recovery. It was
only then I figured out that work
achievements are no substitute for
health and happiness.
26 • happiful.com • January 2020

4 Stress means something
different to everyone
The things that weighed heavily
on me during my period of
burnout are things that some
people take in their stride. Moving
house. Managing a team. Dealing
with customer complaints. This
concoction of stressors, combined
with my inability to take care of
myself, was a breeding ground
for physical symptoms such as
anxiety, headaches, and fatigue.
In turn, these made me less able
to carry out my work, which made
me more stressed. I’m now more
aware of my triggers, and schedule
in rest days to compensate.
5 Work shouldn’t define you
Although leaving my job was
essential to my recovery from
burnout, being unemployed came
with its own set of problems.
Without my career, I felt like I
had no purpose, and no identity.
I feared making small talk with
anyone, as I thought I had nothing
of value to add to the conversation.
I had put all my eggs in one basket,
and when that was taken away, I
was left with nothing. >>>
January 2020 • happiful.com • 27

WHAT IS BURNOUT?
The World Health Organisation refers to burnout as a
“syndrome conceptualised as resulting from chronic
workplace stress that has not been successfully managed”,
and is defined by three symptoms:
• Feelings of energy depletion or exhaustion
• Increased mental distance from one’s job, or feeling
negative towards one’s career
• Reduced professional productivity
This classification was documented in 2019, so specific
statistics are hard to find. However, in 2018 it was reported
that 595,000 Britons suffered from work-related stress.
28 • happiful.com • January 2020

*
Take back control of your time with our
self-care calendar. Head to p15 in
our January supplement to
schedule some you-time
It took a lot of soul-searching to
figure out who I wanted to be
outside of work, but it means that
now I have a string of hobbies
and interests unrelated to my job,
so I’ll always have something to
talk about!
How to recover from burnout
If you recognise or can relate to
my five lessons, then it could be
a sign that you’re in need of some
support, too.
Talk to your doctor
Burnout is now an official
medical diagnosis, so don’t be
scared to bring it up with your
GP. They will be able to offer you
advice on medication, treatment,
or lifestyle changes that could
improve your symptoms.
Set clear boundaries
Think about where your working
day needs to start and finish for
you to truly relax. What measures
can you put in place to make sure
this happens? Try not going to
work early, avoiding emails after
5pm, practising mindfulness on
the bus home to switch off, or
making yoga a non-negotiable
event on your schedule.
Delegate
If you’re overwhelmed with the
sheer volume of work, then pass
it on to someone you trust. Accept
that letting go of this control
might result in some errors, but
assuming that this doesn’t put
anyone at risk, then it’s all part
of the process. If you have no
The main reason I
avoided reaching
out was that I
didn’t realise it
was a health issue
– I thought it was a
competency issue
one to delegate to, then raise the
issue with your employers. If
you’re self-employed, consider
outsourcing basic admin tasks to
a virtual assistant.
Take time off
It really is that simple. Rest is
important to help you physically
recover from burnout, but it
also gives you a chance to gather
your thoughts, and get a sense of
perspective. You may like to think
that your workplace will fall apart
without you, but once you realise
that the world continues to turn,
it can be an important lesson in
learning to prioritise your health
over your job.
Reconnect with hobbies
Nurturing your creative side
is so helpful when it comes
to expressing physical and
emotional turmoil. Painting,
dancing, knitting, and gardening
are all simple ways to dial into
your deeper self, and work
through negative feelings.
Fiona Thomas is a freelance writer
and author, whose book, ‘Depression
in a Digital Age’, is out now. Visit
fionalikestoblog.com for more.
January 2020 • happiful.com • 29

Mondays
How to love
The start of a new week can feel overwhelming – but it doesn’t have to be. Here we look at
how you can embrace Mondays, and take back control of the days ahead
Writing | Kat Nicholls
Illustrating | Rosan Magar
We’ve all been there,
right? You’ve enjoyed a
relaxing weekend and
are cosying up in bed,
ready for sleep... then it hits you. It’s
Monday tomorrow. Your to-do list
for the week pops into your head,
and you start to feel stressed about
everything that needs to get done.
Cue a sleepless night, and you
feeling exhausted when your alarm
rings. Even if you love your job,
Mondays can feel hard. In fact, a
study carried out by consultancy
Mercer, found that workers are
more likely to take time off or be ill
at the start of the week, with 35%
of all sick days falling on a Monday.
So, how can we reframe our
thinking around Mondays and
break the cycle? Life coach Jessica
Goodchild says it’s time for us to
recognise what our ‘story’ about
Mondays is, and change it.
“Being aware of how you’re
thinking can highlight the issue,
and help you to put a plan into

Changing the story can empower you to take control and, most of
all, take action. What new story do you need to tell yourself to make
Monday’s meaning more comfortable?
place to help solve it,” says Jessica.
“Ask yourself: who can help? What
do you need in order to tackle it?
How can you prepare? If you don’t
enjoy your work, what can you do
to change that?
“Changing the story can empower
you to take control and, most of
all, take action. What new story
do you need to tell yourself to
make Monday’s meaning more
comfortable?”
Try journaling with these
questions, and when you’re ready,
add in the following actions to help
reinforce your new, positive story
about Mondays.
PLAN AHEAD
Planning your week may sound
simple, but it can have a powerful
effect in reducing stress. If you
work Monday to Friday, try writing
your to-do list for the following
week on Friday, before you finish.
This can help you to set boundaries
and leave work at work.
Jessica says planning ahead can
help you to be more proactive
when Monday comes around.
“If Sunday evenings give you
anxiety, get yourself ready for
Monday morning by planning your
clothes, lunch, bag etc. before
you go to sleep. Go to bed at a
reasonable time – feeling fresh and
prepared will make Mondays more
manageable.”
Jessica also recommends
journaling about something you’re
grateful for, to help the brain focus
on the positives. “Doing this on a
Sunday evening before bed will
help get your mindset focused in
a positive way, before Monday has
even arrived.”
ENJOY MOMENTS OF PAUSE
If your Mondays feel like a
whirlwind, they are bound to
make you feel anxious. Try to plan
in pockets of calm. This could be
enjoying a slower morning than
usual, having a mindful cup of
tea before diving into your inbox,
or even doing some meditation
during your lunch break.
Give your body a chance to
decompress throughout the day,
too. Head out for a walk or a gym
class in the evening, to help release
any built-up tension.
SCHEDULE SOMETHING TO
LOOK FORWARD TO
Make Mondays a day you truly
look forward to by scheduling in
something fun. “The brain loves
a reward, and will happily move
towards it,” says Jessica. “Plan
something that will make you feel
good, a call with a friend, a date,
a yoga class – something that is
nourishing or nurturing, to reward
you for making it through the day
in once piece.”
DO SOMETHING KIND FOR
SOMEONE ELSE
A sure-fire way to stop us
becoming overwhelmed is to put
the focus firmly on someone else.
Try to make Monday a day for
showing kindness towards others.
Why not bring in cakes for your
colleagues, or start your day by
telling someone how much they
mean to you?
Small acts of kindness like these
have a ripple effect, and can make
Mondays more enjoyable for
everyone.
AND IF YOU’RE STILL
DREADING MONDAYS?
If you’re struggling to change your
mindset, or if you think a bigger
change may be needed, you may
find it helpful to reach out for
support. Coaches, like Jessica,
can help you to navigate change,
whether it’s in your life or your
career. To learn more, and to find a
coach who resonates with you, visit
lifecoach-directory.org.uk

Photography | Conner Ching
“
–
Adventure is not outside
man; it is within
GEORGE ELIOT

Invest in
r e s t
Award-winning BBC broadcaster and writer Claudia Hammond investigates our
complex relationship with rest and relaxation, and shares the top 10 activities the world
turns to when winding down. Here’s a spoiler, you’re doing number one right now…
Writing | Lucy Donoughue
Portrait/book cover | Courtesy of Cannon Gate
ow are you
feeling as you
read this? Are
you reclining
in a hot bath, taking in all the
magazine has to offer? If you are,
you’re ticking off two of the top 10
restful activities according Claudia
Hammond’s latest book, The Art
of Rest: How to Find Respite in the
Modern Age.
An astonishing 18,000 people
from across 135 countries took part
in The Rest Test survey, explored
in her book, and in their collective
opinion bathing and reading rank
right up there for restfulness –
in addition to spending time in
nature, being alone, and doing
nothing in particular.
Rest was the sole subject of
exploration, during a two-year
residency at the Wellcome Trust
in London. The 45-people strong
team behind The Rest Test and
further research, included
psychologists from Durham
University, neurologists, artists,
and Claudia Hammond, writer and
long-standing presenter of Radio
4’s All in the Mind, and the World
Service show Healthcheck.
Claudia’s new book explores the
findings from this, and delves
deeper into why each of the
activities in the list helps us to
relax, as well as the necessity of
prioritising rest for good health.
It’s an important topic, as Claudia
explains. “There’s a lot of research
now on how sleep is really
important for your health. If you
don’t get a lot of sleep, it increases
your risk of lots of different
diseases. Now I think we need to
start taking rest seriously as well
– waking rest rather than sleep
itself. Both are important.”
It seems that many people
agree. Two thirds of people who
responded to The Rest Test said
that they needed more rest, and
those who didn’t had significantly
higher wellbeing scores.
January 2020 • happiful.com • 33

TOP 10
restful activities
Image: Anatomy of Rest: The Rest Test results, Camilla Greenwell. Source: Wellcome Collection
• Reading
• Spending time in nature
• Being alone
• Listening to music
• Doing nothing in particular
• A good walk
• A nice hot bath
• Daydreaming
• Watching TV
• Mindfulness
Interestingly, ‘spending time in
nature’ and ‘going for a good walk’
also made the list, proving that
rest doesn’t have to be a sedentary
activity to be deemed relaxing
– something Claudia is keen to
impress upon readers. “Rest
doesn’t have to be passive and
doing nothing. We found that 38%
of people who responded thought
walking is restful, and 8% said that
running was.
“I find running restful,” she
continues. “I hate it for the first
few minutes, but then something
kicks in that stops me worrying for
a while, and thinking about all the
work I have to do.”
The way Claudia sees it, that
forward momentum in any shape
or form – whether it’s walking,
running, being on a train, or
generally travelling somewhere –
gives you that permission to pause
and rest.
“People feel so guilty about
resting, and sort of need
permission to be able to do it.
Resting while you’re moving is
easier in some ways because
you’re getting somewhere, so
you don’t feel so guilty about it! I
think choosing activities that give
you permission to rest is quite
powerful.”
That guilt can seep into other
parts of our lives, and we feel
hesitant to take time out for
ourselves. The contemporary
issue of ‘busyness as a badge of
honour’ is a good example of
this, and something that can feed
those feelings of guilt if we don’t
constantly have a jam-packed
34 • happiful.com • January 2020

‘The Art of Rest: How to Find Respite in
the Modern Age’, by Claudia Hammond
(Canongate, £16.99) is out now
schedule. Restrictive perceptions
around the state of personal
‘busyness’ is a common problem,
and one that even Claudia
occasionally falls foul of.
“When people ask me how I am,
I tend to say: ‘I’m busy’ or ‘A bit too
busy really,’” she shares. “In one
way that’s true – it feels true – but on
the other hand, it is also a way of
saying: ‘I’m busy and therefore in
demand.’ How much is that a claim
to status, and how much of that is
because we feel we need to be busy
to be ‘valuable’?”
It’s a relatable feeling, and one that
emphasises our need to reassess
our relationship with rest – and our
resistance to it. Rather than being
viewed as a negative trait or selfish,
rest is the self-care act everyone
needs to consider and, as the list
from the Rest Test survey suggests, it
can be free, available to all of us and,
most of the time, we can do it alone.
Yet, with the huge volume of
information so easily accessible
online and in the media nowadays,
it’s easy to feel confused, with so
many conflicting recommendations
with regards to your wellbeing.
This is one reason why Claudia is
such a champion for analytical
and evidence-based thinking
– and fortunately she has a
great talent for making scientific
and neurological studies easily
accessible to the widest possible
audience.
“One of the main things I want to
do is communicate the wealth of
research that’s out there, because
I think it would be great if more of
us were able to put it into practice
in our lives.
“There’s an enormous amount of
nonsense online, but it’s not based
on any evidence, it’s not based on
anything,” she says, passionately.
“And we hear in the media ‘you
should do this, you should do that’,
and I think it’s really important,
as consumers and audiences, to
constantly think: ‘Why are people
saying we should do that, and is
that really the case?’”
Claudia’s insights on the
information we consume really
are thought-provoking, and she’s
keen to share them with as big an
audience as possible, through the
written and spoken word, and in
person at events, including the
inaugural Life Lessons Festival in
February 2020.
However, Claudia is happy to give
us a sneak peek, and share a few
life lessons of her own. “Firstly, I’d
suggest one of the things I’ve been
doing myself – prescribe yourself
15 minutes of your favourite
resting activity.
“For me that is gardening. While
I’m working at home, sometimes
even when I’ve got loads to do, I
leave my desk and just go in the
garden for a short amount of time,
and the calm that comes over me
is just amazing.
“It won’t be gardening for
everybody – I know some
people hate it, but I can forget
everything else and just be taken
out of myself for 15 minutes, and
that’s really powerful. So choose
and prescribe something that
works for you.
“Also, follow the evidence
when thinking about whether
something is good or not, and
finally, try really hard not to worry
so much about what other people
expect of you and want you to be.
Try to work out how you will be
happy for yourself.”
Hear more from Claudia at the first-ever Sunday Times
Life Lessons Festival from 15–16 February 2020 at The
Barbican, London. Dr Rangan Chatarjee, Megan Jayne
Crabbe, Ruby Wax, Kimberley Wilson and many others will
also be speaking at this thought-led festival with a focus on
wellbeing – and Happiful will be there too!
Find out more at lifelessonsfestival.com
January 2020 • happiful.com • 35

HAPPIFUL TOP 10
January
Feel inspired as we enter the new year, with a spectacular parade to welcome in 2020, the podcast
helping you achieve your goals in just one hour, and the group making exercise accessible
1
PAGE-TURNERS
How to Be a Mindful Drinker
Whether you want to cut down
on drinking, take a break, or quit
altogether, How to Be a Mindful
Drinker will help you become more
aware of how your body and mind
are affected by alcohol. With tools
to help you track your progress,
this book will help you live the life
you want and put alcohol in its
place. Cheers to that!
(Out 26 December, DK, £8.99)
OUT AND ABOUT
London’s New Year’s Day Parade
3
PUT ON A SHOW
4
Canary Wharf Winter
Lights Festival
Light up the dark January evenings
with the award-winning Winter
Lights at Canary Wharf. The festival
will showcase light art by artists
across the globe, including
pieces which can be
admired from afar, and
ones you can get involved
and interact with.
(Thursday 16 to Saturday 25
January 2020. To find out more,
head to canarywharf.com)
2
Cheer in the new year with this
spectacular parade along the streets
of London’s West End! Enjoy the
celebrations with dancers, acrobats, and marching bands, while huge balloons
and confetti fill the sky. If you can’t be there in person, you can watch on TV so
you don’t miss out on the fun.
(Wednesday 1 January 2020, for more information visit lnydp.com)
PLUGGED-IN
Caroline Kelso Zook
Caroline is an
artist and business
coach, brightening
up the internet
with her colourful illustrations
and uplifting quotes. Follow her
for regular
reminders to
celebrate your
achievements
and believe in
yourself.
(Follow @ckelso
on Instagram)
5TECH TIP-OFFS
Todoist
Free up your mental
space by getting tasks
out of your head and
on to your to-do list.
You can sync Todoist
with your calendar to
remember important
dates, prioritise
tasks, and track your
progress. You can
even keep track of
your New Year’s resolutions!
(Download from the App Store and
Google Play, find out more at
todoist.com)

Images | London Parade: lnydp.com, Doctor Who: radiotimes.com, Happiness Planner: thehappinessplanner.co.uk
6 8
7
SQUARE EYES
Our favourite time
traveller is returning for series
12! With Jodie Whittaker
returning as the Doctor, the
new series is bound to be
packed full of adventures
across space and time. Filled
with laughs, it’s one for the
whole family to enjoy.
10
LEND US YOUR EARS
‘Power Hour’
Hosted by international
speaker Adrienne Herbert,
‘Power Hour’ is a weekly podcast
that will motivate you to pursue your
passions. Each week, Adrienne talks
to guests such as Callie Thorpe and
Lauren Mahon about their rules to live
by. It’s all about taking just one hour
every day to help you improve your life.
(Visit adriennelondon.com for more.
Listen to the podcast on iTunes
and Spotify)
Doctor Who
(Coming to BBC One
1 January 2020)
TREAT YOURSELF
The Happiness Planner
THE CONVERSATION
Dry January
Going alcohol-free for just one month can have great
benefits for both your physical and mental health.
Brought to you by Alcohol Change, the charity raising awareness
of the harm alcohol can cause, Dry January isn’t about giving up
drinking altogether,
but simply resetting
your relationship
with alcohol to make
healthier habits.
(January 2020,
find out more at
alcoholchange.org.uk)
If there’s one goal we should all have for the new year,
it’s to make our mental health a priority. Self-care can
often fall by the wayside, and a journal can be a great way to keep you on
track. The 52-Week Happiness Planner is full of uplifting quotes, mindfulness
activities, and organisational extras, to help you start the new year on a high.
(£36, visit thehappinessplanner.co.uk for more)
9
GET GOING
Run Talk Run
Do you want to be more active in
2020? Making space in your weekly
routine for exercise can be a great
way to help you stick to this goal.
Run Talk Run is a global running
community, with weekly groups
who meet for a 5k jog and chat,
making mental health support and
exercise more accessible and less
intimidating.
(Find out more at runtalkrun.com)
WIN!
9
WIN a Happiness Planner!
Which of these was not a famous diarist?
A) Anne Frank B) Samuel Pepys C) Robert Scott D) Bertrand Russell
To enter, email your answer to competitions@happiful.com
UK mainland only, entries close 23 January 2020

BRINGS PEOPLE TOGETHER
AVAILABLE NOW
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Helping you find the help you need.

Going global:
Mental health
around the world
We speak to six people from across the globe about their
personal experiences with mental health, the options that
are available to them, and the goals they are still working
towards in their communities
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler Illustrating | Rosan Magar
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
No matter where we’re
from or what we do,
mental illness has the
potential to touch us
and our loved ones throughout
our lives. According to the
Global Burden of Disease, 13%
of the global population lives
with a mental disorder – that’s
approximately 971 million people.
It’s something that unites us
across borders, but no one
person’s experience with mental
health will be the same as
another’s – and that’s especially
true when we consider how the
levels of support and stigma varies
so drastically around the world.
It’s time to escape our respective
bubbles and get a fresh
perspective on the state of mental
health care across the continents.
Here, we speak to six people from
around the world to find out about
their personal experiences, and
to learn more about what it really
means to live with mental illness
in 2020. >>>

Nigeria
“My
experience
with mental
health issues
has been
tough and sad – having family and
friends not accept me for who I
am during crisis, and an identity
where I am seen as a ‘mad’ and
‘possessed’ human being,” Anita
Ikwue explains.
For Anita, being open about
her mental health came with
challenges from those in her
family and her wider community.
“Most of them are hearing
something like this for the
first time, and usually have a
Time to Change Global Champion
negative impression of mental
health problems,” she says.
“Some would be interested to
know more about mental health.
Others would say terrible things
like ‘mad people’. For me, this
means people are speaking from
an ignorant angle, and they just
need to be more educated.”
Luckily, Anita was able to find
support with local organisations,
including the Gede Foundation,
Global Network for People Living
with HIV/AIDS, and Time to
Change Global, where she is now
a ‘champion’ – helping to reach out
to others.
“The positive thing in my
community is that some people
are interested in learning more
from people with lived experience
of mental health problems,” Anita
explains. “Most people have little
or no knowledge about mental
health and its related challenges.
But myths and misconceptions are
being addressed, and sharing life
stories is helping a lot, and will go a
long way.”
Sweden
David
Brudö has
experienced
bouts of
depression
since his teens, but it wasn’t until
later in life – when things became
unbearable – that he decided to
reach out for help. David notes
how, in recent years, more people
in Sweden have been willing to
talk about mental health openly –
yet he still feared colleagues and
family would view him as “weak”.
“While people are more willing
to speak about, for example,
stress, anxiety, depression, and
loneliness, mental illnesses such
as schizophrenia and bipolar
disorder are still not spoken about
as openly,” David explains. “But
it’s not unusual to see Nordic
countries topping the World
Happiness Report. And while
Sweden has historically been
concerned with one of the highest
suicide rates since the 1960s, it
now has one of the lowest suicide
rates in the world.”
As way of explaining these stats,
David points to the introduction
of the Psychiatric Emergency
Response Team – a dedicated
mental health care ambulance
that is being piloted in Stockholm
– as well as Swedish values such
as ‘fika’ which is a midday pause
to socialise with friends and
colleagues, and ‘friluftsliv’, the
value of spending time outdoors.
Today, David is the CEO and cofounder
of mental health and selfdevelopment
app Remente, and
he sees prevention rather than
treatment as the key to better
overall health.
“We will not be able to solve all
mental health issues overnight,
but it is important to make
sure that all walks of life are
provided with the right attention
and support, to ensure that we
continue to see the numbers of
suicides decrease, and happiness
rates increase.”

India
Venkatesh
N. was living
with his wife
and three
children in
Doddaballapura when depression
gradually began taking over
his life. After his brother died,
things took a turn for the worse
and Venkatesh started to isolate
himself, and eventually stopped
going to work.
“I was getting older and losing
strength, which added to my
worries,” says Venkatesh. “Owing
to my mental illness, I was
struggling to find work. Finally,
Time to Change Global Champion
when I got in touch with medical
assistance, my life improved.”
Venkatesh reached out to
a local organisation called
GASS (Grameena Abyudaya
Seva Samsthe), a communitybased
rehabilitation service.
“They helped me in raising my
confidence, finding work, and
leading a good life. I opened a
shop and managed to educate my
children well.”
While Venkatesh notes that
reactions to his experience have
ranged from pity to apathy, today
he writes poems to express the
things that he has been through,
and to engage his community in
the mental health conversation.
Time to Change Global
A global anti-stigma campaign
that works in low and middleincome
countries, Time to
Change Global is working with
Christian Blind Mission UK,
local partners, and people with
experience of mental health
problems to challenge damaging
stereotypes and discrimination.
Inspired by the power of
personal stories, ‘Champions’
are people who are speaking
up about their experiences in
the hope they will inspire, and
bring comfort to, others in their
communities.
Find out more at time-to-change.
org.uk/global

Mexico
In January
2019, Raquel
Contreras
Soberanis
was
diagnosed with anxiety and
depression. But her journey to find
support wasn’t an easy one.
“In my country, it is very normal
to feel discriminated against,”
Raquel explains. “People with
mental health problems, instead
of seeking medical attention, try
all sorts of things – such as trying
harder, going out, even turning to
witchcraft – anything but going to
a psychiatrist.
“In my country, we don’t have
access to free mental health
treatment or support,” Raquel
continues. “You need to pay for
your own psychologist. Although
there are a lot of good doctors
available here, the average person
on a normal salary, unfortunately,
can’t afford it.”
As Raquel sees it, stoicism when
it comes to mental health is
something that is ingrained in her
culture.
“We have a saying here that’s
the definition of the way that
Mexican people battle problems:
‘Los Mexicanos lloramos
riendo’ – the Mexican people cry
laughing.”
Canada
The first
time that
Sany Guest
experienced
a major
depressive episode was when she
was travelling abroad in early
adulthood – though reflecting on
her childhood, she now realises
that the things she was going
through were directly linked to
undiagnosed attention deficit
disorder (ADD).
Sany sought professional help
at a walk-in clinic in 2018. After
speaking about what she had been
going through, Sany was prescribed
antidepressants and referred to a
free therapist, though at the time
of writing she still hasn't had an
appointment. “I may be a typical
Canadian because I can’t afford
anything but a free therapist
without coverage, but I am also
different because at least I can
afford the wait,” Sany comments.
“Positive movements and
groups reducing stigma and
promoting community support,
inclusivity, and tolerance have
been emerging – from Kids Help
Phone, Bell Let’s Talk, and Get
Real, to #MeToo. To me, this is
proof of a society sobering to
the fact that mental health is
largely responsible for overall
health, and must be treated with
seriousness.
“But none of these points of
hope would be possible without
free speech and democracy,” Sany
notes. “Canadians are privileged
to freely debate and vote on how
society must improve without
fear of serious negative legal and
social repercussions.”

It makes me
realise the
power of sharing
experiences, and
gives me hope
that the stigma
attached to mental
health issues is
being broken,
brick by brick
Kenya
“I took my
first drink in
2003 – there
were these
cheap sachets
of alcohol that were available back
then,” Edwin Mburu explains. “My
first drink turned into an addiction
for 12 years, yet I was oblivious to
the fact I was self-medicating two
mental illnesses.”
In 2011, Edwin attempted suicide.
Four years later he was admitted
to rehab where he was eventually
diagnosed with attention deficit
hyperactivity disorder (ADHD),
anxiety, and depression. Since
then, Edwin has been on the road
to recovery, driven by his personal
support system as well as local
support groups. He also notes a
supportive employer where he
works as an accountant, and points
to a blossoming art community in
Time to Change Global Champion
Kenya, who are speaking up about
their mental health, as well as
positive amendments to the mental
health bill.
Overall, Edwin says, the reaction
to his mental health problems has
been a “mixed bag”.
“People listen and ask questions,
and some even share their own
experiences with mental health
issues,” he explains. “This is usually
very motivating – it makes me realise
the power of sharing experiences,
and gives me hope that the stigma
attached to mental health issues is
being broken, brick by brick.
“However, at times the
engagements are stigmatising
and very negative. I have realised
that mostly this happens because
of ignorance with regards to
mental health issues. It can be
demoralising, but it reminds me of
the bigger picture, and gives me the
courage to continue talking about
mental health.”
From small, localised movements
empowering people to reach out
to others, to national initiatives
that put policy in place to support
those who are struggling, there’s a
lot we can learn from taking a step
back and considering a different
way of doing things.
But there’s still a long way to go,
and it won’t always be an easy
journey. But we all benefit when
everyone in our community
is supported, and so often
compassion ripples out further
than we anticipated. We’re in this
together, and united we can make
a change.
Read more personal stories from
around the world on happiful.com

Photography | David Hurley
44 • happiful.com • November 2019
“
Change the way you look
at things and the things
you look at change
– WAYNE W DYER

TRUE LIFE
How finding my
community spirit
changed my life
Depression crept up on David Bromley, and a 10-year
cycle of breakdowns and recovery soon took its toll.
But discovering the impact that volunteering could
have on his mental health transformed his outlook
Writing | David Bromley
think I had been
depressed for well
over a year before
I had any idea
what was really
happening. It was 2004,
and I was still at art school
in Blackpool, the seaside
town where I grew up.
There was no triggering
event as such, it just crept
up on me, slowly building
up in the background
before it eventually
completely took over.
By early 2005, when I was
half way through the third
year of my degree, things
had become so bad that I
decided to see my doctor
about it. He prescribed me
some antidepressants and
sent me on my way.
I eventually scraped
through college and
got a summer job as a
conductor on Blackpool’s
famous trams. That was
when I had my first major
breakdown. I had to leave
my job and rely on family
handouts, as for some
reason I wasn’t eligible to
claim any benefits. I was
left alone in my flat with
no job, no money, and no
hope of recovery.
A year later, I moved in
with my sister and her
family in Essex. It was
hard going at first, but I
eventually got a part-time
bar job, and even made
some new friends. Things
seemed to be getting
better for a while, but
another year down the
line I had a breakdown.
I was making cocktails
in Sheffield at the time,
and again had to give up
everything and return
to my sister’s house to
recover.
This two-year cycle of
breakdowns and recovery
continued for almost 10
years of my life, with the
breakdowns getting more
severe and the recovery
taking longer and longer
each time.
Living with my parents,
with a job in a local pub
I liked, and enjoying
photography again, in 2014
things seemed to be going
my way finally – I even had
a girlfriend. The depression
was still there, but I learned
what my limits were, and
gave my condition the
attention it needed.
But again, things
didn’t stay this way and,
unfortunately, towards
the end of the year, I was
spending more time off
sick than at work. One
day I had a breakdown so
severe that my parents had
to take me to the hospital.
After waiting in A&E for
three hours, I was given a
handful of diazepam and
sent home.
By the end of the year I
had to leave my job, and
sell all my photography
gear and my record
collection for some
income. I spent the first
half of 2015 recovering,
and just as I was starting
to feel better, I was
sent for a ‘Fit For Work
Assessment’. Shortly after,
my benefits were stopped,
and I was forced into a job
I couldn’t do at a nearby
supermarket, which really
saw my mental health
plummet as I had suicidal
thoughts. By 2016 I was
back to square one and
had to begin my recovery
again. This time though, I
had some help. >>>
January 2020 • happiful.com • 45

I contacted the excellent
Therapy For You service
– a free NHS counselling
and talking therapies
service for people in
south Essex – and began
to attend some of their
seminars. I also enrolled
on their first ever
Wellbeing Workshop,
which was a weekly group
therapy session where
we would discuss our
individual situations and
set ourselves personal
goals. Hearing the
David began volunteering in 2016
David on holiday in 2005
This two-year cycle of
breakdowns and recovery
continued for almost 10
years of my life
individual stories in
the workshop was very
inspiring, and I set myself
the goal of finding some
voluntary work in my local
community.
My first role was at my
local library, providing
one-to-one computer
skills tuition. For a lot of
people, the internet is a
scary place, so I found
the role very rewarding
and enjoyed watching
the students’ confidence
grow each week.
After a short while the
library was starting a
weekly children’s chess
club and were looking for
volunteers to help. Every
Saturday, a dozen or so
local kids would come
in – it was amazing to see
how quickly they took to
it. I would walk around
and answer any questions
they had, or offered advice
of moves they could make.
If an odd number of kids
showed up, I would sit
in and have a game – it’s
quite embarrassing to
be beaten at chess by an
11-year-old!
In October of 2016, I
also began volunteering
for a local disability
website called Dancing
Giraffe. It’s a news and
local resource site for
disabled people in Essex,
and is run completely
by volunteers. At first
my role was to write up
news stories each week –
anything from uplifting
charity fundraising stories
to mental health issues,
or advancements in
technology. After a few
months I became their
content editor, which
involved proofreading and
uploading articles to the
website.
By the spring of 2017,
my voluntary work
had already made a
vast improvement to
my mental health and
wellbeing. I felt better
than I had in years, but
I thought some fresh
air and exercise would
make me feel even better.
46 • happiful.com • Janaury 2020

Since my early 20s
I had enjoyed going
for long walks in the
countryside, so I saved
up what little money I
had and bought myself
some walking boots and
a pair of binoculars, and
visited some of the local
bridleways and nature
reserves. It felt great to
be out among the birds
and the trees.
The nearest nature
reserve to where I live
is a patch of woodland
on the edge of
Hanningfield Reservoir,
near Chelmsford in
Essex. It’s run by the
Essex Wildlife Trust,
and has a lovely visitor’s
centre with a nice
view over the water.
The centre is run by
volunteers, so I soon
offered my services,
and by the start of the
summer I was working
there two afternoons a
week. My dad bought
me a second-hand
bicycle, so I could cycle
the three miles from
town down the country
lanes which, along with
my new role with the
Wildlife Trust, had huge
benefits to my fitness
and mental health. The
voluntary work was
great, I would greet the
visitors, sell ice creams
to families, and chat to
people about birds.
By January 2018,
things really started
going well for me. In
January I was offered
a job with the Wildlife
Trust. The part-time
hours suited me well, as
my depression robs me
of a lot of energy. I was
living the dream – I got
to hang out with my new
friends in a beautiful
place and got paid for it.
Having accomplished
the goal I set myself
back at the Wellbeing
Workshop, I set myself
another; to publish
my book. I had started
writing about my mental
health in 2013 as a
creative and rewarding
way to try to understand
my condition. After a
while, I started to really
enjoy the process and
was getting some good
feedback, so I started
to work on a memoir of
my time at art school,
when my depression
first appeared. It took
a long time and there
were long periods where
I didn’t feel up to it, but
by November I had a
finished book called
How Depression Ruined
My Life, and published it
with Amazon.
I have lived with
depression for nearly
15 years now and
I have to say that
volunteering in my local
community, and setting
myself productive and
achievable goals, really
has changed my life.
By the spring of 2017, my voluntary
work had already made a vast
improvement to my mental health
and wellbeing
OUR EXPERT SAYS
David’s true story really
highlights the struggle of
suffering with depression,
and the debilitating impact
that it can have on our
lives. Thankfully, David
was able to break the cycle
when he received effective
support from NHS
services. This opened the
door to various volunteer
opportunities that have
really helped him on
his journey to recovery.
David tried new things,
connected with people,
and enjoyed the natural
‘I started writing about my mental health in 2013’
environment around
him. David managed to
find purpose through his
experience of depression
and it’s evident that this
has continued to drive
forwards his happiness
and wellbeing. Having
purpose in our lives is
essential – it motivates
us and gives
us that true
sense of
belonging.
Rav Sekhon | BA MA MBACP (Accred)
Counsellor and psychotherapist
January 2020 • happiful.com • 47

Ask the experts
Hypnotherapist Penelope Ling
answers your questions on
hypnotherapy for confidence
Read more about Penelope on
hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk
Stress
Q
I’m so stressed at
work. My partner
says I should leave,
but I haven’t got time to
think about what I want
to do. Can hypnotherapy
give me some headspace
to think clearly about
my career?
Yes! The reason I’m so
A sure is that hypnotherapy
helped me with that very
problem many years ago – long
before I thought about training
as a therapist. When you feel
stressed and anxious, the brain
subdues the part that makes
rational, calculated decisions.
On a subconscious level, you’re
trying to escape the stressor.
Hypnotherapy helps reduce
anxiety, and allows you to think
much more about what you want
– especially if it’s solution-focused.
The right kind of therapist can
help you look at your value system
too, as different industries have
different values, and you might
find you’d be better off retraining.
Decision-making
Q
Can
hypnotherapy
help me become
more decisive? I can’t
help but think the
worst when making
decisions, and I want
to feel more confident
in my choices...
The fight or flight response
A we experience when we feel
stressed is designed to remove
us from danger – there is no
time for thinking. When you’re
calm and thinking positively,
you are in a much better place
to be decisive.
Hypnotherapy can be a
marvellous tool to help you
consider decisions without
getting caught up in any
‘emotional junk’. It can also
allow your subconscious to
come up with all kinds of
creative problem-solving. When
you look logically at where
decisions can take you, you’ll
find yourself making better
choices in life.

Hypnotherapy for confidence
Top tips for feeling more confident
• Plan and be prepared.
• Remember none of us start out as an expert, it takes time.
• Use memories of times when you have felt confident to
reinforce the present.
Confidence
Q
I want some
help with my
confidence,
but I’ve never had
hypnotherapy before
and I don’t want it to
turn me into an arrogant
person. Can you explain
more how this would
work for me?
A
Confidence and arrogance
are often mistaken for the
same thing. On the surface, they
appear very similar, but they’re
not. A confident person feels
competent. They will walk into
the room and be outwardly
aware of other people, and
be able to see from another
person’s perspective.
An arrogant person will have
their agenda, not caring what
other people think about them
or what they do. They typically
will be more confrontational, and
aren’t able to see the other side
of an argument. Often, fear is at
the centre of their arrogance.
Hypnotherapy for confidence
allows you to be able to hold
your own space, but be open to
different people’s perspectives.
Hypnotherapy Directory is part of the Happiful Family | Helping you find the help you need

Vets in a time of need
Through tough times, animals can become our sanctuary. But what happens when
we can’t offer them the same back? StreetVet is a charity providing free vet services to
homeless people across the UK. From microchips to major surgery, we found out more
about the work that this life-changing organisation does
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
It’s a cold Sunday afternoon,
and London's Oxford Street is
heaving. I follow volunteer vet
Holly-Anne Hills and senior
volunteer vet Gabriel Galea as
they briskly navigate their way
through the crowds of shoppers. A
man is sitting against a building,
a ball of blankets on his lap. As
Gabriel approaches, the man
spots him and silently pulls the
blankets aside, revealing the head
of a sleepy black and white cat.
This is Valentine, the first of nine
StreetVet clients we will meet
today.
Coming together
Founded in 2017 by two vets, Jade
Statt and Sam Joseph, every week
volunteer vets head out across
15 different towns and cities to
treat and care for street dogs, the
occasional cat, and one rabbit. In
London alone, StreetVet has 50
vet and nurse volunteers working
with more than 200 registered
patients. Offering weekly dropin
clinics, as well as outreach
programmes like the one I was
with, they vaccinate, microchip,
and treat minor and major
illnesses alike, as well as handing
out necessities like food, dogjackets,
blankets, and medication.
Later in the week, I catch up with
Jade, who tells me that she was
inspired to start volunteering on
the streets after a night out in 2016.
“I met a gentleman and his
dog,” Jade explains. “The dog
didn’t have anything dramatically
wrong, just bad skin, but you
could see how helpless he felt. I
thought, I could fix this so easily if
I had my stuff with me.”
So Jade took to the streets to
offer her veterinary skills – calling
herself ‘Street Vet’. Later that
year, she found Sam on Facebook,
doing the same thing and using
the same name. The pair met up,
and decided to join forces. They
registered StreetVet as a not-forprofit
organisation in 2017, before
going on to be given charity status
in early 2019.
The human touch
Back out in London, Gabriel
carries a backpack and a huge
suitcase, stuffed with necessities.
On the corner of a street, opposite
one of the most affluent shopping
parades in the city, we find Brian
and his two Jack Russells, Rain
and Mist. Gabriel hands Brian
a ‘human bag’ (fresh fruit and a
drink), and then opens his suitcase
to top him up with dog food, poo
bags, and a new toy each for Rain
and Mist.
After Gabriel and Holly-Anne
have finished checking the two
dogs over, Brian tells me how
StreetVet was there for him
through Rain’s cancer scare.
“They’re a godsend for us,” Brian
says. “I think they’re kind people –
a proper charity. I do anything that
I can to help them.”
50 • happiful.com • January 2020

In London alone, StreetVet has more
than 200 registered patients
At the time we met, Brian, Rain,
and Mist were due to make their
TV debut on an upcoming series
looking at the special relationship
we have with dogs – and Brian
explains that he’d happily take any
opportunity to support StreetVet.
That someone who has lost
almost everything wants to give
back to a charity, speaks volumes
to the hard work of volunteers
like Gabriel and Holly-Anne.
Gabriel later tells me that, while
he originally got involved with
StreetVet for the animals, he stays
for the people – and that he would
miss the Sunday outreach if he
didn’t do it once a week – and I
can believe it. The sun sets and
the temperature drops but, as we
continue to work our way through
the city, Gabriel’s energy never
falters.
A friend through hard times
A few hours and several streetlevel
checkups later, in an
underpass in Shoreditch we meet
up with Street Kitchen – the local
grassroots organisation that
supported StreetVet’s first regular
station, and offered guidance in
the beginning – where we pick up
boxes of hot pasta to hand out as
we continue on our route.
We’re looking for Mitch and
his Staffy, Benson. After a short
walk, Gabriel spots them about
15 metres away. He kneels to
the ground and Benson comes
bounding up the pavement to
meet him. For Benson, this is a
game, for Gabriel it’s all part of the
check-up.
Benson has been in Mitch’s life
for eight years. “He’s my boy – he’s
the only one who puts up with
me,” says Mitch. “I have no mental >>>
January 2020 • happiful.com • 51

SUPPORT STREETVET
StreetVet can only keep
doing the incredible work
that they do with your
support. To donate to the
charity, get information on
fundraising, or browse their
Amazon wish list, where you
can purchase much-needed
supplies for the animals
StreetVet support, head to
streetvet.co.uk/get-involved
Gabriel with
Kaiser
health support, but he keeps my
head straight. He’s my reason for
everything.”
In 2014, a study by Homeless
Link found that 80% of homeless
people in England reported mental
health problems, with 45% having
been diagnosed with a condition.
Being aware of what this might
mean when treating people’s
animals, Jade explains how this
comes into play when considering
the way that StreetVet has evolved
to offer its service.
“A lot of the people who we’re
helping have slipped through the
cracks – they don’t trust society,”
Jade explains. “So I think that’s
what works so well because
we’re seeing them in their own
environment. Also, it’s a slow
burner. We’re in the same place
week in week out, they get to know
us and trust that we’re working
with them, not against them.”
“Benson looks forward to seeing
them,” says Mitch. “All I have to
say is: ‘Doggy doctors!’ And he’s
like, ‘Where?!’”
A clean bill of health
When asked whether there’s a
story from the past two years that
really stands out in her mind,
Jade instantly recalls Sally and her
owner Rob.
On a night in November, Sally
was spooked by some fireworks
and ran away from Rob on to
a railway line, straight into the
path of an oncoming train. Sally’s
injuries were life-threatening but,
incredibly, she was still alive when
the team got to her.
“Rob had been one of our clients
for a long time and he knew what
to do,” Jade explains. “He called
our out-of-hours team, they went
down and Sally was recovered
from the railway.
“She lost an eye and a leg, and
she was in the vets for about two
weeks. For Rob, it was a massive
thing to be apart from his dog
for that long. But what was really
lovely was that the team all knew
him so well already.
“It’s those owners who you’ve
been through something pretty big
with, and then come out the other
side – that’s special. That was a time
when I realised that this was really
needed, and that the system we’ve
got in place was working – because
if StreetVet didn’t exist, that dog
would not be with him anymore.”
Unconditional love
Our last stop of the night was with
Jason and Peppy – another Staffy
– who we meet outside London
Liverpool Street Station. As Gabriel
begins his check-up, we’re moved
on by a TFL staff member, a
reminder – after a day mostly filled
with hope, no doubt prompted by
the energy of the animals – of the
realities of homelessness.
Jason tells me that he has had
Peppy since she was a puppy, and
that she’s 10 years old now. When I
ask him what Peppy means to him,
Jason doesn’t know where to start.
“She’s like a best friend. It’s the
company, they’re always there – it’s
very therapeutic,” he says. “You’re
never sad too long when you have
a dog, they make you happy.
“The dog loves you, and it doesn’t
matter what you have or what you
don’t have, or what you have lost.
They just want to be with you – and
the more they are with you, the
happier you are.”
52 • happiful.com • January 2020

The dog loves you,
and it doesn’t matter
what you have or
what you don’t have,
or what you have lost
StreetVet founders Sam Joseph and Jade Statt
Photography (bottom right) | Robin Trow Photography
Gabriel fills Jason’s bag with
supplies, we part ways, and head
into the Tube station.
That day, I was struck by two
things. The first, the incredible
dedication of the StreetVet
volunteers – their selflessness,
personability, and skill.
The second was that of the affinity
between a person and their animal.
Little is comparable to the strength
of the bonds that I saw that day.
We all crave companionship;
it’s what sustains us, no matter
what our circumstances. But the
companionship that flourishes on
the streets is an anchor, and the
animals a life force. And if that life
force dims, on cruel winter nights,
through hostility, vulnerability, and
in times of illness, StreetVet are
there to patch it up. And so they face
another day – a person and their
animal, together, against the world.
Find out more about StreetVet and their
invaluable work at streetvet.co.uk
January 2020 • happiful.com • 53

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54 • happiful.com • November 2019

TRUE LIFE
In memory of
my son, Colin...
Losing someone to suicide can be a pain like no other,
and for Lyn Walton-McPhee, she was left with so many
unanswered questions. But through her grief, and her
own mental health struggles, Lyn is striving to be a voice
for change
Writing | Lyn Walton-McPhee
Up until 26
October
2014, my life
was going
swimmingly.
I had three grown up
children, and a grandson.
I had worked for 20 years
in mental health and
challenging behaviour as
a carer, and then deputy
manager. I’d recently
gone into a business
partnership and became
self-employed, opening
a new domiciliary care
company.
My son Colin was proud
of what I was doing, and
he regularly told me that.
He would visit when he
could, as he was married
and he worked hard. We’d
often chat about this and
that going on in both our
lives, but nothing came
up that I could identify
a major concern – yet I
did have some concerns
as a mother. I felt that he
always looked fatigued,
and never smiled the way
he used to. He put it down
to work and tiredness
and, I now believe for my
benefit, would perk up so
that mother wouldn’t ask
more questions.
However, something
didn’t sit right with me,
and I began to worry. He
got himself into scrapes
he would never have been
involved with before and,
although encouraged,
he refused to talk about
what was going on. He
admitted his home life
wasn’t great, and I told
him if he ever wanted
to come home to get
away from some of his
marriage difficulties the
door was always open.
He loved spending
time once a week with
his nephew, who has
autism and challenging
behaviour. He helped
pensioners with their
gardens and fencing,
which he enjoyed, so
nothing alerted me to
any specific mental
health issues.
The police knocked on
our door at 4.20am on
26 October 2014. I hadn’t
heard the knock, so my
husband answered. I
heard male voices, so got
up, grabbed my dressing
gown, and headed out of
the bedroom. My husband
met me and told me it was
the police. >>>
January 2020 • happiful.com • 55

Lyn with her son Colin
My grief was all-consuming, as
was the guilt I felt at not being
able to prevent my son taking
his life. The emotional turmoil
was tremendous
Colin had passed away. He
had killed himself. He had
just celebrated his 34th
birthday.
I ran downstairs and
begged the police to tell
me it was a mistake. After
that, everything was a
blur, and I’ve had to rely
on my family to fill in the
missing pieces. I tried to
be strong, but I found it
impossible. My grief was
all-consuming, as was the
guilt I felt at not being able
to prevent my son taking
his life. I told people I was
fine when I wasn’t. The
emotional turmoil was
tremendous.
There were so many
questions I wanted
answers to, but the biggest
one was why? And the
only person who could
answer the question
truthfully was now dead.
Trying to put on a brave
face and be strong for
my family took its toll on
my own mental health
without me realising. I
refused to see the GP,
assuring those worried
Colin passed
away in 2014
about me that I was
fine. Then, two months
after my son’s death, a
comment triggered a
total meltdown. My eldest
daughter frog-marched
me to see the GP, who
diagnosed me with
depression, anxiety, and
panic attacks, which I
managed with medication,
and continue to do so.
My life, my mental and
physical health, were all
affected, and I felt like I
was drowning in my grief,
because I had no closure.
I agreed to counselling,
but didn’t feel it helped
me as it seemed that the
counsellor was completely
disassociated throughout
the session.
Moving forwards, I
set up a Facebook page
in Colin’s memory,
called Greenbows and
Butterflies. Greenbows
because we wore them at
his funeral, as green was
his favourite colour, and
butterflies because during
the service a butterfly
emerged from on top of
his coffin, flew in front
of us, then disappeared
down the aisle.
After his funeral, we
realised we had to do
more in his memory,
and through the page we
organised fundraisers
Colin as a toddler
for the National Autistic
Society, because of his
close relationship with
his nephew. I hope
people find supportive
posts on Greenbows and
Butterflies, get to know my
son, and see our journey
since he died.
To keep the discussion
around mental health and
suicide prevention going, I
also created the Facebook
page Colin’s Corner, as a
space for people to come
together to share their
stories. The message
throughout is: “You are not
alone.” I couldn’t help my
son, but that won’t stop my
fight to try to help others.
56 • happiful.com • Janaury 2020

To keep the discussion around mental health going, Lyn
created the Facebook Page Colin’s Corner. This is an online
space for people to come together to share their stories.
Her other Facebook page, Green Bows and Butterflies, is a
memorial page where she shares memories from Colin’s life.
I was living a life sentence of heartbreak
and failure. I treasured the photos I had
of him, each and every one invaluable
as they made up the story of his life
I clung on to memories,
but it wasn’t enough – some
were too tender and others
too distant. I was living a
life sentence of heartbreak
and failure. I treasured the
photos I had of him, each
and every one invaluable as
they made up the story of
his life.
My family found it difficult
to understand my pain,
as we were all grieving
differently, and I found
it hard to articulate my
thoughts and feelings. I
believed I wasn’t stepping
up enough as a mother
and a wife, and felt guilty
that I couldn’t be who they
wanted me to be. I was
drifting into isolation. My
depression was feeding
the thoughts that made me
feel like a self-proclaimed
failure – for not being able
to help my son, and the
fear of letting my other two
children down.
At first it wasn’t easy to
gather my thoughts in a
logical way, but I knew I
needed to keep my mind
active. I reverted to a
previous passion of writing
poetry to express myself
and keep communication
active. I want to publish
my poems in the hope of
reaching out to someone
before it’s too late.
I am passionate about
raising awareness of
the need for change
surrounding mental
health and suicide
prevention. I hope that
sharing my personal
experience will help
educate people about the
stigma and consequences
of not talking and,
more importantly, not
listening when someone is
struggling.
The stigma about mental
health issues and suicide is
born out of ignorance and
shame, people with no
understanding or empathy
bearing judgement,
distancing themselves,
as if mental health was
contagious.
I cannot speak for
Colin, but I have found
that when you mention
you’re depressed, often
you are spoken to in a
condescending manner, or
OUR EXPERT SAYS
Lyn was devastated
when her son took his
own life. She felt she had
to be strong for others
and push through it, not
asking for help. As events
overwhelmed her, she
found she couldn’t cope.
But creating the Facebook
pages in Colin’s memory
gave her a way back,
allowing her to express
feelings and connect with
others. People experience
avoided in the street. Men
particularly feel ashamed
or embarrassed to discuss
their mental health when
it’s declining, choosing to
suppress their difficulties
for fear of being judged
as weak by others. In
memory of my son Colin,
who I miss every second
of every day, I promise to
be a voice for change.
grief and pain in different
ways, and Lyn found a
release through poetry,
using her passion to reach
out to others and educate
them. Often finding ways
of expressing our feelings
helps us to get
through loss
and reconnect
with the world
again.
Graeme Orr | MBACP (Accred) UKRCP
Reg Ind counsellor
January 2020 • happiful.com • 57

How to find the [right]
therapist...
with Grace
TEDx speaker and author, our columnist Grace Victory draws on personal
experience to share her invaluable insight into the issues that matter to you
It’s no secret that I advocate for
therapy; it’s essential in my
life, and has been for years.
Therapy taught me how to
communicate what I need, how
to practise self-care, how to set
boundaries, and how to reparent
my inner child. The process has
been wild, and I’m still going.
I’ve tried cognitive behavioural
therapy (CBT), talking therapies,
holistic healing, and I’m currently
having psychodynamic and
psychoanalytic trauma therapy.
Every treatment has differed –
some I’ve loathed, some I’ve loved,
and some I go back to. It’s fair to
say that therapy has changed my
life, but my experiences haven’t all
been positive.
I was 20 when I first asked for
help for depression and body
image issues, and through my GP
I was offered a one-to-one session
with a male psychiatrist to receive
a diagnosis, and then six group
therapy sessions.
Looking back, it’s a shame I
wasn’t given a choice about which
setting I would’ve preferred. I
also wasn’t used to talking so
vulnerably with an older man,
and from the outset I believed I
couldn’t ever trust him, but I also
didn’t want to trust him – which is
an important factor.
After speaking about my
childhood, and how I felt about
my body, the psychiatrist said: “It’s
clear what’s going on. You have
abandonment issues with your
father, and that has forced you to
use food as a way to cope. I’d like
you to come to group therapy and
start Weight Watchers, to learn
how to eat and lose some weight to
help your body image issues.”
(Are you angry? Because 29-yearold
Grace just got really f**king
angry all over again).
The very person who should
have helped me start the healing
process, instead fed my eating
disorder mind, and gave me the
go ahead to blame myself and my
body for things that were not my
fault. I never saw him again. I
never attended the group sessions.

@GRACEFVICTORY
And of course, I signed up for
Weight Watchers the next day.
At 25, I was in an incredibly
dark place. Shock horror, losing
weight didn’t fix my problems. It
did, in fact, make them worse, so
I began seeing a counsellor via a
small NHS centre. I was told I’d be
having eight CBT-centred sessions
with a woman. I was apprehensive
but thrilled. However, after
the third session I noticed how
horrific I would feel afterwards.
It was as if I was being triggered,
without a safe way to process and
reset. I stopped returning her
calls, and she eventually stopped
calling. I was back to square one,
but I actually felt relieved. Maybe
I wasn’t ready to get better? Or
maybe I needed something with a
more wholesome approach.
A year later, like fate, I met
Emmy Brunner – the founder and
CEO of The Recover Clinic – and
upon seeing her I thought: “So this
is what a good therapist looks like.”
I felt exactly the same way when I
met my current therapist, A (who
happens to be male – things have
changed!).
Both Emmy and A have an aura
I was drawn to. My intuition told
me to turn up and trust – which is
easier said than done, but I tried,
which was enough to show me
that I was supposed to be there. As
well as being a psychotherapist,
Emmy also trained as a life
coach, knew how to connect with
women, and I felt safe in her
presence. My current therapist
has worked tirelessly with trauma
of all kinds, and is able to pick
up on my body language and his
connection to my subconscious,
to bring things into my own
awareness, and thus heal them.
I guess you could say I have
tried and tested many different
ways to heal, and the facilitators
of these. I’ve also worked with
more spiritual aspects too, such
as womb healing, inner child
meditations, and tarot
readings. It’s worth
noting that everyone
will experience
healing differently,
and what works for
some won’t work for
others. But based on my
experiences, here are a
few things I think you
should keep in mind
when looking for a
therapist.
GENDER
Think about whether the
gender of your therapist
might affect your
experience, and what
relationship you would
find most beneficial.
RACE AND CULTURE
For many black and Asian people,
it can be tiresome to constantly
explain their culture, and this could
impact their healing. It may be
helpful to see someone of the same
race and/or culture, because both of
these can play a part in childhood,
family dynamics, and traumatic
experiences.
PRICE
Think about what you can afford –
the NHS can offer free counselling,
but you may be on a waiting list,
or you can go private for more
immediate help, but will pay.
MODALITY
There are so many forms of healing
so research is essential. Do you
want something that’s quick just to
get you through a certain problem?
CBT might be best. Do you and
your siblings always argue? Conflict
resolution therapy may be for you.
GROUP VS ALONE
Do you want something less
invasive, or more intimate?
IRL VS ONLINE
Are you able to commit to therapy
sessions face-to-face, or is online
more suited to your schedule?
Of course there are other factors
to take into account when your
sessions actually begin, but for
now, I hope this has helped you on
your journey to finding the help you
deserve.
Love
Grace x

How to stay motivated to
exercise when
you have anxiety
Just because something is good for us, doesn’t make it easy to do – especially when anxiety
puts up roadblocks. Here are seven simple steps to help maintain that motivation...
Writing | Lydia Smith Illustrating | Rosan Magar
Exercise is hugely
beneficial to our
mental health,
but when you
struggle with
anxiety or depression,
finding the motivation
to get active can be a
challenge. It can leave
you zapped of energy
and drive, making it feel
impossible to get out of
bed in the morning – let
alone go for a jog.
Most of us will have skipped the
gym to spend time on the sofa at
some point. But for those with
a mental health problem, low
motivation, fatigue, and loss of
interest in activities, are prominent
symptoms.
“I definitely do find it difficult,”
says Freddie Cocker, founder and
editor-in-chief of the mental health
platform Vent. “Normally when
I’ve come home from a tough day
at work, or it’s in the bleak winter
and I have to train on my own.”
Given the importance of that
mind-connection, here are a few
ideas to help maintain motivation,
and make exercising a little easier.
EXERCISE WITH SOMEONE ELSE
Getting a friend to join you for
a walk, run, or class can really
help boost motivation, as it makes
exercise seem like less of a chore –
and far less overwhelming.
“If you have a friend to train
with, you can motivate each other
to train harder than you would
do on your own,” says Freddie.
“When you exercise with someone
else, you can catch-up, chat about
life, hobbies, and interests, with
exercise fitted around it.”
GET INTO A ROUTINE
Fitting exercise into your routine,
such as after lunch, is a good way
to incorporate physical activity
into your day without it seeming
daunting.
“Routine is a really good
way of motivating the mind,”

says Dr Christian Buckland, a
psychotherapist and spokesperson
for the UK Council for
Psychotherapy. “If we know when
we are getting up in the morning,
or when we are having breakfast,
lunch, and dinner, we can feel
less overwhelmed by other tasks,
as the day is broken down into
manageable sections.”
START OFF SMALL
“Something as simple as walking
to work instead of taking public
transport is a really great start,”
says Hannah Horlick, personal
trainer at Reach Fitness. “On a
walk in the morning, you can listen
to some music or a podcast, or just
take notice of your surroundings.”
TURN IT AROUND
“We often mistakenly do things
back to front – our thought process
that says, ‘Exercise will make me
feel better. Therefore I should
exercise,’” says Katerina Georgiou,
a counsellor and psychotherapist.
“Try turning that thought the
other way round: ‘When I feel
well, I’m more likely to exercise.
Therefore I should do things to
feel well.’
“It’s surprising how much
more resilience we can
have for things like exercise
when we first make space for
the things we love,” she adds. “If
there’s a song you love listening to,
or seeing friends, then do those
things first and often! It will put
you in a better emotional space to
tackle more taxing tasks later.”
FIND THE STUMBLING BLOCK
It can be helpful to work out what
is stopping you from exercising
to try to overcome this. “If you’re
tired after work, do something
before work,” says Georgiou. “If
it’s the faff of getting changed, try
walking around the block.”
For Melanie Daffin, music helped
reduce her anxiety about the gym.
“I was scared of exercising in
front of others, and the amount
of people also worried me,” she
says. “I’ve thankfully managed
to overcome that by using my
headphones. I end up zoning out
into my own world and not caring
what people think.”
FIND SOMETHING YOU LOVE
Exercising doesn’t have to mean
pounding the pavements – whether
it’s gentle yoga or stretching,
there’s bound to be an exercise that
suits you. “I know classes can be a
little daunting, but get in contact
with the gym and let them know
your situation. In general, they will
make you feel very welcome and
look out for you,” says personal
trainer Hannah.
“I get really anxious going to
anything I haven’t been to before
on my own, but if you are heading
to a fitness class, there will be likeminded
people there, going for the
same reasons as you.
“Personal training sessions aren’t
in everyone’s budget, but if your
anxiety is severe, that really could
be the best way for you to start,”
Hannah adds. “A personal trainer
can completely tailor a programme
to your goals.”
Exercising in the comfort of your
lounge can also ease the anxiety of
going into a busy gym – and there
are lots of easy-to-follow YouTube
videos, too.
THINK ABOUT THE BENEFITS
Being physically active isn’t the
only answer to a mental health
problem, but it can help.
“Exercise has been massive for
my mental health, I really can’t
oversell it,” Freddie says.
“Being alone with my thoughts
for a long period of time is a
recipe for trouble in my life,
so having another distraction
makes a huge difference,
and being able to make
new friends tin my gym
has been a
great benefit
as well.”

‘
‘
It’s about time we brought down the barriers around yoga, and Jessamyn Stanley
is here to lead the way. A yoga teacher and body positivity advocate based in
North Carolina, Jessamyn is passionate about shattering the illusion that yoga
is for one type of person. Here, she reveals how she discovered yoga during a
difficult time, and the lessons she takes off the mat and into the rest of her life
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
Hi Jessamyn! When did you first
find yoga? I fell in love with yoga
in my early 20s, while managing
a wave of depression and looking
for balance in my life.
Even though the physical
practice was extremely
challenging, none of the postures
felt accessible, and I was often
the only fat and black person in
my classes – I still found a part
of myself in yoga that had been
dormant until then.
You tell your students to ask, ‘How
do I feel?’ rather than, ‘How do I
look?’ when practising yoga. How
do you feel when you’re doing
yoga? During a postural yoga
practice, I tend to feel like it’s a
rare opportunity to come into
full connection with my physical
body. My tendency towards body
dysmorphia and depression
means that I can get out of touch
with my body rather quickly,
and yoga helps pull me back to
the moment so that I can take
ownership of this incredibly
powerful machine that I’ve been
granted during this lifetime.
What does ‘body positivity’ mean
to you? Body positivity means:
“You are OK, today.” It means
that everything about you is, in
this moment, exactly as it needs
to be. You don’t need to change
anything, you don’t need to
worry about tomorrow. You are
OK, today.
Do you have any tips for
someone looking to break
away from an idea of a ‘right’
way to practise yoga? There
is no ‘right’ way to practise
yoga because every practise
of yoga is perfect, whether it’s
on or off the mat. My advice
is to stop paying attention to
yoga media, companies, and
individuals who promote yogic
exceptionalism.
In an Insta post, you describe
your yoga as: ‘Messy and
complicated and NSFW and
vulgar as f*ck.’ What do you
mean by that? Yoga is not
actually about the pretty,
traditionally Instagrammable
moments. The practice occurs
both on and off the yoga mat
– legit, practising the postures
and breathwork in a class is
just preparation for applying
the same themes to every other
moment of life. And in the
same way that I stumble and
fall on the yoga mat, I stumble
and fall off the mat as well.
Often, I do more than stumble,
and things can get very messy
and complicated and NSFW
and vulgar, very quickly.
You’ve spoken about ‘stepping
into your sexuality’ at the age
of 32. Why is now the time? I
think I’ve probably become
more comfortable in my

sexuality because I’m getting
older, and it’s much easier
to not give a f*ck about what
other people think than it’s ever
been in the past. I’ve also come
to understand that a healthy
connection to my sexuality is
an imperative part of knowing
myself as a fully evolved human
being, and not just knowing
a paper doll cut-out, onedimensional
version of myself.
Photography | Justin Cook
When things get tough, what
makes you feel better? On the
difficult days, I let myself feel
bad and try to resist the urge to
guilt myself for feeling depressed
– usually, this is the hardest part
and takes the longest. If a shitty
situation has snuck up on me out
of nowhere, I always try to focus
on breathing my way through it.
And, as soon as I possibly can, I
try to get into a self-love cocoon
of tarot cards, essential oils,
meditation, bubble baths, and
healing crystals.
Jessamyn Stanley is an author,
intersectional activist, and
founder of ‘The Underbelly Yoga’, a
wellness programme app available
internationally this winter

Y O G A
Some like it hot
These days, there seems to be as many different types of yoga as there are ways to
mispronounce ‘namaste’. From classics renewed to – *cough* – yoga in the nude,
instructors are working hard to find new and creative ways to engage students in this
ancient practice. This month, Happiful’s yogi-newbie Kathryn Wheeler heads to a hot
yoga class to see if it lives up to the hype, or whether it’s all just a bit of a stretch
Loaded up on liquid? Check.
Light lunch two hours
earlier? Check. Highly
absorbent towel for my
soon-to-be very sweaty brow?
Check.
I’ve arrived at Red Hot Yoga
in Guildford for my first ever
experience of, you’ve guessed it,
hot yoga. The concept is simple
– an hour of yoga in a room kept
between 38–42°C with a humidity
level of 40–50% – but the benefits,
so I’ve heard, are ample.
Originally created by popular
yoga teacher Bikram Choudhury
in the 1970s, the practice is
sometimes referred to as ‘Bikram
yoga’ – although the yoga
community has since sought to
move away from the association
following a stream of sexual
assault claims. Today, there are
many forms of hot yoga, from
the ‘Hot 26’ – which includes a
series of 26 repeated postures – to
traditional Vinyasa Flow. For me,
however, it was straight to the
beginners’ class.
It was a chilly, winter evening
when I arrived at the studio, and
the humid heat that washed over
me when I first walked into the hot
yoga room was very welcome. The
room was dark and quiet and, as I
weaved my way to a free mat at the
back of the room (the classic firsttimer
spot), others were taking the
10 or so minutes we had before the
class began to lie down and relax
on their mats – an activity that I
quickly learned was more than
enough to build up a sweat.
Beginning in a seated position
with some gentle stretching
to warm up, we then moved
into standing poses. The class
consisted of mostly static postures
with some short flows added in as
well, though the motions through
the poses are much slower than
in standard yoga classes – and,
though breathing is so often an
important factor in any yoga
practice, here it was vital.
Having this awareness – and,
consequently, control – over your
body is one of the unique qualities
of hot yoga; it doesn’t encourage
you gently to take back control
like in other forms, it demands it.
Additionally, hot yoga is thought to
give you a better workout due to an
increased heart rate, and the heat
also improves flexibility, meaning
that you can stretch further than
you would do normally.
The temperature of the room
meant that each extension through
my arms and legs blended into the
space around me, and I felt the
limits of my body blurring with
the hot air as my heart rate raced
in the heat. As I made eye contact
with myself in the wall of mirrors
in front of me, yes, I did notice the
stream of sweat running off my
body – in fact, more sweat than I
thought it was possible to produce
– but I also felt strong, serene, and
in tune with myself.
The session came to an end and
– as I stepped out of the hot yoga
room into the cool, essential-oilinfused
changing rooms – I felt…
quiet. Hot yoga is an invigorating
mix of challenging physical
exercise, and uplifting mindful
moments. From the mind-soothing
qualities, to the way that it unlocks
new physical limits, it may be time
to turn up the heat on your yoga
workout – you won’t regret it.
64 • happiful.com • January 2020

‘Hot yoga doesn’t encourage
you gently to take back
control, it demands it’
T R Y A T H O M E
While it wouldn’t be easy to
replicate a hot yoga room at
home without racking up a
pricey energy bill, follow the
flow below to unlock this
ancient, mindful practice:
Mountain pose
Stand on your mat with your
hands in prayer positions in
front of you. Breathe slowly.
Forward bend
Raise your hands above your
head and then slowly bend at
the waist to place your hands
on the floor or your shins.
Low lunge
Raise your head and step one
foot in between your arms,
resting the other leg on the
floor.
Plank
Step your other foot back to
meet the first and tighten your
stomach muscles to hold a
plank position.
Downward facing dog
Straighten your arms and,
keeping your legs straight if you
can, raise your hips to create a
triangle.
High lunge
Step one leg forward, with your
back leg straight and off the
mat, and raise your head with
your arms by your side.
Forward bend
Come into a forward bend,
hanging loosely.
Mountain pose
Straighten up and bring your
hands to meet in prayer
position in front of you. Breathe.
January 2020 • happiful.com • 65

Time for
breakfast
Put the kettle on and start your morning the right way
Writing | Ellen Hoggard
Breakfast is one of my
favourite meals of
the day. While there
are so many options
available, it’s easy to fall into a dull
routine, with a lacklustre, soggy
and sugar-filled cereal. Of course,
sometimes you really want a
piece of toast to complement your
morning brew, but when you have
a busy day ahead of you – whether
at work or the weekend – you
need something to sustain you.
This month, we’re bringing
you three simple, nutritious, yet
delicious, recipes to try at home.
You can prepare these ahead
of time, or indulge in a slower
morning. Whatever works for you.
Go on, put the kettle on and start
your morning the right way. Have
a great day!
SMOKY SCRAMBLED EGGS
Serves 2
• 1 ½ bell peppers, chopped
• 1 small red onion
• 50g spinach leaves
• 3 medium eggs
• 1 tsp paprika
• 1 tbsp olive oil
• 2 slices of bread
• Salt and pepper
Optional: Add garlic and freshly
chopped chillies for an extra kick!
Method
• Heat the oil in a medium-sized
frying pan and cook the peppers
and onion until soft. Add the
paprika and any additional
seasonings. Stir. Toast the bread
• To the pan, add the eggs and stir
constantly for 30 seconds, mixing
the eggs and vegetables. Continue
stirring. When the eggs are fully
cooked, spoon on to the toast.
Season and serve immediately.
SPICED APPLE OATS
Serves 2
• 50g organic rolled oats
• 125ml milk of choice
• 4 tbsp yoghurt (dairy-free
optional)
• 2 small red apples, chopped
• 2 tsp maple syrup
• 3 tsp cinnamon
Optional: A dollop of peanut butter.
Method
• Combine the oats, milk, yoghurt
and 3 tsp cinnamon in a bowl.
Cover and chill overnight. In
a medium-sized pan, add the
chopped apples, cinnamon and
maple syrup. Sauté until soft.
Transfer to a bowl and cover,
leave in the fridge overnight.
• In the morning, spoon out the oat
mixture into bowls. Add the apple
and any additional toppings.

OUR EXPERT SAYS…
Smoky Scrambled Eggs
This is a well-balanced, nutritious
vegetarian breakfast. It includes
all three macronutrients: protein,
carbohydrates, and fats. Ensure
the ingredients are good quality to
maximise the nutritional benefits;
opt for a high fibre whole grain
bread and organic free-range eggs.
The spinach, red onion, and bell
pepper will ensure a healthy dose
of vitamins, minerals, fibre and
antioxidants to kick off the day.
Spiced Apple Oats
Organic rolled oats are a fantastic
source of soluble fibre that promotes
gut health and motility. Apples
are high in quercetin, a powerful
antioxidant that helps strengthen
the immune system. Adding
cinnamon not only adds depth of
flavour, but also acts as a blood sugar
balancer. Swap peanut butter for
almond butter, as it offers a higher
amount of monounsaturated fats.
VEGAN BANANA MUFFINS
Makes 12
• 3 very ripe bananas
• 50g coconut oil
• 200g granulated sugar
• 250g all-purpose flour
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 tsp baking soda
Optional: 100g vegan chocolate
chips, walnuts
• Preheat the oven to 180 degrees,
gas mark 4. Line a 12-hole cake
tin with paper cases, set aside. In
a bowl, mash the bananas. Add
the oil and sugar and combine
until smooth. In a separate bowl,
combine the flour, salt and baking
soda. Add to the banana mixture,
stirring gently. Once combined,
if using, add the walnuts and
chocolate chips.
• Spoon the mixture into your lined
cases, leaving some room for the
cakes to rise. Bake for 25 minutes
or until golden brown. Eat while
warm with a cup of tea. Delicious.
Vegan Banana Muffin
While delicious, I’d recommend
these as a weekend treat, rather
than an everyday breakfast. Bananas
are rich in fibre, antioxidants, and
potassium, which is essential to
heart health. Ripe bananas are a
healthy carbohydrate that provide a
good supply of fruit sugar.
By switching a few ingredients you
can enhance the nutritional value.
Use an organic whole cane sugar,
and almond flour, which offers more
protein, healthy fats, and vitamin E.
Josephine (Beanie) Robinson is
a nutritional therapist, yoga
and meditation teacher, and
co-founder of The Health Space.
Find out more at
thehealth-space.com

BishBash
BOSH!
The thought of going fully vegan might seem daunting, but thanks to the advice and insight
of the brains behind YouTube cooking channel BOSH!, you can ‘flex’ your cuisine skills and
explore the middle-ground before taking the plant-based plunge
Writing | Gemma Calvert
It’s a Wednesday afternoon
and I’m at a bustling cafe
on London’s Regent Street
meeting Henry Firth and Ian
Theasby – the so-called ‘vegan
Jamie Olivers’ behind BOSH!, the
plant-based YouTube cooking
channel revolutionising our eating
habits, one legume at a time.
It’s been four years since the
Sheffield-born friends quit
eating meat and dairy, and
began ‘veganising’ dinner time
favourites. From bolognese to
burgers, Ian and Henry have
devised thousands of meat, dairy
and even honey-free versions,
which they demonstrate in quick,
no-nonsense videos (hence bish,
bash, bosh!) on their website and
social channels.
Starting out in June 2016, and
now uploading a new recording
every day at 3pm, Henry and Ian’s
videos reach more than 25 million
people each month, with 1.5
billion views since they started.
On top of two best-selling
vegan cookbooks – the first is
the highest-selling of all-time –
towards the end of 2019, Henry
and Ian released How To Live
Vegan – a handbook endorsed
by Russell Brand, which will
apparently help you “save the
planet and feel amazing”.
They talk from experience.
Ian and Henry went vegan
overnight within six weeks of
each other after watching the
Netflix documentary Cowspiracy,
which they say laid bare the
environmental impact of animal
agriculture, and inspired a need
to take personal responsibility
for change.
“Animal agriculture is the biggest
contributor to planet change,
more than cars, trains, and planes
combined,” says Henry. “David
Attenborough has said we should
reduce our meat and dairy intake
to help the planet, and it’s known
that 25% of our personal carbon
footprint is down to the food and
drink we consume. The biggest
thing we can control individually
is changing our diet.”
Now here’s the astounding
bit – you don’t have to go fully
vegan to make a big difference.
Flexitarianism – “Eating less meat
and consuming more consciously,”

Henry (left) and Ian (right)
started out in 2016
Portraits | Nicky Johnston
Ian explains – is a fast growing
trend in the UK, aided by initiatives
such as ‘Veganuary’.
“Eating aware and doing your
research into what you’re eating
will arm you to be a conscious
consumer, or what we call a
‘mindful meatie’,” explains Henry.
“A really easy thing to do is meatfree
Monday. For breakfast have
granola, for lunch have a falafel
wrap, then for your evening meal,
some tomato pasta or a veggie
lasagne. If every single person in
the country decided to do meatfree
Monday, that would be a very
good place to start.”
Yet preachers they are not.
Instead, Henry and Ian hope that
developing appetising, plantbased
recipes everyone can enjoy,
will persuade even the most
diehard carnivores to slash their
meat consumption.
“BOSH! is about plant-based food
for everyone. It’s our mission to
make it as accessible as humanly
possible, to as many people as
possible,” says Ian.
“Flexitarians have all the buying
power,” adds Henry. “They doing
the bulk of the buying, so the
more vegan products that meateaters
buy, the more that will be
available, and the more likely
there will be subsidies for plantbased
food producers.”
Henry and Ian don’t pretend
to be doctors, nutritionists, or
dietitians, and while studies
galore highlight the health
advantages of well-planned vegan
eating – including reduced risk
of cardiovascular disease and
diabetes, plus better gut health
and immune system functioning
– they talk anecdotally of
improved health since adopting
a fully plant-based diet. They
WIN!
For a chance to win 'BOSH! How to Live Vegan', answer the following:
What percentage of our carbon footprint comes from food and drink?
Email your answer to competitions@happiful.com
T&Cs apply. Competition ends 23 January 2020
noticed better sleep and clearer
complexions, Henry claims his
long-term hay fever ceased after
giving up dairy, and he mentions
a pal whose “crippling sinusitis”
disappeared after he went vegan.
Ian’s “never had so much energy”,
and there are mental health
benefits, too.
“Vegan eating is about
compassion for yourself and your
own health, for animals, for the
planet, or for starving people as
well as the social justice angles,”
says Henry. “When I went vegan,
I felt better in myself and in my
choices, I was more congruent
with my ethics because I knew I
was eating in line with my ideals.”
Ian adds: “Every time you cook
a vegan meal, you can be safe in
the knowledge that you’re doing
a good thing, and it will give you
more satisfaction and hunger to
do it again. Cooking really is good
for your mental health.”
As I bid BOSH! farewell, they
dish out hugs and thrust a bag
of homemade chocolate-chip
cookies into my hand – vegan,
of course. Flexitarianism never
tasted so good… >>>

Bish Bash
BOSH!
tips to becoming
a mindful-meatie
1) PREP LIKE A VEGAN PRO
“Spend time reading books,
watching YouTube videos, and
get to grips with the theory
behind cooking plant-based food
because that’s going to be your
new norm,” advises Ian. “Then
open your cupboards and check
every label. If it’s not plant-based,
put it to one side, and choose
what you want to do with it – we
took ours to a food bank. Clear
your cupboards of potential
pitfalls and trip ups.”
2) ESSENTIAL INGREDIENTS
“Nutritional yeast is the must-have
ingredient for anyone looking to
substitute dairy cheese,” advises
Henry. “It gives an instant cheesy
flavour – it’s a bit weird raw, but
the minute you put it into a cheese
sauce it tastes perfectly cheesy!”
Tinned tomatoes, white or
brown pasta (only egg pasta isn’t
vegan) garlic, onions, salt and
pepper are kitchen must-haves.
Oh, and don’t forget chickpeas.
“Not only can you make the vegan
staple, hummus, but you can also
make aquafaba,” reveals Henry.
3) MOO-VE OVER, COW’S MILK
According to research, it takes
about 1,000 litres of water to make
one litre of dairy milk, compared
to 297 litres for the same amount
of soy milk. “Swapping dairy milk
and cheese is an easy and great
step to cut down on your carbon
footprint,” says Ian, adding
that shopping for plant-based
alternatives has never been easier.
“Walk into a supermarket and
you’ve got oat milk, almond milk,
soy milk, rice milk, hemp milk –
the list goes on and on.”
4) BYE BYE BEEF
“Beef is the meat with the highest
carbon footprint because of
cow’s farting,” explains Henry.
Put simply, cows produce a lot of
methane so feeding cows grass
contributes to the production of
greenhouse gases. “If everyone
in the UK cut out meat from one
meal a week, it would cut the UK’s
carbon footprint by 8% per year.
That’s the equivalent to taking 16
million cars off the road.”
5) EMBRACE COOKING
“You’re going to discover loads of
new foods – ingredients such as
tempeh (made from soy beans),
seitan (made from wheat gluten
and high in protein) and jackfruit
(a meaty substitute like pulled
pork),” explains Henry. “Retrain
yourself how to cook and then,
once you’ve nailed a few recipes,
try veganising your old favourites.”
6) EAT THE RAINBOW
“Try to pack your basket full of
colourful plant foods to get diversity
on to your plate,” says Ian, “and all
the fibre, potassium, magnesium,
vitamins, antioxidants and protein
your body needs – it’s good for your
tastebuds as well as your health!”
7) TAKE TIME FOR TEXTURE
Ian talks proudly of BOSH! being the
first to create the two tofu technique
scrambled egg – a mixture of
blended and crumbled silken tofu,
turmeric, black salt, spring onions,
dairy-free butter and garlic. “It has
the same mouth-feel, and tastes
the same, as scrambled egg, but
contains no cholesterol and is
packed full of protein,” he says.
8) COPE WITH CRITICISM
“We’ve found that an effective way
to tackle criticism is to not argue,
let people have their different
opinions, respect those opinions,
and try not to be too judgemental,”
says Henry. “By being the best you
can, you set an example for others
that eating vegan – or more vegan
– can be really great.”

Food photography | Lizzie Mayson
Shepherd's
pie
This is a staple family favourite, a
British classic. We make this with
our mushroom mince, which
we fry off first to create a really
meaty texture. Super tasty, super
hearty, serve this up to your
meaty friends and they won’t be
able to tell the difference.
SERVES 4–6
2 medium red onions
1 celery stick
3 garlic cloves
4 sun-dried tomatoes,
plus 2 tbsp oil from the jar
1 sprig fresh rosemary
3 sprigs fresh thyme
1 large carrot
500g mushrooms
2 tbsp tomato purée
1 tbsp yeast extract (eg. Marmite)
1 tbsp balsamic vinegar
250ml red wine
100ml vegetable stock
400g pre-cooked puy lentils
Salt and black pepper
FOR THE POTATO TOPPING
1.2kg Maris Piper or other floury
potatoes
40g dairy-free butter
150ml unsweetened plant-based milk
1 tbsp Dijon mustard
Preheat oven to 180°C
First make a start on the potato
topping. Peel and chop the
potatoes into large chunks. Put in a
saucepan, cover with cold water and
add a generous pinch of salt. Put
over a high heat, bring to the boil
and cook for 12–15 minutes. Drain
into a colander and leave to dry. Tip
back into the pan.
Now to the filling. Peel and finely
dice the red onions and celery. Peel
and grate the garlic. Finely chop
the sun-dried tomatoes. Remove
the leaves from the rosemary and
thyme by running your thumb and
forefinger from the top to the base of
the stems (the leaves should easily
come away), then finely chop .Peel
and finely chop the carrot. Put the
mushrooms in the food processor
and blitz to mince.
Put a second saucepan over a
medium heat. Pour in the sun-dried
tomato oil. Add the onion and a
small pinch of salt. Fry for 5 minutes,
stirring. Add the garlic, sun-dried
tomatoes, rosemary and thyme and
cook for 2 minutes. Add the carrot
and celery and stir for 4–5 minutes.
Add the mushrooms, turn up the
heat slightly and stir for 2–3 minutes,
until the mushrooms start to sweat.
Reduce the heat and cook for 5–7
minutes, stirring occasionally
Stir the tomato purée into the
pan. Add the yeast extract and
balsamic vinegar and stir for 1
minute. Add the red wine, stock
and lentils, turn up the heat and
simmer until most of the liquid has
evaporated, about 10 minutes. Taste,
season and take off the heat.
Mash the potatoes. Add the dairyfree
butter, milk and mustard to
the potatoes and mash until really
smooth. Taste and season.
Spread the filling over the bottom
of the lasagne dish. Spoon the
potato into a piping bag, if using,
and pipe tightly packed walnut-sized
whips of potato all over, otherwise
spoon over the potato and spread it
out with the back of a spoon, then
drag over a fork to make rows that
will catch and brown in the oven
Put the pie in the oven and bake
for 25–30 minutes, until starting
to crisp and turn golden brown.
Remove and serve.
‘BOSH! How To Live Vegan’ by Henry
Firth and Ian Theasby is out now.
Recipes from ‘BISH BASH BOSH!’ also
out now (HQ, HarperCollins).

Expert insight:
Binge drinking
One in five people admitted to hospital drink alcohol in a harmful way, with one in
10 officially being alcohol dependent. Could you, or a loved one, be a binge-drinker
without realising it? With help from accredited counsellor, Elaine McKenzie, we explore
how to recognise the signs, and how to find professional support
Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford
It’s easy to miss the fact that you
have a problem when you don’t
‘look like’ an alcoholic. If you’re
not drinking every night, you
don’t bulk buy cans of the cheap
stuff, or if you’re holding down a
steady job, it’s easy to think you
don’t have a problem.
No matter how open-minded
we think we are, many of us
assume alcoholism and addiction
in general has ‘a look’. If we’re
brutally honest, we assume
it’s a working class problem:
cheap booze and regular binges.
But that’s not the only face of
addiction in Britain.
A dear friend swears she doesn’t
have a problem. She doesn’t drink
often; three out of four weeks, she
doesn’t even have a glass of wine
after work. Yet when travelling for
work, she can’t recall how many
she’s had by the time the night
is through. Beers go down like
water, cocktails are flowing. It’s an
open bar – who wouldn’t get in on
the action?
Everything’s OK – it’s just part
of their team building. Three,
four, five nights out of a month. A
couple of welcome drinks before
the conference starts.
A few cheeky bottles over dinner
to impress the clients. Unlimited
cocktails as the team celebrate
making last quarter’s numbers. It’s
not a problem – honest.
EVERYONE’S AT IT
She’s not the only one. A 2018
study by the University of
Stirling, Scotland, found that an
overwhelming 85% of men and
women have experienced peer
pressure to drink, making it a key
influencing factor.
In 2019, research from King’s
College London revealed that
the harmful levels of alcohol use
are 10 times higher in hospital
inpatients, with 20% of the 1.65
million hospital inpatients using
alcohol in a harmful way.
WHY DO WE BINGE-DRINK?
With so much information,
guidelines, and warnings out
there, why do many of us still turn
to alcohol for comfort or as a way
of coping? Experienced therapist,
Elaine McKenzie, explains: “Our
subjective capacity to navigate
the complexities of life on life’s
terms, and to relate to others
can be challenging, and the
temptation to reach for something
to soothe is comforting. Seeking
to control uncertainty with food,
prescription medication or drugs,
and alcohol… In the short-term,
the chosen ‘crutch’ can assist,
but in the longer term? The
consequences to wellbeing are
significant to ourselves and those
closest to us.”
HOW TO SUPPORT A LOVED ONE
With so many risks surrounding
binge-drinking, what can we do if
we’re worried about a loved one?
“When behaviours become
destructive, those who care can
adopt an empathic approach,
and ask about what may be
worrying them, e.g. health,
work, or not being heard within
their relationship,” says Elaine.
“However, this can be tricky.
Intimate partners [can have] the
most difficulty in addressing the
other’s habitual or binge drinking.
It is essential that there is an
acceptance of the problem.”
When we address the elephant in
the room, this can lead to a sense
of shame and denial among those
with a problematic relationship
with alcohol. >>>
72 • happiful.com • January 2020

WHAT IS BINGE DRINKING?
According to the NHS, binge drinking
refers to drinking lots of alcohol in
a short space of time, or with the
intention of getting drunk. For men,
eight units (2.5 pints of 5% beer) of
alcohol in one session, or for women
six units (two large glasses of 12%
wine), classifies as binge drinking.

Helping them to recognise alcohol
is a crutch they are using to cope
with an underlying issue can be
tough, Elaine explains, but is an
essential part of the recovery
process.
“Maybe the most helpful
suggestion is to access objective,
professional support either from
one’s GP or a therapist. We all need
support from time to time.”
DITCHING THE ‘ONE SOLUTION’
MINDSET
There’s no such thing as ‘one size
fits all’ in life. The same can be
said of recovery. Counselling and
talking therapies can offer a safe
space to explore and uncover
issues and deeper problems, but
this isn’t always the best way for
each individual. If someone you
know and love is struggling with
their drinking, there are other
options available.
SUPPORT GROUPS AND
GROUP THERAPY
While these are distinctly different
kinds of groups, each share some
characteristics. Bringing together
people who are dealing with
similar issues or concerns in a
safe, open environment, each
offers the space to explore sharing
in a group setting.
These can help individuals
increase their sense of selfawareness,
make new connections
with others, and gain a sense of
community. They can be great
options for those who don’t feel
comfortable opening up in a oneto-one
setting, or who would like
to connect with others who are
experiencing similar issues.
Group therapy sessions are
typically led by a qualified
therapist, counsellor, or
psychologist, while support groups
may be run by a professional or
others who have experienced
similar issues themselves.
To find out more about
counselling and group therapy,
visit counselling-directory.org.uk
HYPNOTHERAPY
Working with a hypnotherapist
can help you to better understand
your body, identify and reduce the
causes of stress and anxiety, as
well as help tackle the underlying
emotions that may have lead to
binge drinking.
In a hypnotherapy session, you
can enter a focused, deep state of
relaxation, where you can become
more attuned with your body
and how you’re feeling. You can
learn to listen to what your body
is really feeling, start recognising
trigger emotions, and develop
new strategies to help deal with
underlying emotions. To find
out more about hypnotherapy
for addiction or stress, visit
hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk
AM I A BINGE-DRINKER?
• Do you regularly have more than
your week’s recommended units
of alcohol? Are these spread
through the week, or across
fewer than three sessions?
• Do you have more than six units
of alcohol at a time?
• Do you drink to get drunk?
These can all be indications
of binge drinking. If you are
concerned, speak with your GP, or
visit drinkaware.co.uk to find out
more about the associated risks.
NUTRITIONAL SUPPORT
It may not seem like the obvious
answer, but what we eat can have
a huge impact on our overall
mood and sense of wellbeing.
When feeling stressed, many turn
to alcohol as a means of dealing
with this increased pressure.
Although it can have an instant
calming effect on the body, in the
long-term, this consumption can
increase stress in our lives and
can even lead to addiction, trouble
sleeping, and a lower overall sense
of wellbeing.
If stress is a significant factor
in your (or a loved one’s) bingedrinking,
working with a
professional nutritionist could
be helpful in making longterm,
positive changes to your
diet. Offering tailored advice
and support, a professional
should look at your triggers and
contributing factors, as well as
underlying imbalances as part of
your initial assessment.
To find out more about how a
nutritional therapist could help,
visit nutritionist-resource.org.uk
SEEKING SUPPORT
Recognising you have a
problem is a huge step. Seeking
professional help and support
can feel daunting, but is the start
of making positive changes for
the better.
Encountering alcohol as part of
our daily lives is pretty inevitable
– in many ways it’s an unavoidable
part of our culture. Finding ways
to address underlying causes
of our destructive behaviours
can help to turn these stressful
situations into more manageable
events. With a little extra help and
support, we can bring the focus
back to what matters: ensuring
our health and wellbeing is a
priority, not an afterthought.
74 • happiful.com • January 2020

Bring mindfulness
to every day
Being present can reduce stress,
ease anxiety, and improve
self-awareness. Meditation
is a common way to practise
mindfulness, but it isn’t the
only way. Explore these easy
options for introducing mindful
moments to your daily routine
Writing | Kat Nicholls
SET AN INTENTION FOR THE DAY
So often we wake up to the
sound of our alarm, and jump
head-first into our to-do list for
the day. Try having a slower and
more mindful start to your day
by setting an intention when you
wake. Ask yourself what you want
to achieve, and what you want to
make space for.
Top tip: keep a journal by your bed
to note your intention, and try to do
it before picking up your phone and
scrolling.
MAKE A MINDFUL CUPPA
If you already start your day with
a cup of tea or coffee, why not
give it a mindful twist? Instead of
running through your day in your
head while making your brew,
pause and really pay attention to
what you’re doing.
Notice how it smells, the swirl
when you add your milk, feel the
warmth of the mug in your hands,
enjoy every delicious sip. Use this
as a chance to be in the moment
and allow thoughts and worries to
pass like clouds in the sky.
TAKE A DIFFERENT ROUTE
When we follow the same route,
it’s easy to get stuck on autopilot.
Think about the journeys you take
every day, such as your commute
to work or daily dog walk. How
often do you think about where
you’re going? Chances are it’s not
very often.
An easy way to become more
present is to change up your
routine and take a different route.
This will sharpen your senses,
as you focus on the novelty, and
which direction you need to go.
LOOK UP
Feeling overwhelmed? Something
simple you can do to calm down
and anchor yourself in the
moment is to head outside and
look up. Notice how the sky is
looking today – is it cloudy or
clear? Is it warm or cold? Can
you see any treetops or birds
overhead?
This simple act can often give
us a healthy dose of perspective,
as we’re reminded what an
incredible feat it is that earth
exists at all.
ACTIVELY LISTEN
We all do it: a friend or colleague
is telling us about their day and
we’re either thinking about
something else, or keeping one
eye on emails or our phone.
Next time you have a
conversation, try to be more
present. Put down any devices,
make eye contact, and actively
listen to what they’re saying.
Giving this kind of attention can
help to build more meaningful
connections.

Nourish your body
and soul with the
self-care cookbook
Plant-based chef Gemma Ogston reveals how
her experience of an eating disorder changed her
relationship with food, what self-care means to her, and
why we all deserve to eat well and look after ourselves
Writing | Kat Nicholls
Gemma and I have
something in common.
In our teenage years,
we both struggled with
anorexia – an eating
disorder that typically makes
you avoid food at all costs. So,
when I heard about her cookbook
exploring eating as the ultimate
form of self-care, I was instantly
intrigued.
Reading more about Gemma,
I learned that she turned to a
plant-based diet after a number
of miscarriages. “I had to have all
sorts of tests. I tried acupuncture,
and then I started looking into diet
and how food can help,” Gemma
says. “I didn't go totally vegan, but
I started eating much better – way
more plants and whole foods, and
now I have my two babies. I was
having treatment at the time as
well, but it just helped with my
mood and made me feel better.”
This gut-brain connection
is a growing conversation in
the wellness industry, and
fascinating for anyone, but
especially those recovering from
76 • happiful.com • January 2020

It's alright to have
a bit of chocolate
cake if that’s what
you want! It’s about
giving yourself
permission to do
that, rather than
getting sad about
it, and beating
yourself up
Photography | James Bellorini
an eating disorder. For Gemma,
she struggled with anorexia
between the ages of 12 and 17
in particular, but with time she
slowly recovered. However, as
we both agree, it can be tough to
ever feel fully recovered from an
eating disorder.
“It’s just, always there isn’t it?”
Gemma says. “And I know for
me, when I eat rubbish, it just
makes me feel bad. It makes
my mood low. And then those
negative feelings start coming
back.” >>>
January 2020 • happiful.com • 77

This is exactly why she wanted
the recipes in her book to be
both physically and mentally
nourishing. She avoids using
phrases like ‘guilt-free’ and tells me
it’s more about taking care over the
food you’re eating, and making it a
pleasurable experience.
“All of the recipes in the book
look good and are inviting. You’ve
taken a bit of care over them –
maybe you’ve made it look really
bright and colourful, and that
in itself is an act of self-care.
Choosing foods that are healthy,
that make you feel good, they
set off your serotonin levels and,
rather than making you crash and
feel down, they do the opposite.”
But the ultimate act of self-care
is, of course, listening to your body
and what it needs. “It’s alright to
have a bit of chocolate cake if that’s
what you want!” Gemma notes. “It’s
about giving yourself permission
to do that, rather than getting sad
about it, and beating yourself up.”
Having worked as an addiction
counsellor in women’s projects
for more than a decade, Gemma
has an in-depth understanding of
treating yourself with compassion,
especially while in recovery.
“I was in the mental health sector
for 15 years, working in the NHS
with women with serious drug and
alcohol issues,” says Gemma.
This is where her passion for
mood foods really began, but
cooking has always been a big part
of Gemma’s life. Growing up in a
big family, as the youngest of five,
everyone had chores to do around
the house, so Gemma’s mum
taught her to cook.
Things progressed when
Gemma’s kids were little though,
when the family decided to up
sticks and start a new adventure
living in Barcelona, Spain, for a
few years. “I set up a little vegan
take-away, and I used to do these
bento boxes for well-known DJs
who were travelling in and out of
Barcelona.”
From there, her business only
grew. The family moved back to
Brighton, UK, and she launched
Gem’s Wholesome Kitchen,
offering ‘nourish’ packages (plantbased
food that gets delivered),
cooking workshops, and supper
clubs – and works with clients
such as Zoe Ball and Poppy Deyes.
But with a young family and
running a business, unsurprisingly
Gemma leads a hectic lifestyle.
Self-care
isn’t selfish –
it’s essential
for life
With her focus on nourishing
yourself, she knows the
importance of practising what she
preaches, and utilising her selfcare
activities. Aside from food,
making time to get to the gym
is important to her, along with
connecting with other people.
However, she is also clear on her
boundaries, and explains that
saying no to people is also key.
“That’s something I’ve been
doing the past few years, saying no
to things that I don’t really want to
do – or if I do them, then it’s going
to mean that I’m tired. It’s about
choosing to do things that serve
you and your family, rather than
doing stuff to please other people.”
As many of us know though,
as much as we can have good
intentions with self-care, so often
busy schedules take over and
we just seem to not have enough
time. Gemma’s response to that?
Prioritise it.
“I think making it a priority is
something everyone can do. It
could just be going for a walk at
lunchtime – getting out of the
office to have a breath of fresh air
and sit on your own – or making a
conscious effort to do something
for you every day, whatever that
may be.”
And to help with those struggling
for time, Gemma has ensured
the recipes in her book are quick
to make, affordable, and that the
ingredients can be found in most
supermarkets. Her aim is to take
the stress out of cooking, and to
make cooking an enjoyable act of
self-care for all.
“Self-care isn’t selfish – it’s
essential for life,” Gemma says.
“You’re not selfish by taking
some time out on your own. It’s
something we should all do every
day. But people don’t, and it’s a
shame because we all deserve it –
we all deserve to have five minutes
of peace to ourselves, or whatever
that may be. And to eat well, of
course.”
And with that in mind, you
are invited to take some time
for yourself to make a batch of
brownies from the recipe here, get
a cup of tea, sit back and relax. You
deserve it.
78 • happiful.com • January 2020

‘The Self-Care Cookbook’ by
Gemma Ogston is published
by Vermilion (£14.99)
Optional toppings:
Chopped walnuts and slivered
almonds
Freeze-dried raspberries
Edible rose petals
Dreamy brownies
MAKES 8 | Prep time: 10 minutes,
plus 1 hour to chill
When you’re feeling a bit low,
something sweet can be a real
cure-all. These brownies are so
delicious, you won’t believe they
are such a healthy snack. They
will give you all the TLC you need,
as cacao is full of minerals and
vitamins to boost your mood
and energy levels, dates are a
wonderful natural sweetener, and
the nuts add protein.
150g pecans or walnuts
150g dates, soaked in hot water for
10 minutes
6 tbsp cacao powder
5 tbsp desiccated coconut
3 tbsp honey or maple syrup
A pinch of sea salt
For the icing
150g dates, soaked in hot water for
10 minutes (save the water after
soaking)
4 tbsp raw cacao powder
2 tbsp coconut oil
Method
• Blitz the nuts in a food processor
until crumbly. Add the dates
and blitz again until the
mixture sticks together. Add the
remaining ingredients and blend
until the mixture turns a lovely
dark brown. (If you don’t have
a food processor, chop the nuts
and dates finely and combine
with the rest of the ingredients
to make a fairly firm brownie
mixture.)
• Line a 20cm square cake tin with
baking paper and spoon the
mixture into it, pressing down
firmly.
• For the icing, put all the
ingredients in a food processor or
blender with 50ml of the reserved
date-soaking liquid, and blitz for
a few minutes until smooth. Add
a little water if needed.
• Using a spatula, spread the icing
on top of the brownie mix. Top
with any decorations, then chill
in the fridge until ready to serve.
• I usually slice the brownies
before putting in the fridge to
chill, as they are easier to cut
before they have been chilled.
January 2020 • happiful.com • 79

“
The distance is nothing,
when one has a motive
– JANE AUSTEN, PRIDE AND PREJUDICE
Photography | Alberto Bianchini

Unconventional
approaches
to anxiety
If tried and tested
treatments aren’t helping
your anxiety, where can
you turn?
Writing | Kat Nicholls
Before I went to the
doctor about my
anxiety, I knew what
was going to be on
offer. Working as a writer within
the mental health industry, I
was pretty familiar with anxiety
treatments, and wasn’t surprised
when cognitive behavioural
therapy (CBT) was on the table.
CBT is often the first port of
call when treating anxiety and,
in my case, it was everything I
needed. Talking therapies, selfhelp
approaches, group support,
and medication, can all work
brilliantly. For some, however,
these either don’t help or aren’t
enough. We’re all unique and
our experiences of anxiety will
differ. Some of us need a different
approach.
Luckily, there are many options
that can help with anxiety. >>>

From ‘tapping’ to adjusting your
diet, we look into some alternative
approaches you can consider if
conventional routes aren’t quite
cutting it.
Here we’ve highlighted a few
approaches you may not have
thought of before, but what’s
important to know for anyone
living with anxiety is that you do
have options. If one approach
doesn’t help, explore others that
resonate with you. Just like finding
the right life partner, you may
have to kiss a few frogs to find the
one – but the right treatment will
be worth it.
HYPNOTHERAPY
Working with our subconscious
mind, hypnotherapy is
becoming increasingly popular
as a treatment. To learn more
about the approach, I spoke to
hypnotherapist and author Chloe
Brotheridge.
“Hypnotherapy is about
making positive changes at a
subconscious level,” says Chloe.
“During a session, clients get
into a deeply relaxed state, and I
use various techniques, such as
making positive suggestions and
using visualisation, to help the
unconscious mind take on new,
empowering thoughts, feelings,
and behaviours.”
She explains that there is no
showbiz-style finger clicking
involved, no clucking like a
chicken – the client remains in
control the whole time. “Many
people start to notice a positive
change right away,” she adds.
Like any treatment, of course,
hypnotherapy isn’t a magic bullet.
The level to which it works will
depend on your circumstances,
and how ‘open’ to suggestion
you are. However, as Chloe says,
results can be quick and powerful,
especially when used for anxiety
disorders.
“Anxiety is a very subconscious
process; no one chooses to have a
racing heart or intrusive thoughts.
The physical and automatic
aspects of anxiety come from the
subconscious mind, and often
have their roots in childhood
experiences, and things you
learned or took on board from
parents. Hypnotherapy allows you
to reprogramme the subconscious
reasons you experience anxiety, so
you can be free of it.”
Other tools Chloe recommends
in her book, The Anxiety Solution,
include meditation, journaling,
and being mindful of the way you
speak to yourself. Showing yourself
kindness is vital, she says, if you’re
anxiety-prone.
You can learn more about Chloe’s
work at calmer-you.com. Find a
hypnotherapist in your local area
using hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk
‘Other techniques may include
meditation, journaling, and being
mindful of the way you speak to yourself’
Showing yourself
kindness is
vital if you’re
anxiety-prone
82 • happiful.com • January 2020

EMOTIONAL FREEDOM
TECHNIQUE (EFT)
Can tapping different parts of
your body alleviate anxiety?
Emotional Freedom Technique
(EFT) practitioners believe so. I
talked to energy healer and EFT
practitioner, Louise French, to
learn more about this seemingly
simple technique.
When describing EFT, Louise
tells me it’s a form of emotional
acupuncture, without the
needles. “It’s based on the
principle that all negative
emotions are the result of a
disruption in the body’s energy
system, which is caused by a
distressing memory. The process
is simple, and can be quickly and
easily learned.”
She explains that the process
involves lightly tapping different
acupuncture points on the upper
body, face, and hands. While you
tap, you think about a specific
thought, memory, or feeling.
“By acknowledging how we feel
while tapping on various points,
we release blockages in our
energetic system.”
So how does tapping reduce
anxiety, you might be wondering?
Louise explains that it’s down to
the way our brain works.
“There is a primitive part of
our brains, called the amygdala,
which controls our emotions
and the fight or flight response.
Tapping on various points of
our face and body sends gentle
vibrations along these meridian
points directly to the amygdala,
reducing its fear or anxiety
response signals to our body.”
Louise says that after individuals
use EFT, they often report a
feeling of “release, calmness and
a sense of peace”.
Part of the appeal of EFT is that
it can be practised alone. You
can learn the technique and take
anxiety management into your
own hands. Louise highlights,
however, that practitioners
are trained to hold space for
the individual and offer a new
perspective.
Learn about Louise’s work at
therapiesbylouise.com. To explore
EFT and other complementary
therapies in more detail, check out
therapy-directory.org.uk
NUTRITION
Most of us know that eating a
balanced diet is good for our
health, but more and more
research is showing a link between
gut health and mental health. To
get a clearer picture of how what
we eat impacts anxiety, I spoke
with nutritionist Amanda Allan.
“Nutrition can help to ensure
we have a healthy digestive tract,
so nutrients are absorbed and
sufficient ‘feel good’ chemicals can
be produced by our beneficial gut
bacteria,” Amanda says. “Digestive
problems including indigestion,
reflux, nausea, and other IBS
conditions, can be physical
symptoms of stress and anxiety,
but also contribute to anxiety.”
Keeping blood glucose levels
stable is important, as Amanda
explains that when we have
low glucose levels, we can feel
symptoms of anxiety more.
“Stimulants like caffeine, nicotine,
sugar, artificial sweeteners, too
much alcohol, refined foods, and
insufficient sleep, can adversely
affect our blood glucose levels.”
The good news is that there are
some simple changes we can make
to our diets to improve things.
Amanda explains that eating
slowly helps us to digest the food,
and absorb beneficial nutrients –
so this should be our first tactic.
Foods that contain omega 3
oils – like oily fish and seeds –
have an anti-inflammatory effect
on the brain, and foods that
contain magnesium – such as
nuts and leafy greens – which
encourages relaxation, are also
advised. To keep our digestive
health happy, Amanda tells me
fermented foods such as kefir
and sauerkraut are ideal.
Avoiding a sugary, caffeinefuelled
breakfast is another
recommendation, as this can
lead to low glucose levels later
in the day, triggering anxiety. “A
better alternative is to include
foods that have protein, fibre,
and antioxidants, such as oats
with yoghurt, seeds and fruit, or
eggs with wholemeal toast and
tomatoes.”
Find out more about Amanda
at amanda-allan.com, or find a
nutritionist in your local area on
nutritionist-resource.org.uk
January 2020 • happiful.com • 83

Is mental health on your company agenda?
We believe mental health first aid training should be given equal importance to physical
first aid training in every workplace. If you would like to become a mental health first aider
at work, Happiful can train you, and we've created this email template to help you explain
the benefits to your boss
Dear ,
I'd like to become a mental health first aider for
and I'm hoping you can help.
Here are some of the reasons why
will benefit from offering Mental Health First Aid training to our
employees:
1. Build staff confidence to have open conversations around mental
health, and break the stigma in the office and in society.
2. Encourage people to access early support when needed. Early
intervention means faster recovery.
3. Empower people with a long-term mental health issue or disability
to thrive in work, and ensure that we are compliant with legislation
in the Equality Act 2010.
4. Promote a mentally healthy environment, and allow people to thrive
and become more productive.
5. Embed a long-term, positive culture across the whole organisation,
where our employees recognise their mental and physical health are
supported as equal parts of the whole person.
6. Proudly share that mental health is on our company agenda, and
improve retention as a result of a reduction in staff stress levels.
Happiful offers two-day mental health first aid training courses for
individuals across the country for £235 + VAT per person, and they
can also offer bespoke courses on-site at our workplace if we have a
minimum of eight attendees.
Yours sincerely,
Did you know that stress,
anxiety, and depression
are the biggest causes of
sickness absence in our
society?
Mental ill-health is
currently responsible for
91 million working days
lost each year. The cost
to UK employers is £34.9
billion each year.*
Happiful has partnered
with Simpila Healthy
Solutions to offer
internationally recognised
courses and training
events in the UK.
Each course is delivered
by an accredited Mental
Health First Aid England
instructor and is delivered
in a safe, evidence-based
programme.
Proudly working with
*Source: MHFA England
SIMPILA
Healthy Solutions
To register your company’s interest or to book an
individual place, visit training.happiful.com or
drop us an email at training@happiful.com
84 • happiful.com • November 2019

TRUE LIFE
Redundancy forced
me to fight back
Claire Haye’s life turned upside down with the news
of her redundancy, leaving her filled with self-doubt,
and unable to picture her future. Through exploring
her options, and with the support of CBT, she
realised the change could have been the best thing
to happen to her
Writing | Claire Haye
“ Your role has
been deleted,
so I’m afraid
we will be
putting you at risk of
redundancy.”
This is what my manager
said to me one afternoon
in October 2018, while
in a small office sitting
opposite her and a woman
from HR. The actual
words spoken were not
what I heard though. In
my head, that sentence
said, ‘You are a failure.
You are not wanted. You
are dispensable!’ My mind
raced at 100 miles an hour.
How were we going to pay
the bills? Would we lose
our home? How would
this affect us trying for
children? How long did I
have? What did I do wrong?
A restructure was
expected, and I had
actually been pushing
for some sort of change.
My team were feeling
overworked and
undervalued, but it had
been nearly a year since
the first discussions had
taken place, so most of
us had started to doubt
anything would ever
actually happen. I knew
there was a risk, but
naively thought the worst
case would be a slight drop
in salary.
I had worked at the
company for six years,
after relocating the 240
miles from Weymouth to
Loughborough to live with
my partner Ritch. The job
had a familiarity that you
get when you’re settled
somewhere – just knowing
what I was doing, and the
people around me, made
it comfortable.
That day I left work
early, and drove home
feeling numb, not sure
how to break the news
to Ritch. I know it scared
him to see me walk into
the living room, clutching
my lunch bag while
uncontrollably sobbing.
He probably thought
someone had died. He
was patient, let me cry,
finally explain, and then
just hugged me saying it
would all be OK – but I
couldn’t see how.
Later that day I told my
mum, then family, and my
close friends. It was hard
for me to tell people as
I felt a complete failure,
plus I had to keep it quiet
until the whole company
was told in March 2019.
Colleagues would be
asking me to get involved
in projects, but inside I
was thinking about the
fact that soon I wouldn’t
even be there. >>>
January 2020 • happiful.com • 85

Those close to Claire were her rocks
It’s fair to say I was not
prepared for the impact it
would have on my mental
health – I realised my
identity had been built
around my job. Only a
week before, I had written
a career plan, personal
values, and signed up
to take part in coaching
sessions. I planned to be
a director in seven years,
but suddenly that vision
was all being taken away,
and there was nothing I
could do about it.
I had some really dark
times in the days that
followed; I didn’t want
to get out of bed, lost my
appetite, and cut myself off
from the world. The truth
is I was broken, and didn’t
know how to process it.
The pressure made me feel
emotional and physically
The truth is I was broken, and
didn’t know how to process it
unwell with sickness and
migraines. The doctor
diagnosed a kidney
infection, so I hoped some
antibiotics would help it all
go away, but it was just a
symptom of my stress and
not the cause.
Those closest to me were
my rocks, always telling
me I was amazing and
to kick ass. The hardest
thing was when colleagues
complained to me about
their role, and I just
wanted to scream in their
face: ‘At least you have a
job!’ Looking back, several
people were very kind, but
I wasn’t in the headspace
to appreciate it.
I had wobbly days, where
dread would overwhelm
me, and I’d physically
shake. My happy place
was curled up on the sofa
with a blanket, curtains
drawn and doors locked.
If I had to leave the house,
even to the take the bins
out, then I would count
the seconds until I could
get back inside. This really
scared me, so in November
2018 I decided it was time
to see my doctor again. She
talked to me about how I
was feeling emotionally,
mentally, and physically.
The doctor prescribed me
diazepam, and suggested
I self-refer to counselling
services.
During that time I also
read a lot on wellbeing,
mindfulness, and human
psychology. This helped
me to understand that I
was mourning the loss of
a job I had not planned
to leave, so just like grief
there would be phases
to recovery. Enough was
enough, so I decided to
stop feeling like a victim
and start taking control
– which for me meant
making a plan.
I spent all of December
doing everything I could
to improve the chances
of me getting a job –
from updating my CV to
networking on Linkedin,
and practising interview
skills. Previously I had
always been employed
when applying for jobs,
so there was a safety net,
but this time I felt more
pressure – securing a new
role was vital.
I started applying for
everything and anything
in my pay bracket, and
then taking more and
more of a pay cut. I had
a library of applications;
one personal statement
for this role and a different
for that. I churned
out application after
application, and there was
no response.
86 • happiful.com • Janaury 2020

Eventually, Claire rediscovered her confidence
The cognitive behaviour
therapy (CBT) counselling
I received in January
2019 started to help; first
discussing everything on
my mind and then what
I wanted to get out of
each session. We decided
to focus on managing
panic, breaking down
perfectionism, and
improving assertiveness.
The main thing was
breaking my peoplepleasing
tendencies so
I was able to say no, and
not feel the need to justify
my reasons.
Strangely, the job at a
local university that I
thought was my longest
shot was where I was
invited to interview in
March 2019. On the day,
I went back and forth
about whether to go.
Even as I drove to the
venue, I was just going to
turn around and go back
home, but I carried on. I
had a few mind blanks,
and having prepared
notes really helped me,
but I got through it and
they offered me the
job! Apparently it was
a unanimous decision,
which makes me smile.
One thing I learned is
that ‘I’m fine’ is the biggest
lie. It’s not a bad phrase,
just never a very accurate
one. In hindsight,
redundancy was one
of the best things that
happened to me, forcing
me to take a jump from a
role I was comfortable in,
to something completely
new. I love my new job,
with a brilliant bunch of
people, and in a learning
environment that is full of
energy. I’ve kept in touch
with some people I used to
work with, and now enjoy
having friendships. My
confidence has returned,
and not only do I have a
new career path, but I am
now part of a local rock
choir – which is amazing
considering I can’t sing,
but who cares!
One thing I learned is that
‘I’m fine’ is the biggest lie.
It’s not a bad phrase, just
never a very accurate one
OUR EXPERT SAYS
Claire’s story will resonate
with anyone who has
experienced the effects
of redundancy. The
prospect of it often feels
frightening. It affects how
we view the future, and
can be a big knock to our
confidence levels.
However, as Claire
found, it doesn’t have to
be that way. Although
it took her time, once
she sought professional
help and began to take
control of her journey
again, opportunities
started to appear. Once
we understand that we
still have choices, value
and hope, we can turn
something negative into
a positive change – and
a brighter
future than
we’d even
imagined!
Rachel Coffey | BA MA NLP Mstr
Life coach
January 2020 • happiful.com • 87

Embrace
imperfection
Book
Review
Living your best life doesn’t have to mean nailing everything first
time. Discover how to stop comparing, and start living
Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford
New year,
new you,
and all that
other jazz
that – let’s be honest –
is normally forgotten
before January’s over.
We all start off with
the best intentions, but
how many of us really
stick to our resolutions?
I can’t even remember
what mine was last year
– can you?
Making positive
changes is always a
commendable effort. So
why do we wait until an
arbitrary time of year
to get started? Better
yet, why do so many of
us give up on our new
goals after just one little
slip-up?
Author Candi Williams’
new book, How To
Be Perfectly Imperfect,
seeks to address our
problem with perfection,
overcome feelings that
may be holding us back,
and start learning how
to love ourselves – quirks
and all.
The problem with
perfection
Every day we’re
bombarded with images
of perfection. From
the moment we wake
up to see the perfect
smiles of presenters
on morning TV, to the
adverts on the Tube
during our morning
commute, right along
to hours lost scrolling
through Instagram in
the evening.
We take in so many
messages about
perfection, it’s no
wonder we feel the
pressure. But as author
Candi explains, perfect
doesn’t equal happy.
The best way to be
happy is to stop trying to
be perfect.
Often disguised as
ambition, drive, or
motivation, while these
can be good things,
as Candi explores
throughout her book,
when we set impossibly
high standards for
ourselves, it can become
exhausing. When we
start seeing anything
less than perfection
as failure, we risk
ignoring our successes
and progress. Instead,
our aim should be to
be better than we were
yesterday.
Filled with quotes,
thought-provoking
definitions, and simple
tasks to help readers
break out of their
perfectionist mindset
and start creating
healthier, more
sustainable habits, each
chapter gets readers to
reconsider their need
to strive for perfection,
and to start living more
mindfully.
Overcoming that
feeling of not being
good enough
Throughout Perfectly
Imperfect, the author
reminds readers that
they are human. We all
have our limits, flaws,
and needs. These are
things to be celebrated
and embraced, not
overcome or to feel
ashamed of. Through
simple, easy to try
exercises, learn to

ecognise your limits
and take the time
to slow down by
questioning:
Is this realistic?
What are my stress levels?
How can I break this
down into something
more achievable?
What’s the actual impact
of good, not perfect?
In a world where
everyone is searching
for perfection, it’s
important to remember
that perfection in an
imperfect world isn’t
a realistic, achievable
goal. Acknowledging
this, and learning how
to move forward, can
greatly boost our overall
sense of wellbeing.
While there are many
interesting activities
and exercises you
can try scattered
throughout the book, in
places it can feel a little
‘style-over-substance’.
Although what it has
to say is undoubtedly
valuable, the ratio of
quotes to actionable
advice can feel a little off
in places.
Goodbye perfection,
hello freedom
Should I buy this? If
you’ve ever struggled
with letting go of control,
and accepting that your
effort is just as important
as the outcome, then yes
– this is the book for you.
Filled with helpful
advice, tips, and words
of wisdom, Perfectly
Imperfect not only
highlights the dangers
of striving for the
impossible, it fosters a
sense of positivity and
self-belief. Focusing on
the idea that it is always
enough to have done
If you liked this, you’ll love...
365 Ways To Be Confident
by Summersdale
Filled with self-care ideas,
practical tips, motivating
activities, and mood-boosting
statements, spark your selfconfidence
now.
The Gifts Of
Imperfection
by Brene Brown
Leading expert on shame,
authenticity, and belonging,
Brene Brown, PhD, shares
her research on engaging
with the world from a place
of worthiness.
your best, this book
can help you learn how
striving for perfection
can negatively impact
your mental health
and wellbeing, along
with how you can
make positive changes
to put your wellbeing
first. With the advice
and guidance woven
throughout Perfectly
Imperfect, you can
discover how to focus on
feeling like you are good
enough without losing
your overarching sense
of motivation, positivity,
and encouragement.
Beautifully put
together, and straightforward
to read, if you
struggle to fit in time
for self-improvement
and self-care, I highly
recommend trying this
book. The activities
are thought-provoking
without being time-
Must
Reads
Kintsugi
by Tomas
Navarro
Embrace your imperfections
using teachings behind the
Japanese practice of Kintsugi
– patching broken ceramic
with gold – to turn flaws into
things of beauty.
consuming, meaning that
you can easily dip in and
out rather than needing
to sit down and dedicate
a large chunk of time to
self-improvement.
Make 2020 your
year of freedom.
It’s time to ditch the
perfectionist mindset,
and start making small,
sustainable changes for
the better.
How To Be Perfectly
Imperfect by Candi
Williams
(Available from 9 January
2020, Vie, £9.99)
GREAT FOR...
• Those who struggle
with a need for
perfection
• Readers who’ve ever
felt ‘not good enough’
• Anyone looking to
make positive changes
in 2020, and beyond

Mental health
matters
Eco-activist Lizzie Carr is on a mission.
First realising our plastic problem when
she took up paddle boarding following
cancer treatment, Lizzie also found the
mental health perks of spending time
outside. Here, we learn about what
inspires Lizzie to do what she does
Follow Lizzie on Instagram
@lizzie_outside
Mental health matters to me
because… I was diagnosed with
cancer in 2013 when I was 26
years old and, as a result, my
anxiety spiralled. My initial
response was to withdraw from
friends and family. I developed
an unhealthy determination to
deal with the aftermath alone,
so I wasn’t disrupting anyone
else’s happiness. It took me a
long time to recover and realise
that opening up is an incredibly
healing process.
When I need to escape I… find
water – whether it’s the beach, a
river, or my local canal. It instils
a sense of calm in me that forces
a hard reset, and helps me find
perspective when I’m at my most
anxious.
After spending time in nature I
feel… energised and restored.
Nature is the antidote to anxiety,
for me.
When I need support I… draw on
the mechanisms I have learned
over the years. Anything from
adopting simple breathing
techniques and yoga, to
drinking green tea, paddle
boarding, or calling up someone
close to me. There’s no silver
bullet approach for me, and it’s
taken a lot of trial and error to
figure out what works.
When I need some self-care, I…
pack up my paddle board and
head out on an adventure.
The books I turn to time and
again are… Matt Haig’s Notes
on a Nervous Planet, and I
enjoy reading Brene Brown
– her perspective is very
enlightening.
People I find inspiring online
are… the ones who are
honestly and unapologetically
themselves, and are creating a
space for other people to do the
same thing. @GinaMartin,
@FlorenceGiven, @shona_
vertue, and @i_weigh on
Instagram, and @brenebrown
on Twitter are a breath of fresh
air. They’re amplifying voices
and raising awareness on
important issues, and telling
their truth. They really own their
space, that’s inspirational to me.
Three things I would say to
someone experiencing mental illhealth
are… if you’re struggling
to find words, remember that
silence doesn’t invalidate your
feelings or experiences – it
doesn’t make you unworthy
or inadequate. But finding a
trusted space to open up and
talk can be incredibly healing.
I was stunned by the number
of people experiencing a lot of
emotions that I had assumed
were just mine.
The moment I felt most proud of
myself was… earlier this year,
when I coordinated more than
100 Plastic Patrol cleanups
across 18 countries around the
world in one day. Volunteers
removed and logged more than
50,000 pieces of rubbish in the
Plastic Patrol app, all on a single
day. To see how the movement
has grown, from me on a onewoman
crusade just three years
ago, makes me feel incredibly
proud.
Photography | Andy Hargraves

Photography | Brian
“
You can, you should, and
if you’re brave enough
to start, you will
– STEPHEN KING
December 2018 • happiful • 91

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