Siouxland Magazine - Volume 2 Issue 2

non-profit
community
family
small business
people
So many questions are a part of a major life decision – and
this was a major life decision. What is the impact to me if I
say yes or no? What is the impact on my marriage? How
is this disagreement about family already impacting my
marriage? My mental well-being? What will fill the void?
What new dream will take the place of motherhood?
Would making a final decision make it easier to go to
family events and face all the questions there? The wellmeaning,
innocently asked but deeply painful questions
of – when are you having kids? Should we send the
maternity clothes to your house next? Could I reveal the
secret marital struggle to my family?
My decision to support my husband and agree to no
family together, meant eight more years of marriage.
Eight years that were not unhappy. Eight years that led
to a focus on more education and a career – something I
probably wouldn’t have done otherwise. Eight years of
being more attuned to the impact of innocent questions
that can have painful consequences for people struggling
with fertility or marital strife or any other sort of personal
issue that is not public. Ultimately though, my void was
not filled, he wrestled with guilt and we escaped into
individual interests rather than drawing closer together.
Another series of self-reflective questions led me to
decide I was done living a lonely life with someone. Do
you know that it can be far lonelier to be with someone
who is absent than to be alone?
What was the process for artificial insemination? What did it
cost? How do you select a donor? What will people think?
How will I react to those who judge the decision?
I can tell you these aren’t easy questions and there isn’t one
‘right’ answer for everyone. The decision I made was not
a flip decision. It wasn’t made on a whim. It was the result
of months – more than a year – of wrestling with questions
myself, talking them out with friends, family and a counselor,
getting a lot of different opinions and perspectives as well as
hours of prayer for guidance.
Whatever that major life decision is that you are wrestling
with – changing careers, changing marital status, choosing
a college, starting a family, adopting/fostering – whatever
decision it is, ask a lot of questions over and over and
over again. And then take a leap. You’ll never have all the
answers, there will always be more questions. Trust yourself
and make a decision knowing that you’ve analyzed and
come to the best decision you can at that point. Then don’t
look back. Don’t question the decisions made – just look
ahead to the next chapter of your life.
What next?
Rediscovering who you are is a journey of
questions. What makes me happy? How do
I define myself? What fills my soul? What
impact do I want to make in the world?
My journey involved professional career exploration
as well. On one return trip from Minneapolis, where I
had interviewed for a new position, I found an answer. I
didn’t want a new job. I didn’t want to move. I wanted
what I had always wanted – to be a mom.
This seemed preposterous. And then a friend said – why
not do it yourself? You can become a mom without a
husband. You can have artificial insemination. You are
financially stable, secure in your career and have a great
support system. You can do it.
And a new series of questions emerged. Could I really do
it? Was it selfish? What was it like to be a single parent?
Cyndi holding her newborn daughter.
In all the questioning of my life, I have never questioned the
decision I made in August 2007 that ultimately led to the
arrival of my daughter on July 27, 2008.
Dr. Cyndi Hanson and her daughter enjoy exploring the
world and asking a lot of questions together. Cyndi is also the
Executive Director of Northeast Community College’s South
Sioux City Extended Campus. This position allows her to use her
experiences with questions to guide interactions with students.
Photos contributed by Cyndi Hanson.