Siouxland Magazine - Volume 2 Issue 2

alance
Inside and out.
Send
Ask the Therapist
By Jackie Paulson
Question: “I’d like some advice on the first steps
towards repairing communication between my
husband and I. I used to be more vocal about my needs
and wants, mostly in regards to sharing household
duties, but he’s become defensive over time. I have
drastically reduced my requests and comments to
him in order to avoid conflict. I am highly mindful
of not “nagging” and so I stay silent but what this is
doing is building resentment. How do I say what I
need without criticizing? How do I communicate with
him in a way that helps him understand what I need
or want so I don’t have to keep stuffing my thoughts
and feelings?”
First, Thank you, reader, for sharing your experience with all of
us. I believe many couples can relate to this experience, not
only in their home with their partners, but with other people
in their lives as well! Communication, both what is being said
and not said in relationships, can be powerful both to the
demise, as well as the success of those relationships.
your
questions to the
therapist.
As I contemplate this question, there are numerous ways
to begin exploring this common dynamic in, especially,
intimate partnerships. Including; conflict management,
communication styles, boundary work and codependency,
the list goes on! When I further meditated on it, see it I only
have a small article to work with and not an entire book (trust
me, I could write that much on this one question alone!), I
was able to connect with what each of these topics have in
common. TRUST + INTIMACY.
I find that most of my work these days, no matter what
the scenario, swirls these two pivotal dimensions of life. It
seems we all are longing to loved and to belong. I truly, do
believe that this is oftentimes the motivation driving all of
our behaviors whether healthy or unhealthy they may be.
First, let’s define what it actually means to trust and to be
intimate. According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary:
Trust is an assured reliance on the character, ability, strength,
or truth of someone or something; one in which confidence
is placed; dependence on something in the future; it is
HOPE.