Siouxland Magazine - Volume 2 Issue 2

Siouxland Magazine | Balance /40
Does my fear of loss, abandonment, betrayal cloud my
perspective and cause me to overact?
Is my mistrust coming from something that is actually
happening in the present, or is it related to my past?
Do I feel comfortable asking for what I need and allowing
myself to be vulnerable?
Do I bring my best self to my interactions with my partner?
Do I possess self-love and allow myself to be loved and
respected?
We can often tell when our past wounds are taking over
when we become reactive. When the above question says
“our best self”, it is that part of us that is calm, centered
and connected in the moment. I call this the Self with the
capital “S”. Whenever we have moved into reactivity - pain
is present, the Self often gets overridden by protectors
within us that wants to prevent us from feeling that pain
(i.e. defense mechanisms). It is in this moment, that we
must first turn inward and be curious about what inside of
us is really needing to be heard - by ourselves first - in that
moment and then through the Self respond to our partner
in the way of love, trusting that they have our best interest
at heart, as we do them.
In summary, I invite you to lean into to your own heart and
be curious about what is needing to be heard and held
within you right now. Practice mindfulness (being present
in the moment) in order to soften the edges within your
own body and mind so that you can then go toward your
partner instead of away from them. If you have the desire
or curiosity to see what might happen, allow yourself to
open to him or her in a way that builds the foundation of
trust. In my work with couples, I have found that conflict can
be an incredible resource for developing deeper intimacy.
It begins with creating a safe environment to connect. We
learn so much about ourselves and our partners amidst
conflict, that it can deepen the connection that you have
with all of life. Since you have no control over another
person, begin with yourself. Ask yourself; How can I do my
part in mending and creating a safe environment for my
partner and I to work with one another and weave love
back into the equation. Stop gripping and open yourself
to the process. One of my favorite quote by the author
David Deida sums this up.
“Practice surrendering not to your own fears, nor to the
demands of an there, but directly to love. Do you best
to feel through your own resistance...Behind all resistive
emotion is the motive of love. The desire to give and
receive love underlies every emotional actions and
reaction, including hurt and anger....Whatever the emotion
- anger, fear, closure - feel through it, breathe through it,
relax through it, into the love that lies behind it. And then,
actively, surrender to that love. Open AS that love. Magnify
love by loving.”
Photo credit Sarah Ann Photography.
Jackie Paulson is a Licensed
Mental Health Counselor
and Registered 500 Hour
Yoga Instructor. She has
over a decade of experience
in the helping field and
offers holistic therapies that
combine an east meets west
approach to therapy.
Jackie specializes in working with adults who
may be experiencing a wide array of concerns;
including, relationship difficulties, sexuality and
intimacy, depression and anxiety, trauma, grief
and loss, addiction, and other life transitions and
adjustments. Her training in mindfulness based
stress reduction, somatic work, existential theory
and depth psychology all enhance the investment
of your time in session with her.
Ultimately Jackie offers a humanistic approach and
Her overall hope is to empower individuals to
seek and connect into their own deep and sacred
wisdom that resides within them. Jackie believes
that each person has an innate ability to heal
themselves and journey through any experience
with the right support. You can sit with Jackie in
her therapy office located on Historic 4th street
in downtown Sioux City. She accepts BC/BS and
other private pay options.
You can submit your “Question to the Therapist”
by visiting jackiepaulson.com and send your
question through the contact page. Please put
“Question to the Therapist” in the subject line.
Did you put our live event
date in your calendar?
March 18 at 10am
Homelessness in Siouxland
Sioux City Public Museum
Get all the details
on Facebook.