IPM May 20

Talking to Kids About Sex
ow can I help my parents become
“Hcomfortable enough to talk with
me about sex?”
This was a question I was recently
asked by a high school student. Inspired
and humbled by the student’s sincere desire
to have better communication with
their parents, I also felt slightly heavy
hearted that this youth felt responsible
for growing their parents’ comfort level.
It is not uncommon that many parent
and adult allies lacked their own opportunities
as young people to have these
conversations with the adults in their
lives. Often if a talk did occur, it centred
around what not to do or all of the things
that could go wrong. This means many
adults are starting these conversations
with little or no practice. Talk about the
ultimate cold call! Whether you’re beginning
with a two–month-old or supporting
a worldly 12-year-old through their
first crush, here are some ideas for growing
your own comfort.
Use Your Words
Begin with your children when they
are young by using ALL of the words to
describe their bodies and their functions.
Diaper changes, bathing, and bedtime
routines are ideal opportunities to use
the language in low pressure and simple
settings on a daily basis. Do the words
vulva, scrotum, penis, and labia roll off
your tongue easily or do you suddenly
feel like you have a mouth full of marbles
as you try to use them? If you were only
given permission to describe some parts
of your body (elbow, knee, eyebrow) but
not the most personal parts such as your
genitals; it can feel awkward and unfamiliar
when you begin to use the words.
No wonder, it seems easier to default to
play language (front bum, pee pee, etc)
or skip it all together. Practice the words
when you’re walking the dog or sitting in
traffic. You’ll be surprised by how quickly
it feels normal to say vulva, scrotum,
and penis.
Use Books
Often a lack of comfort with sexuality
conversations stems from a fear of
not knowing what to say, how to say it
or how much to say. The great news is
there are fantastic books which expertly
frame the information in accurate and
enjoyable ways. There are few books
more exciting to a child (as well as many
adults!) than body and relationship
books. Depending on the learning level,
needs and curiosities of your child, you
might approach sexuality through a body
science lens with a “know your systems”
focus; for example, through a more inclusive
“what makes a baby?” book, or
32 Island Parent @Home IslandParent.ca