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It seems like if you want to make a movie
these days, it may be good to stay away
from the name Artemis.
Hotel Artemis (2018) stars Jodie
Foster, Jeff Goldblum and a number of
other well-known actors. This should have
been a quirky, fresh, stylish, dark and futuristic
flick. It fell short of that mark.
Foster plays the head nurse at a hotel in
Los Angeles that has been converted with
state-of-the-art medical equipment. The year
is 2028 and the “hotel“ is really meant for
underground crime lords (who must be members).
Our head nurse has a few simple rules
— no weapons, no non-members, and probably
the most interesting rule of all – don’t kill
the other patients.
The premise has great promise. The art
direction is outstanding. The scenes are beautifully
set up and the characters are strange
enough to work. Somehow, in the end, it just
doesn’t hold together. It’s good — you might
not be turned off in the middle — but at the
end you’ll shrug your shoulders and wonder
The Movie Column
By arts columnist Tom Sims
how it could’ve been better.
The other Artemis is one from Disney.
Artemis Fowl is a children’s book that I’ve never
read — full disclosure here. This film has a
militant underground fairy Corp. — stay with
me on this — undercover-criminal spies, and
a dome that stops time for everyone under it.
So there is enough confusion to go around.
Dame Judi Dench plays a commander
fairy. She walks around barking orders in full
costume fairy regalia, pointy ears — the whole
bit. You can’t help but think what must be
going on inside of her head. Something along
the lines of “My agent is going to hear from me
about this one!”
No, I don’t read any of the celebrity tabloids
or watch the TV shows to know whether
she wanted to do this movie or not. Colin
Firth is also in this movie. So it’s not without
its star power, but it is without a sense of
direction and clear storytelling either. And
with a budget of nearly $130 million, you kind
of wonder why.
Apparently, if you love the book, you were
disappointed that the movie didn’t stay true.
If you don’t know the book, you’re still somewhat
in the dark as the plot unfolds. And
the MacGuffin in the film — you know, the
movie term for that object everybody’s chasing
down — well they might as well just call
it a MacGuffin. It had that much thought
behind it.
So a couple “Artemis” films to avoid. Not
sure this name will be trending in Hollywood.
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