V18 N35

Undertow
Terry O’Brien’s legendary column... social satire, shameless plugs — and general self-indulgence
Happy Thanksgiving, turkeys.
Although I feel like every Thursday,
when Undertow comes out should
be a national holiday, I will acquiesce
to society’s rules just this
once. Thanksgiving was always my favorite
holiday. Everything was always my favorite
everything until 2020.
In case you haven’t been paying close
attention to the back cover of Exit Zero the
last few weeks, Black Friday kicks off our Exit
Zero Festive (I know…) Station, which will
run through the holidays. Food trailers, drink
trailers, merch trailers, trailer trailers, a variety
of trailers will be on hand to sell you stuff
and things, roaming bands of wild Christmas
carolers will be on hand to terrify you, as well
as other Christmas-y things. (I’m going to be
honest, I haven’t done a ton of research on
this, but if you know Exit Zero you know it’s
going to be cool and fun.)
Next Saturday, December 5, I’m looking
forward to TNT, my acoustic musical venture
with Tim Joyce, joining forces with Nancy
Malcun and Camille Peruto, two of the best
singers you’ll ever hear and I don’t say that
lightly, for a night of music culminating in a
set of Christmas tunes as we light the Exit
Zero tree using whatever is left in our gas
pumps. It is expected to be bright and brief.
So be punctual. The music kicks off at 4pm.
And here’s a reminder that on New Year’s
Eve (if our government allows us to pursue a
living which is a sentence I never thought I’d
have to write in 21st century America) Tim
and I will be performing an acoustic tribute
night featuring the music of Neil Diamond,
The Eagles and Bruce Springsteen, assuming
Tim learns the new songs, which is something
he hasn’t done since “Play That Funky
Music White Boy.” (It’s okay, I can break his
balls in here, he never reads it.)
Guess who just found out he has a halfbrother?
I basically do two things these days since
I was fired from Exit Zero Filling Station
— watch The Office and Hallmark Channel.
When I wrote Sherlock Holmes plays for my
former place of employment I found myself
thinking more deductively. When I was playing
20+ Beatles shows a year I found myself
thinking more in harmony. With The Office I
find myself thinking more “That’s what she
said.” You can apply it to a surprising number
of seemingly innocuous statements.
(Side note: does anyone else miss Beatles
night? At this point in my life I can take or
leave Beatles music. I mean, how many times
can you sing “Eight Days a Week” and keep
the magic alive? For me it was more about the
gathering of old friends, the making of new
November 26, 2020 EXIT ZERO Page 19