Focus on the Family Magazine - February/March 2021

KIDS & TEENS / INTENTIONALITY
My daughter spent the first four
years of her life battling deadly
illnesses, food scarcity and the
soul-crushing environment of an
impoverished orphanage. But the
pandemic and societal unrest seem
to have shaken her foundation
more. Or they have highlighted
cracks that were already there,
according to my counselor friends.
Whatever the case, I’m determined
to give my daughter the
time, space, support and listening
ear she needs to process her concerns,
because keeping them secret
only gives them room to grow and
increases their potential to damage
her innocent mind.
The reality of grief
A child may be grieving over something
that seems inconsequential to
an adult, but the emotions are still
powerful for the child. I’ll never forget
what a dear friend’s 13-year-old
son said to her after a breakup when
she tried gently explaining that his
brief relationship with his middle
school girlfriend was just “puppy
love.” He was quiet and respectful
throughout her monologue, but
when she finished, his eyes welled
up with tears. “Well, Mom, it sure
feels real to this puppy,” he said.
When my stepmother callously
referred to Inky as a “stupid cow,”
she was technically correct. Bovine
creatures don’t have nearly as high of
an intellectual capacity as humans.
However, she had an inability to recognize
that I had a real bond with that
calf, and therefore my grief was real.
We’d be hard-pressed to find anyone
else in human history who
walked the narrow aisles of pain, feeling
more alone than Job did. Before
the prologue of his story is even finished,
he’s lost almost everyone who
really mattered to him—except for
a few so-called friends and his wife,
who was more salt-for-his-wounds
than a comfort.
Unfortunately, much like my stepmother,
after a week of listening to
Job, these friends reached the end
of their empathy rope and revealed
their distaste for his honest despair.
The spirit of what they preached was
off because they were insensitive to
Job’s very real, very personal relationship
with God.
I don’t want to be like Job’s friends
as I raise my daughter to manage the
grief and turmoil this world dishes
out. Now’s the time for us to be especially
sensitive to our children. To
sit on the proverbial ash heaps of
what they’ve lost—school schedules,
sports, playdates, relationships with
grandparents—and truly listen while
they lament. Both our presence and
empathy are surely two of the most
powerful gifts we can offer. •
Lisa harper holds a Master of Theological
Studies degree from covenant Theological
Seminary in St. Louis. She’s authored a dozen
books including Life and Job Bible Study
Book: A story of unlikely joy.
If your children are having difficulty coping with grief, we can help. Contact
If your children are having difficulty coping with grief, we can help. Contact
<strong>Focus</strong> on the Family Canada for prayer and counselling support, as well as
<strong>Focus</strong> on the Family Monday through Friday from 6 a.m. to 8 p.m. (Mountain
resource recommendations, Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m.
time) at 855-771-HELP or help@<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.com.
(Pacific time) at 1-800-661-9800 or email help@fotf.ca.
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FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
February / March 2021