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ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK
HALIFAX, NOVA SCOTIA
ISSUE 582
APRIL 13, 2010
There is a House on Hollis Street
It’s filled with a group of bums
And it’s been the ruin of many a MLA
And, God, there’s more to come
Our Premier was a sailor
He loved those submarines
My ex-MLA was a radio man
But never a man of means
Now the only thing a MLA needs
Is a suitcase and a trunk
And the only time he’s satisfied
Is sitting in Dartmouth, drunk
Oh, mothers tell your children
What your MLAs have done
If they ask who the good ones are
You can tell them “virtually none”
You can tell them “virtually none”
The chickens are all home to roost
We know it’s all but a game
Don’t give in, don’t lend a hand
Let them live in their shame
Let them live in their shame
Well, there is a House on Hollis Street
Where greed lays deep in the genes
Where you can take, and take, and take,
and take
It’s the same ol’ MLA routine
It’s the same ol’ MLA routine
And if one should ever come to you
Asking for your vote
You can either kick the thing in the arse
Or grab it by the throat
Either kick the thing in the arse
Or grab it by the throat...
— A. Frank Grunt
& The Frankland Animals
Atlantic Canada Frank is a magazine of news,
satire, opinion, comment and humour published
every two weeks by Coltsfoot Publishing Co. Ltd.
Copyright Coltsfoot Publishing Ltd. Mailing address:
Frank Magazine, P.O. Box 295, Halifax,
B3J 2N7. Subscriptions: see back page. Publications
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Pages 30, 31.
ALISON’S CARBON FOOTPRINT
BY E. MISSIONS
THOUGH PROVINCIAL TAXPAYERS ARE NO
LONGER PICKING UP SENIOR MANDARIAN
ALISON SCOTT’S TRAVEL TAB, WE ARE NOW
PAYING HER FEDERAL SOJOURNS, WHICH I
FEAR LOOKS WORSE.
A chronic regular on my N.S. silly servant
expense hog lists (Frank 570, 524), Alison
was our deputy minister of Energy before she
accepted a secondment to the feds last August.
In only 2.5 months, from September 8
to November 20, our gal managed to rack up
an impressive $32,245 in travel costs.
Now special adviser to Environment Canada’s
deputy minister for provincial climate
change negotiations (what dat? — ed.), Halifax-based
Alison must endure frequent jaunts
to Ottawa, and so far each of her six hops
Daisy-fresh florist Neville and
a rose by some other name.
BY LOUIE VUITTON
has cost taxpayers about $1,600 on average.
Her three costliest excursions were: a fiveday
sojourn to Canada’s hot air capitals,
Calgary and Toronto ($5,997); a three-day
whirlwind climate change gabfest in
Fredericton, Charlottetown and St. John’s
($5,474); and three days of chewing the fat
in Edmonton and Regina ($5,317).
While Alison is covering more ground than
El Nino, N.S. Energy Dept. spokesthingy
Matt Lumley tells me she is technically considered
still on secondment with the rudderless
Darrell Dexter government.
Long-time Tory-blue backroom corporate
strategist Murray Coolican was recently
tapped to fill Alison’s shoes as N.S. Energy
deputy minnie.
Does Frank Know?
atlanticfrank@eastlink.ca
A HALI-FABULOUS ARRIVAL
MY MOTHER MAY HAVE TAUGHT ME, AT V. EARLY AGE, I SHOULD NEVER JUDGE A BOOK
BY ITS COVER, BUT I CAN’T RECALL HER EVER ADVISING ME TO AVOID FORMING OPINIONS
ABOUT PEOPLE BASED ON THEIR TASTE IN LUGGAGE.
So when a zebra-print suitcase with hot pink piping passed by me on the Air Canada baggage
carousel at Toronto’s Pearson Airport two weeks ago, I couldn’t help but wonder which
Upper Canadian “cougar” would rush over any minute to claim it.
Well, imagine my surprise when the owner of said flamboyant roll-on turned out NOT to be
some middle-aged, tree trunk-faced Ontario femme fatale, but rather Halifamous petal-pusher
Neville “My Mother’s Bloomers” MacKay, in town for this year’s Canada Blooms flower
show.
APRIL 13, 2010 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK 3