Mark Manson - The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F__k (2016, HarperOne) - libgen.li

Even once uncovered, whether in my friend’s brother or in ourselves, that
sort of entitlement is hard to admit. It hurts. That’s why few people ask the
difficult questions. But probing questions are necessary in order to get at the
core problems that are motivating his, and our, dickish behavior.
Question #3: Would being wrong create a better or a worse problem
than my current problem, for both myself and others?
This is the litmus test for determining whether we’ve got some pretty
solid values going on, or we’re totally neurotic fuckwads taking our fucks out
on everyone, including ourselves.
The goal here is to look at which problem is better. Because after all, as
Disappointment Panda said, life’s problems are endless.
My friend’s brother, what are his options?
A. Continue causing drama and friction within the family, complicating
what should otherwise be a happy moment, and damage the trust and
respect he has with his sister, all because he has a hunch (some might
call it an intuition) that this guy is bad for her.
B. Mistrust his own ability to determine what’s right or wrong for his
sister’s life and remain humble, trust her ability to make her own
decisions, and even if he doesn’t, live with the results out of his love
and respect for her.
Most people choose option A. That’s because option A is the easier path.
It requires little thought, no second-guessing, and zero tolerance of decisions
other people make that you don’t like.
It also creates the most misery for everyone involved.
It’s option B that sustains healthy and happy relationships built on trust
and respect. It’s option B that forces people to remain humble and admit
ignorance. It’s option B that allows people to grow beyond their insecurities
and recognize situations where they’re being impulsive or unfair or selfish.
But option B is hard and painful, so most people don’t choose it.
My friend’s brother, in protesting her engagement, entered into an
imaginary battle with himself. Sure, he believed he was trying to protect his
sister, but as we’ve seen, beliefs are arbitrary; worse yet, they’re often made
up after the fact to justify whatever values and metrics we’ve chosen for