Mark Manson - The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F__k (2016, HarperOne) - libgen.li

Years passed and he never did give up his “real job.” Why? Because
despite dreaming about making a living through his art, the real potential of
becoming An Artist Nobody Likes was far, far scarier than remaining An
Artist Nobody’s Heard Of. At least he was comfortable with and used to
being An Artist Nobody’s Heard Of.
I had another friend who was a party guy, always going out drinking and
chasing girls. After years of living the “high life,” he found himself terribly
lonely, depressed, and unhealthy. He wanted to give up his party lifestyle. He
spoke with a fierce jealousy of those of us who were in relationships and
more “settled down” than he was. Yet he never changed. For years he went
on, empty night after empty night, bottle after bottle. Always some excuse.
Always some reason he couldn’t slow down.
Giving up that lifestyle threatened his identity too much. The Party Guy
was all he knew how to be. To give that up would be like committing
psychological hara-kiri.
We all have values for ourselves. We protect these values. We try to live
up to them and we justify them and maintain them. Even if we don’t mean to,
that’s how our brain is wired. As noted before, we’re unfairly biased toward
what we already know, what we believe to be certain. If I believe I’m a nice
guy, I’ll avoid situations that could potentially contradict that belief. If I
believe I’m an awesome cook, I’ll seek out opportunities to prove that to
myself over and over again. The belief always takes precedence. Until we
change how we view ourselves, what we believe we are and are not, we
cannot overcome our avoidance and anxiety. We cannot change.
In this way, “knowing yourself” or “finding yourself” can be dangerous. It
can cement you into a strict role and saddle you with unnecessary
expectations. It can close you off to inner potential and outer opportunities.
I say don’t find yourself. I say never know who you are. Because that’s
what keeps you striving and discovering. And it forces you to remain humble
in your judgments and accepting of the differences in others.
Kill Yourself
Buddhism argues that your idea of who “you” are is an arbitrary mental
construction and that you should let go of the idea that “you” exist at all; that
the arbitrary metrics by which you define yourself actually trap you, and thus