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MODERNBEAUTY MAGAZINE 24
MODERNBEAUTY MAGAZINE JOSEPH TITO A little bit Mom AND Dad, he’s raising surrogate twin girls all on his own. “I’VE CHANGED A LOT OF DIAPERS.” Tell us a bit about your mother/ fatherhood story. There was a pivotal moment in my life—I was 37, living in the Middle East, earning a good living, travelling all over the world and living quite a glamorous life. One morning, I was sitting by myself in a seven-star hotel in Dubai watching the sunrise and I thought to myself: “I need more than this.” There was something missing from my life, and I knew then that I wanted to start a family. I’m a gay man, which made the process of adoption difficult. There are many countries that flat-out prohibit LGBTQ people from adopting, and then there was the fact that I was in a relationship but unmarried, which was another strike against me. I eventually found a surrogacy agency in Kenya that permitted same-sex couples, and that’s when my parenthood journey began. It was a long, tough road. Along the way, I broke up with my partner, went through four unsuccessful embryo transfers, and had to deal with many legal hurdles. There were times when I thought that maybe God didn’t want me to be a parent. When my surrogate finally did get pregnant (with twins—surprise!), the agency threw another curveball at me, telling me that unless I had a “female” companion with me, I would not be permitted to claim my children. I had to bring a “pretend wife” with me to Mombassa so that I could get my girls. It was all worth it though, when my surrogate brought Stella and Mia into my world on November 30, 2018. I thought I knew what love was, but I didn’t know the true meaning of the word until I held my babies in my arms. What are they like? Mia is exactly like me—moody. She needs to get her way. She’s a force to be reckoned with, which I love, because as a woman in this world, she needs to be—but as a dad, it’s killing me! Stella is like my little Buddha. She always looks after me, making sure Daddy’s OK. What’s your favourite part about being a parent? Having two people on this earth who love me unconditionally and rely on me to take care of them gives me a great sense of purpose, which was missing from my life before. I’m very grateful for that. Also, every night when I put them to sleep and I hear them say, “I love you.” That’s certainly a highlight. As a single parent, you kind of have to be both Mom and Dad. What are some of the ways you fulfill those roles for your kids? I really just try to give my girls all the love and affection that I can. There has definitely been a learning curve. I read all the mommy books, all the daddy books. I’ve had to learn to be patient, to remain calm and be more nurturing. I try to give them the kind of love my own mom gave me—she’s an incredible woman and has taught me so much. I think a lot of the traditional notions of what “moms” do versus what “dads” do aren’t realistic nowadays. I know some dads who have never changed a diaper because they think it’s “not their job.” That just doesn’t make sense to me. I never had a choice. From day one, I had to be both. And I have twins, so I’ve changed a lot of diapers! There are many people out there who have faced (or are facing) the same barriers that you did when it comes to starting a family. What would you like to say to them? Don’t give up. Keep going, and know that everything happens for a reason. Prejudice, judgement, legal blockades—I would be lying if I said I didn’t think about giving up sometimes. But I never did, and I would do it all again for them in a heartbeat. // 25
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