Island Parent Magazine Oct-Nov 2021

ceeded to tell her that he thought she was beautiful, smart, and
funny and wanted to spend more time with her. (What a ballsy
move! I love that he complimented her personality and brains
as well as her looks. I am raising a good, confident man!)
“I have some follow up questions about that, but I don’t
want them to count towards my 3. Is that okay?”
With his permission, I proceed to ask how he felt about being
so forward. Was he nervous? What was her reaction? I also
compliment him on approaching her in person, instead of just
texting her.
He laughs, “Ya. That threw her off! But I don’t think you
should ask a girl out over text.” (Again, proud Mama!)
Second question… “I am happy that you are hanging out.
If, at some point, it starts to feel more serious, will you be comfortable
sharing that with me?”
My children and I have spoken a lot about sex. We’ve spoken
of the emotional complications of sex, the possible consequences
of, different kinds of sex. I began that dialogue years ago, in
hopes that we could remove the discomfort and normalize the
conversation. I was wrong. It’s still awkward for all of us, but
regardless, I think I have created an environment of honesty.
(Side note: Talking about awkward topics in the car is helpful
because the driver must keep eyes on the road. It removes the
discomfort of intense eye contact. I’ve also invited my kids to
text me any questions they have. It works!)
I wanted to use the second question as a reminder to my son
that I am always here for him if he needs to talk. Chances are
that he will not take me up on this offer, but I feel the need to
make it, just the same.
I preface my third question with a disclaimer. “The next
question is going to make you roll your eyes and say ‘Jeez,
Mom!’ but I am going to ask it anyway. What is your understanding
of consent?”
As predicted, he did roll his eyes, however, after he answered,
this question led to a conversation about consent within the
dynamics of marriage and marriage in general. And, it wasn’t
just me doing the talking! My son was asking questions and
sharing his reactions.
Here’s the thing, this game works for us because my son feels
has control of the conversation. He has the right to pass on a
question or limit the number of questions I ask. (He can turn
down my request for follow up questions.) To this day, he has
never passed on anything I ask and, more often than not, the
game leads to a bigger conversation, one he may not have been
open to if I just started peppering him with questions. I have
used this game to talk about sex, parties, drugs, pressure of
school and sports. You name it, we’ve talked about it!
This game works well for me and my son. I’m not saying it’s
a sure-fire way to talk with your teenager, but it may be worth
a try.
Kelly Cleeve is a best-selling author
and an educator. More importantly, she is
the proud parent of two amazing sons.
Visit kellycleeve.com or follow her on
Instagram @resilient_kel and Facebook –
Raising Resilient Children/Radiant and
Resilient.
IslandParent.ca
October/November 2021 23