Island Parent Magazine Oct-Nov 2021

Fastforward
How Parenting Needs to Change
During the ’Tweens & Teens
By the time our kids reach their
teens, many of them will be
ready—or almost ready—to fire us
as their decision makers and take control
of their own lives. And we should be willing
to step aside.
According to neuropsychologist William
Stixrud and long-time educator
Ned Johnson, authors of The Self-Driven
Child, if we are too controlling, we invite
rebellion. Set harsh rules and our ’tweens
and teens are bound to break ’em. Cut
them some slack—without abandoning
the word ‘no’ or your family’s most
important rules—and watch them rise to
the challenge.
Involve ’tweens and teens more in
creating the rules, advise Stixrud and
Johnson, and then let them make their
own decisions—which they are going to
do anyway.
“Letting our kids become the primary
decision makers does not mean that we
become permissive, indulgent, or disengaged,”
writes Christine Carter, author
of The New Adolescence: Raising Happy
and Successful Teens in an Age of Anxiety
and Distraction. “It does mean that
the quality—if not the quantity—of our
support shifts. We give up our role as
their chief of staff and become more like
life coaches. We ask questions and provide
emotional support.”
To that end, we hope this issue helps
you strike a balance between your roles
as chief of staff and life coach. You’ll find
articles on topics ranging from six simple
strategies to help you handle stress, the
challenges of mixing neurodiverse with
neurotypical family and friends, and pandemic
burnout, to positive body image,
the importance of equipping our kids
with financial know-how, and the top 5
activities for a family weekend away in
Whistler.
Check out our special section, ’Tweens
& Teens, starting on page 17. In this
8-page pull-out, you’ll find articles on
topics ranging from asking questions
without interrogating, helping our youth
increase their ‘body literacy,’ and accepting
and supporting our child’s gender
identity, to the importance of work experience,
and ways social media affects teen
sleep.
No matter what stage of parenting
you’re at—a chief of staff with toddlers
or a life coach with ’tweens and teens—
may you enjoy this stage to its fullest and
find balance between hanging on and
letting go.
– Sue Fast
Skate where the
Victoria Royals play!
Public skating and lessons are back this fall
at the Save-On-Foods Memorial Centre.
> Choose group or private lessons
> Skate and helmet rentals are available
View the schedule and register: victoria.ca/arena
IslandParent.ca
October/November 2021 5