Music Leads The Dance Of Love AT FORTY FIVE Magazine Issue 2021 13

Veterinary Technician who had
graduated with honors and
received several awards. I was
a part-time fitness instructor
teaching others how to be
healthy and fit, and my biggest
secret—something I hid for years
and was convinced I had control
over—was suddenly taking over
my entire life. The most painful
thing for me was my fear that
I couldn’t keep it hidden and
secret. It was as though I was
living a double life, pretending
to be one way, yet living in an
internal hell at the same time.
When I woke up this morning,
I pulled some angel cards. I
received the words “authenticity,
strength, and transformation.”
As I tuned in for messages
around these cards, I saw myself
writing about my experience of
watching the movie. I hesitated
and resisted for a moment.
Then I heard the words “raw
authenticity is transformational.”
So I gathered my strength and
courage and began this chapter.
As I continue to create space
for the leftover tears, loss, grief,
heaviness, judgment and fear to
wash up, I feel deeply vulnerable.
In one way it feels like a lifetime
ago; on the other hand, at this
moment it is real, raw, and fresh.
So I allow space to feel that as
well. I am willing to feel it all to
heal it all. I don’t want to carry any
of it anymore. So I will continue
to allow the emotions to express
themselves, and the feelings to be
felt, and the judgments to wash
up and out of the deep recesses
of my mind until there is nothing
left. I will leave no stone unturned.
When life bumps up against
our leftovers, let it. Embrace it.
It is an opportunity and a gift in
disguise. It requires our courage
to face it and to ask for help, our
willingness to feel it, and our
strength to surrender so we can
let it go.
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