VL-Issue 44- July 22

Rebuilding the
Life that Heroin
Tore Apart
THE STORY OF AMBER LEASON
“HOW DID YOU BECOME
AN ADDICT, ANYWAY?”
PEOPLE OFTEN ASK.
Before I met Jesus, I would have given
you multiple reasons. And, of course, none
of them would have involved me. In my
view, somebody or something else was
always the cause of my downfalls.
I blamed genetics because addiction
runs in my family. I blamed exboyfriends
because every one of my
There was a dark space of nothingness
inside me from as far back as I can remember.
I tried hard to fill that space but
always came up empty-handed. The more
desperate I became, the more I grasped
at the world around me. And everything I
touched, I broke.
I tried to fill the void in me with men. At
13, I lost my virginity to my first boyfriend.
My whole world revolved around that boy,
and I let go of everything else to hold on to
that relationship.
He quickly became insecure and con-
I’d call my mom from the pay phone outside
the school in tears. She did her best to
comfort me so I could get through the rest
of the school day. But the next day, it would
start all over again. The days and weeks
dragged on until my broken teenage heart
crumbled under the weight of loneliness.
I was determined to end my life, so I
took every pill in the bathroom medicine
cabinet. Then, I went into my mom’s room
and stood over her, quietly weeping as I
watched her sleep.
I wanted to wake her up, to tell her what
PHOTOS BY CHEYENNE WILSON, ARIZONA PORTRAITS LLC
romantic relationships ended in disaster.
trolling and forbade me to go places and
I had done. But I wanted to die more than
I refused to take responsibility for any of
do things with anyone else. Over time, I
I wanted to live. Death was the only way to
the messes I made.
abandoned all my friends and school
end my pain, I thought. So I went to bed,
But the truth is, I had a good childhood.
activities; I even shut out my family. The
hoping to drift away forever.
I grew up in a loving home with both par-
end of the relationship shattered me.
I was so disappointed the following day
ents. No traumatic events can explain why I
Who was I now? I had isolated myself and
when I woke up. But I got up anyway and
responded to the world around me the way
had no identity outside of him. Because of
forced myself to walk to school; I was still
I did. The only person to blame is me. I was
how I had treated them, my friends wanted
under the influence of all those pills.
the source of all my problems, and even
nothing to do with me. No one would talk
I had never been high before, and I liked
worse, I created problems for everyone
to me or sit with me at lunch. In fact, they
how I felt. Suddenly, I didn’t feel any pain,
around me.
went out of their way to avoid me.
and I wasn’t lonely. If I could stay numb, I
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