VL-Issue 44- July 22

So you can imagine what a shock the
worldwide shutdown of 2020 was to my
system. The COVID-19 pandemic rocked
my world. Always before, I could handle
crisis. I worked harder so we didn’t lose
what we had. I never backed down from a
challenge—no matter how high the odds
were stacked against me, I overcame
them with commitment, determination,
and hard work. I had started from nothing
before, and I’d always found a way.
But COVID was different. People were
dying. The disease came like a murderer in
the night; it wasn’t a respecter of persons.
“But I’m responsible for all these people
and their families. Some have left their
countries to work for me. If I don’t open
back up, they won’t have money to pay
their bills or send back to their families.
Everyone will suffer because of me!”
Back and forth I went. I wavered so much
that my mind became filled with chaos,
doubt, and fear.
For the first time in my life, I couldn’t
see the way forward.
And that’s where the unexpected trip
to the hospital came in. I experienced so
much inner turmoil over these business
And then my beautiful wife, Eri, spoke
up. “Why don’t you let the staff decide, Jay?
Find out how they feel about this.”
Well, why didn’t I think of that? We gathered
everyone together to discuss the situation.
Their response blessed me. “We
want to come back to work,” they said.
“The community needs us, and we need
to be here too.” They even told me that if we
didn’t have the money to pay them, they’d
still be there for us. That night, we decided
to move forward as a team, and we all
rolled up our sleeves and got back to work.
My family and our staff pressed forward
Jay (right) with his chefs, John and
Linda, serve excellent food for the
glory of God.
A fear-based, performance-driven
life is not what God intends for
His children to experience.
PHOTO BY HALEY MANNING PHOTOGRAPHY
I couldn’t work harder to fix it. I couldn’t
implement a solution. I had no control. And
people were dying! That terrified me.
As a business owner, I didn’t know what
to do. Should I keep the restaurants closed,
or should I open them for take-out? But
if I opened them and one of my staff got
COVID, was that my fault? And what if they
died?! Inside, I condemned myself: “You’re
a greedy pig, Jay. You only want to open to
save your business and make money. It’s
all you’ve ever cared about!”
Satan knew just how to push my buttons.
I’d been hurt by those exact words in the
past—from people I loved. So I decided to
keep the restaurants closed. My inner self
tormented me with that decision too.
decisions that I thought I was having a
heart attack.
Turned out my heart was fine—I was
“just” having a panic attack. What? Me, a
panic attack? No way! “Only weak people
have those,” I thought, “and I’m not weak.
I’m a doer, a man of faith who overcomes
obstacles. I mentor other people. I’m a
provider and protector for my family and
friends. I help the people of my community.
I can’t have a panic attack. That’s just not
me!” I felt so much shame and condemnation
when I heard those words. (I think
I’d have been happier with a heart attack!)
But I went back home and kept worrying
about what I should do. Finally, I decided I
would keep the restaurants closed.
daily after that. But I couldn’t ignore the
ele phant in the room—I had gone to the
hospital, crippled by fear and anxiety.
Those emotions were still tormenting my
heart and mind. Why was this happening?
The story I’ve told you so far has been
about me—but my faith is also a big part of
my life. In the middle of all my worry and
indecision, I began to sense God inviting
me on a journey to discover the answers
to these questions and to better understand
my true identity as His child. I’ve
since stepped out into this journey, and
the deeper I dive into my past, examine
my belief patterns, and let God reveal His
truths, the more freedom and peace I find.
I’ve lived under pressure so long that I’m
16 Issue 03 / 2022 VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM