VL-Issue 44- July 22

A
PLACE
TO
BELONG
THE STORY OF SHERIDAN CORREA
I grew up in a large, religious family—the
seventh of nine children. At first glance,
you’d think we had it all. My father was a
successful businessman who provided us
with a large, beautiful home. My mother
stayed home and managed the household.
They raised kids who excelled in music,
aca demics, and sports. We attended
church together regularly.
But we were dysfunctional. Dad worked
long, hard hours and was often away from
home. Mom stayed home and was responsible
for raising all of us—a stressful job to
be sure. Our home felt unstable, and toxic
stress brewed all around us.
Periods of separation created a great divide
in our family. When they’d split, some
of us kids would go with Dad and the rest
with Mom. I never knew where I belonged
or which “team” I was supposed to be on.
It didn’t take long for feelings of inadequacy
to surface. As one of many kids, I felt
like a number rather than an individual.
It’s remarkable how alone and unloved you
can feel, even in your own family. As far
as I knew, I mattered to no one, and I was
ready for life to end by the fourth grade.
One day at recess, I rushed to the top of
the monkey bars, fully intending to throw
myself to the ground, break my neck, and
end my misery. Tears streamed down my
face as I prepared to jump.
Before I could, however, teachers managed
to get hold of me. They took me to the
school psychologist, but nothing ever came
of the incident other than an assessment.
I coped as best I could with the dark
emotions brewing inside me for the next
eight years. Every day, I put a smile on my
face and performed. Performance and
achievement were my jams. God forbid
anyone would discover my imperfections
or insecurities. I became a master at wearing
a mask, and no one knew a frightened
little girl was hiding within. Two very different
people were living inside me, and
not even I knew which one was the real me.
I graduated high school and set out to
experience a happier and more stable life. I
attended university on both music and athletic
scholarships. I achieved great success
for the first few years and was emotionally
sound. And then I went off the rails.
Desperately seeking happiness, security,
and a solution for my miserable life, I
turned to men. Marriage seemed to be the
next milestone of accomplishment. I was
young, vulnerable, and immature when
I said “I do” for the first time, and within
months, the relationship ended in divorce.
My failed marriage only added to my
pervasive sense of inadequacy. I felt great
shame and entered a deep emotional and
mental darkness. I had experienced the
lows of depression before and had even
seen counselors, so I had coping mechanisms,
but this time, nothing helped.
I finally sought psychiatric help. I recounted
my life and the inner turmoil I had
PHOTO BY LYSSA YATES
18 Issue 03 / 2022 VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM