It Starts with Us by Colleen Hoover

anger.
“Every time I would start to take on the guilt and justify Ryle’s actions, I
would think about you. I would ask myself what your reaction would have
been compared to Ryle’s. Because I know it would have been different. If I
would have laughed at you under the same circumstances that I laughed at
Ryle, you would have laughed with me. You never would have backhanded
me. And if any man on this planet gave me their phone number as a way to
protect me from someone they feared was dangerous, you would appreciate
them for that. You wouldn’t have pushed me down a flight of stairs. And if
the journals I let you read were about another boy in high school besides you,
you would have teased me. You probably would have highlighted lines you
thought were cheesy and laughed about them with me.”
I stop speaking until Atlas brings his focus back to mine, and then I finish.
“Every time I would doubt myself and think that what Ryle did to me was in
any way deserved, all I had to do was think about you, Atlas. I think about
how differently each scenario would have been if it were you, and that helped
me remember that none of it was my fault. You’re a big part of the reason I
got through it, even though you weren’t there.”
Atlas silently soaks up everything I’ve said for maybe five seconds, but
then he closes the distance between us and kisses me. Finally. Finally.
His right hand curls around my waist as he tugs me against him, his
tongue sliding gently and warmly against my lips, coaxing his way past them.
His left hand snakes its way through my hair until he’s molding his palm to
the back of my head. A spool of yearning begins to unravel inside me.
He doesn’t kiss me with any trepidation. His mouth meets mine with
confidence, and mine responds to his with relief. I pull at him, wanting his
warmth to sink into me. His mouth and his touch are familiar since we’ve
done this dance before, but completely new at the same time because this kiss
is made up of a whole new set of ingredients. Our first kiss was made of fear
and youthful inexperience.
This kiss is hope. It’s comfort and safety and stability. It’s everything I’ve
been missing in my adult life, and I am so happy Atlas and I have each other
again, I could cry.