It Starts with Us by Colleen Hoover

“Then when?”
It’s not really a matter of when, but who with? Because I’m not going to
discuss anything while we’re alone ever again. He’s proven to me that I’m
not safe when I’m alone with him, so that privilege is over.
“I’ll text you,” I say, and then I walk away, leaving Ryle standing alone.
My mother is holding Emmy, wiping cake off her face and hands, so I head
in their direction, but Allysa pulls me aside before I reach them.
“Let’s chat,” she says. I follow her to her bedroom, where she sits on her
bed.
She only brings me to her bedroom when she wants to confront me about
something, and her timing is always impeccably intuitive. I roll my eyes as
soon as I walk into her room, and then I sit down on her bed. “What do you
want to know?” It’s been a couple of weeks since we’ve caught up alone.
There’s a lot she could be wondering about my life. It’s been pretty eventful
here lately.
Allysa falls back onto the bed. “Things between you and Ryle feel kind of
off today.”
“It’s noticeable?”
“I notice everything. Are you okay?”
I think long and hard about that question. Are you okay? I used to hide
from that question because I wasn’t okay. Even months after Emerson’s birth,
when someone would ask me that, I would put on a smile while I shriveled
up inside.
This is the first time I’m not lying when I say, “Yes. I’m okay.”
Allysa regards me silently. There’s a reassurance in her expression, like
she might even believe me this time. She grabs my hand and pulls me until
I’m lying on the bed next to her. She locks our arms at the elbows, and we
just stare up at the ceiling, enjoying a moment of silence in a house full of
people.
I’m glad I still have Allysa. That would have been the most heartbreaking
thing of all to have to lose in my divorce. I’m grateful she’s so full of
forgiveness and positivity.
I wish I could say the same for her brother. Sometimes I feel like Ryle has
a monster inside him that is on a constant search to be offended. His dark side
feeds off drama, and if no one gives him any, he makes it up. But I can’t be a
player in his game anymore. I know my intentions were pure when I was