It Starts with Us by Colleen Hoover

hasn’t spotted me yet, so I take a moment to pull Atlas’s letter out of my
purse. I’m still reeling from my interaction with Ryle. I’d like to read
something that can hopefully put me in a better mood before I greet my
daughter.
Dear Lily,
I’m sorry I had to leave without saying goodbye, but you fall asleep
so easily. I don’t mind it—I like watching you sleep. Even when it’s in a
car in the middle of a date.
I used to watch you sleep sometimes when we were younger. I liked
how peaceful you looked, because when you were awake, there was
always a quiet fear in you. But when you slept, the fear was gone, and
it always put me at ease.
I can’t begin to tell you what tonight meant to me. I don’t think I
have to put it into words because you were here. You felt it, too.
I know I mentioned earlier that I carried a lot of guilt about what
happened between us, but I don’t want you to think I carry regret for
loving you back then. If there’s anything at all I regret, it’s that I didn’t
fight harder for you. I think that’s where the majority of my guilt stems
from—knowing if I didn’t leave you, you never would have met a man
who would end up hurting you the way your father hurt your mother.
But no matter how we got here, we’re here. I had to get to a point
where I realized I was always worthy of being loved by you. I hate that
we didn’t get here sooner, because there are so many things in your life
I wish you didn’t have to go through, or that I could have prevented.
But any other path wouldn’t have given you Emerson, so I’m grateful
this is where we ended up.
I love watching you talk about her. I can’t wait to get to know her.
But that’ll come in time, along with all the other things I’m looking
forward to. We’ll continue to take this at whatever pace you’re
comfortable with. Whether I get to talk to you every day or see you
once a month, anything is better than the years I had to go not knowing
anything about you.
I’m so happy you’re happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.
But I will say, nothing beats knowing I’m the one you get to be
happy with now.