Focus on the Family Magazine - October/November 2023

COUPLES / CONFLICT
different but
undivided
Appreciating your spouse’s quirks
makes your marriage stronger
BY KARI TRENT STAGEBERG
ILLUSTRATIONS BY DAVE SZALAY
JOEY AND I had been married two weeks when I found
him cleaning the house wearing big, yellow cleaning gloves
and a head lamp. He looked thrilled about all the dirt he was
finding. While I should have been ecstatic that he was deep
cleaning, I began to worry that we were going to have problems
when he realized how messy I was.
Sure enough, a few weeks later, we were both frustrated
with how different we were—not only over our cleaning styles
but also over decision-making, problem-solving, budgeting
and even towel-folding preferences. One day, after we got
into a huge fight about the dishwasher, we realized our differences
were ripping us apart. We needed to change how we
related to each other so we could appreciate our differences
rather than letting them deflate us.
Every relationship is full of differences. Yet the opposite
traits of your spouse can actually make you stronger as a
couple—if you let them. Use the following ideas to help you
appreciate and even celebrate your differences and build a
healthier relationship.
God created your spouse
Joey is great at collecting information to make a strong decision.
But that often requires processing time. I’m great at
facing problems head-on and making sure things get dealt
with. But that means I can rush into a decision.
Anytime I push Joey to rush, he feels as if I don’t value his
input or want him to have a voice in the decision. Once I realized
how Joey felt, I knew I had to slow down and invite him
into the decision-making process. That was a game changer
for us.
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FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA
OCT / NOV 2023