Welcome to The Club v4.1 Winter 2023/24

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SHOWCASING MANY
LOCAL ARTISANS
Fender AV II
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TUESDAY-FRIDAY 10-5
SATURDAY 10-2
850 Colborne Street @ Exmouth
Northgate Plaza, Sarnia
519-336-3838
‘Tis almost the season to be jolly...
but not during the game, please! Yes,
the game’s afoot - not just the ‘football’
afoot but also baseball, golf, tennis and
several other “American Pass-times”
that mostly started out in countries
other than America.
Many moons ago, George Carlin talked
about how much more gentle the art of
baseball is than the last minute crunches
of football. And I’d have to agree that
teams like the Angels and Blue Jays
sound so much kinder than your Lions
and Raiders. Even the players seem to
represent the toughness of their sport
with gridiron heroes called Refrigerator
and Steamroller, while baseball’s greats
answer to cuddly nicks like The Babe.
George talked about football using
ominous terminology like ‘end zone’
and ‘sudden death’ while ‘soft-ball’
uses tender words like ‘high fly’ and
‘sacrifice’. Why I’ve noticed that even
the gear they wear is indicative of the
violence involved. While football heroes
wear concussion-proof steel helmets
with shields and braces and (dare we
mention) supports, our baseball buffs
stay warm in cosy leather mitts and
gloves, with a little brimmed cap for
P A G E
38
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those sunny days.
Yes, Mr. Carlin certainly opened my
eyes to why so many men have to prop
themselves in front of the TV all winter
and watch football teams get involved in
scrimmage lines and huddles while I’m
enjoying baseball players who signal
each other to ‘slide home’ and ‘stay
safe’. But I guess I led one too many
cheers for the poor quarterback being
carried off the field to really have any
great love for a game that encourages
kicking and tackling, (although having a
‘tight end’ has always appealed to me)
when there are still baseball coaches out
there encouraging us to ‘take a walk’
and ‘play the field’.
While I’m comparing violence in
sports, have you ever noticed that even
tennis seems like a more damaging
sport than our beloved ‘slow pitch’? - I
mean once you get past the idea of
Piece of Mind
By Joan Richardson, London • From Daytripping Nov-Dec 2002
Three Strikes Beats Two Aces
and A Quarterback
using the term ‘love’ to describe all
your mistakes. I daresay I’ve made a
lot of ‘love’ in my errant life, but I’ve
never been all that fond of being on the
‘disadvantaged’ side of the net most of
the time or having to ‘toe the line’ or
master the art of ‘service’. Then, when
you’re at ‘fault’ for the last time, you
must vault over a 3 foot fence at the
end of a hot match and shake hands
with the opponent who loved you into
a deuce coup! I mean how fickle can
you get, changing sides all the time,
anyway? Besides, it seems like cheating
to measure each point with a count
of 5, 10 or 15. At least baseball only
scores one point at a time and only
after you run around for awhile, sliding
and touching bases, pinch-hitting and
perfecting that ever intimate squeeze
play. Pretty friendly bunch, I’d say.
Tennis is even named wrong - it should
What do elves learn in school? The Elf-abet!
430 Exmouth Street, Sarnia
519-344-7740
pickersalley.com
be two-nis, or at the very most, four-nis.
I have yet to see ten racketeers squeeze
onto one of those bitty little court yards.
And in baseball, nobody yells at you
for being too long or too short or out
of bounds (although you do have to
be careful not to go foul or fly off the
handle). I rather like the whole premise
of pop-up flies and stealing seconds and
going for a walk. And where do you end
up at the end of the day? Not ‘game, set
and match thank you ma’am’, but...
sigh... Home. Sounds kind of warm and
cosy after a hard day of dodging drives
and dancing on diamonds.
Yes, when it comes to violent sports,
forget football, forget tennis and give
me a big green outfield to play in with
a designated hitter ready to go to bat for
me any time I ask. After all, if winning
isn’t important, then why are we even
keeping score? And if practice makes
perfect and we all know that nobody’s
perfect, then why practice? What
sportscaster was it who revealed to us
that “Sports is really 80% mental and
only 40% physical”? I suppose I’m in
no position to dispute even this logic.
Why just last week, I forgot how to ride
a bicycle!
WINTER 23/24