TH - Canada Southern Railway

84 New York Central Lines Magazine for May, 1928
I would topple over in the crowd, apparently
very sick. I would be given
plenty of attention and there usually
were two or three women present
whose homes I had visited that day.
'Poor man,' they would say, 'he was
at my door this morning and I gave
him something to eat. He needs a
doctor! Then Dan would come pushing
through the crowd and after giving
me an examination would exclaim,
'Ah, a very advanced stage of gastralgia.
Here, my man, take a few
drops of this. Good. I can feel the
pulse responding. Sit over here and
in a few hours you will feel like
a new man. You have no money
to pay me? My friend, I am not asking
any pay. All I ask you to do is
to tell these good folks how much different
you feel. No, you keep the
bottle and within a week or two you
will be entirely cured. Too bad you
could not have gotten some of the
Wonder Medicine sooner.'
"Sales would be brisk after this.
Later we would meet at some appointed
place and plan for our next stop.
"It was in the little town of Wishwell,
in Oklahoma, that we ran into
our first trouble. The name of that
town was sure a misnomer for us. We
had pulled our act and had taken in
perhaps thirty dollars when suddenly
a woman in the crowd let out a yell,
'They're burglars, John, you ought to
arrest them. I wouldn't give their
medicine to a mangy cat. They were
in our town a week ago and I paid
them a dollar for a bottle of that perfumed
benzine. The next morning my
husband met them as they were leaving
town and they sold him four bottles
for fifty cents, and that was more
than it was worth. They told him a
teaspoonful in hot water would remove
his corns. He soaked his feet
for two hours that night in the mixture
and they became petrified. He
can't get his shoes on. You arrest
them, John, and; I'll appear against
them.'
"It seemed she was a visitor from
out-of-town and John, her cousin, was
the local chief of police who was perfectly
willing to give his out-of-town
relative a demonstration of his powers,
so despite our protests, within a
few moments Dan and I were securely
handcuffed together and on our way
to the village calaboose, where we
slept fitfully on a couple of hard
benches until the following morning
when we were hailed before the town's
one justice, who, being newly elected
and full of the dignity which his constituents
had so lately conferred upon
him, never gave us a chance, but immediately
sentenced us to return to
the place from whence we came,
namely, the lockup, and there to lie in
durance vile for a period of thirty
days, or at least so he said—but he
didn't know Dan Collins and Slim
Wiltsie.
"We stayed peacefully in the lockup
for a couple of days, in order, as
Dan said, 'to let the townspeople become
fully satiated with the facts of
our incarceration.' That boy Dan
could sure figure. The entire population
of the village would walk around
the lockup at least twice daily and
peer in at us through the unprotected
frame window as though we were a
couple of captured bob-cats. The
third night at about twelve, we pushed
out the window and were free. I followed
Dan to the yards of the local
junk dealer, where we picked up a bag
of selected bones, including a couple
of badly battered skulls which probably
had once been worn by some
farmer's calves. These we carried back
to our former jail, threw them inside,
touched a match to the crazy shebang,
and by the time the flames were lighting
up the countryside and the village
bucket brigade had hunted up
their water pails we were three miles
from there.
"They say scandal and bad news
will travel five miles while good news
is getting its breeches on. It sure did
in this case. At nearly every town
we visited we heard people talking of
how two doctors who had been wrongly
arrested and jailed at Wishwell
had been burned alive without a
chance. It seems there were opposing
political factions there willing and
anxious to get at each other's throats.
This did not make us mad. One paper
stated in tearful terms, 'From the position
of the bones which our reporter
viewed, indications are that these two
brave men died in each other's arms.'
Other papers were trying to trace our
relatives. There were hints of lawsuits
and suggestions that the authorities
might better pay reasonable indemnities.
Then I saw through Dan's
strategy in depositing the bones in
the lockup.
"We journeyed by easy stages to
Galveston, Texas. Here Dan had some
letterheads and envelopes printed. We
rented a typewriter which we took to
our room at the hotel, then we spent
several days in the public library,
poring into law books. Soon Dan had
our first letter typed and addressed to
the authorities of Wishwell, Oklahoma,
as from the law firm of Gettem
& Holdem, making inquiry as to the
whereabouts of one Doctor Collins, a
prominent physician and manufacturer
of medicine, who had last been
heard of traveling through their county
with his valet, and whose wife was
near collapse because of her inability
to locate her husband.
" 'A guilty conscience needs no accuser.'
We were not long in getting
a reply, in fact several of them. The
Wishwell authorities admitted their
liability and seemed anxious to settle
without due process of law. Dan led
off with a suggestion of fifty thousand
dollars, 'Which we may be able to induce
Mrs. Collins to accept, as soon
as she recovers from the great shock
she has sustained. As soon as she can
travel and her normal faculties return
to her,' Dan wrote, 'a member of
our firm will accompany her to Wishwell,
where perhaps, the matter may
be concluded. At present she is a
very sick woman and wholly unable
to discuss business in any way.'
"The Wishwell people countered
with an offer of two thousand cash
and the town's bond for eight thousand
! The very best they could do.'
"Finally Dan accepted and a date
was set for one of the firm of Gettem
& Holdem to accompany the Widow
Collins to Wishwell.
" 'Who's to go?' I asked Dan.
" 'I am,' he answered. 'What do
you suppose I have been letting my
wihskers grow for?'
" 'And who is to be the widow?' I
asked.
" 'Why, you are,' said Dan. 'I've
bought your mourning dress and veiling.
Your falsetto voice just fits in.
You will need a close shave.'
"For nearly two weeks, under Dan's
direction I rehearsed my part in our
room at the hotel. I got so that I
could sob and cry and throw hysterics
as easily as any woman that ever
lived. My first trip out on the streets
though in my newly assumed role
was nearly the cause of my undoing.
I was standing near the entrance to a
big department store watching the
crowds and hankering for a smoke
when a woman carrying a little 1
baby
asked me if I would hold the child
while she went inside to do some trading.
I of course complied, and that
kid did nothing but squawk the whole
half hour that she was gone. There
was quite a crowd around when she
returned, and then instead of thank-
,ing me, she lit into me in scandalous
fashion.
" 'You a widow and probably a
mother,' she said, 'holding a sixmonths-old
baby upside down. You
should be ashamed of yourself!' I
knew then why the kid had carried
on so.
" 'I was thinking of my husband,
ma'am,' I replied, sobbing in my best
trained manner. 'If he had lived I
could have had a child of my own.
Forgive me.'
"She was all interest and sympathy
then and wanted me to go with her to
her home but I was glad to get back
to the hotel and my pipe.
"Came the day when we journeyed
to Wishwell. Dan had arranged our
schedule so that we arrived there at
late evening. He had all he could do
to keep me out of the smoking car on
our journey, a matter that would not
attract much attention now though.
On our arrival we went at once to the
town's one hotel, where we engaged
rooms, and from there Dan telephoned
the town authorities of our arrival
and made arrangements for our meeting
on the following morning with
Squire Peasley, the town pettifogger
who, by the way, was the same justice
of the peace who had meted out to us
our thirty-day sentence. 'Mrs. Collins
has not stood the journey very
well,' Dan phoned. 'She is nervous
and upset. The negotiations must be
brief and quiet. She must not be subjected
to the ordeal of facing a curious
crowd. She must be gotten back
to the care of her own physician as
soon as possible, so I ask that you
send but one representative. We have
made reservations to leave on the 9
A.M. train.'
" 'Sprinkle plenty of the contents of
this bottle of eau de lilacs perfume
around you and don't forget to shave,'
said Dan the following morning. I
am going down to the office to type a
sort of contract. Squire Peasley will
be here about 8:30. Don't come into
the room where we are until I call
you, and then come sobbing and acting
as though you were going to faint,
and remember when you sign to sign
Minnie V. Collins not Mrs. Dan.'
"I had on about half of my femi-
New York Central Lines Magazine for May, 1928 85
nine attire some time later when I
suddenly remembered that I was to
shave, so in my petticoat and corset
1 was busy lathering up and taking
an occasional puff on my pipe when I
heard someone in Dan's room adjoining.
I supposed it was Dan until as
1 stood before the mirror with poised
razor, I caught sight of the leering
face of Squire Peasley, who, standing
on a chair in Dan's room, had projected
his head through the transom
over the door which led from my room
to Dan's. I realized from the look of
cunning and exultation on his features
that he knew that he had made
a discovery of vast importance to himself
and his town. I thought quickly
in those few seconds. I knew that he
must not know that I had seen him.
I took another puff on my pipe and
then walked over toward the door as
though to sharpen my razor on the
strop which swung from the doorknob.
Suddenly I reached up and released
the rod which controlled the
door transom, and the squire was
fast. He had only yelled one yell
before I had a towel in his mouth,
then Dan arrived and quickly took in
the situation and together we trussed
the squire up and left him comfortably
on the floor of the bathroom,
where we knew someone would stumble
upon him within an hour.
"Among the squire's effects we
found the town's bond and two thousand
dollars in cash. We took the
cash but left the bond. Dan said the
cash was a just compensation for our
false imprisonment and consequent
humiliation and I agreed, as I always
did, to what Dan said. We got out of
Wishwell on the 9 o'clock train as per
schedule, and once on the train I was
not long in shaking my widow's weeds
and getting out my pipe. Dan gave
me my thousand dollars, and at Austin,
Texas, we separated as I wanted
to come East and visit my folks.
"Dan headed for Los Angeles. I
suppose he is still selling medicine
somewhere. I got in the railroad
game and here I am. I never pick up
a razor to shave though but that I
seem to see the face of old Squire
Peasley grinning at me from over the
door transom."
"Fine if true," said Brakeman
Carey, as he slid down from the fireman's
seat box. "After a yarn like
that we should be able to make up this
half hour we have lost waiting for
the circus to pass and go into Hudson
on time. There goes the board. Give
her the gun."
Preserving Our Most Precious
Possession
By W. T. Brown, Storekeeper
Dickerson Run, Pa.
•ipO a normal human being the most
precious thing is life. Life in a
body free from deformities and not
handicapped by crippled limbs is a
glorious thing, to be desired above
everything else.
Many a man would gladly give all
his worldly possessions if he could rectify
one thoughtless mistake which
resulted in his losing an arm or a leg.
There are just two things in life which
are really worth while—life and happiness,
either of which is jeopardized
by disregarding the simple Safety
First rules which have been formulated
for our observance.
It is not such a great hardship for
a man to wear his goggles when engaged
in work which may cause injury
to his eyes. It may take just a
little longer. It is not so hard to play
safe when jacking a car. Nor does it
take such a great amount of self control
for a trainman to resist the temptation
to kick a knuckle. The little
things that come up every day can be
done safely nearly as easily as otherwise.
And it is the carefulness that
is used in doing these little things that
keeps the Safety records clean. And
what a difference it makes! To some
men it may mean the difference between
life and death or the difference
between happiness and wretchedness.
Safety and carefulness are synonymous.
The careful man is the safe
man. And he reaps far more than
anything of monetary value.
Each man has certain moral obligations
towards his fellow men. The
courts are recognizing this more every
day in holding motor drivers criminally
liable for injuries to pedestrians.
We cannot go through this life
continually disregarding the rights of
our neighbors. This applies to the
man who works beside you. The
thought that through some careless
act of yours, any man or his family
should suffer should be enough to
deter you from doing anything which
might cause injury to a fellow workman.
To do your work as safely as possible
should be a great satisfaction,
and then, if the worst should happen
and someone is injured, you can say,
"Not through any fault of mine."
The goal of the New York Central
Lines has been set high, but not too
high for the P. & L. E., as shown by
the latest comparative statement
showing that we have attained second
place in our group. One more step
and our present goal will have been
reached.