TH - Canada Southern Railway

Which Case?
Horton—What did the judge do at
the bootlegger's trial when one of the
bottles offered in evidence was found
to contain water?
Hopper—I understand he threw the
case out of court.
The Height of Ego
"Is he self-centered?"
"Self-centered? Why, that guy
thinks 'Hail, Hail, the Gang's All
Here' is a solo!"
Private Circulation
"Dear, may I print a kiss upon your
beautiful lips?"
"Yes, if you promise not to publish
it."
Illogical
St. Peter was interviewing the fair
applicant at the Pearly Gates.
"Did you, while on earth," he asked,
"indulge in necking, petting, smoking,
drinking or dancing?"
"Never!" she retorted emphatically.
"Then why haven't you reported
here sooner? You've been a de; i one
for some time."
His Passion
Family Friend—Doesn't that young
surgeon who comes to call on Clara
ever want to take her out?
Mrs. Smith (ruefidly)—No—all he
wants is to take her tonsils out.
Drunk With Joy
Tom—Were you over at Fred's
house the other night when he put up
his home-brew?
Tim—Yes, we had a corking good
time.
A Secret
Old Man Biango—Why do you turn
out the electric light every time you
call to see my daughter?
Young Romeo—Well, she wants me
to keep the engagement dark.
Who's Who
Elsie—There's a man at the door,
Pa, who says he wants to see the boss
of the house.
Pa—Call your mother.
Ma {calling down the stairs)—Tell
Bridget.
Matter of Taste
He—My ideal of a wife is one who
can make good bread.
She—My ideal of a husband is one
who can raise the dough in the hour
of knead.
On Again—Off Again
Mike (on his deathbed)—Bridget,
me darlin', Murphy owes me $5.
Bridget—Ah, poor man, rational to
the end.
Mike—An' O'Hara owes me $3.
Bridget—Rational to the last.
Mike—O'Brien owes me $7.65.
Bridget—Shure an' it's a miracle,
rational to the last.
Mike—An' I owe Dugan $200.
Bridget—Arrah, he's ravin' again!
Oh, Johnny!
Sunday School Teacher—We should
never do in private what we would
not do in public.
Bad Boy—How about taking a
bath, teacher?
As Good as Mimeographed
First Colored Lady—Dat baby ob
yours am de puffec image of his
daddy.
Second Colored Lady—He suh am.
He am a reg'lar carbon copy.
The Quick and the Dead
Forbes—When did they close the
coffin of the deceased?
Maddox—Last night — during the
wake. Some dry agents came to raid
the house.
Sermons in Stoves
An Alabama darkey was telling a
friend of a certain church service he
had attended.
"De preacher wasn't feelin' so good
last Sunday," he said, "an' he made
de stove preach de sermon."
"Made de stove preach?"
"Yessuh; made it red hot from top
to bottom an' den he tells de sinners
to take a good look at it an' go to
thinkin'!"
Sarcasm Plus
He—The girl I marry must be one
who can take a joke.
She—That's the only kind you could
ever get!
New York Central Lines Magazine for May, 1928
Ad Valorem
"What's the matter with your wife?
She's all broken up lately."
"She got a terrible jar."
"What happened?"
"Why, she was assisting in a rummage
sale, and when she took off her
new hat, somebody sold it for thirty
cents."
They Rushed for It
"Someone shouted 'fire' in our
apartment house the other night."
"Did all the tenants rush out?"
"You bet! They rushed out and
hunted for it. We had been shivering
for a week."
One Thing and Another
Ted —- I saw a man swallow a
sword!
Sam—That's nothing, I saw a man
inhale a camel!
Somewhere Out West
He—I'm a little stiff from bowling.
She—Where did you say you were
from?
A Stuffed Date
Bob—Did you fill your date last
night?
Matt—I hope so. She ate everything
in sight.
He Tried
"How come you paid that lunch
check?" asked the wife of a man who
had luncheon with a business friend.
"I didn't intend to but when we
went to the cashier's desk he just outfumbled
me, that's all."
Not Good to Drink, Either
Frater—Isn't that hair tonic in the
green bottle?
Also—No, that's mucilage.
Frater—I guess that's why I can't
get my cap off.
Sharply Dull
A scissors grinder stopped in front
of a house. "How's business, Tony?"
asked the mistress.
"Fine!" said he, "I never saw things
so dull in all my life."
Instructions
Husband—Shall I fix that window
shade?
Wife—Yes, make it snappy.
The Wife With the Smile
"I hear that Jones, who married a
telephone girl, now has triplets."
"He might have expected she'd give
him a wrong number."
New York Central Lines Magazine for May, 1928 89
Saving Future Mepair Bills by Building a
IRusfeProof House
OU could pay the national
debt of the United States
in twenty years with the
amount that could be saved by ending
the loss caused by unnecessary
rust—replacing with copper the iron
that is used in the wrong places."
These are the words of Arthur Brisbane,
famous editor, speaking of that
insidious enemy of the home owner—
rust.
It is estimated that this destructive
force costs home owners in the United
States $575,000,000 yearly. Demon
Rust attacks softly, day by day. None
of the dramatic rush and roar of fire
warns of his coming. He waits on
roof, over porch, along the rainpipes,
at doorlock, hinge, lighting fixture,
window screen and water pipe, ready
to despoil. He necessitates the tearing
down of walls quite often, for a
roofleak or a burst water pipe is
usually hidden behind plaster. One
little rust spot in a water pipe, bursting
the pipe, can cause hundreds of
dollars worth of damage to walls, furniture,
and rugs.
But his attack can be met successfully
by the wily house builder.
Through the use of copper, brass and
bronze wherever metals are needed,
the house is rust-proofed. The home
builder, for instance, who uses the
house plan shown as New York Central
Lines Magazine Plan No. 5 may
protect his home at every corner and
in every crevice where Demon Rust
may lurk. Its sturdy, solid walls of
common brick under a roof of mottled
green and purple, rigid asbestos shingles
make it as pleasing in color effect
as in the design and layout which
have made it so popular a plan with
members of Home Owners Institute.
A copper roof will ably meet the
assaults of heat and cold, rain and
snow, and provide no spot where
Demon Rust may take hold. The immunity
of copper to chemical attack
insures a high resistance to corrosion
by air, water, and other agencies.
Types of Copper Roofing
A copper roof may be placed on
your home in one of several forms.
The batten or ribbed type, its ribs
running with the slope of the roof, is
one. Another is the standing seam
type which provides amply for the
movement of the metal due to changes
in temperature. The flat seam type
requires a soldered joint. The copper
shingle is the fourth type. These
shingles are light in weight, hence are
easily applied to the roof. Copper
Spanish tile is a rather recent development
in roofing. Still another
form of roofing is the so-called copper
clad shingle of extra heavy insulating
base with an application of a wearing
surface of copper. Like other forms
of copper, the elements do the "painting"
of these copper-clad shingles, the
soft green patina which forms naturally
being a permanent coating of
protection.
By L. Porter Moore
President, Home Owners Institute, Inc.
Wherever nails are used on the roof,
they should be of copper, for they do
not rust and allow shingles to drop
out of place as do ordinary nails. Copper
lightning-rods, properly grounded,
will protect against possible fire from
lightning. Those quaint ornaments,
weather-vanes, are often of copper.
Sixteen-ounce copper should be used
for flashing the vulnerable points of
any roof. Leaders, gutters, and rainpipes
should be of this rust-proof
metal. Where special architectural
effects are desired, wooden gutters
lined with copper, or lead-coated copper
gutters are desirable.
Rust-Proofing the Pipes
Rust-proofing within the house is
as important as on the roof where the
elements assault the house most assiduously.
The unseen hot and cold
water lines will not taint drinking
water or stain hot bath and laundry
water if brass pipe is installed.
Exposed lanterns and out-door
lights such as that on the lintel-post
which bids your guests welcome may
well be of copper.
For beautification as well as utility,
bronze, brass and copper have long
been honored metals. The beauties of
Russian samovars, Benares brass,
Turkish coffee pots, Chinese kettles
are well known to us.
Bronze (specially strengthened copper)
non-rusting screen cloth at doors
and windows will not rust and admit
insects through small rust holes, as
will ordinary screening. Brass for
exterior hardware takes a high polish
and often outlasts the house itself, as
witness the fine old knockers and
latches on Colonial houses still in existence.
Bronze, too, comes in for its
share of commendation for both exterior
and interior hardware.
How to Get Your
Specifications
S a service to home builders
A the New York Central Lines
Magazine has arranged to procure
complete working drawings and
specifications for the home shown
for any of its readers at the low
cost of $25 for the first set and $5
each for additional sets.
A choice of hundreds of other
plans is possible to readers through
the plan service of Home Owners
Institute, Inc., 441 Lexington Avenue,
New York City. A letter to
the Institute or to the editor of the
New York Central Lines Magazine
will bring a quick response.
Rust attacks within the house as
without. It pits the metal under plating
or enamel on lighting fixtures if
that metal is ferrous. Copper, bronze
and brass lighting fixtures take a variety
of finishes and hold those finishes
during long, hard service. Brass and
bronze plates are useful as decorative
concealments at electric switch and
convenience outlets.
Copper will be used in the electric
wiring.of .your house whether you specify
it or not, for-aside from the fact
that it is the best known electrical
conductor, it is rust-proof in these
wires as elsewhere.
The advantages of an entirely rustproofed
house may be had at small
extra expenditure over that for rustable
metal, an additional $300 being
the estimated cost of rust-proofing
the house featured in this article.
This investment would soon be returned
to the home builder in the savings
in repair and replacement bills
he would experience. The non-rusting
metal "stays put" because it continues
to give good service throughout the
lifetime of the house.
The five rooms of New York Central
Lines Magazine House No. 5 may
be brightened, as may any home, with
brass and copper and may be protected
in parts which would otherwise receive
attention only from Demon
Rust.
The House of the Month
This design by R. W. Rumenell, Jr.,
architect, of Courtenay, Florida, is
most unusual in architectural effect
and in interior layout. An individuality
of design is seen in the arches
at its entrance porch and the common
brick wall which connects house
and garage, giving the garden a sense
of intimacy similar to that of the
"walled-in" garden of other days.
The housewife who is tired of steps
should like the one-floor arrangement
of this bungalow type of residence.
From the entrance porch, one steps
into the large living room with fireplace
on the long center wall and windows
directly facing it. In a house
of this character, steel casement windows
are especially fitting and add
to the fire-proof qualities of the building
as well as giving that extra portion
of sunlight and air for which the
steel casement window is known.
Here as elsewhere throughout the
house, walls of hydrated lime plaster
put in a backing of woven metal lath
will be crack-proof, vermin-proof and
sound-proof, three important points
touching the pocketbook and the comfort
of the home builder.
The nearly square dining room, a
shape well liked because of the ease
with which it accommodates dining
furniture, gives easy access to the
kitchen, as it should. Here the back
of the sink under the kitchen windowis
low so that while Mother washes
the dishes she may look outside into
the sunlit yard. But unlike the sinks