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ALL CARS WANTED Telchristie Car Sales NEW or OLD “Guaranteed to pay a fair price” NO GIMMICKS Any car, new or old, with or without an MOT. All cars bought & sold. TEL: 0800 2343207 or 07980 923760 you can’t beat OLD ADVERTISEMENTS... because she deserves it! Simply Satin The Tacky One Don’t you just love Essex, what with its sleazy reputation and the general consensus of it being the ‘tacky one’ of the Home Counties? Not fair, is it? I honestly don’t have any friends called Sharon or Tracy and I’ve never worn a pair of six inch stilettos, never mind white ones. I thought there might just have been a slim chance of the ‘Essex Girl’ stereotype becoming dated and fading away into obscurity, and it actually did seem as though there was a fighting chance for our beloved county to redeem itself at one time. But then something happened. That bloody TV show and its shameless typecasting, ruining any chance Essex ever had of recovering its reputation. I think it borders on slander. However, the thing that gets me is that many people in Essex actually seem to watch it and lap it up. Encourage it, even. If the excited Facebook status updates about what’s going on in the nonsensical show from people who I hesitate to call my friends wasn’t enough to convince me of it, the fact that Dukes recently used a ‘The Only Way Is Essex Reunion Party’ as a promotion finally brought it home to me LOUD & CLEAR. If Dukes thought they could market the craze, then the clamour surrounding ‘The Only Way Is Essex’ was clearly worse than I initially suspected. N.B. Just for the record, Dukes promotion did really well and I am told the night in question was “really good”, God help us. I remember first seeing the TV ad for the show and my eyes actually widened in disbelief before turning to horror. I thought, “Oh please, God, noooo!’ And I’d hoped with all my heart that it would simply crash and burn. Only it hasn’t. But then, it wouldn’t, would it. Because perhaps the sheer ridiculousness of the show somehow makes it (ahem) ‘compulsive viewing’. I honestly can’t see it myself. It frustrates me. I tried to bring myself to watch a full episode, but couldn’t. What’s more, I’ll never try again. It’s not good for me (and it shouldn’t be good for anyone). I could feel my brain slowly wasting away. In fact, its only redeeming feature appears to be that it’s set off a chain reaction so a whole host of other equally God awful ‘reality’ shows seem to be popping up, like ‘Geordie Shore’ and ‘Made In Chelsea’ which, on the surface, sounds like a damn good reason to throw yourself out of the nearest window, although the way I see it is that hopefully people will be able to see that there are brainless bimbos who use far too much fake tan and boys with half-a-brain-cell who ‘go’ for said bimbos all over the country. In short, no, IT’S NOT JUST AN ESSEX THING! However, there definitely is something about Essex that sets it apart from other counties, something that makes it just that little bit..... crazier. And that is perhaps, just perhaps, we know how to have a bloody good time and TV show or not, other counties just can’t handle the fact. IKR I know I’m probably a little young to be saying this, but some of the stuff the youth of today come out with is plain ridiculous. Take, for instance, the word ‘awesomated’. It’s something my younger sister brought home from school. So I looked it up on Urban Dictionary, mostly to check the spelling, and it’s defined as: the state of being better than 'awesome'. Then there’s my brother’s favourite ‘bare hilare’ which is defined as: a phrase used to describe someone who is very funny. Forget the words, how about the acronyms? Bloody confusing! IKR (I know, right)?!?! But it’s not just the youth of today, is it? The weirdest thing of all, I think, is when I hear my very own father, a learned man, using such ‘youthisms’. For instance, just the other day he replied to a comment left on a forum, mentioning in his post that he was ‘ROFL’ (rolling on floor laughing) at the other persons comment. In fact, come to think of it, it was actually my very own dad that introduced me to ‘LOL’. Bollocks To Poverty I’m excited! Want to know why? This month, I’m throwing a massive Pre-V, Post- (exam) Results Party for charity as part of the ’Bollocks To Poverty’ tour, and it is going to be frigging AWESOME! ActionAid, an international development charity, works with some of the poorest people and communities in the world and co-ordinates the ‘Bollocks To Poverty’ tour. By going to, or putting on, an event as part of the tour, anyone can help their vital work in Africa, Asia and the Americas, and play a part in the ongoing fight against global poverty. Everything’s set up. I’ve got an awesome venue, some awesome DJ’s and - yes, you guessed it - an awesome charity to support! Want to join me? We’ll be partying at The bar in Chelmsford from 10pm ’til 2am on Thursday 18th August to the sounds of commercial, electro, house, breaks, dubstep and trance, with DJ Gary Bright plus a couple of Essential Clubbers DJ’s. Tickets are £4.50 on the door, or £3.50 prior, and at least £1 from each ticket goes straight to ActionAid (registered charity no. 274467). In fact, it’s going to be so, erm, awesome that I know a couple of people from Holland who are thinking about coming over just for the night! So please have a look at the website www.wix.com/vipro5/partyforcharity to find out more about the charity, the event, and the DJ’s. Or simply go ahead and buy your advance tickets by going to www.wegottickets.com and searching for ‘Pre-V, Post-Results Party For Charity’. Hey, and do tell all your friends and your neighbours and hell, even your neighbours dog, if they’ve got one. In fact, why not let the whole world know. Yeah, let’s get up and party and say absolute bollocks to poverty! For more information about ‘Bollocks to Poverty’ and ActionAid, please visit... www.actionaid.org.uk/bollocks And for anything else regarding this event, tickets and any other enquiries, simply email v.i.pro@live.co.uk Hey, readers, I guess we’ve got to cut Satin some slack as she is The Edge’s youngest writer by some considerable margin...and we were young once too. Remember? E.E. Page 8 The Edge 01245 348256
OH NO, NOT AGAIN, MAURICE! Hi Shaun, Enclosed photo taken in Zand Square - Brugge. Had a long weekend there with my wife celebrating our 50th Wedding Anniversary. Not looking overly happy as it rained all the time and the food and drink was very expensive. Left a copy of the June Edge at the Park Hotel where we stayed. Best wishes, Maurice Crick. Ahhhh, Maurice lad, whatever is The Edge going to do with you, eh? Come on, admit it, you just like appearing in the mag, don’t you? I mean, whatever is this photograph? I can’t fathom it out. Looks like you’re on a rooftop with some chimney stacks, or perhaps somewhere in Beaulieu Park. Bugger, that’s it! You’re in Beaulieu Park, aren’t you, lad? And this is just another one of your ploys to get your picture in The Edge wearing those ultra-scary sunglasses of yours that make you look as if you’re about to morph into a bluebottle or something. Tell you what, Mo, let’s cut out the middleman (The Edge) and announce to the readers that if they want to see any more photographs of you holding a copy of the mag, they can always find you at Costa Coffee! E.E. Victoria Road, Chelmsford, Essex CM1 1NY Tel: (01245) 269983 ALL AMERICAN RESTAURANT 50% OFF This voucher entitles you to 50% off your total food bill Valid Sundays to Thursdays until August 2011. Enter your details, bring along this voucher and present when you ask for the bill. www.backinntime.co.uk Loch Fyne World Tour Flavours of the Caribbean come to Loch Fyne in Chelmsford on Thursday 18th August. Join us for a mouth-watering three course dinner including a glass of wine for only £20 per person and an evening celebrating Caribbean food, wine and culture. Bookings now being taken. LochFyneRestaurant109-111BondStreet,Chelmsford. Tel: 01245 293620. chelmsford@lochfyne.net. www.lochfyne.com Name.............................................................................. Address........................................................................... ....................................................................................... ............................................... Postcode ........................ Email .............................................................................. We’re Open: 6.00 Til Late Monday-Friday 5.30 Til Late Saturday • All Day Sunday The Edge 077 646 797 44 Page 9
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