Unikum mars 2020

was unsure whether the implication was wishful thinking
from my side or his intention. He rose and went
up the stairs. I followed, hoping that instead of tallying
more question, I would finally find an answer tonight.
He’d gotten undressed and placed himself underneath the
blankets, leaving enough room besides him for someone
else to join. Someone like…me. A throb jolted through
my head, as if something was alerting me of the wrongdoing
I was considering. But why was is wrong though?
Wasn’t this…who I was? What was wrong with that? I
ignored the pain, and stiffly lowered myself next to him.
We laid there, in an unshakeable silence. Until finally,
Alex wrapped his hands around me and placed his head
on my chest. The physical contact with another human
was so comforting, and without my permission, my own
hands instantly wrapped themselves around Alex.
And then, we fell asleep.
Day 47
We’d continued sleeping together, even kissing sometimes
before we let our consciousness slip into the realm
of dreams. The house had gotten warmer since then,
cozier. We still laughed and talked together, but something
else was lingering in the air. I was truly happy that
Alex had come. I never stopped thinking of escape, but
suddenly, the days seemed to have gotten a lot shorter.
Day 50
The night before, we tried sex for the first time. I had felt so
dumb. Alex needed to show me everything, and I felt like a
child. But once I’d gotten the hang of it, our naked bodies
clashed together repeatedly, as if moved by an unseen force,
in pure ecstasy and pleasure. He told me he had plenty of
other things to show me, that would heighten the experience.
Some were a bit too…extreme to me, which seemed to
disappoint him. He told me it was okay, but I could see the
dismay in his eyes. Maybe…maybe I just needed to loosen
up a bit. I couldn’t stand the thought of annoying him.
Day 56
So many days have passed. Alex found it curious that I kept
count. He thought it was a bit obscure, and he didn’t see
the meaning of it. He felt that every day should be valued,
and not counted like a number. I agreed but counting
brought me some comfort. He’d just shrugged it off, but I
could tell it bothered him. I hadn’t tried some of the new
sex stuff, maybe if I did, he wouldn’t be so annoyed with
me. I had been reluctant and perhaps somewhat distant
lately. I couldn’t stand the thought of bugging him.
Day 64
I had the weirdest dream last night. My vision was obscured
in darkness, as if I was floating in nothingness.
But I felt everything. Hands, hands undressing me, touching
me, groping me. I couldn’t scream, as if my mouth
was unable to produce the sound. I couldn’t move, as
if my body was frozen in place. I woke up, sweating,
startling Alex who was sound asleep next to me.
It was a dream, but something within me told me I wasn’t.
Day 70
The cup, the pillow throwing, the dream, what was
their connection? Who was I? Lately, I’d gotten more
obsessed with the questions haunting me. I wanted
out, out of this fog that clouded my mind and out of
this house. Alex had tried calming me down, but I
was reaching a breaking point. He tried calming a
storm that had been brewing for far too long. An effort
which he didn’t want to spend energy on.
“You’re overexaggerating, we’re doing fine here,
and someone will come to help us,” he growled.
“How do you know that!? For God’s sake, we
can’t even remember our names!” I yelled.
“We don’t need names! We have each other, don’t
we? Isn’t that enough? Am I not enough?”
It was as if an invisible bullet had been shot, and I had
to stagger upon its impact. Alex looked frustrated, and I
could feel myself on the verge of tears by his implication.
“N-no of cou-!”
I was cut short by his loud scoff, and he turned
around and went upstairs. I followed in pursuit,
but he’d locked himself in his room. He wouldn’t
answer my desperate calls. I cried and cried. I
couldn’t stand the thought of losing him.
Day 71
Alex’s gone.
His bedroom door was open when I woke up, and he
was gone. Vanished. Nowhere in the house. I tried the
front door. Still locked. It was like…he’d never existed.
Tea and biscuits weren’t served today.
I was all alone again.
All…alone.
Day 73
No, Alex couldn’t have been a figment of my imagination.
His touch had been real, the things we’d done had
been real, even the pain of it had been real. But where
was he? Was this…somehow my fault? But why?
WHY!?
Day 75
Time passed with the drop of my tears, as they steadily
streamed down my chin. I couldn’t stop it, just like
I couldn’t stop the flow of time nor stop this horrid
nightmare I was living in. I shouldn’t have pushed Alex,
shouldn’t have driven him away. This was my fault. It
had to be. Maybe this was my captor’s punishment? I
“Are you okay?”
MARS 2020 UNIKUM NR 3 33