monitor 4_97

May 10, 1996, and they agree with the Forrester
survey that women represent about one-third of
the Internet users.
� Radical female hornet’s nest
Ms. Thunder said, ,,I’ll bet the survey was conducted
by a 95 percent male team, questions and
all. It reminds me of the hundreds of health
studies taken in the past that had few, if any,
women involved. I prefer WWW sites like
Femina where women are conducting and interpreting
Internet studies. “
http://www.femina.com/femina/computers
Mr. Curmudgeon called the Femina site a ,,radical
female hornet’s nest.“ Which is why I was
still restraining Ms. Thunder from making a full
charge into the men’s group.
Ms. Thunder continued her reasoning, ,,I
think the surveys and common sense show that
women have already reached nearly 50 percent.
We have arrived and more are on the way. That’s
what’s really bothering those wannabe studs hiding
behind the number keys over there.“
I suggested a long time-out. I wanted enough
time to study the figures myself. I suggested each
group go off separately and cool down - do some
exercises and rethink their positions while I researched
the various links both sides had given
me. I asked them to come back, respectful of each
other, in about an hour.
(This is an interesting side point: Using the
Internet for an hour’s worth of research on any
subject gets you far more information than an
hour’s worth of research using printed material
stored in a library.)
An hour later I had worked out a compromise.
Right on schedule the males appeared at their
preferred spot, on the number pad, and the female
Leprechauns again appeared around the middle of
the keyboard. First I gave them a little lesson in
compromise. I explained that if side X claims
something takes seven (7) years to do and side Y
claims it can be done in five (5) then common sense
says add five and seven together to get 12, then
Phrases that need translating
divide by two to get six (6) and compromise on
that figure.
I told them I had used this formula to add the
highest legitimate Internet survey number for
total users, 45 million, to the lowest legitimate
survey number, 10 million. That puts a safe compromise
at 27.5 million Internet users.
I told them all that since the vast majority of
the surveys showed about one-third of the users
were female and nearly all of the people who conducted
the surveys were male, that a good compromise
for 1996 would be 41 percent women
and 59 percent men. It was gratifying to look around
and see both the males and the females nodding
in agreement.
� Kiss and make up
Mr. Curmudgeon picked this moment to show
some class. He walked over to Ms. Thunder, his
hand extended for a handshake. He said to all the
women, ,,I agree that more women on the net will
add to the net’s worth. I kind of liked the old net
but I can live with the new one. In fact, I agree
that women are making it a better place.“ Ms.
Thunder even gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.
I said, ,,So is this a long-term trend we are looking
at?“
,,Indeed it is,“ Ms. Thunder said, while Mr.
Curmudgeon was enthusiastically nodding his
head up and down. She continued, ,,I would suggest
that all webmeisters, all monitors for mailgroups
- anyone responsible for providing
Internet content - start thinking seriously about
women. Most of the web pages and most of the
information on the Internet are geared toward
men. If they don’t change their presentation and
basic thinking soon, they’re going to lose at least
half of their potential audience.“
Ms. Lockjaw brought the matter to conclusion
by giving me a rare smile and saying, ,,In a
way, O lover of sweet tarts, what Ms. Thunder is
saying isn’t one of those trends you are always looking
for. What she is saying is a sure-fire promise
you can take to the bank.“
,,For quite awhile I have noticed an increase in the number of women using the Internet. This
week Kleinman.com is proud to announce a new resource for women: Cosmetic Connection.“
[From an E-mail promotion for The Kleinman Report — one of many Internet wannabe gurus.]
Translation: Gee, I don’t know much about women’s issues but surely they want to know about cosmetics
and lipstick and such. Right?
,,We won’t be releasing another version of Bob, but we still believe in its underlying value, and expect
it to come back to life in another form.“ [Bill Gates in his August 9 New York Times syndicated column.]
Translation: Bob will be like Freddy Krueger — ,,I’mmmm back.“
,,Personal computers are too expensive and too difficult to use.“ [Eckhard Pfeiffer, chairman and CEO of
Compaq Computer Corp. speaking at the European IT Forum.] Translation: Bill Gates and I are using the same
phrase to push for cheaper and better designs of computers — even though we manufacture
them.
,,We are looking for a way to define the nature of the provision of mere telecommunications services,
for which telecommunications providers should bear no liability for copyright infringement
and are trying to define where the dividing line is between someone who actively engages in the
provision of information versus someone who is a mere conduit.“ [U.S. Government official explaining
need for new copyright laws.] Translation: We have no idea what we are going to do.
,,I agree that more
women on the net will
add to the net’s worth. I
kind of liked the old net
but I can live with the
new one. In fact, I agree
that women are making
it a better place.“
Want to communicate
with Evan and his band
of Leprechauns? You
can contact him at:
CompuServe:
Evan Mahaney
72233,1126
or Internet:
evan@newswritr.com
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