Hey Nostradamus! By Douglas Coupland

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"No. Don't. Sit on the chair there." The guy in the other bed was snoring. I wondered what on earth to say after a decade of silence. "It was a nice memorial. Barb sure gets excited." "Kent should never have married her." "Barb? Why not?" "No respect. Not for her elders." "Meaning you." "Yes, meaning me." "You actually think you deserve respect after what you said to her?" He rolled his eyes. "From your perspective - from the way you look at the world, no." "What's that supposed to mean?" "It means, relax. It means Kent ought to have married someone closer to his own heart." I huffed. "Don't play dumb with me, Jason. It always looked bad on you. Kent needed a more devoted wife." I was floored. "Devoted?" "You're being obtuse. Barb could never fully surrender to Kent. And without surrender, she could never be a true wife." I fidgeted with his water decanter, which seemed to be made of pink pencil eraser material. Why does everything in a hospital have to be not just ugly, but evocative of quick, premature and painful death? I said, "Barb has a personality." "I'm not saying she doesn't." "She's the mother of your two grandchildren." "I'm not an idiot, Jason." "How could you have gone and said something so insensitive last night - suggesting that one of the kids might not even have a soul. Are you really as mindlessly cruel as you seem?" "The modern world creates complex moral issues." "Twinsare not complex moral issues. Twins are twins." "I read the papers and watch the news, Jason. I see what's going on." Page 56
I changed the subject. "How long are you in here?" "Maybe five days." He coughed, and it evidently hurt. Good. "Are you sleeping okay?" "Last night like a baby." A mood swept over me, and as with any important question in life, the asking felt unreal, like it came from another person's mouth: "How come you accused me of murder, Dad?" Silence. "Well?" Still no reply. I said, "I didn't come in here planning to ask you this. But now that I have, I'm not leaving until you give me a reply." He coughed. "Now don't you play the little old man with me. Answer me." My father turned his face away, so I walked to the head of the bed, squatted down and grabbed his head, forcing him to lock eyes with me. "Hi, Dad. I asked you a question, and I think you owe me an answer. Whaddya say, huh?" His expression wasn't hate and it wasn't love. "I didn't accuse you of murder." "Really now?" "I merely pointed out that you had murder in your heart, and that you chose to act on that murderous impulse. Take from that what you will." "That's all?" "Your mother, as you'll recall, stopped the dialogue at that point." "Mom stood up for me." "You really don't understand, do you?" "What - there's something to understand here?" My father said, "You were perfect." "I was what?" "Your soul was perfect. If you'd died in the cafeteria, you'd have gone directly to heaven. But instead Page 57
Page 1 and 2:
Hey Nostradamus! By Douglas Couplan
Page 3 and 4:
house was quiet - not even a clock
Page 5 and 6: I said, "Let's talk about it at hom
Page 7 and 8: Dear God, Remove the blood from the
Page 9 and 10: My family didn't know what to make
Page 11 and 12: Dear God, What's hardest here is th
Page 13 and 14: The important thing is that we were
Page 15 and 16: only indicate Your absence - that f
Page 17 and 18: outfits must have made us look all
Page 19 and 20: And I did have questions and uneasy
Page 21 and 22: late into the game, I think." "What
Page 23 and 24: didn't hurt, the shooting, and I di
Page 25 and 26: someone who spends her days deliver
Page 27 and 28: ecame ghosts. The only thing that c
Page 29 and 30: It's a bit later again, still here
Page 31 and 32: on a locker's ventilation slits. "L
Page 33 and 34: turned around to me and said, "You
Page 35 and 36: their badge. Another cop looked at
Page 37 and 38: myself reflected in the one remaini
Page 39 and 40: * * * Like anyone, I've seen those
Page 41 and 42: I sat down, while Mom gave Joyce a
Page 43 and 44: Mom said, "Didn't you hear me?" Dad
Page 45 and 46: "Stick a potato in it. Your job, by
Page 47 and 48: "Barb?" "Go now. Because I'll break
Page 49 and 50: the water, and here I am now in my
Page 51 and 52: My main memories of those two weeks
Page 53 and 54: Just don't screw your life up the w
Page 55: was in. What came over me? It was n
Page 59 and 60: In the third week after the massacr
Page 61 and 62: don't, and they all work so hard -
Page 63 and 64: Alive! friends look forward to the
Page 65 and 66: But I was going to say that when it
Page 67 and 68: "Tell me." "He said, 'Who are we to
Page 69 and 70: "I've heard of that. More for me, t
Page 71 and 72: I dropped the rock onto a nearby bo
Page 73 and 74: But I hadn't killed Yorgo. I stoppe
Page 75 and 76: * * * I'm in a Denny's in North Van
Page 77 and 78: "No. Just you." I was confused. I h
Page 79 and 80: have a carry-on bag? So that some c
Page 81 and 82: I was going to motion to the elevat
Page 83 and 84: Saturday afternoon 4:00 I met Jason
Page 85 and 86: Barb's commuting down the coast, an
Page 87 and 88: "Heather, how many people are in th
Page 89 and 90: Okay, Barb's housekeeper will be in
Page 91 and 92: Oh, Heather, you knew it wouldn't b
Page 93 and 94: "I'm driving." "So?" I didn't argue
Page 95 and 96: kitchen table where I picked at the
Page 97 and 98: "Wait. Hold on a minute. When you g
Page 99 and 100: It was becoming windy, and our voic
Page 101 and 102: Oh. So, um - what are you up to lat
Page 103 and 104: "Why did he say, 'Oh, I say'?" "Bec
Page 105 and 106: first disappeared, but which I've s
Page 107 and 108:
What has happened to me? I've gone
Page 109 and 110:
In my peripheral vision I'm also no
Page 111 and 112:
sweater and readying my purse. "Oh,
Page 113 and 114:
morning jobs, and he clocked out ea
Page 115 and 116:
Tuesday afternoon 3:00 I was eating
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"No, I'm not." And he wasn't. Reg h
Page 119 and 120:
"Five thousand dollars." "I figured
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existence. This is when I felt the
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"How could Allison have known such
Page 125 and 126:
Okay then, what did happen? I follo
Page 127 and 128:
Five years ago, before I met Jason,
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Allison didn't like this. "Oh, real
Page 131 and 132:
I was appalled. "How could you use
Page 133 and 134:
eating an egg salad sandwich, when
Page 135 and 136:
We were in the Keg at the foot of L
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But I haven't lost you, my son. No
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