Hey Nostradamus! By Douglas Coupland

Oh Lord. What am I to do? I arranged to meet her at the fish-and-chips stand between Ambleside
Beach and the soccer field. Jason always liked going there, so I figured it would increase the chance of a
Jason vibe. Did I just write the word "vibe"? I hope that doesn't betoken the start of something bad. I
was bleary-eyed and freezing, and the twins didn't seem to notice or care - oh, to be young and have a
proper thermostat again. So I waited for this Allison woman.
The stand was closed, and we were alone save for a few unambitious seagulls trolling the metal litter
drums for snacks. The air was salty and nice, clean smelling. I turned to look at the waves, at the little tips
of whitecaps, and I turned around, and there was Allison, older than I'd thought, about sixty, and smaller
too, her body like a pit inside a large prune of teal-green fleece and zippers. She wore tight black
leggings so maybe she was a walker. Do I care? Yes. I care. This woman was my lifeline.
"Allison?"
"Heather?"
"I'm glad you could come meet me here."
Allison said, "How could I miss it? This is the first interesting thing to happen in my life since my husband
died."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"Don't be. It was horrible for him. When he went it was a blessing."
"Is that when you first decided to try your hand at being psychic?"
"At first. I missed him like I'd miss sight or taste or hearing — he was an extra sense for me. I felt like I'd
been blinded. I wanted him returned to me any way I could manage."
We all walked toward the soccer field. "What happened then?"
"First I went to other so-called psychics; they all checked me out and picked up on the fact that I'd
recently lost Glenn. Something in my eyes, or maybe the fact that I hadn't bothered to pretty myself up. I
know all the signs now.
These psychics would mostly milk Glenn's death - 'I think it was a quick death - no! It was a slow death.
He wanted you to be brave and not to worry.' None of it was of any consequence, but it made me feel
good at a time when other things weren't working. You don't need to be a psychic to know that, but
when the message comes from the spirit world, wow, you almost swoon from the illusion of contact."
"Why did you decide to do it yourself? Don't you think it's sort of mean for pseudo-psychics to lead
people on?"
"Mean? No. Like I told you last night, it's harmless stuff, and even the worst psychic made me feel a
heckuva lot better than all the Wellbutrin or Tia Maria I swallowed. Psychics are no different from quack
vitamins or aromatherapy or any of that stuff you see ads for. And I'll tell you this: When people come to
me, I really do help them. And you'd be amazed at the problems everybody has."
"I work as a court stenographer. I think I see more problems than most people."
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