An Apres Morris Song Archive - The Morris Ring

Black Velvet Band (trad.)
1. Twas in the town of Tralee, apprentice to trade I was bound
With plenty of bright amusement to see, the days of my youth go around
Misfortune and trouble came over me, which caused me to stray from the land
Far away from my friends and relations, to follow the Black Velvet Band
Ch: Her eyes they shone like diamonds, you`d think she was queen of the land
With her hair thrown over her shoulders, tied up with the Black velvet band.
2. As I went walking down broadway, not intending to stay very long,
I met with a frolicksome damsel as she came a tripping along.
A watch she pulled out of her pocket and slipped it ripht into my hand,
On the very first day that I met her: bad luck to the Black Velvet Band. CHORUS
3. Before the judge and the jury the both of us had to appear,
And a gentleman swore to the jewellery - the case against us was clear.
For seven years transportation right unto Van Dieman's Land,
Far away from my friends and relations to follow her Black Velvet Band. CHORUS
4. Oh,, all you brave young Irish lads, a warning take by me,
Beware of the pretty young damsels that are roamin' in Tralee.
They'll treat you to whiskey and porter until you're unable to stand,
And before you have time for to leave them, you are unto Van Dieman's Land. CHORU
The Boarding House Song
( inc. The Vet verses 5-7-mostly Fred Wedlock)
1) The train was standing at the station when a young
man full of care, running madly to get on it, tripped fell
headlong down the stair. A dear old lady rushed up to
him “Did you miss a step my son?”Looking up he said,
“No lady, I hit every bloody one.”
2) Girls can never change their nature, `tis a thing
beyond their reach. If a girl is born a lemon she can
never be a peach. But the law of compensation does this
lesson to us teach: You can always squeeze a lemon,
ever tried to squeeze a peach?
3) At the boarding house where I stayed everything was
growing old…..Silver hairs among the butter and the
bread was green with mould. When the dog died we had
sausages when the cat died catnip tea. When the
landlord died I left there spare ribs were too much for me.
4) Tell me Mr Tram Conductor said the lady old and frail.
Will the electric current kill me if I stand upon this rail. I
assure you that it will nothe cheeky tram conductor said.
Unless you raise the other leg and put it on that
powerline overhead!
Vet
Once there lived a vet in Hendred he was England’s
finest vet. Crossed a parrot with a tiger won some very
heavy bet. Tenderly he nursed the offspring for it was his
pride and joy. Till one day it bit his hand off shouting, “
Who’s a pretty boy?”
So he went to get a transplant from a very famous Doc
Said the surgeon I’m afraid I’ve only female hands in
stock. Carry on the vet said bravely ah but now he
suffers so. Every time he has a widdle his new hand will
not let go.
So he went back to the surgeon saying, “This will never
do. My new hand just keeps on gripping when I’ve been
to the loo. “Throw away your life size dolly” quipped the
eminent old chap. “You can have your oats twice
daily….now a hand job is on tap!”
Blow the Man Down (trad)
As I was a-walkin' down Paradise Street
To me way, hay, blow the man down!
A flash looking packet I chanced for to meet
Oh, gi' me some time to blow the man down!
Blow the man down, bullies, blow the man down
To me way, hay, blow the man down!
Blow him right back to Liverpool town
Oh, gi' me some time to blow the man down!
She was bowlin' along with the wind blowin' free
She clewed up her courses an' waited for me
She was round in the counter and bluff in the bow
So I hold in all sailing, cryin', well enough now
Where she did hail from I really can't tell
But I gave her my flipper, we're both bound for hell
Come all you young sailors, take warning by me
Never take a young Liverpool gal on your knee
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