An Apres Morris Song Archive - The Morris Ring

Chastity Belt (Jeffrey Smith)
1. Oh come gentle maiden let me be your lover
Condemn me no longer to mourn and to weep
Struck down like a hart all wounded and bleeding
Lower your drawbridge I’ll enter your keep.
Ch. (part of last line of each verse in italics)
Enter Your keep, noddy noddyx2
Lower your drawbridge I`ll enter your keep;
2. Alas noble errant to do this I’m unable
I’m married to Sir Oswald that cunning old Celt
He’s gone to the wars for six months or longer
And taken the key to my chastity belt.
3. Fear not gentle maiden for I know a locksmit
Together we’ll go, on his door we will knock
And there we’ll avail of his specialised knowledge
And see if he’s able to unpick your lock.
4. Alas and alack to help you I’m unable
My specialised knowledge is of no avail
I’m quite unable to undo your combination
The cunning old basket has fitted a yale.
5. Then back from the wars with sad tale of disaster
A terrible story to you I’ll confide
While we were approaching the Straits of Gibralter
I carelessly dropped the key over the side.
7. Alas and alack then I’m locked up forever
Then up spoke a page boy said
“Leave it to me!
If you will permit me to enter your chamber
I’ll open it up with my duplicate key.
Christopher and Alice /They’re Changing Guard at
Buckingham Palace
Inside the yard at Buckingham Palace,
Christopher Robin went down on Alice.
”Dear little Christopher knows his stuff,
At ‘Trying the Beard’ and ‘Noshing the Muff.’”
Says Alice
Little boy sits at the foot of the stairs
Clutched in his hands are some little white hairs
"Oh dear fancy that Christopher Robin`s castrated
the cat," Said Alice.
Little boy kneels at the foot of the bed
Fingers caressing his little fair head
"Oh no it couldn`t be worse Christopher Robin is
xxxxxxxx his nurse," Said Alice.
Christopher sits on the lavatory pan
Slowly caressing his little old man
"Flip flop in the tank, Christopher Robin is having a
xxxx", said Alice
Chicken On a Raft (trad. Cyril Tawney)
Skipper in the wardroom drinkin' gin,
Hey yo, chicken on a raft!
I don't mind knockin', but I ain't goin' in!
Hey yo, chicken on a raft!
The jimmy's laughin' like it'd rain,
Hey yo, chicken on a raft!
He's lookin' at me comic cuts again!
Hey yo, chicken on a raft!
cho: Chicken on a raft on a Monday morning,
Oh, what a terrible sight to see,
Dabtoes forward and the dustmen aft,
Sittin' there a'pickin' at a chicken on a raft!
Hi, ho, chicken on a raft!
Hey, ho, chicken on a raft!
Hi, ho, chicken on a raft!
Hey, ho, chicken on a raft!
Gave me the middle and the forenoon too,
Now I'm pullin' on a whalin' crew.
Seagulls wheelin' overhead,
I oughter be home in me featherbed!
I had a little girl in Donny-B,
And did she make a fool of me.
Her heart was like a pusser's shower,
Run hot to cold in a quarter of an hour!
We kissed goodbye on a midnight bus,
She didn't cry and she didn't fuss,
Am I that one she loves the best,
Or just a cuckoo in another man's nest?
An amazon girl lived in Dumfries,
Only had her kids in two's and three's,
She's got a sister in Maryhill,
Says she won't but I think she will!
Chim Chimenee (Old Hat Band ad. by ed.)
Went down the local for a whisky last night,
The barman says “Quasi, is Teachers alright?”
“Teachers is fine and I know that it sells
but when it’s for Quasi it’s got to be Bells.”
Ch. Chim Chimenee, Chim Chimenee, Chim, Chim,
Cheroo,
I am the man who will clean out your flue.
Chim Chimenee, Chim Chimenee, Chim, Chim,
Cheree
I’ll get the hump if you don’t sing with me.
My wife went to Church the vicar to tell,
This Sunday morning there won’t be no bell
She said to the vicar “ Don’t give Quasi the sack.
He can’t come today ‘cos he’s got a bad back”.
A Chinese meal last night I thought I would face,
When I found that the wok was not in it’s place
We’re not having Chinese my wife did assert,
The wok comes in useful for ironing your shirt.
Quasi died from a blow when the bell hit his head,
He plunged to his death as he fell just like lead
Onlookers asked, “Who was he can you tell?”,
someone said “ No but his face rings a bell”.
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