An Apres Morris Song Archive - The Morris Ring

I Painted Her
I painted her
Down the belly and up the back
Every nook and every crack
I painted her
Down in Drury Lane
I painted her old Tomato
Over and over again!
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
(Tommie Connor)
I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night
She didn't see me creep
Down the stairs to have a peek
She thought that I was tucked up
In my Bedroom fast asleep
Then I saw mommy tickle Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white
What a laugh it would have been
If daddy had only seen
Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night.
Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night.
I Saw Mommy KO Santa Claus
(Phil Alexander parody)
I saw mommy KO Santa Claus
When he came in from the pub last night
Then she told him, Hey you stink
And she said he smelled of drink
And stank the room
With cheap perfume
From the barmaid down the Pink (& Lilly)
I saw mommy's knee in Santa's nuts
And you know it's really sad I did
And as Santa flew away
He passed by passed out on his sleigh
When I saw mommy hitting Santa Claus last night
Mommy hitting Santa Claus last night!
I’ll Go Enlist For A Sailor/Unfortunate Tailor (trad)
List, oh list, to my sorrowful lay,
Attention give to my song I pray,
And when you've heard it all you'll say
That I'm "an unfortunate tailor."
I once was as happy as a bird on a tree,
My Sarah was all in the world to me,
But I'm cut out by a "son of the sea"
She has left me here to bewail her.
O why did Sarah serve me so?
No more will I stitch, no more will I sew,
My thimble and my needle to the winds I'll throw,
And go and enlist for a sailor.
I'm Looking Over My Dead Dog Rover
(tune: I`m Looking Over a Four-leaved Clover)
I'm looking over my dead dog Rover,
That I over-ran with the mower.
One leg is missing the other is gone.
The third one is scattered all over the lawn.
No need explaining the one remaining
It's splattered on the kitchen door.
I'm looking over my dead dog rover,
That I over-ran with the mower.
I'm looking over my dead dog Rover
That I overlooked before
One leg is broken, the other is maimed,
The third I ran over with my CoCo Puff train.
No use explaining, the parts remaining,
They're mangled beyond repair.
I'm looking over my dead Dog Rover
That I overlooked, (Big finish)
That I overlooked,
That I overlooked before.
Immanuel Kant (Monty Python)
Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable,
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table,
David Hume could out-consume
Schopenhauer and Hegel,
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.
There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the turning of the wrist,
Socrates himself was permanently pissed...
John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
With half a pint of shandy was particularly ill,
Plato, they say, could stick it away,
Half a crate of whiskey every day,
Aristotle, Aristotle was a beggar for the bottle,
Hobbes was fond of his dram,
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart,
"I drink therefore I am."
Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed;
A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pissed
In the Old Bazaar In Cairo
(Charlie Chester / K. Morris / Clinton Ford)
Sand bags, wind bags, camels with a hump,
Fat girls, thin girls, some a little plump,
Slave girls sold here, fifty bob a lump,
In the old bazaar in Cairo.
Brandy, shandy, beer without a froth,
Braces, laces, a candle for the moth.
Bet you'd look a smasher in an old loin cloth,
In the old bazaar in Cairo.
You can buy most anything,
Thin bulls, fat cows, a little bit of string,
You can purchase anything you wish,
A clock, a dish & something for your Auntie Nellie,
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