An Apres Morris Song Archive - The Morris Ring

Hello Missus (cont.)
Take me home, no more a martyr,
I can`t sleep from all the farters.
Don`t leave me-that squire`s begun to stare
I might get eaten by him bare!
Take me home I promise I will not make noise
When I return with all the boys.
Oh please take me away
I`ve been here one whole day!
Hello sweetheart, darling missus
You`re so precious, you`re delicious.
Let me come home if you miss me.
I will even let you`re mother hug and kiss me!
Wait a minute, it`s started pouring
Won`t be dancing in the morning.
In a tavern with a beverage.
So my dearest missus disregard this message!
Hello Muddah (Alan Sherman)
Hello Muddah, hello Faddah
Here I ameth Camp Granada.
It is very entertaining
And they say we’ll have some fun if it stops raining!
I went hiking with Joe Spring,
He developed Poison Ivy.
You remember Leonard Skinner.
He got Toe Main Poisoning last night after dinner.
All the councillors hate the waiters
And the camp has Alligators.
And the Head Coach wants no cissys
So he reads to us from something called Ulysses.
Now I don’t want this to scare you,
But my bunk mate has Malaria.
You remember Jeffrey Hardy.
They’re about to organise a searching party.
Ref: Take me home o Muddah Faddah
Take me home I hate Granada
Don’t leave me I’ll end up as a square
I might get eaten by a bear
Take me home I promise I will not make noise
Or mess the house with other boys
O please don’t make me stay
I’ve been here one whole day!
Dearest Faddah, darling Muddah,
How’s my precious little Brother.
Let me come home if you miss me.
I will even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me.
Wait a minute, it’s stopped hailing,
Guys are swimming, guys are sailing
Playing baseball, G that’s better.
Muddah Faddah kindly disregard this letter!
A nd now I have come to the crux of my tale.
At first he turned red, then he turned pale,
Then he offered a prayer, for prayers never fail,
So 'tis sai, for payers never fail..
Of the truth of this tale, there is no doubt at all.
The Lord heard his prayer and He answered his call:
Though he let go the hat, the hat didn't fall.
A blessed miracle! The hat didn`t fall.
Hell's Angel (lyrics Wild Biker, tune Wild Rover)
I've been a Hell's Angel for many's the year
And I've spent all me money on black leather gear
Me bike is all rusty and I'm saddle sore
And I never will play the Hell's Angel no more!
I went into a bikeshop I used to frequent
And I told the mechanic me camshaft was bent
I asked for a new one, he answered "No Way!"
Yer bike is a Honda - we stock BSA!"
I took from me pocket me Hitler Youth knife
And his eyes opened wide as he fled for his life
Saying "I was just joking, take whatever you like!"
I said "Ta very much, mate, I'll have a new bike!"
This bike needed greasing before I could ride
So I took it and lay underneath it outside
But I'd only just started when in from of me eyes
I saw two great big jackboots with black shiny toes!
And now , as I lie here - both legs in a cast
That's the first fight I've had and I swear its me last!
And when I get out of the intensive care ward
Sure I never will play the hell's angel no more!
The Hermit (tune from Digital Tradition)
A hermit once lived in a beautiful dell,
And it is no legend, this story I tell,
So my father declared, who knew him quite well,
The hermit he knew him quite well.
He lived in a cave by the side of the lake,
Decoctions of herbs for his health he would take,
And only of fish could this good man partake
On Friday could this man partake.
And most of his time he spent in repose.
Once a year he would bathe both his body and clothes.
How the lake ever stood it, the Lord only knows,
And He won't tell, the Lord only knows
One day as he rose, dripping and wet,
His horrified vision three pretty girls met;
In matters of gallantry, he wasn't a vet,
So he blushed, he wasn’t a vet.
He grabbed up his hat that lay on the beach,
And covered up all that its wide brim would reach,
Then he cried to the girls in a horrified screech,
``Go away,'' in a horrified screech.
But the girls only laughed at his pitiful plight,
And begged him to show them the wonderful sight,
But he clung to his hat with all of his might
To hide it, with all of his might.
But just at this moment a villainous gnat
Made the hermit forget just where he was at.
He struck at the insect, and let go of the hat --
``Oh, horrors!'' let go of the hat.
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