The Girl on the Boat - Penn State University

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One Moment! Before my friend Mr. Jenkins—wait a minute, Herbert— before my friend Mr. Jenkins formally throws this book open to the public, I should like to say a few words. You, sir, and you, and you at the back, if you will kindly restrain your impatience …. <strong>The</strong>re is no need to jostle. <strong>The</strong>re will be copies for all. Thank you. I shall not detain you long. I wish to clear myself of a possible charge of plagiarism. You smile. Ah! but you don’t know. You don’t realise how careful even a splendid fellow like myself has to be. You wouldn’t have me go down to posterity as Pelham the Pincher, would you? No! Very well, then. By the time this volume is in the hands of the customers, everybody will, of course, have read Mr. J. Storer Clouston’s “<strong>The</strong> Lunatic at Large Again.” (Those who <strong>The</strong> <strong>Girl</strong> on the Boat 4 are chumps enough to miss it deserve no consideration.) Well, both the hero of “<strong>The</strong> Lunatic” and my “Sam Marlowe” try to get out of a tight corner by hiding in a suit of armour in the hall of a country-house. Looks fishy, yes? And yet I call on Heaven to witness that I am innocent, innocent. And, if the word of Northumberland Avenue Wodehouse is not sufficient, let me point out that this story and Mr. Clouston’s appeared simultaneously in serial form in their respective magazines. This proves, I think, that at these crossroads, at any rate, there has been no dirty work. All right, Herb., you can let ‘em in now. P. G. Wodehouse. Constitutional Club, Northumberland Avenue.
THE GIRL ON THE BOAT CHAPTER I A Disturbing Morning THROUGH THE CURTAINED WINDOWS of the furnished flat which Mrs. Horace Hignett had rented for her stay in New York, rays of golden sunlight peeped in like the foremost spies of some advancing army. It was a fine summer morning. <strong>The</strong> hands of the Dutch clock in the hall pointed to thirteen minutes past nine; those of the P. G. Wodehouse 5 ormolu clock in the sitting-room to eleven minutes past ten; those of the carriage clock on the bookshelf to fourteen minutes to six. In other words, it was exactly eight; and Mrs. Hignett acknowledged the fact by moving her head on the pillow, opening her eyes, and sitting up in bed. She always woke at eight precisely. Was this Mrs. Hignett the Mrs. Hignett, the worldfamous writer on <strong>The</strong>osophy, the author of “<strong>The</strong> Spreading Light,” “What of the Morrow,” and all the rest of that well-known series? I’m glad you asked me. Yes, she was. She had come over to America on a lecturing tour. About this time there was a good deal of suffering in the United States, for nearly every boat that arrived from England was bringing a fresh swarm of British lecturers to the country. Novelists, poets, scientists, philosophers, and plain, ordinary bores; some herd instinct seemed to affect them all simultaneously. It was like one of those great race movements of the Middle Ages. Men and women of widely differing views on religion, art, politics, and almost every other subject; on this one point
Page 1 and 2: THE GIRL ON THE BOAT BY P. G. WODEH
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Page 7 and 8: Breakfast was on the table in the s
Page 9 and 10: “Oh, no! I play cricket a bit and
Page 11 and 12: he had had to leave for England him
Page 13 and 14: “No?” “I’m not a man who
Page 15 and 16: eggs and a rasher of ham get cut of
Page 17 and 18: ellers off. There
Page 19 and 20: He had said nothing. Not a sound, e
Page 21 and 22: “She was an extraordinarily prett
Page 23 and 24: “Did you explain about the trouse
Page 25 and 26: He wore a bowler hat, and from time
Page 27 and 28: He was still busy with this congeni
Page 29 and 30: his middle, and accompanied him bel
Page 31 and 32: “Where is she?” “Where’s wh
Page 33 and 34: ing pea-green, rolled over on his s
Page 35 and 36: said it was all right. So it’s al
Page 37 and 38: as utterly heartless. Marlowe regar
Page 39 and 40: “Green. There is
Page 41 and 42: “I see!” said Sam. He shot his
Page 43 and 44: “While you’re down there, just
Page 45 and 46: and the males in the audience will
Page 47 and 48: “I am the Bandolero!” sang Sam
Page 49 and 50: which he had had through the portho
Page 51 and 52: in the mental scale. This morning,
Page 53 and 54: “Oh, hello!” “Why, Bream!”
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the only girl in the world! I have
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“Then,” said B
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iage under conditions like that. Wh
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“I think you were hard on him. A
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“How do I look?” Eustace Hignet
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“Ah, well, it’s seven years ago
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oosting in all your life, I’m goi
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other, had come back and rendered p
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like a man who was seeing some ghas
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to the door and took the note from
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“That’s good.” “But you’r
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of blacking up! You talk as though
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“what have you to say for yoursel
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a couple of days since my engagemen
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was stopping, are in a class of bun
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of Sam he laid down both engines of
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“Very well, Sir Mallaby.” “Th
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“Oh, what’s the good of answeri
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gines. Probably you have been feeli
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Sam started at his parent’s splen
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would chill her to the bone, and ri
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start. Cool and distant. Out of the
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“Awfully sorry, father! Don’t k
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“We do not require a large place,
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you it isn’t in that woman to cha
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and claimed that England had seen f
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It was a superb morning. It was as
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comfort was acute. Insects, some wi
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“Hullo!” said Bream, with amiab
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4 EVEN INTO THE BLACKEST days there
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Hignett had stirred his memory. “
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He brooded for half an hour, and, a
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knockout blow; his number was up; a
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“Good-night, sir.” “Stop a mo
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Mr. Bennett had no pistol, but he d
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Mr. Bennett drew himself up as haug
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nary ball with the mashie which he
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“Dropped my pen!” he gurgled ag
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comfortable. Yesterday afternoon fa
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“But he may be lurking out there
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instantly, for Jno. Peters was one
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Mortimer take a bowl of gold fish o
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consternation, he could not check a
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use. He had given this sensitive gi
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limitation caused him to remain spe
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Mr. Bennett scorched him with a loo
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“What do you mean, be very carefu
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dise which Nature had intended it t
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Grocery Stores in Windlehurst—app
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“Five!” ejaculated Mr. Bennett,
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me to America, because I thought I
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“Sitting on the gate, miss. Yes,
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foreground. How eagerly he would ju
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“Will you take this to Miss Benne
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heart, had bribed a tramp to simula
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to occupy Sam’s thoughts for a mo
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“Quite easily, sir. I can admit y
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those abridged passenger-lists whic
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All the proprietor in Mrs. Hignett
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auders was to be dislodged she must
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gagements, and she could by no mean
Page 177 and 178:
eveller creeping up to bed in the d
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“Lie back quite comfortably, and
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A charming smile spread itself over
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She sat in her chair and gulped; an
Page 185 and 186:
cream in front of a fire. T
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“Get out!” whispered Sam tensel
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a violent activity descended upon h
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finished leaping into the air. She
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“I’m going,” said Billie reso
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“If you don’t come quick, I’l
Page 197 and 198:
“Yes,” said Mr. Bennett, remind
Page 199 and 200:
“Get out and crank her.” Bream
Page 201 and 202:
der her arms, lifted her like a kit
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There was a long s
Page 205 and 206:
ing the helmet on the floor of the
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