The Girl on the Boat - Penn State University

was stopping, are in a class of bungling incompetence
by themselves, the envy and despair of all the other
Swiss waiters at all the other Hotels Magnificent along
the coast. For dreariness of aspect Bingley-on-the-Sea
stands alone. <strong>The</strong> very waves that break on its shingle
seem to creep up the beach reluctantly, as if it revolted
them to have to come to such a place.
Why, then, was Sam Marlowe visiting this ozoneswept
Gehenna? Why, with all the rest of England at
his disposal, had he chosen to spend a week at breezy,
blighted Bingley?
Simply because he had been disappointed in love.
Nothing is more curious than the myriad ways in
which reaction from an unfortunate love-affair manifests
itself in various men. No two males behave in the
same way under the spur of female fickleness.
Archilochum, for instance, according to the Roman
writer, proprio rabies armavit iambo. It is no good pretending
out of politeness that you know what that
means, so I will translate. Rabies—his grouch—armavit—
armed—Archilochum—Archilochus—iambo—with the iam-
P. G. Wodehouse
83
bic—proprio—his own invention. In other words, when
the poet Archilochus was handed his hat by the lady of
his affections, he consoled himself by going off and
writing satirical verse about her in a new metre which
he had thought up immediately after leaving the house.
That was the way the thing affected him.
On the other hand, we read in a recent issue of a
London daily paper that John Simmons (31), a meatsalesman,
was accused of assaulting an officer while in
the discharge of his duty, at the same time using profane
language whereby the officer went in fear of his
life. Constable Riggs deposed that on the evening of
the eleventh instant while he was on his beat, prisoner
accosted him and, after offering to fight him for
fourpence, drew off his right boot and threw it at his
head. Accused, questioned by the magistrate, admitted
the charge and expressed regret, pleading that he
had had words with his young woman, and it had upset
him.
Neither of these courses appealed to Samuel
Marlowe. He had sought relief by slinking off alone to