Volume 1 - Electric Scotland

296 WILLIAM BLACKWOOD.
" corrected slips " of the Abion have been gone over
and sent to Mr St Barbe, presumably the author of
the same. But the feeling of injury continues :
No man is more unwilling to give or take offence from trifles
than I am ;
—
and no man more disposed to allow to a friend the
same privilege of finding fault with me as I with him in trifles.
But it either is a merit or demerit in me, to dislike any symptom
of displeasure shown towards me unnecessarily, or at a time
when it can do no good, and when I am endeavouring to do
what I can. I lose many more hours and days in trying to fix
on what to write, and to bring my mind into capacity to write,
than in writing. All this is painfully known to myself, but
cannot be so well known to you. For three days have I sat
like an idiot with slips before me, and scribbling childish non-
sense without success or hope of reward, and ended in disap-
pointing you not unjustly. It may be unreasonable to do so
and yet expect you to be not displeased, for it certainly must
be annoying ; but it adds to my own annoyance to have added
to my consciousness of imbecility your expression of annoyance
also. You cannot imagine the hundredth part of the lets and
hindrances that besiege my mind about articles ; and they often
assail me at the very juncture when their operation is worst
for all parties. That is a fact ; but so far from any good being
done by your letting me see your annoyance, the evil is mag-
nified thereby a hundredfold. It amounts, in short, to utter
extinction of all form whatever, as you must frequently have
seen. So no more about it.
I shall begin to-day if possible with . If not, with what-
ever else I can do, that we may get on.
P.S.—I think, on the whole, that you had better let the
number be finished without saying a word about my letters;
and after that I shall certainly, as I ought, read kindly what-
ever you may say, or, what will be better, show by a good
article or two that there is no need of anything being said.
Be indeed a good boy and never do it again. Such
are the curious remonstrances, complaints, and excuses.