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60 A SHABBY GENTEEL STORY I T CHAPTER VI DESCRIBES A SHABBY GENTEEL MARRIAGE, AND MORE LOVE-MAKING will not be necessary to describe the particulars of the festivities which took place on the occasion of Mr. Swigby's marriage to Miss Macarty. <strong>The</strong> happy pair went off in a postchaise and four to the bridegroom's country-seat, accompanied by the bride's blushing sister ; and when the first week of their matrimonial bliss was ended, that worthy woman, Mrs. Gann, with her excellent husband, went to visit the young couple. Miss Caroline was left, therefore, sole mistress of the house, and received especial cautions from her mamma as to prudence, economy, the proper management of the lodgers' bills, and the necessity of staying at home. Considering that one of the gentlemen remaining in the house was a declared lover of Miss Caroline, I think it is a little surprising that her mother should leave her unprotected ; but in this matter the poor are not so particular as the rich ; and so this young lady was consigned to the guardianship of her own innocence, and the lodgers' loyalty : nor was there any reason why Mrs. Gann should doubt the latter. As for Mr. Fitch, he would have far preferred to be torn to pieces by ten thousand wild horses, rather than to offer to the young woman any unkindness or insult ; and how was Mrs. Gann to suppose that her other lodger was a whit less loyal ? that he had any partiality for a person of whom he always spoke as a mean insignificant little baby? So, without any misgivings, and in a one-horse fly with Mr. Gann by her side with a bran new green coat and gilt buttons, Juliana Gann went forth to visit her beloved child, and console her in her married state. And here, were I allowed to occupy the reader with extraneous matters, I could give a very curious and touching picture of the Swigby ménage. Mrs. S., I am very sorry to say, quarrelled with her husband on the third day after their marriage,—and for what, pr'thee ? Why, because he would smoke, and no gentleman ought to smoke. Swigby, therefore, patiently resigned his pipe, and with it one of the quietest, happiest, kindest companions of his
A SHABBY GENTEEL STORY 61 solitude. He was a different man after this; his pipe was as a limb of his body. Having on Tuesday conquered the pipe, Mrs, Swigby on Thursday did battle with her husband's rum-and-water, a drink of an odious smell, as she very properly observed ; and the smell was doubly odious, now that the tobacco smoke no longer perfumed the parlour breeze, and counteracted the odours of the juice of West India sugar-canes. On Thursday, then, Mr. Swigby and rum held out pretty bravely. Mrs. S. attacked the punch with some sharp-shooting, and fierce charges of vulgarity ; to which S. replied, by opening the battery of oaths (chiefly directed to his own eyes, however), and loud protestations that he would never surrender. In three days more, however, the rum-and-water was gone. Mr. Swigby, defeated and prostrate, had given up that stronghold ; his young wife and sister were triumphant ; and his poor mother, who occupied her son's house, and had till now taken her place at the head of his table, saw that her empire was for ever lost, and was preparing suddenly to succumb to the imperious claims of the mistress of the mansion. All this, I say, I wish I had the liberty to describe at large, as also to narrate the arrival of majestic Mrs. Gann; and a battleroyal which speedily took place between the two worthy mothersin-law. Noble is the hatred of ladies who stand in this relation to each other ; each sees what injury the other is inflicting upon her darling child; each mistrusts, detests, and to her offspring privily abuses the arts and crimes of the other. A house with a wife is often warm enough ; a house with a wife and her mother is rather warmer than any spot on the known globe ; a house with two mothers-in-law is so excessively hot, that it can be likened to no place on earth at all, but one must go lower for a simile. Think of a wife who despises her husband, and teaches him manners ; of an elegant sister, who joins in rallying him (this was almost the only point of union between Bella and Linda now,—for since the marriage, Linda hated her sister consumedly). Think, I say, of two mothers-in-law,—one large, pompous, and atrociously genteel, —another coarse and shrill, determined not to have her son put upon,—and you may see what a happy fellow Joe Swigby was, and into what a piece of good luck he had fallen. What would have become of him without his father-in-law? Indeed one shudders to think ; but the consequence of that gentleman's arrival and intervention was speedily this :—About four o'clock, when the dinner was removed, and the quarrelling used commonly to set in, the two gents took their hats, and sallied out ; and as one has found when the body is inflamed that the application of a stringent medicine may cause the ill to disappear for a while,
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UNIVERSAL LIBRARY OU_212520 UNIVERS
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"GOOD SAMARITANS" [Page 269
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THE ADVENTURES OF PHILIP ON HIS WAY
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ADVERTISEMENT WHEN the "Shabby Gent
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X CHAP. IV. V. VI. VII. VIII. IX. X
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LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS "GOOD SAMARIT
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INTRODUCTION TO PHILIP 1860-1862 EV
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INTRODUCTION xvii lucre, for I see
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INTRODUCTION xix It would have been
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INTRODUCTION xxi I am so crushed to
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LONDON : PUBLISHED BY SMITH, ELDER,
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xxiv PHILIP a bore were I to try my
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xxviii PHILIP frain from inserting
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xxx PHILIP "ROME, 126 VIA FELICE. "
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INTRODUCTION xxxiii interested—kn
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INTRODUCTION XXXV But the old house
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INTRODUCTION xxxvii The epilogue wh
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INTRODUCTION xxxix On the 3rd, ther
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xlii PHILIP the career of W. M. T.
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FREDERICK WALKER'S SKETCH OF THACKE
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xlvi PHILIP often took us to the ea
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A SHABBY GENTEEL STORY
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4 A SHABBY GENTEEL STORY Mrs. Welle
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