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A SHABBY GENTEEL STORY 77
Fitch plumped the album down on the table close to Mr.
Brandon's nose, and said, "That has brought me, sir—that
halbum, sir ; or, I ask your pardon, that a—album—ha, ha, ha!"
" Oh, I see !" said Mr. Brandon, who could not refrain from
a smile. " It was a cruel trick of mine, Fitch, to rob you of your
verses ; but all's fair in love."
" Fitch, sir ! don't Fitch me, sir ! I wish to be hintimate honly
with men of h-honour, not with forgers, sir; not with 'artless
miscreants ! Miscreants, sir, I repeat ; vipers, sir; b-b-b-blackguards,
sir !"
" Blackguards, sir !" roared Mr. Brandon, bouncing up ; " blackguards,
you dirty cockney mountebank! Quit the room, sir, or
I'll fling you out of the window !"
" Will you, sir ? try, sir; I wish you may get it, sir. I'm a
hartist, sir, and as good a man as you. Miscreant, forger, traitor,
come on !"
And Mr. Brandon would have come on, but for the circumstance
that deterred him; and this was, that Mr. Fitch drew from his
bosom a long, sharp, shining, waving poniard of the middle ages,
that formed a part of his artistical properties, and with which he
had armed himself for this encounter.
" Come on, sir !" shrieked Fitch, brandishing this fearful weapon.
" Lay a finger on me, and I bury this blade in your treacherous 'art.
Ha ! do you tremble ?"
Indeed, the aristocratic Mr. Brandon turned somewhat pale.
"Well, well," said he, "what do you want ? Do you suppose
I am to be bullied by your absurd melodramatic airs ! It was, after
all, but a joke, sir, and I am sorry that it has offended you. Can
I say more ?—What shall I do ?"
"You shall hapologise; not only to me, sir, but you shall
tell Miss Caroline, in my presence, that you stole those verses from
me, and used them quite unauthorised by me."
" Look you, Mr. Fitch, I will make you another set of verses
quite as good, if you like ; but what you ask is impossible."
" I will 'asten myself, then, to Miss Caroline, and acquaint her
with your dastardly forgery, sir. I will hopen her heyes, sir !"
" You may hopen her heyes, as you call them, if you please ;
but I tell you fairly, that the young lady will credit me rather
than you ; and if you swear ever so much that the verses are yours,
I must say that _______ "
"Say what, sir?"
" Say that you lie, sir !" said Mr. Brandon, stamping on the
ground. " I'll make you other verses, I repeat ; but this is all I
can do, and now go about your business !"