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ON HIS WAY THROUGH THE WORLD 163
Now, again, let us admit that Philip's father had reason to be
angry with the boy, and deplore his son's taste for low company ;
but excuse the young man, on the other hand, somewhat for his
fierce revolt and profound distaste at much in his home circle
which annoyed him. " By Heaven !" he would roar out, pulling his
hair and whiskers, and with many fierce ejaculations, according to
his wont, " the solemnity of those humbugs sickens me so, that
I should like to crown the old bishop with the soup-tureen, and
box Baron Bumpsher's ears with the saddle of mutton. At my
aunt's, the humbug is just the same. It's better done, perhaps ;
but oh, Pendennis! if you could but know the pangs which tore
into my heart, sir, the vulture which gnawed at this confounded
liver, when I saw women—women who ought to be pure—women
who ought to be like angels—women who ought to know no art
but that of coaxing our griefs away and soothing our sorrows—
fawning, and cringing, and scheming ; cold to this person, humble
to that, flattering to the rich, and indifferent to the humble in
station. I tell you I have seen all this, Mrs. Pendennis ! I won't
mention names, but I have met with those who have made me old
before my time—a hundred years old ! The zest of life is passed
from me" (here Mr. Phil would gulp a bumper from the nearest
decanter at hand). " But if I like what your husband is pleased
to call low society, it is because I have seen the other. I have
dangled about at fine parties, and danced at fashionable balls. I
have seen mothers bring their virgin daughters up to battered old
rakes, and ready to sacrifice their innocence for fortune or a title.
The atmosphere of those polite drawing-rooms stifles me. I can't
bow the knee to the horrible old Mammon. I walk about in the
crowds as lonely as if I was in a wilderness ; and don't begin to
breathe freely until I get some honest tobacco to clear the air. As
for your husband " (meaning the writer of this memoir), " he cannot
help himself; he is a worldling, of the earth earthy. If a duke
were to ask him to dinner to-morrow, the parasite owns that he
would go. Allow me my friends, my freedom, my rough companions,
in their work-day clothes. I don't hear such lies and
flatteries come from behind pipes, as used to pass from above white
chokers when I was in the world." And he would tear at his
cravat, as though the mere thought of the world's conventionality
well-nigh strangled him.
This, to be sure, was in a late stage of his career; but I
take up the biography here and there, so as to give the best idea
I may of my friend's character. At this time—he is out of the
country just now, and besides, if he saw his own likeness staring
him in the face, I am confident he would not know it—Mr. Philip,