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fi t to be square
a saga of shaping up by johnny st. thomas
I
always thought of working out as a distraction for squares. The person I imagine
talking about “going to the gym” has a good boy haircut, a brand new Volkswagen or
Cooper Mini, and gravitates toward turtleneck shirts when the weather is right. Maybe
even a turtleneck with blazer, if he’s going on a date.
When I was young (and skinny) I always assumed that if I started to gain weight,
I would just have to adjust how I ate. You should eat as much fat as your regular activities burn
off, right? After I turned twenty-fi ve, I noticed that I was thickening up. I don’t know if it had to
do with making more money, thus eating out more, or just having a more regular schedule that
accommodated three square meals a day. But my activities were about the same. Without really
noticing, my weight had surpassed my activity level. Now at thirty-three-years old, I hadn’t been to
see a doctor in more than fi ve years; it’s about time I started acting like an adult and got on some
prescription medications!
After reading all of the benefi cial information in the Heart Health issue of this very publication, I
went to the doctor and had my blood work done. Dr. Dang (my new physician) informed me that my
cholesterol was high (over 300) and prescribed a change of diet and regular exercise. He wanted me
to become a square. This is a major part of the formula. What next, would Dr. Dang prescribe driving
a Hummer and hanging out at Twisted Martini?
He recommended I do some research and craft a diet for myself that is high in fi ber and
Omega-3 Fatty Acids and reduce the amount of high cholesterol foods I eat. This is a challenge since
there are few things I love more than meat, eggs, butter and cheese (except for fried meat, eggs fried
in butter and deep-fried cheese). I was going to need some expertise.
I called the YMCA in my neighborhood (Yates Family YMCA on Riverside Avenue) and scheduled
an appointment with their Registered Dietician, Kerri. She sat down with me in her offi ce and we
talked about my eating habits, calculated how many calories my body burns at rest and talked about
the ideal weight for my age.
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Here is a general formula that Kerri gave me for fi guring out your
Body Mass Index (BMI):
Your weight (pounds) divided by your height (inches) divided by your height
(inches) again, multiplied by 703. Example: 125/62/62X703= 22.8
To determine Ideal Body Weight for men: You have a base of 106. For every inch over 5 feet you
add 6 pounds, and then I take 10 percent either way to get a range. So if you are 5’10” then your
IBW would be 166 pounds with a range of 150 - 182.
At six-foot-three and 233 pounds, I am far from what I think of as obese, but according to my
body mass index, I am borderline. 12 – 20% is ideal. 25 – 30% is overweight. Over 30% is obese.
I’m at roughly 29%.
The equation she used to estimate my resting metabolism (the number of calories you burn at
rest) is called the Miffl in St. Jeor Equation:
{ }
© Female: [9.99 x weight (kg)___ ] + [6.25 x height (cm)____]
– [4.92 x age___] - 161 =____
© Male: [9.99 x weight (kg)____] + [6.25 x height (cm)____] – [4.92 x
age___] +5 =________
Trying not to completely sell out to squaredom, I suggested that instead of driving to Burrito
Gallery for a night of bourbon and ginger ales, I could ride my bike downtown and burn up all the
calories that I would be drinking. Kerri then told me that biking for an hour burns about 600 calories.
My regular bourbon with ginger ale intake is about 3000 calories a week. And that’s just my drinking
alone, never mind my love for JL Trents’ fried fi sh dinners. Getting enough exercise was certain to be
a challenge. It also looked like I’ll have to switch to a much squarer drink – Scotch and water should
be a good (ie. not-too-square) substitute.
To get a better idea of my situation and how Kerri can help me focus on creating new, better
eating habits, she recommended I meet with Dave, the Wellness Director at the Yates Family YMCA
and take advantage of their Tanita Body Composition Analyzer. Dave responded to my call right away
and set up an initial consultation with me. The fi rst part of the consultation was to talk to me about
my goals. The second part was to assess my physical condition at the starting point.
Since Kerri’s formulas only provide a rough estimate, the Tanita Body Composition Analyzer
should do a more accurate job of determining my precise body fat, as it takes into consideration
muscle mass. This test is far more comfortable (and less awkward) than the traditional pinching of
the fat with calipers. Here were my results:
{ }
BMI: 28.4
(Kerri’s estimate was impressively close)
FAT%: 21
(“desirable range” is between 8 and 20%, making me “undesirable.”)
FAT MASS: 49.01 lbs
(I think I’ve been called Fat Mass before, but I never knew what they
were talking about.)
My body burns 2,270 calories a day at rest, which means that according to my original
strategy, I would be my ideal weight if that is all of the calories I took in. As it turns out, after
analyzing the way I eat, I have my work cut out for me. Because I am a fairly healthy eater that stays
away from fast food and usually drinks either water or black coffee, my current situation is not likely
to improve without incorporating exercise. But exercise isn’t square. Riding my bike or walking
places instead of driving isn’t square. But the problem is that I know that I need someone to help me
set realistic, attainable goals and then hold me to them. Dave said he could set me up with a trainer
that will do just that. All it means is that I will have to start going to the gym and perhaps periodically
break into tears like the contestants of The Biggest Loser.
This complex organism that I drive around all day will absolutely start to break down early if
I don’t do something now. If my choices are to become a square and start spending some time in
the gym or having to tear down my house to get my bloated 500 pound corpse out of my television
room, I’ll pick the former every time. I’ll have to put some Olivia Newton-John on my iPod and just
embrace the squaredom.
lifestyle | eujacksonville.com | MAY 2008
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