Fall 2011 - The University of Scranton

Dear Neil “Little” Bootysmasher,
I only sent the missiles cause you really need to read this e-mail. Don’t
worry. The store was empty, and there was no one in the parking lot who could have
gotten hurt. My name is Hawkeye Bootysmasher. You don’t know this but I am your
brother. A long time ago we were separated, and now I have been captured in the war
between Yemen and Egypt. You need to save me from my prison cell in Saudi Arabia. If
you go outside in the backyard you’ll see a box. Inside I included lots of supplies and
the coordinates to my location.
Your Brother,
Hawkeye
Neil was shocked and utterly calmed all at once. He knew he had a
mission now. It would be very hard to save his brother, but he like so didn’t
even care. Certain things have to be done if you wanna kick some ass on
the hot, ass-strewn volcano of life.
11